Ugh. I’m bloated.
You know what’s one of my least favorite things to admit to? Other than being bloated. Jk. I like admitting things that make others uncomfortable. But what I really don’t like to admit to is being bat sh*t crazy. Because, well, I’d love to think of myself as a complete sane human being, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I mean, all of us women do. We want to think of ourselves as a perfect girlfriend who never complains, never gets angry, and never gets bat sh*t crazy. I don’t want to be that cray cray girlfriend that all the guys talk sh*t about. No, no I don’t. You know when you hear stories from your friends of girls throwing phones at their boyfriends face or lighting their clothes on fire? No? Well, I have, and I ‘d REALLY like to not be one of those.
BUUUUUUUT, sometimessssss, when it’s that time of the month….I become a different person. Only for like a day, but it’s bad that day. Real bad. I mean, not ‘I changed my Facebook relationship status multiple times today’ bad, but still annoying bad. I turn into a 13 year old teenager, angry at the world, crying at anything and everything, carving my name into my parent’s bathroom cabinets after I locked myself in there for no reason other than pure hormones. What? That never happened.
Anywho, I hate admitting that I suck at life sometimes. Especially when it annoys others. But I have to. Here I go:
‘My name is Juli. And I have a problem with being a b*tch sometimes. For no apparent reason. To poor bystanders. Mostly my boyfriend. I’m the worst.
Now that it’s all on the table, I can get myself together and stop being “that” girl. I can make the simple decision to lock myself in my room, eat dark chocolate (not while on the sugar detox. f*ck), and actually put my energy towards other things. Like looking at food blogs, because that’s pretty much one of my favorite things to do. I’m so weird. Oh, and making chocolate chip cookies. I did that a lot last weekend before the detox.
Anywho, speaking of that time of that month, it’s been highly difficult while starting the sugar detox. Or at least it was difficult for an hour yesterday. But it was one uncomfortable hour. So within that hour, I made this acorn squash to satisfy needs. Since you’re still allowed to have sweet potatoes on the detox if you’re working out, I went with an acorn squash instead. Or I would have gone insane. Insane on other people. And I just explained how I was trying to change my life around. So I made this. It’s not really candy, but it is in my mind this month.
4 Ingredient Acorn Squash Candy
- Yield: 1-2 1x
Ingredients
- 1 acorn squash, cut in half
- 3 strips of bacon, diced
- 2 teaspoons cinnamon
- pinch of salt
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 415 degrees.
- Place the acorn squash that has been cut in half open side down on a baking sheet.
- Bake for 20-25 minutes until super soft.
- While acorn squash is baking, cook bacon in a pan on all sides until cooked through. Place cooked bacon on a paper towel to soak up excess fat and leave behind 1 teaspoon of bacon fat in a medium bowl.
- Let acorn squash slightly cool and scoop out excess seeds. Then scoop out the squash from the skin and place in the bowl with the bacon fat.
- Sprinkle in the cooked bacon, along with cinnamon and salt. Mix everything together.
- Then eat it. And act like you’re eating candy. Because it’s candy.
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More Sugar Detox Treats:
Sugar Detox Cinnamon Sweet Potato Ice Cream with Toasted Walnuts
Crockpot Sugar Detox Dessert Stuffed Apples
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I have been looking for an easy, yummy way to use the two acorn squash/squashes? I bought last week. And as for the hormones, watch out if you ever have a baby. Oh my, postpartum hormones are like PMS times a million. Scary.
Thanks for all the recipes, but I may have to make this tomorrow to pry myself from the chocolate. I’m trying so hard to do paleo well, but when that time of the month strikes – I can’t inhale enough chocolate. I’m like a freakin’ squirrel turning over everything in the house (even stealing it from my kids’ stash). Anyway, in another recipe you talked about split ends from constantly wearing headbands. Well I’m not trying to advance this issue for you but, I found some ROCKIN’ head bands and thought you might appreciate these 🙂 http://www.sparklysoul.com/ Please keep posting amazing recipes and your truth to life (because it’s pieces of my life too). Thanks again!!!
OMG this post is hilarious! It’s crazy when you know you’re in bat sh*t crazy mode but you can’t get out of it….like you know you’re being completely insane/psycho/emotional/irrational, especially to your significant other and know they don’t deserve it, but you literally cannot get over it! ugh, happens to me on a regular basis. I just try to not be around anyone lol!
isn’t it the worst?!
I am on day 18 of the 21 DSD, for the first time. When I started, I was also giving up coffee (I do that about once a year) AND I was PMSing. Not cool. I was a raging bitch…I don’t remember ever feeling THAT irritated before. Everything irritated me so much that I didn’t even go to crossfit. I thought it was safest for everyone to stay home. 😉
But each day did get easier and now I’m almost done! I plan on doing it again in April.
Btw, I love your blog! I am addicted. It’s my go-to site for sooooo much! It’s a bonus that I actually like to read what you write…it’s not boring like so many food blogs. Thanks for being hilarious!!
Hey I had really bad PMS symptoms since I went off birth control. There is ONE DAY of the month that I am a complete crazy bitch. I can’t handle anything that day. If I’m at work and a client is the least bit rude to me, I’ll cry. If I drop something I just want to scream. I want to eat everything that exists. It’s not good.
Turns our really bad PMS symptoms are often a symptom of an over abundance of estrogen in the body. When you PMS is when your body is switching from estrogen to progesterone. If you have a ton of extra estrogen, this transition is extreme and you get really bad PMS symptoms. To manage my symptoms, I did an estrogen detox protocol starting in January. This last month, my crazy day was much less bad. I’m going to monitor it in the next few months to see if it sustains. I did the detox with my BioSignature guy, and I think it helped with my symptoms. Just a thought.
It also helps to have very understanding people in your life. Luckily I can just tell my boyfriend “its my crazy day and I just can’t handle anything” and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t take anything I say or do seriously that day.
Whats your favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe when your not on the 21 Detox? Mind sharing? Thanks!!
i love my giant chocolate chip cookies that are nut free.
OMG Juli, I love you. I was having such a sh*tty day, and then I read your blog post and it made me laugh and feel SO much better! So thank you for that.
Also, it never occurred to me to scoop out squash seeds AFTER cooking. What a brilliant idea! So much easier than my method of going at it w/the melon baller while it’s still raw (though that’s definitely easier than using a spoon).
I’ve got all kinds of crazy diet restrictions right now (GI issues), but I can actually eat all of these ingredients and it sounds amazing. I’ll definitely be eating this sometime in the next couple of days.
I’m sure you’ve tried Retin-A but I’ll put it out there anyway. It does take about 4 months before you have definite results but it works.
I once set my exhusbands stuff on fire….in the back yard. I just went out there put it in a pile set fire to it and walked back in the house to watch tv. It might have been crazy but I got my point across 🙂
bahahahahah. best thing i’ve heard all day.
For the love of God, go lock yourself in the bathroom and eat dark chocolate! Sugar detox can wait…..