So I didn’t write about my weekend this week. Why? Because I can’t remember it. No, I wasn’t intoxicated. My liver is smiling back at me lately, I’ve kept alcohol out of my life. But I do have this thing called short term memory loss. No, I haven’t been diagnosed as of yet, but I should be. I can’t remember what pants I put on yesterday let alone what accomplishments I made throughout my eating experiences over the weekend. But I do remember one thing I ate because it was pretty epic. My friend Damon has been telling me about Crave in Castle Rock. Damon obviously understands my obsession with meat and sweet potatoes so he told me I absolutely needed to try Crave. After seeing an article about some of their burgers, I was wicked excited to try it. So I drug Dom down to Castle Rock to try it out with me so I didn’t have to sit alone while I ate 4lbs of food. I’m not sure he was thrilled about that. Anyways, let’s recap the night:

  • Dom and I drove through a hurricane to get to Castle Rock where we had to sit in the car for 10 minutes, in the parking lot of Crave, just so I wouldn’t melt away. I actually put on makeup and curled my hair AND wore a dress so getting soaked was out of the question. That kind of sh*t doesn’t happen often. Was I overdone for a restaurant like Crave? Sh*t yeah I was, but I wanted to feel like a girl for 10 minutes so suck it.
  • Once we made it in the restaurant, we only had to wait for about 20 minutes which really wouldn’t be too bad if the restaurant wasn’t the size of my kitchen…ok maybe the size of my kitchen and pantry. I don’t have a pantry, but you can visualize what I mean now, can’t you?
  • Anyways, Dom and I ordered. I really wanted a milkshake but I didn’t want to admit it, and I didn’t want to be crapping my pants for the next 3 days so I decided against it. They had an elvis shake (which had bacon in it) and a smores shake though. Holy. Sh*t. I would have gone balls deep into those milkshakes. Ew, bad visual. Moving on.
  • Dom ordered the Texas burger with regular fries and I ordered the Cubano with sweet potato fries. Here comes the issue. They first brought me the wrong burger, then brought Dom a burger that was over done and the fries were barely cooked. Ok, let’s understand something real quick. I don’t like complaining, I do it a lot but I don’t like it. But the children who took our orders and made our food were probably max 17 years old, so it was somewhat expected that our orders would go wrong. So we reordered and got the right thing the second time around, but there was no turning back for Dom. He was annoyed and disappointed with the quality. He said that it was overrated and was expecting a lot more. He’s such a good food critic.
  • I, on the other hand, am happy to eat almost anything. Especially when it’s paired with sweet potato fries. But let’s talk about what was on my burger and you’ll see why I would never complain. Starting from the bottom: beef patty, cheese, fried egg, ham, hot dog, and fried pork. Sounds overwhelming, huh? It actually wasn’t since I didn’t eat the bun. The fried pork was saltier than a salt lick (I’m creative) so I didn’t finish that. It was kinda sickening at some point, meaning after the first bite.

My lord, this recap of my eating experience is drawn out. Maybe my belief of having short term memory loss is complete bull. Maybe I’m pathological liar. Unlikely, but maybe. You’ll never know though. I might have never even been to Crave. Are you questioning everything I’ve ever said? Me too. Ok, back to reality. I liked Crave. Dom didn’t. Dom has a more refined palate and I have a 23 year old palate with little expectations. Damon will probably be annoyed with me saying that since he loves it and probably prides himself in his palate. I’m going to stop saying palate because it’s not looking like a real word at this point. The summary of the story is I think Crave is worth eating at. They have wicked good burgers and pretty good fries. I’m sure their milkshakes are stupid good, but I’m not risking the bowel pain to prove it. I must say, the state of people’s health at Crave is at an all time low. I live in Denver, work at many CrossFit gyms, and really only hang out with CrossFit people, so seeing people who do not take care of themselves is a bit surprising, and unappetizing. You were warned.

I'm obviously gross when I eat. If I threw my food at the wall, this is what it would look like. And don't worry, those fries were obviously gone after the picture was taken, let's be realistic