Ugh. I’m bloated.

You know what’s one of my least favorite things to admit to? Other than being bloated. Jk. I like admitting things that make others uncomfortable. But what I really don’t like to admit to is being bat sh*t crazy. Because, well, I’d love to think of myself as a complete sane human being, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I mean, all of us women do. We want to think of ourselves as a perfect girlfriend who never complains, never gets angry, and never gets bat sh*t crazy. I don’t want to be that cray cray girlfriend that all the guys talk sh*t about. No, no I don’t. You know when you hear stories from your friends of girls throwing phones at their boyfriends face or lighting their clothes on fire? No? Well, I have, and I ‘d REALLY like to not be one of those.

BUUUUUUUT, sometimessssss, when it’s that time of the month….I become a different person. Only for like a day, but it’s bad that day. Real bad. I mean, not ‘I changed my Facebook relationship status multiple times today’ bad, but still annoying bad. I turn into a 13 year old teenager, angry at the world, crying at anything and everything, carving my name into my parent’s bathroom cabinets after I locked myself in there for no reason other than pure hormones. What? That never happened.

Anywho, I hate admitting that I suck at life sometimes. Especially when it annoys others. But I have to. Here I go:

‘My name is Juli. And I have a problem with being a b*tch sometimes. For no apparent reason. To poor bystanders. Mostly my boyfriend. I’m the worst.

Now that it’s all on the table, I can get myself together and stop being “that” girl. I can make the simple decision to lock myself in my room, eat dark chocolate (not while on the sugar detox. f*ck), and actually put my energy towards other things. Like looking at food blogs, because that’s pretty much one of my favorite things to do. I’m so weird. Oh, and making chocolate chip cookies. I did that a lot last weekend before the detox.

Anywho, speaking of that time of that month, it’s been highly difficult while starting the sugar detox. Or at least it was difficult for an hour yesterday. But it was one uncomfortable hour. So within that hour, I  made this acorn squash to satisfy needs. Since you’re still allowed to have sweet potatoes on the detox if you’re working out, I went with an acorn squash instead. Or I would have gone insane. Insane on other people. And I just explained how I was trying to change my life around. So I made this. It’s not really candy, but it is in my mind this month.

5.0 from 12 reviews

4 Ingredient Acorn Squash Candy
Prep time

Cook time

Total time


Serves: 1-2

  • 1 acorn squash, cut in half
  • 3 strips of bacon, diced
  • 2 teaspoons cinnamon
  • pinch of salt

  1. Preheat oven to 415 degrees.
  2. Place the acorn squash taht has been cut in half open side down on a baking sheet.
  3. Bake for 20-25 minutes until super soft.
  4. While acorn squash is baking, cook bacon in a pan on all sides until cooked through. Place cooked bacon on a paper towel to soak up excess fat and leave behind 1 teaspoon of bacon fat in a medium bowl.
  5. Let acorn squash slightly cool and scoop out excess seeds. Then scoop out the squash from the skin and place in the bowl with the bacon fat.
  6. Sprinkle in the cooked bacon, along with cinnamon and salt. Mix everything together.
  7. Then eat it. And act like you’re eating candy. Because it’s candy.