My first trip to Vegas has come to a close. I am no longer having bloody mary’s for breakfast, standing by a craps table to get free drinks even though I’ve given absolutely no money to the table, or spending an absurd amount of money on restaurants when I usually like my own boring cooking more. I like Vegas. It has anything you would ever want within walking distance. A long walk, that is. Want to ride a roller coaster on top of buildings that are shaped like New York City? You got it. Want 8 malls that you can buy shoes for over $6,000 at? Absolutely. Need a drink that is 5 feet tall. Why wouldn’t you? Here you go! Vegas is totally an adults play land. No rules. Just booze, money and cigarettes. Lots of cigarettes. What’s up with people still smoking? That’s so weird. And disgusting. Anywho, I used this trip as a trip to pretty much do whatever I wanted. I ate what I wanted, I drank what I wanted, and did not worry about it even once. Ok, that’s a lie. I felt a little bad because of the alcohol I consumed, but that’s because alcohol makes me feel like dog balls. Gross dog balls. Bloated, ugly dog balls. Do you think you get better at drinking the more you do it? Because the less I do it, the less I really like it.

Ok, that’s not the point. The point of this blog post is to tell you about my trip, mostly about the food, but then also about some of the things I did. So then you can do those great things. And miss the crap stuff. Ok, here we go. Everything I shoved in my face.

I started my Vegas trip off with mimosas at the airport. I mean, why wouldn’t I? So once we got to Vegas in the evening, checked in at Planet Hollywood and started wandering around, I already had another mimosa in hand. Wanna know something funny? This woman was in line behind me and kept looking at me. I wasn’t sure why she was looking at me, so I pretty much gave her a dirty look. But after I did that, she asked if I was Juli from PaleOMG. How cool is that? Of all the places and all the hotels in Vegas, this woman recognized me from my blog. Pretty awesome. I need to work on giving people dirty looks. D*ck move.

After drinking more mimosas, I was more so thinking about food. We didn’t have any plans or any reservations, so the first place we found that didn’t need a reservation, we took it. And I’m glad we did…I think. Let me explain. Ok, so while we walked around trying to find a restaurant, we sipped on a few drinks. Mimosas then vodka sodas. Once we found the restaurant Spago in Caesar Palace, we chowed down. Ok, so while I look back at pictures, I must have been a bit more tipsy than I thought, because I had no idea what my food was until I looked until the menu. Nice, Juli. Thankfully it…kind of…came back to me.

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Artichoke Soup – I remember thinking this was amazing

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the duck- I think it was the special, but I don’t really remember what it was like, but I think amazing

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we didn’t order dessert but they brought out some mini chocolate chip banana breads (average) and some grapefruit tasting sponge cakes (not into it)

After gambling and drinking, we headed in around 1am. But before we headed home, we stopped at the Sugar Factory in the Paris hotel. I was craving gelato baaaad since I had seen it everywhere. So I got cookie dough and peanut butter and jelly gelato. I totally should have only got one scoop, but it was totally worth it.

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Being in early and having a good amount of food in my stomach helped with the hangover the next morning, which was wonderful. So I chugged some water in the morning and ordered room service. I chose the 3 eggs and filet mignon with fried potatoes for breakfast. Can’t go wrong with that, right? Right. It was pretty damn good for room service.

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After breakfast, I honestly don’t remember that much of what we did. I know we shopped at the mall in Planet Hollywood, then just walked around and did the sight seeing thing. After sight seeing for a while, we decided to stop in the Wynn for lunch. We found a cafe (no idea what it was called but it’s not worth knowing anyways) and I got the tomato bisque and a burger with brie and bacon-tomato jam. I had 3 bites of the bisque and almost finished the burger, but it really wasn’t impressive. Just filling for the afternoon. Which was helpful since we did more walking. Each block in Vegas seriously is like a mile walk. Ridic.

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meh

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i dig the bacon tomato jam

So we got a cab down to the Stratosphere to ride the roller coasters. They have 3 roller coasters and some gigantic free fall jump from the top of the building. Pretty rad. I haven’t been on a roller coaster for years and it was AWESOME. All three were pretty cool. If you have a fear for heights, not so much. Thankfully, I do not so I absolutely loved it. I wanted to do it all day. But alas, we had to eat again.

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VERY high

FOOD YAY. This time we made a reservation at Tao. Someone on my instagram recommended that restaurant because of their Chilean Sea Bass. And well, that’s my friend’s favorite dish. So we went there and holy balls am I glad we did. I got the satay chilean sea bass (a small plate) then 3 different kinds of sushi to share. Oh, and some saki bombs, of course. I actually like saki bombs. Anyways, this meal was AMAZING. Like, blow your mind kind of good. I’ve never had fish that was that amazing. Sadly, I have no pictures of this food. Tao likes to keep an intimate mood going on in there. I dig it. So if you go to Tao, get the fish. Holy balls good.

After dinner, we headed to the new show Absinthe. If you are going to Vegas any time soon and are funny or at least know how to take a joke, you HAVE to go. This show is definitely not for the faint of heart. The comedian makes a ton of racist jokes. You’d think that would not be fun to listen to, but he makes fun of absolutely everyone. Blacks, whites, asians, gays, republicans. He made sure to give everyone got an ear full. There’s also a lot of nudity. Mostly just women boobs. They had nipple tassels though, so it doesn’t really count. But not only were the boobs good looking, the comedian absolutely hilarious, but the acts were seriously the most amazing things I’ve ever witnessed. In a small circus tent, which probably sat 150 people, I saw strongmen acts, rollerskating acts, singing acts, and a ton of other stuff. And for what you get, the price is pretty damn cheap. Go see it. If you don’t like it, you’re dumb.

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i’m pretty sure that’s 10 chairs he’s balancing on

Then we went to Pure night club later that night because some random guy on the street got us in for free. I like dancing, but my feet were exhausted from the day, so I didn’t last long. I have absolutely no clue how girls wear heels all night long. No clue.

Once we stopped dancing, we gambled (I lost $20 and decided I hate gambling) and decided by 3am that we probably needed to eat. I had a shot of tequila earlier so my stomach was eating itself. Weirdly enough, finding food at 3am is a bit harder than you would expect in Vegas. So we wandered forever until we found a crappy pizza place. But you know what this pizza place had? GLUTEN FREE PIZZA! Beauty. So I had some cheese and sauce gf pizza. It was rad. I didn’t take a picture though. Because it was 3am and I was drunk. Duh.

The next morning wasn’t too bad because when I got home, I chugged a liter of water. So we headed to a restaurant called Cabo Wabo because their bloody mary’s looked amazing. I got a cowboy breakfast which was A LOT of protein. Eggs, sausage, carne asada, potatoes and guacamole. It was actually really freaking good. I probably ate about half of it.

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After brunch, we headed to Aria to look around and sight see more stuff. Like really fancy clothes. See, but don’t you touch, ya hear? After looking, I wanted to ride another roller coaster. Obviously. So we head to New York New York to ride theirs. OMG it was wonderful. I love feeling my stomach in my heart. It’s so fun.

Once the guys wanted to gamble more, my girlfriend and I headed to the M&M’s store. Because what paleo blogger doesn’t want to eat piles of M&M’s? Well, most but not me. I wanted peanut butter M&M’s, especially different color ones. So we headed there, filled up our bags…and mouths, then headed to the bar for some vodka sodas.

That night was our last fancy restaurant night. Because of Sergio’s recommendation, we went to Mesa Grill for some food. He recommended it because of the steak but I wasn’t feeling steak that night. So I started off with some lobster tacos, which were adorably small and delicious. Then I got their special, the duck, because I had already forgotten I had it two nights before. It was pretty good, but I’ve had better.

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After dinner, we headed to the Cirque show ‘O’. I’ve been excited to see a Cirque show since I heard about them years ago. I’ve never once heard anything negative about the shows, only that they are totally worth the money. So we didn’t think twice about spending the money on the most expensive Cirque show in Vegas, even though there are a few to choose from. As the show started, I was super excited, but as each different scene happened, I became more and more disappointed. I kept waiting for that “awe” moment or the jaw dropping moment and it never happened. It was so disappointing. The choreography was off, there was seriously no amazing tricks except for a few girls that were so bendy that they could bend their butt on top of their head. I’m guessing that since the accident of one of their performs happened, they’ve changed some of their stunts. But if you are going to charge people $180 per ticket, you need to impress people and make them feel like it was worth it. I honestly wouldn’t even go to that show again for free. I was so bored and bummed out. And the weird thing is that my friend saw that show before years ago and said it was the best thing she had ever seen and that one we saw was nothing like it. Big downer.

That night we turned it in early. The show was a huge downer, so we decided losing money on gambling definitely wouldn’t make the night any better. So I chugged water and passed out early. I got to do everything I wanted to do in Vegas. I played on roller coasters, I shopped, I ate at amazing restaurants, I saw shows. Everything. I would totally go back again and do more cool things. Here’s a summary of things I learned while in Vegas since this post isn’t long enough already.

  1. I love Bloody Mary’s. Especially at a random bar in the casino at the Venetian.
  2. I hate tequila, even if it’s “fancy” expensive Patron. And I gag every time I drink it. Also, I’m terrible at drinking. It makes me sleepy. And it makes my feet swell. Fat feet means a real uncomfortable night walking the casinos.
  3. I want to see another Cirque show because I don’t want to give up on them. But I really hope it’s somehow free next time. It won’t be, but a girl can hope.
  4. I will wear Tom’s or tennis shoes right from the start in Vegas. Dressing up sexy is way too challenging when you have to walk 3 miles to get a block and a half.
  5. I will always eat at Tao when I go to Vegas. And I will probably be adding a little more rice to my diet once in a while. Because it’s delicious. And Tao inspired me.

That is all. Now go eat in Vegas.