It’s official. I’m not allowed to write a paleo blog anymore. You know why? Because I ate my body weight in sh*t food this weekend. Literally. I haven’t been that bloated since I was a little chubster a couple years ago, eating funfetti icing…out of the container…with animal crackers. Yes, that happened. Stop being so judgemental.

Since Regionals ended last weekend, I’ve seemed to have a hard time getting back on the bandwagon, food and workout wise. I did one actual CrossFit wod (Nancy, which thankfully I PR’d in) and 150 burpees for time. THAT’S ALL I did. So, long story short, I’m a fatass. It’s true. Thank God I don’t weigh myself or I’d be in the fetal position, wailing in sadness on the floor. And thank God for Lulu’s. If I didn’t have stretchy pants, I’d be screwed.

Ok, holy crap I’m complaining a lot. How unattractive. Let’s get to the good stuff. This weekend was AWESOME. A true mountain getaway. And I definitely needed it! Being as lucky as I am to have some fantastic friends, I was invited to my friend Steve’s cabin for the weekend. He and his friends go up their regularly for some cabin time so I felt pretty cool to be part of the invite this time around. It ended up being me, Steve, Joanna, Erin, Cho, and Bruno. Cool people, i’ll admit. Even Erin is freaking incredibly awesome, and she’s not even a CrossFitter. Weird, I know. Anyways, his family cabin is up in Marble so we stopped in Glenwood Springs on the drive up for some lunch and a WOD. We ended up eating at The Pullman, which was absolutely fantastic. I don’t think our server really liked us since it was a group of mostly CrossFitters so we had weird food requests, but I sucked up like crazy to try to get her to smile. It didn’t work. But the food still tasted good! I got a burger with a side of beets and feta. Holy mania, it was good. I was content. Then we tried to WOD at a box in Glenwood, but they had just closed for the day, so Steve and I had to do 150 burpees for time…no one else would partake. Assholes. Kidding.

So to make sure my body wasn’t affected by the 150 burpees whatsoever, I ate a sh*t ton of snacks. And there were many snacks that entered my gut over the weekend. And yes, I do mean gut. Let’s go through them. Jo and I bought some Laughing Giraffe Vanilla Almond Snakaroons. Oh, you haven’t tried these? Your life sucks. These things are ridiculous. Messy and fantastic. Fat = Fun. And they are fatty as hell. So good. Then we had yogurt covered pretzels, mixed nuts, chocolate covered berries, dried fruit, and whatever else I could find on the floor and stuff in my mouth without thinking about how full I was. Obsessive? Yes.

Now for the other happy food times. We ended up making burgers on Friday night….I think. I decided getting extremely intoxicated on Friday night was a good idea…well, it wasn’t. I don’t really get drunk anymore. Tipsy, yes, at times. Drunk, no. I just suck at it. My body is so sensitive nowadays that it sees alcohol as posion. Weird idea, isn’t it? Not really. Anyways, alcohol = memory loss. So the next morning, all of us were up pretty early, hung over and hungry, so Bruno whipped up some baked bacon, eggs, and fruit salad while I made the paleo waffles. I made coconut, banana, and pumpkin waffles. All delicious, but the pumpkin definitely took the lead.

I then put together a random recipe for the spare ribs we bought and let them cook for the day in the crockpots while we went and hiked Hays Creek Falls. That place is BEAUTIFUL!! Seriously gorgeous. Did I almost crap myself trying to climb down and almost falling to my death? Yes. But thankfully Bruno has a strong grip. I’m just so awkward and clumsy, climbing a moutain side is not the best idea for me. So after our hike, the dudes went fishing, and the ladies sat and ate on the balcony. Gorgeous, especially because the cabin is directly off of the river. I could sit there for days. Anyways, the spare ribs turned out delicious with some grilled veggies on the side. But here is where sh*t gets real. This is where bloating sets in and insulin spikes become unreal.

For our Saturday night fiesta, we made a fire, pulled out the prongs, and got to cooking marshmallows, or what I would like to call, the mallows. If you hadn’t guessed it by now, we were making smores. Come on, dummy. Sorry, that was mean. But since we’re CrossFitters and we do most everything to an extreme, we made our smores with not hershey bars, but with Reeses peanut butter cups. OH. MY. GOD. They were like heavens gold in your mouth (what does that even mean?). They seriously were one of the best cheats I’ve ever had. Then I went on to eat probably 15-20 roasted mallows and 10-12 grahams. Again, thank God for stretchy pants. I woke up the next morning, not feeling well, hoping my fupa had miraculously disappeared. It hadn’t. I barely ate on Sunday. My body knew it didn’t need food.

this picture is sadly not from the campfire, Steve had to take this later and send it to me. my phone sucks

So let’s wrap up the weekend and my thoughts about cheating, not that you really care, but i’m going to speak my mind anyways. I suck at cheating. My diet has become so strict over this past year that a little slip up sends my digestive tract into a whirlwind of hell. But an over-obsessive insulin spiking epic meal time-type weekend sends my body into a fat depressing coma. I can’t do it. I envy you people out there that can. And hate you. And I apologize for the lack of food pictures. I guess when my phone is out of service range, it does not save pictures. Wtf? I don’t get it. So you missed out on waffles, spare ribs, and my own beautiful reeses smores pictures. Do not hate me. I also learned that I suck at hiking. I need to be more brave. And I need to get outdoors more often. Don’t you love learning experiences? I do.

So how do you spend your cheat days? Milkshakes? Banana splits? A bag of chips? Leave your epic cheat meals to the comments! Love hearing from all of you!