I need to put a disclaimer on this post: If you are looking for an inspirational post where I inspire you to be extremely healthy on your vacation, please look away. This is not the post for you. Check back with ‘Clean it Up Monday’ post here and here.

Now that my disclaimer is out of the way, let’s talk about Mexico. Because I went there just last week. Watched friends get married. And then I ate a lot of food. And drank a lot of naughty drinks. And had a lot of stomach issues. It was a blast.

So. When I left for Mexico, I was pretty pumped. And I flew with my friend Tommy of Buckley Omega, so it made the flight more interesting. Not sure if it was the coffee I chugged down or if I was just so excited that I couldn’t stop smiling or the fact that him and I are two of the sweatiest human beings I know, but I was so happy on this flight, it flew by. And once Tommy and I got to Mexico and Customs was a breeze, we started to look for our friends who were waiting. Well, turns out they weren’t at our same terminal, so we had to get a shuttle ride over to them. Once we did, all was well, we drank, we drank some more, and we waited for a few more friends to arrive. Well, in all this happiness, I finally stood up and thought, “Hmmmmm, it’d be really nice if I had my luggage. Hmmmmmm, I don’t have my luggage. Hmmmmm, WTF DID I DO WITH MY LUGGAGE?!?” Yeah. I left it on the shuttle to our friend’s terminal. I’m a f*cking idiot. I was so damn excited and sweaty, that I left my luggage in the back of the bus. So I found the shuttle guy, who obviously spoke a ton of english, and told me he put it at lost and found. Well, turns out not many staff members of the airport know where lost and found is. So once we found it, and Tommy asked multiple people about lost and found, this guy went to the back, looked around in multiple places, and finally brought back my luggage. I am SO lucky. SO dumb, but SO lucky.

The first night is kind of a blur. I drank beer to cheers myself multiple times to finding my luggage and we went straight to dinner and drinks. Then to a bar for more drinks. Where we drank more drinks. Thankfully, I turned it in early since I had been up early that morning, but some weren’t so lucky. Those people were found by security in random spots of the hotel. Maybe the beach. No one really knows. Those people will not be named. Because I’m a good person. And I want to have friends after this post.

The next morning, after the shame was laughed off for some, the wedding party started their crap. I am SO glad I wasn’t part of this wedding party. Not because the wedding party wasn’t fun or because I didn’t like the bride or some awkwardness like that, but because weddings just are way more fun when you just have to show up at some point and smile and tear up and yell and eat and drink. So that’s what I did, I ran on the beach in the morning, drank on the beach during the day, put on a nice lil dress in the evening and watched a beautiful bride and her handsome groom get hitched. They are a stupid good looking couple. Kind of annoying good looking. Not really. But seriously. The wedding spot was beautiful. The flowers were beautiful. The wedding party was beautiful. And the wedding was short. Which was beautiful. Long weddings are unneeded.

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i’m sure they adore me putting their personal pictures on the internet. oops

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that’s a lot of groomsmen

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ridiculous

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Oh, I found a date too

After they finished, we ate, we danced, and then we drink. And we danced. I mean we DANCED. There was a stage next to one of the bars that we all danced on the entire night. My boyfriend even outdanced me, which will NEVER happen again, so it was quite a site. It was a wonderful night.

Here’s some random pictures. Just because.

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allll the ladies on ladies day.

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more ladies time. see me back there?

panoramic with the ocean-pool, pool-ocean. meet Carra and Tommy. Tommy is not peeing.

panoramic with the ocean-pool, pool-ocean. meet Carra and Tommy. Tommy is not peeing.

So after the wedding ended, we had almost 6 days to do whatever we wanted. So you know what I did? I ate. I ate a crap ton. I ate whatever I wanted. I ate chocolate mousse that was like fudge. Oh, and it had caramel sauce on it. Then I had salmon with cream sauce on it. And potatoes. And tator tots. And appetizers. And entrees. And desserts. And I’m not saying just one per meal. I’m no amateur. No sir. I sometimes ordered multiple appetizers. Yep. All inclusive can be very dangerous. And then I drank. Not just water. Nope. I had any sort of colored drink that looked good. Orange, red, blue, green, even cream. Yep, I drank mudslides. Vodka sodas just didn’t hit the spot after having 86 of them. So I spiced it up. And did I pay for this food and alcohol spice to my life? F*ck yeah I did. I could barely drink a couple of the days. But I sure as hell wasn’t going to change my eating habits. I’m not as good as that. So I stopped drinking. And one of the days I stopped drinking was the day of the catamaran. Oh the catamaran.

Being on a moving boat with alcohol does weird things to people. Actually, it was probably the people on the boat feeding all spring breakers drinks. Spring breakers, meaning us. Grown adults. The booze were flowing like when I had just turned 18 and was in Puerta Vallarta, unsupervised for the first time. But since I was not drinking that day, I watched the festivities go down. Kind of bored, and hungry. That does not make for a fun Juli. But I did get to swim with fish. They were pretty. Like Zebras. And then, there was a little lizard on the boat that the captain threw off, which was super rude. So I grabbed the little guy, since water obviously wasn’t his thing and he was drowning, and we saved his life. He hung out on some of the guy’s heads and koozys for the rest of our excursion. Then we set him free on land. His name was George. I saved a life. Can check that off my bucket list now.

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no one drowned. not even George.

The rest of the days just kind of blend together. Too much dessert. Drinks that had unknown substances and dyes in them. And always damp clothing. Nothing dries there. Ever. But I did learn a lot. Not really, but enough. So let’s see what I learned:

  1. I think spray on sunscreen kind of sucks. And runs out in 3 sprays. And is expensive. Did I say I think it sucks?
  2. Jergens tanning lotion really does work. I freaking love that stuff.
  3. Shots never lead to anything good. They do lead to me sleeping on a couch on the beach while everyone else around me parties. Good look.
  4. Running on the beach doesn’t make running more fun.
  5. I don’t need to bring 10 pairs of shoes when I’m only going to wear 2 pairs of them.
  6. I don’t need to pack 5 pounds worth of jewerly. I wore two necklaces and one pair of earrings.
  7. I need to plan out my outfits ahead of time.
  8. I need to invest in spf chapstick. My lips burned so bad that they were actually scabbing. Double good look.
  9. Don’t get a massage if you’ve burned. The massage will make you peel. And peeling is annoying. Fun, but still annoying.
  10. Take a picture of where you park your car at the airport. Looking for your car, in the wind, in a dress, for 45 minutes makes a girl cry. And who wants to cry after a trip to Mexico. Not me. But I did. I cried to my mom. Then I found it. Good story.
  11. Shrinking your stomach after a vacation is hard. I’m really hungry ALL.THE.TIME.

That was fun.