Sometimes, meaning a lot of the time, people think it’s weird that I post about what I eat. But then some people find it interesting. And honestly, I find it kind of interesting too. I think it’s very interesting to see what people can eat and get away with. And when I say interesting, I mean f*cking frustrating.

How do some people get to eat whatever they want and drink whatever they want and still look fantastic? I taste the batter of my muffin mix and automatically have a huge insulin spike. Then my pants fit tighter. Then I feel bloated. Then I’m cranky. All because I tasted a spoonful of coconut flour and cocoa powder and some honey. Then I watch my friends eat pizza or chips and dip or whatever else tastes good in this world and nothing happens to their body. Our bodies are weird. And stupid. And if paleo didn’t make me feel so good inside, I’d go straight for the Oreos and dip them in frosting, while eating a burger WITH THE BUN. But alas, I must stick with eating paleo, seeing no body changes, while watching my 6 pack friends eat all the grains they want. Bastards. I’m not bitter at all.

Anywho. Let’s see what I shoved my face with some random day last week.

So I woke up around 6:30am. Looking so refreshed and glowing like usual. That’s a lie. Zit cream was most likely spread across my face. Alongside saliva. Then I made breakfast and started my day with some diced pork chop, breakfast sausage, zucchini and mushrooms. I’m trying to stay away from eggs for a while because they make me bloated. I miss them. They’re delicious. I ate my breakfast with some coffee. I’ve been putting almond milk and 2 drops of liquid stevia in my coffee recently and absolutely love it. I also love my new Keurig. Waking up to coach at 6am is much more enjoyable with that guy. Coffee snobs are gonna hate me.

Then I worked on my blog, did social media stuff, worked on some emails. Then I decided I should get my run over with early since it was getting hot outside, real fast. So I did my usual daily 2.5 mile run. Ew. I kind of hate running BUT my legs have looked much more my style, so I’ve been sticking with it. Being comfortable in my own skin has been a large goal of mine this year. Anywho, after the run, I made lunch and while I cooked, I licked a spoonful of coconut butter. Not any coconut butter. Nikki’s Coconut Butter. Delicious. Top 5 favorite snacks.

Before I knew it, it was time to head to the gym. I rode my adorable little cruiser to the gym to coach the afternoon classes. After I coached the noon class, once I noticed I had left my lunch on the kitchen table at home, I decided to head to The Hornet down the street from the gym. They have delicious burgers, French press coffee, AND wifi. That’s usually where I make my own bloddy marys. Wonderful. So my friend Jeremy went with me so we could gossip it up and stuff our faces. Food and gossip is the best. I had a turkey burger with blue cheese, bacon, avocado, lettuce, tomato, and a chipotle aioli and a side salad. Then a press. I blogged as I pressed.

Once I had more energy than needed from the press, I went back to the gym to coach the 3:30 and 4:30pm classes. And when I finished coaching, it was time to workout. The CrossFit Broadway workout that day was 15 min to find a heavy push jerk into a split jerk, then for time: 400 m Run; 3 rounds of: 20 KB Swings (70#/55#) and 20 Push Jerks (135#/95#); 400 m Run. It was awesome. And it was the first time I’ve gone overhead in over a month, so that was exciting. It’s crazy how much your core is weakened when you’re not going overhead. It’s such a downer. I like having a strong core. I miss it.

Once I biked home slowly, drank about a gallon of ice water, I finally wanted to eat around 7:30. So I cooked up some leftover shredded pork, zucchini, and added avocado to the mix.

Around 9pm, I decided to make some muffins. Because I needed something to blog about. And because muffins are wonderful to have in the morning. So I made my Chocolate Maple Crunch Muffins and ate a tablespoon or two of the batter, which was extremely delicious. You should try those muffins as soon as possible.

Then I did laundry, blogged more, and went to bed. Are you thrilled yet? Didn’t think so. Ok, bye.

I love muffins. Wait, no. I love muffin tops. Not the ones that are glued to my sides, but the ones I eat. I love them. Whoever decided to just sell muffin tops in stores is a complete genius. And these muffin tops in this recipe are by far the best ones I’ve ever made. You’ll be quite happy to try these muffins. The bf didn’t agree, but sometimes, he’s just wrong.

Enough about muffin tops. I want to talk about exercise. Yes, yes I do. So I wanted to chat about fitness, the ups and the downs, and creating a workout you love to do. That’s honestly why I started this blog in the first place. To not only talk about food, but what life is like when you CrossFit every day.

I have been struggling with CrossFit for a little less than a year now. After Regionals last year, I injured my shoulder, then I injured my elbow. It led to me taking a step back from competing. And since I wasn’t competing anymore, I wanted to look different. I had gained over 30 pounds, some muscle and some fat, and wasn’t comfortable in that body anymore. My body didn’t look like the ripped CrossFitters out there who become lean and more muscular, I just had more weight on me. And I hated it. So I stopped working out multiple times a day, cut back my weights, and started running more. But running more led to other injuries. Pretty much my body has been feeling like it’s falling apart and I’ve been upset and frustrated constantly about it.

But the thing is, I’m not one to stop working out. I would look like a bowl of tapioca pudding if I did. So I stopped going over head in CrossFit and I kept running, mixing it up with some sprint work as well as “longer” distances. I put the “” down because I run 2.5 miles, which is long for me. By the end, I feel like my body is crumbling. Literally, crumbling. My awkward turtle body was just not meant for running.

Anywho. I wanted to talk about this because I want it to be proof that you can create your own kind of CrossFit. Or really, any workout. I think a lot of people are intimidated by CrossFit or by a gym or a certain kind of workout, but they shouldn’t be. I’ve created a workout that I’ve begun to love again and look forward to because I’m changing my body and feeling good in my skin. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Last year, it was all about hitting personal records, not crying during muscle ups, and making it as far as I could in Regionals. Now it’s about not hurting during a workout, fitting into shorts and jeans, and feeling good in Mexico. Funny how priorities change.

I don’t know why I’m talking about all of this. Most people won’t care. But maybe someone will. Because honestly, I’m writing this to say…don’t give up. Don’t ever give up in your workouts. And if you haven’t started working out yet, start today. There is no better day than today to try something new. Try Zumba, try pilates, try yoga, try cycling, try p90x, try insanity, try CrossFit, try out a fitness class at your gym, try lifting weights, try swimming, try walking/jogging/running/sprinting, try anything. The more things you try, the more you’ll begin to figure out how exercise can be fun in some way. Or at least beneficial. Ok, I’m getting off my soap box. That’s enough ranting for the week.

I really wish we had soul cycle out here. I want to try it. Any workout with good music, I’m in.

Look at these cool people who came in to CrossFit Broadway to workout and visit. They are so great. Thanks for stopping by Lauren and Ryan! You guys had good movements. I love that.

Enough about exercise, I want to talk about food.

There is a lawyer in front of me at the coffee shop who loves complaining. He’s talking about making over $203,000 last year and is complaining about rarely sleeping. Well no sh*t. You made what I’ll probably make in my lifetime, I’d hope I’m getting a little bit more sleep than you. You chose that life sir, live with it. And look at your damn pant leg, it’s tucked into your sock. You’re a mess.

I love my new car. I loved my old 1997 Honda Civic, ‘the red machine’ if you will, but she just wasn’t fitting into my life anymore. We grew apart. And even though both of us are getting uglier as time goes on, we just are on different paths. So now, hopefully she can light up someone else’s life. I know my new car is lighting up mine. We’ve bonded. I’ve already used the seat warmers. She warmed my butt. She’s the best.

That was weird.

Wanne see me be awkward on video?? Here you go!! Remember when I went to Boston a few months back to film some cooking videos? Well, Again Faster has been posting those videos more and more. I can’t watch most of them because I instantly think of things I could do better on video. And there’s a lot. Like smile more. Have you ever watched Giada De Laurentiis (definitely had to look up how to spell that name) on her cooking shows? She never stops smiling. I don’t get how she does it. Probably because she has at least 106 teeth to work with. But either way, it’s damn hard to smile ALL.THE.TIME. I obviously haven’t mastered it, but I’m getting better. I’m thinking about getting more teeth implanted in my face to help with that issue.

Ok, I need to pimp out a product I just recently tried because I LOVE IT. It’s called Epic Bar. It’s a jerky bar that has the best quality meat and other ingredients such as cranberries or cherries. My favorite is the bison, bacon and cranberry bar. It is epic. And it’s the perfect mid day snack when you’re unsure of what to eat. Seriously. You have to try it.

So I made this recipe and Laura thought the pepperoni was great, while the boyfriend thought it was better without the pepperoni. So this is what I’m going to recommend. If you like pepperoni, eat it in the salad. If you don’t, then don’t. And add avocado. Or just add avocado anyways because it’s delicious in anything.

This was my first experiment with scones. Bill and Hayley from Gather inspired me with their cranberry scones that looked to die for. So I experimented and they came out pretty good. I’m going to try a nut free version for my next ones. In the meantime, enjoy!

So guess what? Don’t guess, I’ll tell you. I was part of my cousin’s wedding this past weekend. Starting Thursday, wedding shenanigans began. We started with a luncheon, then manis and pedis, then rehearsal, then rehearsal dinner. Long day, lots of food, and many people whose names I will never remember. Even the ones I’m related to. You see, part of my family lives in the southern part of the state, but I never knew much about them until now. So not only is it hard to remember their names, but it’s even harder to understand how I’m related to them. I think I have many cousins, but my brain can’t wrap around how exactly I’m related to them since I never grew up with any of those people around. Anywho, I met a new half of my family and have already forgotten all of their names. I suck.

So Friday was the actual wedding day. Do you know how long getting hair and makeup done on 8 women takes? Too damn long. From 9am-3:30pm long. And I wasn’t going to pay to get my hair and makeup done, so it was actually only 7 getting the works done. The price for hair and makeup would have been $100, and since I was taking 2 days off of work, I would have been broke if I paid for that. But it was definitely worth it, the ladies looked awesome. And the dresses were quite a statement. They were turquoise and white chevron dress that were a bit short on some of the ladies. Mine, thankfully, didn’t didn’t ride up very high, but for the women who were blessed with larger bosoms, they were constantly pulling down their dresses. Can’t wait to see some of those pictures. I wish they were up now, I would share them with the entire world wide web like any good bridesmaid and cousin would do. Shame. Someday soon I’ll get to share those.

she pretty eh?

my groomsmen was a good sport

awwwww so cute

But the bummer about the wedding was that I couldn’t drink. Since I couldn’t take 3 days off of work, I stayed sober so I could drive the hour back home that night instead of being hungover and trying to drive back at 7am the next morning. That’s never a fun feeling. Especially when you have to interact with 8 Louisiana groomsmen who have been drinking all day and are bored out of their minds. That’s when a drink is quite helpful. It’s really interesting watching the difference between men and women at weddings. The bridesmaids tear up and can’t hold back their happiness for the couple, while the groomsmen are staring off into the distance, bored with listening to the vows and are really just thinking about getting to the drinking. Or at least that’s what my experience was. I couldn’t stop watching the groomsmen. I’m pretty sure one of them farted during the ceremony. Come on dudes. It’s literally a 10 minute ceremony. Get your life together.

Weddings are funny. Thousands of dollars spent on one day. One day that’s hard to even remember all the moments because they fly by so quickly. Thousands of dollars spent for a few hours of fun. It’s an interesting concept to me. I dreamed of a wedding day and looking all pretty and all that crap when I was younger, but now, I can’t even visualize it. It’s very foreign to me. My cousin looked drop dead gorgeous, her wedding was a complete success, and I even cried, but I still can’t see doing that kind of thing for myself and that damn lucky man that I marry. Thankfully, I have a wedding in Mexico next week to go to. Pretty sure I’ll be having a couple drinks at that ceremony. And reception. And on the beach. And at breakfast. Just kidding, I like coffee at breakfast. Kcoolbye.

I’m sure you’ve seen this book already. I mean, it just came out, but it is AMAZING. By far the best paleo cookbook I’ve come across. Gather – The Art of Paleo Entertaining by Hayley Mason and Bill Staley has created a cookbook worth drooling over. The photography jumps off the page and creates a food world you feel part of. I know that sounds weird, but seriously. Paleo food has never looked so good.

But this book isn’t just about parties or entertaining others. It’s about creating food you never thought possible when you began to eat paleo. Like General Tso’s Chicken, or cranberry scones, or chocolate chip biscotti’s, or spinach and artichoke dip with herb crackers. I could keep going, but it would not do the book justice.

This book brings food alive. Seriously. It doesn’t just have recipes that will keep every single person happy in your household, but it has photography that makes you feel part of Bill and Hayley’s household. The photography in this book makes you not only drool, but makes you feel like you are on a rooftop eating with close friends at dusk, or at Halloween dealing with one too many children, or at a New Year’s Eve party, drinking one too many bottles, I mean glasses, of champagne. The book is exactly what every single person is looking for in a cookbook. I promise you. And JB knows best. Just a fact.

Be sure to check out Gather on Amazon and look for updates by Bill and Hayley, as well new recipes, on their Facebook and website. They are the best. And not to mention, an adorable couple.

This jam is amazing. It reminds me of my favorite jar jam that I ate growing up. That stuff is addicting. But it has a bit too much sugar in it for my taste.

Guess what I did? I bought a new car. Well, it’s a used car. But it’s new to me. After having my 1997 Honda Civic for 9 years (my first and only car) I decided it was time for an upgrade. I probably could have driven that car for another 3-5 years, but she was getting old. So I decided to do the grown up thing. And you know what I bought? Another Honda. I couldn’t help it. My first car barely had any issues in 9 years and it had 165,000 miles on it. So I did the responsible thing, I bought a used car, in my price range, and now I have no monthly bills to pay off. Which is fantastic. I can now save up for cooler things. Like trips. Or eating yummy food on those trips. Or buying yummy food to make recipes for you guys. See, way cooler.

This may be my favorite recipe in the history of the world. Is it paleo? Of course not. But it’s magical.

I ran in the rain yesterday. Highly dislike. It’s way worse than the snow. Where the hell is spring, Colorado, you selfish b*tch. I’ve been cold all year and I’m sick of it!!!

I’m gonna make Mother’s Day scones this weekend. Sorry I won’t be able to share them with you until next week, but I have wedding stuff taking over right now, remember? No, not mine. My cousin’s. I’m actually primping my hair for the wedding right now, as you read this. So, since I won’t have a new Mother’s Day brunch recipe to share with you until next week, let’s check out a few old ones that your mother would be happy to scarf down.

1. This recipe with the biscuits I posted yesterday. Duh.
2. Banana bread french toast. Yes please.
3. Brussel sprouts and Spinach Truffle Frittata. That recipe didn’t get much hype for how delicious it is. Shame.
4. Chocolate Coffee Banana Donuts
5. Bacon and Maple Meatballs
6. Apple Fritters
7. Stuffed Acorn Squash
8. Blueberry & Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Loaf
9. Caramelized Onion Frittata
10. Mexican Hash Egg Bake
11. Savory Breakfast Casserole

That’s enough.

Have you ever wanted to kick over someone’s motorcycle? I’ve never actually had that feeling until yesterday. Mostly because I know the guy who owns the motorcycle and he’s a Grade A Tool. Capital T. I didn’t kick his motorcycle over because I firmly believe in karma and I don’t want to crap on my own, but I did think about it. Just thought I’d put that thought into the world.

I’m a bad person.

OMG, guess what today is? The start to my cousin’s wedding. This wedding stuff is extremely overwhelming to me. I’m not very thoughtful. Weddings don’t excite me at all. And I lack the happiness and emotion that is usually paired along with a family member, like my cousin, marrying a man and spending the rest of their lives together. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m very happy for her. But I just don’t get very excited about married stuff. Maybe it’s because I’m young. Maybe it’s because I don’t ever want the big wedding shabang. I don’t know how to spell that word. Or maybe it’s because I’m a bad person. I don’t really know. Either way, we have two days of love ahead of us.

Today we start with a luncheon. Which, I don’t really know what that means other than lunch. Then we have mani/pedis, thank gosh, since I’m in dire need of one. Then we have the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. We’ll be eating New Orleans inspired food since that’s where her finance’s family is from. Ummmmmm YUM!

Then the wedding is tomorrow. We are wearing baby doll style dresses so hopefully when I start to dance, naughty parts don’t show. I’m also wearing wedges that are a disgusting height. They are not comfortable either. I don’t know what I was thinking. But I am hoping they loosen up a bit as the wedding day goes by. Or at least until the wedding is over and I can pull those damn things off at the dinner table. I really love wedges right now. They make my legs look SO much longer.

Now enough about weddings and love. Let’s talk about a different kind of love. Food love. I made this biscuits the other day and LOVED them. They are similar to my Thanksgiving Sweet Potato Biscuits, but more dense. And much sweeter. Because I made them extra sweet. Who does love a sweet biscuit with butter and jam on it? Do you ever go to a restaurant for brunch and just stare at the biscuits longing to stuff your face with them? But instead you just dip your finger in the jam for some kind of happiness to evoke in your brain? No? That’s just me? Whatever.

Either way, these biscuits are great. But you’ll have to check back for the jam recipe tomorrow. MUHAHAHAHAHA. Jokes on you.

So after people shart their pants on my Facebook wall about the lasagna strips and the cheese in the recipe yesterday, I decided to make a recipe that no one could shart over. That’s not true, actually. I just had leftover enchilada chicken and wanted to do something delicious with it. And thankfully, no one can be a d*ck about this recipe. Well, that’s not true either. I’m sure someone will find a way. D*cks.

Ok, enough naughty words.

Look! I made it on TV! Well, kind of. My book did. All because of Stacy and Matt from Paleo Parents are so awesome and plopped my book in the middle of their book collection. Pretty dang cool if you ask me! I feel so honored. It’s exciting paleo is starting to catch on into the mainstream media.

Anywho. I want to talk about a burger I tried. Remember that one time I talked all about My Experience at Crave Burgers? Well, I was lucky to get to go back again. Not really lucky, it’s only 30 minutes away. But I have a cute little cruiser that I take everywhere now, so a 30 minute drive, while peddling, is a bit outside of my comfort zone. But when CrossFit 5280 asked me to come to by their gym for a little nutrition chat and to sell some books, I couldn’t pass up going to Crave since it’s just down the street. Well, it was well worth it. I have a buffalo burgers with fried onions and poblanos with a raspberry sauce. It was unreal good. I’ve never had a buffalo burger that was so flavorful. It rates up there with my all time favorite burger place, Five Guys Burgers.

I kind of want it again.

And I kind of want a burger from Five Guys. I have a $25 gift card that my granny sent me for a present. Not sure how she knows that I love guys, I don’t she really does, but it must just be in our blood. Granny’s know. So Sergio and I are going to go chow down soon. Who wants to join us? I’m looking to play matchmaker with Sergio and some awesome Denver women. Any bidders? You have to be fantastic, not too old, not too young, likes to workout, eats a lot of food, funny as all hell, and know how to take Sergio’s sh*t. That probably doesn’t make sense to you. But the woman I set him up with has to know how to stand up for herself and put him in his place. He’s kind of like a child. And awesome child, at least. He has no idea I’m writing this. I’m funny.

PS- I’m a terrible matchmaker.

The amount of food I ate this weekend was obnoxious. I haven’t done that in a while. Like, real naughty food. Most of the time I don’t “test it” because if I taste the food, I’m not stopping. And if I don’t stop, my insides will drop me to the floor. I can’t “cheat” very much at this point because my insides will tell me what’s up. And what’s up is, they hate bad food. But this weekend, I felt like being naughty. I had mint juleps, I had a five layer white cakes with fondant and buttercream frosting, I had the toppings of a pizza and one crust off a slice of pizza, then I had a balls ton of street tacos and a margarita. Yeah, I went to town. Do I feel like sh*t today? No. Do I look less than my best? Absolutely. I’m hoppin’ on that vegetable train this week.

Do you live in CO? If your answer is no, you should change that. Colorado is kind of the best. Hence why I have lived here my entire 25 years of life. But now I have even more reason to stay here. Pinche Tacos. If you haven’t heard of it, you should try it. And if you don’t know what pinche means in spanish, you should look it. Is it Pinche Tacos paleo? No. But it’s awesome. Street tacos galore and margaritas to die for. I don’t even like tequila and I was blown away by these guys. Next time I go there, I’m probably not going to eat a pound of chips, guac, and queso, but it was well worth it for my first Pinche experience. Again, if you don’t know what pinche means, look it up. You’ll think that last sentence was more funny.

Enough about damn tacos. And cake. And alcohol. It’s Tuesday, so that means the diet is back to boring and ordinary. Who am I kidding? I’m talking about enchilada lasagna in this post. And it was absolutely not boring. Quite fantastic based on my taste bud expertise. I made the lasagna with Cappello’s gluten free/grain free lasagna strips. The ingredients aren’t “paleo perfect” but they are pretty damn close and don’t make my stomach blow up like a balloon. The ingredients include almond flour, cage-free eggs, tapioca flour, potato starch, xanthan gum, and sea salt. So if you’re allergic to any of those, don’t say that I didn’t say something. And another reason to love Colorado, Cappello’s is based out of Denver. Extra love.

Anywho. Since Cappello’s is so awesome, they are offering a 10% discount code to all you fabulous PaleOMG readers. Yep, that’s right! If you miss pasta like fettuccine, gnocchi, or lasagna, they have an answer for you! And then you not only can make your favorite pasta dishes, but my enchilada lasagna. And let’s be real here, that’s what’s actually important. Right? RIGHT!?!? So go to their site, and use the promo code ‘OMG’ (without the apostrophes you dummy!) and get your 10% off at checkout and try this recipe and love life and be happy forever. Again, OMG promo code. GO NOW.

This post is a lot about food. Which makes sense since this is a recipe website. But it’s kinda boring, huh? Whatever. I’ll do something stupid in the next few days so I have something else to talk about other than what I shove in my face. I’m sure the people who hate me out there are about to bash the sh*t out of me for my non-paleo eating ways. Damn you haters, damn you.

In the meantime, could you help me find a new car? It’s time.

So I haven’t ever done a guest post. Never! But I’ve wanted to do one with Jenni from Urban Poser ever since I first came across her blog. Not only are her pictures by far some of the best out there, but her recipes are incredible. I don’t understand how her brain comes up with some of these recipes she makes. She is an inspiration in the blogging and paleo food world, and I feel incredibly lucky to have her as my first guest post. She’s the best. Be sure to check out her blog right away and spice up your kitchen! 

Oh and by the way, you’re welcome. This recipe is UNREAL. Bravo, Jenni. Bravo.

___________________

Picture this: You’re sitting in your cave, shooting the breeze with your buddies Grok and Brog. It’s a nice day outside and you’re all feasting on the last of this month’s wooly mammoth. As you polish off the last bit you think, “dang, I could really go for something sweet.” Almost on cue, the doorrocks clank together and lo and behold, there’s a Cave-Girl Scout at the door with your favorite post-mammoth treat: Samoa cookies!

Ok, ok….so historically speaking that’s probably not 100% accurate. But seriously…..who cares? And who doesn’t love Girl Scout cookies?!?

When Juli asked me to guest post on her blog, I immediately started trying to figure out what I wanted to make for her. She left it wide open for me to choose and I had a lot of options in mind. But when the idea to reinvent my old favorite Girl Scout standard in “Paleo-friendly” donut style hit me, I knew that I had my answer.

Sometimes when I’m creating a recipe, it takes a little while to zero in on the perfect balance of ingredients and complimentary flavors, but in this case, literally millions of people have already stamped their seal of approval on the classic combination that is the Samoa cookie. (I know, I know….we’re not supposed to call them “Samoas” anymore but hey, I lived on the islands so I get a pass. Deal with it.)

All that was left for me to do was to see if I could reasonably create a Paleo friendly version of this classic treat. And surprisingly enough, I nailed it on nearly the first try. They came together beautifully and even though it may seem like a lot of steps, it’s actually incredibly simple to pull together and the caramel can even be made ahead of time, so don’t be afraid to dive right in and give it a shot.

Now I know that people come to “Paleo” for a lot of different reasons; and I’m not saying that these donuts will make you live any longer or be significantly healthier, but I do know that pretty much everyone agrees that one of the biggest keys to longevity is happiness, and these donuts will make you happy, guaranteed. So as far as I’m concerned, these donuts will make you live longer, healthier and make you an overall better person.