Another year of marriage down and I’m happy to say that I feel even stronger and more connected to my husband than the first year. Sure we have our struggles, we have our ups and downs, and we constantly have to reconnect and regroup, but overall, it’s been an amazing two years. I scooped up a good one.
And I think these positive past 2 years have partly to do with both of us growing up, especially me. I’m 7 years younger than my husband so when we first met, I was 24. And it’s amazing how much you can grow from age 24 to 30. As I get a little older, I understand my husband more and I respect him and his viewpoints and beliefs more than I did in the past, and he does the same for me. And that respect has brought us closer together in many ways.
Last year I shared a post about the 10 Things I Learned in the First Year of Marriage and I want to keep the reflection going each year. It’s honestly a little challenging to think up 10 things but I like that part. I think it’s good to really have to think about your relationship and how it’s grown and even how you could grow more over time. So here’s a little breakdown of what I’ve learned this year.
- I’ve learned to get my work done ahead of time so once he gets home from work, I can put my computer and phone away while we cuddle and catch up on the couch. It’s SO easy to get wrapped up in my online life, especially since that piece is part of my business and livelihood. But it’s also a piece that pulls us further away from reality. My husband works all day and tries his best to leave work behind when he walks in the door, so I’ve tried to do the same. It may not always happen and I may need to be on my computer sometimes, but I’ll explain that to him ahead of time. And once I put electronics away, I find myself wanting to cuddle and be close to him, which is great for our relationship.
- I’ve learned to communicate my frustrations before they blow up. And this has not been an easy one for me. Of course I’d love for my husband to just know everything I want him to do without me having to say it, but that’s just not how it is. So instead of being pissed he didn’t do the dishes or didn’t help me bring the groceries in, I now just ask for his help and tell him that I would appreciate if he did those things in the future. And he does the same for me. This removes any sort of fight and just gets down to the details right away.
- I’ve learned to backpedal during fights and reflect before I say things I don’t mean. This goes back to communication, but it also has to do with reflection. As I get a little older, I can better understand when I’m in the wrong and I can stop myself in that moment and apologize right there on the spot before things get worse. It’s sometimes hard to admit when you are wrong but it builds so much respect within your relationship when you can do so.
- I’ve learned that it’s important to find things you enjoy doing together. This is something we are still working on. When we first met and first got married, my husband was still working out at the same gym we met at. But since then he has moved on to a different gym and because of that, we have a little less time together and conversations are a little different since we don’t always have the same group of friends like we did before. I love traveling but he can’t take that much time off work. He loves golf but I’m not fully prepared to take golf on yet. So in the meantime, we are trying to find other things we like to do together other than just going out to restaurants and cocktails. I think it’s important to have some common interests to keep you connected and keep you from becoming just roommates.
- I’ve learned to support my husband’s hobbies, even if I don’t connect with them. My husband fell in love with golf this year and it really became his favorite new hobby. Problem is, I don’t golf and sometimes golf takes away some time we could be spending together. BUT when he started playing golf, I saw what a positive change it made in his life during some stressful points, so I support him going as often as possible. I may not always understand his hobbies but if they make him a happier person, I support him throughout…even with it being the only sport you actually have to pay to play (insert eye roll emoji).
- I’ve learned that illness/sickness is a challenging piece of the puzzle when it comes to a relationship. Not just because that person is going through such a hard time, but because you often feel at a loss at how you can help. My husband has gone through some health challenges this year and it’s very upsetting not knowing how to help or who to reach out to in order to find him help. His issues are very small compared to what others go through daily, but his experience has showed me that doing whatever possible for your spouse during challenging times is all you can do sometimes.
- I’ve learned I don’t have to eat dinner fast just because my husband does. That guy eats so damn fast, and so does his sister! And then they will go wash their dishes before I’ve even finished my half of my plate. This will sometimes make me eat faster and then I feel like crap, so I have to constantly remind myself that I don’t have to eat that speed just because they do. It’s such a small thing but looking at your food, slowly chewing your food and letting your food actually digest is so important for overall health so I remind myself daily whenever we sit down to dinner.
- I’ve learned to sometimes just make decisions without my husband if I really want an answer. I LOVE planning. I plan out my 2 weeks ahead of time and plan hour by hour. I even write down when I need to shower or have a snack. But my husband is the complete opposite. Even when it’s the day of, he often hasn’t planned out what he’s doing. So instead of asking if he’s available or if he can do something and being annoyed when he doesn’t have an answer, I just plan it instead. I plan the date, I book his flight and I let him know where we are going. And it’s worked out great for both of us!
- I’ve learned that I don’t like talking about politics or religion. I respect my husband and his beliefs and he does the same for me, but since we often differ in our opinions, I find those topics turn into negative conversations and upsets. In this current climate, it’s easy to drown in the negativity of everything that is happening, and those aren’t the regular conversations I want to have with my husband when I only get to see him for a couple hours each night. That doesn’t mean we don’t ever talk about it, but it’s just not high on the topic list.
- I’ve learned that even though I know my husband would be the best father ever, I still do not feel ready to have a child. I don’t know if that will ever change but as I get just a little older, instead of constantly saying never, I stay open to the fact that those feelings may change at some point. But for now, I feel so content with our lives and where we are at. I still have so much that I would like to accomplish and a child doesn’t fit into that. But I’m staying open to the fact that those feelings may change someday. Until then, I have lots of travel to do and a retirement to save for!
Cheers to amazing second year and to an even better third! I can’t wait to see what 2018 has in store!