Oh hey! I’m starving. Not actually starving, more just craving dried figs and wishing I had them by the barrel full. Does that exist? I’m gonna invent it. It will be a paleo phenomena. Juli’s Barrel O’ Figs. Can’t wait for that business. Every CrossFit gym will be busting out the seems with dried figs. Do figs make you poop or is that prunes? Sh*t could get ugly. No pun intended. Sorry I just grossed you out.

So it’s been a good couple two weeks. I’ve been having pain in my elbow, behind my knee, and now my shin. Awesome JB. Way to keep yourself together. Way to go. I need to learn how to take care of myself. It’s called a lacrosse ball. Sit on it. Roll on it. Weep on it. Never rolled on a lacrosse ball? Are you wondering what the hell I’m even talking about? Check out MobilityWod and start learning to take care of your body. Just sayin.

I’m about the link the sh*t out of things. It may be too much for you. If you can’t handle it, I may call you a p*ssy. If you are offended by what I said, insert an ‘I’ where the * is and you won’t be so mad. We cool? Cool. But seriously, utilize the links. Links are our friends.

Dear Diary,

Let’s chat about what I’m obsessed with this week.

  1. I’m digging music this week. Like big time. I’ve been listening to A LOT of songs on repeat. Replay? Whatever. And this song by Pat Noonan is epic. Such a sick cover. And he’s pretty the nicest human being EVER. Check him out! As for the plethora of other songs I’ve been listening to Calvin Harris, BT & Adam K, Justin Bieb’s girl Selena Gomez (I sing this song at the top of my lungs in the car. I think I sound good. So childish)  and Avicii. Repeat. All songs. All day long. Laura is lucky she has been out of town or she would be annoyed as f*ck. Speaking of annoying, this is the worst song known to man. So many links.
  2. Justin’s Vanilla Almond Butter. This company is local so I have only seen the vanilla kind at a couple different Whole Foods, but HOLY SH*T, is is divine. Clark introduced me to it. I love you Clark. I bought like 18 packets when I found it the other day. Ok, 4, but still, it is sooooo good. Totally worth every cent. I just almost spelled scent. That would have worked too, though.
  3. Italian Sparkling Mineral Water. You can buy it anywhere and IT’S AWESOME. I’m not a huge soda person, but if I were and was trying to embrace the paleo lifestyle, this would be an great alternative. The carbonation makes you have to go to the bathroom too. Healthy bathroom time = winning!
  4. Honey crisp apples. I don’t know why you buy anything else. Other than the fact they are $3/lb. Effing stupid. But totally worth it. All I’m craving right now is apple pie nachos. My god those that stuff tastes like pure sex. Ew.
  5. I’m pretty much obsessed with being able to finally park on my street again. The snow has f*cked things up. Driving down the streets of my neighborhood is frightening enough, 1 car can barely fit at a time. Dear Colorado, you are stupid. Try snowing in the mountains, I hear people here like to ski on snow for some reason.

    that was a fun day

  6. You know how I REALLY, REALLY dig figs, well this week I’ve been loving dates a little bit more. Probably because you can cut them open and stuff them with sh*t. Anything you damn well please for that matter. So I’ve been stuffing mine with almond butter. I can thank my girlfriend Zanna for that. She’s a genius. Try this. My mouth is sweating thinking about it. Yep, sweating.

    thats a thing of beauty right therrrr

  7. Gum. I purchased a lot the other day. But I have noticed that I tend to chew kinda loud at times. Mostly when I’m by myself, but then I seem like a valley girl, or an asshole. More like an asshole. I hate people who viciously chew their gum. Hey now, calm your jaw down. It’s utilized for meat.

    that's the lengh of my lap. crotch shot

  8. Carrot Cake Cupcakes by Health-Bent. Since it was Jason’s bday this week, I made him these little amazing cakes of joy. When I first started paleo, I made these and instantly knew I could stick with paleo. Megan and Brandon are genius human beings. I love them. I have major paleo crushes on them.
  9. Dancing. I need to dance. Laura and I and a bunch of other girlfriends are going to go out tonight and dance. Not drinking and still having to ability to make a fool of yourself on the dance floor without caring one bit is pretty epic. I can’t wait.
  10. And I saved the best for last. I just recently tried this product out and I.Am.In.Love. Do you like coffee? If you do, I love you and you are going to officially love me for telling you about this coffee. Chameleon Cold Brew Coffee is a organic, Fair Trade Arabica coffee that offers an amazing coffee with 3x the caffeine and 70% less acid. I was absolutely blown away when I tried it. Straight up. I just mixed mine with ice cubes and coconut milk and how a hay day. It’s so smooth, no bitterness, and has an incredible taste to it. I will be cooking it next week for sure!! But the coolest part of it all is that for the next 2 weeks (until February 26th), if you use the promo code PaleOMG, you will receive 25% off!!! So cool! So check out their website and get yourself an orderof their cold brew coffee! You are going to love it! Don’t forget to use the promo code and save yourself some dough


And, of course, I’m still OBSESSED with these little guys. I want one. Not really.

I just peed a lil in excitement.