Sometimes, meaning a lot of the time, people think it’s weird that I post about what I eat. But then some people find it interesting. And honestly, I find it kind of interesting too. I think it’s very interesting to see what people can eat and get away with. And when I say interesting, I mean f*cking frustrating.
How do some people get to eat whatever they want and drink whatever they want and still look fantastic? I taste the batter of my muffin mix and automatically have a huge insulin spike. Then my pants fit tighter. Then I feel bloated. Then I’m cranky. All because I tasted a spoonful of coconut flour and cocoa powder and some honey. Then I watch my friends eat pizza or chips and dip or whatever else tastes good in this world and nothing happens to their body. Our bodies are weird. And stupid. And if paleo didn’t make me feel so good inside, I’d go straight for the Oreos and dip them in frosting, while eating a burger WITH THE BUN. But alas, I must stick with eating paleo, seeing no body changes, while watching my 6 pack friends eat all the grains they want. Bastards. I’m not bitter at all.
Anywho. Let’s see what I shoved my face with some random day last week.
So I woke up around 6:30am. Looking so refreshed and glowing like usual. That’s a lie. Zit cream was most likely spread across my face. Alongside saliva. Then I made breakfast and started my day with some diced pork chop, breakfast sausage, zucchini and mushrooms. I’m trying to stay away from eggs for a while because they make me bloated. I miss them. They’re delicious. I ate my breakfast with some coffee. I’ve been putting almond milk and 2 drops of liquid stevia in my coffee recently and absolutely love it. I also love my new Keurig. Waking up to coach at 6am is much more enjoyable with that guy. Coffee snobs are gonna hate me.
Then I worked on my blog, did social media stuff, worked on some emails. Then I decided I should get my run over with early since it was getting hot outside, real fast. So I did my usual daily 2.5 mile run. Ew. I kind of hate running BUT my legs have looked much more my style, so I’ve been sticking with it. Being comfortable in my own skin has been a large goal of mine this year. Anywho, after the run, I made lunch and while I cooked, I licked a spoonful of coconut butter. Not any coconut butter. Nikki’s Coconut Butter. Delicious. Top 5 favorite snacks.
Before I knew it, it was time to head to the gym. I rode my adorable little cruiser to the gym to coach the afternoon classes. After I coached the noon class, once I noticed I had left my lunch on the kitchen table at home, I decided to head to The Hornet down the street from the gym. They have delicious burgers, French press coffee, AND wifi. That’s usually where I make my own bloddy marys. Wonderful. So my friend Jeremy went with me so we could gossip it up and stuff our faces. Food and gossip is the best. I had a turkey burger with blue cheese, bacon, avocado, lettuce, tomato, and a chipotle aioli and a side salad. Then a press. I blogged as I pressed.
Once I had more energy than needed from the press, I went back to the gym to coach the 3:30 and 4:30pm classes. And when I finished coaching, it was time to workout. The CrossFit Broadway workout that day was 15 min to find a heavy push jerk into a split jerk, then for time: 400 m Run; 3 rounds of: 20 KB Swings (70#/55#) and 20 Push Jerks (135#/95#); 400 m Run. It was awesome. And it was the first time I’ve gone overhead in over a month, so that was exciting. It’s crazy how much your core is weakened when you’re not going overhead. It’s such a downer. I like having a strong core. I miss it.
Once I biked home slowly, drank about a gallon of ice water, I finally wanted to eat around 7:30. So I cooked up some leftover shredded pork, zucchini, and added avocado to the mix.
Around 9pm, I decided to make some muffins. Because I needed something to blog about. And because muffins are wonderful to have in the morning. So I made my Chocolate Maple Crunch Muffins and ate a tablespoon or two of the batter, which was extremely delicious. You should try those muffins as soon as possible.
Then I did laundry, blogged more, and went to bed. Are you thrilled yet? Didn’t think so. Ok, bye.
It sounds like you would really benefit from the GAPS protocol. At the very least I think the book would help you understand why your gut is functioning the way that it is.
YOU ARE F*CKING RIDICULOUS! I love it. I just found your blog and I am laughing my face off at your posts. Maybe it’s the wine talking but you are hilarious.
In other news, I’m also a terrible dancer. I feel your pain.
You’re a crack up! I’m sitting in traffic on my way to work reading your posts. I live in NZ, so by traffic I mean sheep are on the loose . Kidding. Some douche crashed into a ambulance.
I too cannot eat what I like. I have gone paleo due to a botched operation, unfortunately I cannot tolerate a lot of foods.
Frustrates the bejesus out of me. People eating crap food and being fine , then ole kaka guts Cherie eats a bit too much sugar and goes wonky.
So I actually wanted to thank you for your posts. It’s nice to read other people’s views/missions in life.
You’re a crack up! I’m sitting in traffic on my way to work reading your posts. I live in NZ, so by traffic I mean sheep are on the loose . Kidding. Some douche crashed into a ambulance.
I too cannot eat what I like. I have gone paleo due to a botched operation, unfortunately I cannot tolerate a lot of foods.
Frustrates the bejesus out of me. People eating crap food and being fine , then ole kaka guts Cherie eats a bit too much sugar and goes wonky.
So I actually wanted to thank you for your posts. It’s nice to read other people’s views/missions in life.
Please let me first say I think ur blog is insanely hilarious! Back in the day u and I would have been BFF’s for sure! I totally get and dig ur humor! I have been reading ur blog for a little while b/c lets face it u come up with some really good stuff. I am writing to u for several reasons and suggestions also asking favors. First I want to suggest to both u and ur readers that if ur eating Paleo clean and have not done a Dr. Schultz cleanse please check it out. http://www.herbdoc.com
Especially those who have gone Paleo and still loose no weight or not enough or still have all of these other symptoms that have not gone away. Seriously …check it out. This could be that last little thing u need to kick start the whole life style u already follow. U have already done the hard part. An intense cleanse would be nothing from here. Another suggestion is a slight modification of Paleo that would help after the cleanse. GAPs diet. Very similar but it is more of a healing diet geared to internally completely cleanse u for a fresh start.
I would also suggest possibly trying to go a month without the roots (sweet potatoes) and the sugars except for berries occassionally. It did like freakin magic wonders for me when I just couldn’t get past that last little bit of weight & puffiness. Also (this is more my real point of writing u) I wanted to ask u if u could use that creative magnificient brain of urs to conjure up some ridiculous recipes for homemade jello. U have mentioned the cellulite issue and I wanted to tell u to try grassfed kosher gelatin. Cellulite is a connective tissue issue (I’m a rhymin fool….LOL) (NOT) and If u could incorporate more of it into ur diet (as I am trying too) I think u will at the very least see ur issue minimized or completely dissapear! It naturally rebuilds ur collegen and stimulates ur own collagen production which in turn repairs the connective tissue dissorder….Poof cellulite gone!
So help a sista out and come up with some crazy good ways to fit gelatin into ur diet and mine. :0)
Also hoping u could do a little experimenting with stevia if ur doing a jello dessert because I really trust ur taste buds and I am really trying to avoid the sugar even natural until I am back on track.
Thx lady ur “The BOMB”!!
Juli, love your posts! Hilarious! Sounds like you put in some long hours. I am not jealous! I LOVE the fact that you added some blue cheese to the burger! I do that on occasion but then feel guilty. Thanks for easing my guilt 😉