Monday nights are seriously so much more enjoyable with the Bachelor on. Yesterday had me like whoa, in a bad way, after having to wake up at 5am, coach in the cold then shovel the driveway. Just not how I prefer to spend my Mondays. But that’s just how winter goes. So Bachelor nights have become my highlight. Sad, for sure, but you just gotta take what you can get sometimes.
And luckily, the Bachelor did not disappoint. Actually, for the first time in Bachelor history, I thought they finally did a really effing cool date. Vanessa’s date in zero gravity was absolutely awesome. I think that would be the coolest date ever. Minus the vomit part. Thank god for puke bags. Could you imagine if they didn’t have those and the puke was just floating through the air then slammed on to the floor then floated back up, all while you floated around it? Romance. Poor Vanessa, so embarrassed, but luckily Nick likes a pukey mouth. I would say that’s gross but if a guy still kissed me after going through an event where I couldn’t control my gag reflex, I would totally marry him. Just facts of life.
So thank you, Bachelor franchise, for finally putting together a date that was awesome AF. Vomit and all.
Ok, so let’s just get into the elephant in the room. The horny elephant. Freakin’ Corrine. You guys, she has to be hired, right? This girl has to be a hired actress, there is just no way that a person is truly like this in person. There’s no way. No amount of alcohol makes you this crazy. Let’s just do a quick recap of this high class woman:
- She wore a trench coat during the rose ceremony, with only her skivvies underneath. She also brought whipped cream with her. They taped out the READY on the Ready Whip to make sure we wouldn’t know what brand it was. Gotta pay, bro. I’m sorry but have you ever used whipped cream to lure someone into liking you? It’s just not hot. I would be so annoyed. Do you know how many wasted calories at in whipped cream? It’s not hot, it’s irresponsibility eating. You should have brought hot wax and made it a Ricky Martin music video.
- She slept through the rose ceremony. Honestly, I can’t say much about that. I would have done the same. From what I’ve heard, they are up til 5 in the morning when they tape that sh*t. No thank you.
- At one point, when Corrine didn’t win a date or some bull, she said it was the WORST day of her life. Has this girl ever had an annual pap? Or is she still too young? Because I think that experience takes the cake over going on a date with other women.
- She began to explain to the other women that she has a nanny at home. And then Nick found her jumping in a bouncy castle by herself in a strapless top (poor choice, in my opinion) and it made me wonder…do you think her nanny blew that castle up for her? I’m gonna go with yes.
Her craziness just doesn’t seem real. Can someone do some research and find out if she’s just an actress? I need answers!
The other group dates were less than interesting. I seriously still don’t recognize half of the chicks. These dates need get more awkward so I can remember more of the women. The first date had the women sh*tting their pants when the Backstreet Boys walked out. I LOVED the Backstreet Boys when I was younger and I still don’t think I would crapped myself like those ladies did, even at 10 years old. And the second group date had the women doing athletic things. So romantic. What was even more romantic was when Astrid (her name is romantic in itself) got in the hot tub in her activewear leggings. Nothing says sex appeal like making out with a dude in your sweaty, moist leggings.
Until next week, Bachelor nation! In the meantime, to help with your winter blues, you should make this lovely smoothie bowl. It’s delightful. And here’s a quick how-to video to help you make it…since it’s so complicated.
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Place coconut flakes on a baking sheet and place in oven for 10 minutes, until toasted slightly brown and fragrant.
- Place ¼ cup of toasted coconut flakes in a blender along with the rest of the ingredients (except for the mint leaves) and blend until smooth. I prefer to use this cup blender to make my smoothies!
- Pour smoothie mixture into a bowl then garnish with the extra coconut, mint leaves and cacao leaves. Then eat up!
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