Holy hells, now that’s a long name. But I’m not good with the catchy names like “bursting berry 4th of july cupcakes” because then how in the hell are you suppose to know what goes into this cupcake with that stupid name, eh?! Riddle me that. I want you to know that this cupcake is a vanilla cupcake with a vanilla bean pastry cream buttercream (yes, lots of creamy cream) topped with sexy little fresh berries. And non-edible flowers. Well, I guess you could eat them, but that’s gross. Don’t do it.
So here’s the thing about this cupcake BEFORE YOU GO FREAKING OUT ON ME, this frosting is made with butter. Real, grass fed butter. And organic powdered sugar. Because honestly, have you tried paleo frostings? They’re bullsh*t. It’s just not the same. And since many people don’t have as many issues with dairy (as they do with grains and gluten), I’ve included it in this recipe. Just FYI, I probably have less than 5 recipes out of 650 recipes that include dairy in them, so no need to be upset if you can’t have dairy. Just don’t make these then. And make one of my other 645 recipes without dairy. Boom.
But enough about frosting, let’s talk about what is really important here: JoJo’s crazy beautiful blue dress from the rose ceremony the other night. I want that dress. I have nothing to wear it for, but I need it right now. To hang in my closet. I want to get married again and wear that dress. Is that weird? It’s fine.
I’m kind of over the bachelorette. Are you over it, too? I don’t know why, I just feel like nothing is happening every episode. It feels like they just drag out scenes that don’t need to be dragged out. And then I get bored and start searching pinterest for backyard design inspiration. And when I come back to the show, nothing has happened. It’s TOTALLY like a daytime drama. It’s a reality soap opera! Someone has probably already made that same comparison but I pretty much think I’m a genius right now.
How sad was Wells’ date? He built his first kiss up to be such a big deal while Jordan was dry humping her in the room right next to him just one episode back. We all knew he was doomed. When you’re sliding around on some sort of tarp that makes it seem like you’re in a KY commercial and you still can’t even make the move, you’re done with. JoJo ain’t about that, bruh. But the worst part by far was when JoJo broke up with Wells before he even ate his dinner. That’s just below the belt, JoJo. That may have been the prettiest steak I ever laid eyes on and it just sat there cold while JoJo cried and laughed in the KY commercial again without Wells. Shame. Shame. Shame. (name that show!!)
Poor James Taylor questioning himself, he’s a stud. Wait, that’s his name right? Or is it Rascal Flats? I always get them messed up. He just has no confidence right now. I get it, James boy, Jordan’s hair is astonishingly shiny and has more volume than I’ve ever seen on a male. And yes, Luke may be the most bruiting, hunky, hot mofo out there, but you got stuff, too! He said so himself that he may not be the fittest or best looking or smartest….I think he kept going but I blocked him out. We get it, you don’t have much to offer, but fake it til you make it, my man! Or stop eating pizza. Your destiny is up to you.
Remember when Jim Halpert…I mean Derek, got kicked off and cried. Poor guy. He probably cried for 3 seconds and they made it seem like soooooo long while the Argentina chick sang ” Don’t Cry For Me Argentina.” Low blow, ABC, low blow. That date was so miserable to watch. I think a full 10 minutes was spent with JoJo dancing back and fourth and back and fourth between the two dudes as Derek bragged about being so confident in their love for each other. Whenever someone brags about how much chemistry they have with that person, they’re totally getting the boot. I’m pretty sure that’s in the ABC contract: You boast, you die. Something along those lines.
I’m hoping that things get a little more interesting next week. Keeping the military guy and Rascal Flats was just boring. We all know they aren’t going to make it, why hold off on the inevitable. I think it’s going to be between Jordan and Luke in the end. Who do you think it’s going to be?!
For the cupcakes
- 2 cups almond flour
- 1/2 cup maple sugar (or coconut sugar - maple sugar just makes the color lighter)
- 1/4 cup coconut flour
- 1/4 cup tapioca flour
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
- pinch of salt
- 2 eggs, at room temperature
- 1/4 cup ghee
- 1/4 cup full fat coconut milk
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
For the vanilla bean pastry buttercream
- 3/4 cup pastry cream* (completely cooled)
- 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted grass fed butter, softened to room temperature
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 tablespoon full fat coconut milk
- 1 cup organic powdered sugar
- 1/3 cup raspberries
- 1/3 cup blueberries
- 1/3 cup blackberries
- powdered sugar, for garnish (optional)
- mint leaves, for garnish
For the cupcakes
- Preheat the oven to 350°F. Line muffin tin with 10-11 paper liners.
- In a large bowl, mix together the flours, maple sugar, baking soda and powder, and salt.
- In a medium bowl, whisk together the eggs, ghee, coconut milk and vanilla extract. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and mix until well combined. Batter should be slightly thick.
- Use an ice cream scoop to scoop the batter into 10 or 11 lined muffin cups (or silicone muffin cups). Bake for 25 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the middle of a cupcake comes out clean. Place cupcakes on a cooling rack to cool completely before frosting.
For the buttercream frosting
- (Make pastry cream if you haven't already and let cool completely) Place the softened butter in a stand mixer fitted with the flat beater attachment. Whip on high speed until fluffy, scraping down the sides every minute or so, about 5 to 7 minutes—the longer, the better. Add the vanilla extract and coconut milk and beat for another 2 to 3 minutes, until fully combined.
- Turn the mixer off, add 2 tablespoons of the powdered sugar, and then turn on the mixer and process to combine. Repeat until all the powdered sugar has been added and the frosting is thoroughly whipped.
- Lastly, add pastry cream and whip for another 1-2 minutes on high speed until completely combine and thick. If not using immediately, store in a closed container in the refrigerator for up to 1 week. For the best consistency, bring the buttercream to room temperature and rewhip it in a stand mixer before using.
Build the cupcake
- Frost each cupcake, top with however many berries you prefer and sprinkle with a bit of powdered sugar on top and also a mint leaf!
- Store in fridge but be sure to let come to room temperature before serving to soften the frosting!
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