My sister-in-law Carra is back to talk about our weird ass weeks, things we wished we would have learned when we were younger, and why Carra hates this season of the Bachelorette.
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Episode 94 Transcription!
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This is Juli Bauer from PaleOMG and you are listening to PaleOMG Uncensored.
Juli Bauer: A real microphone that I paid money for.
Carra Roth: Get out.
Juli Bauer: For real. We’re recording.
Carra Roth: Hi! {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Hi! Welcome to another episode of PaleOMG Uncensored. I’m cohosting today with the one and only Carra!
Carra Roth: Hi!
Juli Bauer: You guys absolutely hate me by myself, which is fair.
Carra Roth: {laughing}
Juli Bauer: So I had to force her to drive out of her way to come record a podcast with me. Why are my lights going out? What is happening?
So Carra and I are sitting in my bed right now. Because my husband is doing the dishes, and then trying to get our TV to work since it refuses to. And Jackson is on the bed. But my husband doesn’t know. So that’s what we’re up to. How’s Carra doing?
Carra Roth: Oh man. I’m good. It’s been a week.
Juli Bauer: It’s been a week. We’ll get into why it’s been a week. But can you tell everybody how your new job is going?
Carra Roth: It’s going really well. It’s so busy and crazy. It’s a thousand miles a minute, but it’s good. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: And, are you saying that just to keep yourself positive, or are you actually enjoying yourself?
Carra Roth: No, I actually enjoy it.
Juli Bauer: And, one of her friends from your old job, right?
Carra Roth: Yeah.
Juli Bauer: Started working there too. So then you have a buddy. Who brings you muffins!
Carra Roth: And I met a guy who hired me. So I have already friends there, which is awesome.
Juli Bauer: Oh that’s nice.
Carra Roth: Yeah, and brings me muffins from Rivers and Roads.
Juli Bauer: The best coffee shop ever. And Carra is actually working; your office is down the street from my first job, at a pool.
Carra Roth: Really? And it’s like right close to your parents’ house.
Juli Bauer: Right by my parent’s house, and then down the street from my first job in the snack shack of a pool.
Carra Roth: Is it still there.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Still kicking it. I mean, it’s probably still the same boss.
Carra Roth: {laughs} Well if you ever want to come say hello to your old boss and me. And your parents, and your husband. You can do it all in one day.
Juli Bauer: I kind of got let go from that job. {laughs}
Carra Roth: You think they’re still holding grudges about it?
Juli Bauer: Probably. She’s a grudge holder. But, this is the entire reason I have such a strong work ethic, because of her. If you weren’t 20 minutes early, you might as well go the f*ck home.
Carra Roth: That’s a good; 20 minutes, always. But that’s why you have so much anxiety about being late now.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. 100%. I never even put that, two and two together. But she’s the best, and that’s why I try hard.
Carra Roth: Good. Give her a shout out.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. I thought about writing her a Christmas card and thanking her.
Carra Roth: For all your dreams coming true?
Juli Bauer: Other than letting me go.
Carra Roth: Thanks for being punctual.
Juli Bauer: It wasn’t even that she let me go. She just stopped putting me on the schedule. {laughs}
Carra Roth: {laughs} That’s real passive aggressive.
Juli Bauer: Right? It would be like; every day I would be getting ready to go and then I’d get a call and she’d be like; we don’t need you today. And I had worked at this place for 8 years at this point.
Carra Roth: {laughs} Oh my god. What did you do?
Juli Bauer: I was in the; oh, what did I do? I think I lied about something. And that’s why I don’t f*cking lie anymore, either.
Carra Roth: {laughing}
Juli Bauer: I really learned my lesson at the job.
Carra Roth: Yeah, that’s a good life lesson, huh.
Juli Bauer: She is one hard motherf*cker, but she was a good boss. Ok?
Carra Roth: Ok. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: {laughs} OK, stop throwing shade at her. {laughing} Ok, so you’re in your new job. How is the commute compared to last time? Your last job?
Carra Roth: It’s 100% better.
Juli Bauer: Because now instead of an hour it’s, what, 20 minutes?
Carra Roth: 20 minutes.
Juli Bauer: Damn. That’s nice.
Carra Roth: It’s awesome.
Juli Bauer: Both ways.
Carra Roth: Both ways.
Juli Bauer: That’s so nice, because Denver traffic sucks so bad.
Carra Roth: Yeah.
Juli Bauer: I saw an accident today with a semi.
Carra Roth: On the way here. I did too. That’s why I was late.
Juli Bauer: Dammit. Well this semi had pretty much crushed a car, but the guy was getting stuff out of his car, so he wasn’t even hurt.
Carra Roth: Jeeze. That’s lucky.
Juli Bauer: So it was just a nuisance for me! {laughs}
Carra Roth: Yeah. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Aren’t these pillows fun.
Carra Roth: Yeah they are fun.
Juli Bauer: This purple pillow is my favorite pillow ever.
Carra Roth: They’re super fun.
Juli Bauer: It kind of suctions your ear and hurts your earlobe a little bit.
Carra Roth: But it’s fun!
Juli Bauer: It’s worth it. I felt so bad for Brian last night. He has had ringing of the ears; so painful. And he was miserable. And then he pinched a nerve in his shoulder this morning at the gym.
Carra Roth: He’s having a tough time, too. He’s had some migraines coming on this week.
Juli Bauer: He’s going to a migraine specialist next week.
Carra Roth: Is he?
Juli Bauer: Where you pay like $800 a minute.
Carra Roth: Jeeze. I should get into that business.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. What are we doing? So anyway. We’re just all having a bit of a tough week.
Carra Roth: Yeah. Is the universe in retrograde or something?
Juli Bauer: Probably. I feel like it always is in retrograde.
Carra Roth: {laughs} When things are just sh*tty.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Maybe we should read our horoscopes.
Carra Roth: We should.
Juli Bauer: Actually, I’m going to pull that up. I want you to tell everybody why are you having a hard week. If you guys hear rummaging around…
Carra Roth: Jackson is just trying to get comfy.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. He’s got to do the circle.
Carra Roth: So it started out on Monday. My battery {laughs} my car wouldn’t start. It turns out my battery was bad. I had to get it jumped a few times, which is super annoying.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Ok, so when you got it jumped the first time, why didn’t you go directly to a place where like; oh, it’s just kind of sleepy. That’s what cars do. {laughs}
Carra Roth: {laughs} I thought maybe I had left something on, so it just killed the battery.
Juli Bauer: Oh, ok. Do cars do that anymore?
Carra Roth: Yeah.
Juli Bauer: They do? I feel like they would be like; hey, we don’t need to keep these lights on. Turn them off.
Carra Roth: So, one of my lights is out, so I’ve been using the manual instead of the automatic.
Juli Bauer: What light is out?
Carra Roth: My headlight.
Juli Bauer: Oh. Still?
Carra Roth: {laughs} Yeah.
Juli Bauer: Those damn headlights.
Carra Roth: So that’s the only reason. I thought maybe I’d left the lights on or something. I thought maybe I had just left something on and drained the battery.
Juli Bauer: Ok.
Carra Roth: So I finally got a new car battery. My phone; I did the update on my phone and it completely f*cked it up for like two days straight I haven’t had a phone. I’ve been sending smoke signals. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Carra hates updates. She refuses…
Carra Roth: We talked about this on one of the other podcasts.
Juli Bauer: We did. She hates them.
Carra Roth: It was on my thumbs down list. This is why. For like two days, I had to send smoke signals to people.
Juli Bauer: Well you can’t put updates off for two years.
Carra Roth: You can.
Juli Bauer: No you can’t. When it says; hey, it’s time for an update, you update it.
Carra Roth: But is it? It’s a conspiracy so they can get more information from you. It’s not really needed.
Juli Bauer: Until your phone explodes, like it did today.
Carra Roth: OK, so that was another.
Juli Bauer: OK, so car, phone.
Carra Roth: I was drying my hair this morning; mid-dry my blow dryer goes out. Mid dry!
Juli Bauer: Mid dry. And Carra has thick hair.
Carra Roth: Yeah, it’s not just like a wash and go kind of sich. You have to blow dry, and then flat iron. And my blow dryer went out, so I was panicking. But it was dry enough where I could just straighten it.
Juli Bauer: You can manage.
Carra Roth: But it was sizzling and frying my hair.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, that horse hair of yours. I’ve never seen horse hair fall out, so you’re good to go.
Carra Roth: Thanks. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: {laughs} What’s your sign.
Carra Roth: Libra.
Juli Bauer: OK, continue.
Carra Roth: What else happen? I think that’s it for now.
Juli Bauer: OK, so car, phone, hair. Did you go get a new hair dryer?
Carra Roth: Not yet.
Juli Bauer: Because you can put it off for a couple…
Carra Roth: It just happened this morning.
Juli Bauer: You can put it off for a couple of days.
Carra Roth: It literally happened this morning. And then when I got home from work, I had to fix my phone. And then I came here. So I just haven’t had time, ok. {laughs} I have so much anxiety. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Yeah, were like; I don’t want to come here at all?
Carra Roth: No.
Juli Bauer: This is how I feel all the time at anything.
Carra Roth: Oh man.
Juli Bauer: I have to go out to two meals tomorrow, and I’m stressed out about it.
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: {laughs} Ok so here is your horoscope right now.
Carra Roth: For this week? Or for the month.
Juli Bauer: Today.
Carra Roth: Ok.
Juli Bauer: It’s like, you click on who you are. And you’re a Libra. “You’re after someone who will allow you to express yourself. All your feelings, no matter how eccentric and unconventional they are. You’d better find them quickly, though, because if you try to spend time with the usual suspects now, it just won’t work out. It might even get ugly; and you know you’d hate that.”
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: “Hey. You’ve been feeling the need to break out of this rut for good. Long time. Here’s your chance. Take it!”
Carra Roth: {laughs} That’s just in regards to relationships. And that’s the only thing that’s kind of good right now. {laughing}
Juli Bauer: {laughs} So you’re either supposed to take him, or get rid of him. It’s hard to tell in this.
Carra Roth: {laughs} Yeah. So that was useless.
Juli Bauer: Well. Let’s see what mine says. Horoscopes; they’re so broad that you can relate it to anything in your life. Like Jackson could relate it. {laughs} Ok. Mine is; “Uh-oh! You’ve been trying and trying, and trying some more, to just say no to being made. Still!” {laughing} Not all the time. “But you just can’t seem to get rid of that urge to let go and you know you have it.” What? Whatever. “The problem is, about every” oh my god I suck at reading. “The problem is that just about everyone around you, those not ordinarily prone to yessing you for brownie points seem to agree.” This is stupid. “Oh, this one calls for drastic measures. How about a sit-down talk? A state of the relationship kind of thing.” What? Brian and I are good to go, so.
Carra Roth: Yeah, see these are just about relationships.
Juli Bauer: He never says yes to anything to me so, this is nothing.
Carra Roth: But how’s your week?
Juli Bauer: It’s stupid.
Carra Roth: Let’s talk about your week. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: It is the worst. I think Jackson is having a bad week, too. He kind of seems sad. Kind of like he’s having a hard time because he didn’t see his best friends today.
Carra Roth: But I’m here to make up for that.
Juli Bauer: I know. And he’s just putting his butthole towards your face right now. No thanks. Look how giant my forehead looks in that photo. Jesus.
So, here’s what’s going on. Number one; I’m PMSing.
Carra Roth: Samesies.
Juli Bauer: I forgot to take out my birth control; vaginally. {laughs} So it’s probably starting a little bit late, and just all over the place, you know.
Carra Roth: Gotcha.
Juli Bauer: So that’s not great. Number two; we have a fridge.
Carra Roth: On the fritz.
Juli Bauer: On the fritz. Putting on the Ritz. You know what I’m saying?
Carra Roth: I know what you’re saying.
Juli Bauer: So, Kenmore Elite, don’t purchase it.
Carra Roth: Noted.
Juli Bauer: Don’t, Carra.
Carra Roth: I’m not in the market for a fridge.
Juli Bauer: Good thing. Because it turns out they’re f*cking expensive. So our fridge keeps turning off every three hours. Pretty much on the dot, every three hours. So if I want to go anywhere, I have to do it in a short window.
Carra Roth: So did you go look at new ones today or yesterday.
Juli Bauer: Yesterday.
Carra Roth: And?
Juli Bauer: Bought a new one. I went to a local place; so no Home Depot, no Lowes, no Sears. F*ck all those places. F*ck em.
Carra Roth: Ok. Why?
Juli Bauer: Because it’s just so hard to get in contact with anybody. But if you have a mom and pop shop, you’re like; hey Bob.
Carra Roth: Then what happens? What does Bob do?
Juli Bauer: Bob’s like; hey, I’ll come over! Isn’t Bob the guy in Schitt’s creek?
Carra Roth: {laughs} Yeah.
Juli Bauer: And he just;
Carra Roth: But what does Bob come over to do? Does he fix it for you?
Juli Bauer: Yeah.
Carra Roth: Oh.
Juli Bauer: So they do repairs. They install, they repair. You give them a good Yelp review.
Carra Roth: Was it way more expensive?
Juli Bauer: No. It’s actually less than what I would get it at Home Depot.
Carra Roth: That doesn’t make sense.
Juli Bauer: I know. Actually I have no idea if it was cheaper.
Carra Roth: {laughs} Yeah, you didn’t price shop.
Juli Bauer: No.
Carra Roth: I know you didn’t. That was a statement, not a question.
Juli Bauer: {laughs} Yeah.
Carra Roth: So when does it come?
Juli Bauer: I was like; oh, you have a fridge? Give me that f*cking fridge right now. So he ordered it yesterday. And if everything is good to go, it might be able to be installed on Friday.
Carra Roth: Like in two days from now?
Juli Bauer: Yeah.
Carra Roth: That’s awesome.
Juli Bauer: Which would be really great. Because all my food has spoiled.
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: I woke up to warm chicken salad.
Carra Roth: Is that what happened to our gnocchi?
Juli Bauer: No. That is; I don’t know. We’ll get into the f*cking gnocchi. But, no. I’m like; you know that Malk, almond milk that I love so much. It’s expensive, because it’s like high quality, great stuff. Bought a new one on Monday, put it in the fridge, and it is spoiled. Because it gets too warm in there.
Carra Roth: Gross. That sucks.
Juli Bauer: It’s the worst. So everything smells. I had a minor panic attack because everything smells in the house. This fridge keeps turning off. I have f*cking recipes to make. I have cooking videos on Monday. So, if I have a fridge on the fritz, this is going to be very challenging.
Carra Roth: Yeah, I hear you.
Juli Bauer: So then he’s like; if we can’t, we can install on Monday. I’m like; Monday is not going to work, Bob.
Carra Roth: Listen Bob.
Juli Bauer: His name was Justin, actually, he was quite kind. I’m going to give them a good Yelp review. He does have a neck tattoo. But, hey. I’ve got a side tattoo, so who am I to judge?
Carra Roth: {laughs} Yeah. What’s his neck tattoo of? Like, lips?
Juli Bauer: No, thank god no. Because then I would have walked out of there. Ok, what else?
Carra Roth: I don’t know, you tell me. What else when wrong in your week this week?
Juli Bauer: I know. I swear we’ll get positive soon. Probably not, but maybe.
Carra Roth: I feel like you texted me something else, but those texts deleted. So I can’t.
Juli Bauer: It did? {laughs} Your poor phone.
Carra Roth: Look in your phone. I feel like you texted me something.
Juli Bauer: It was probably something so dramatic about nothing. I’m like; and Brian won’t text me back! For 46 minutes.
Carra Roth: Oh, your website was acting up.
Juli Bauer: Oh, yeah. My website. I couldn’t post my blog post yesterday. It’s like; all three people were waiting to read it. And it’s like; god!
Carra Roth: Can’t keep them waiting.
Juli Bauer: Can’t keep them waiting. And the problem with that was I’m at the disposal of my web developer, and his emails back. So I’m like; hey Jim. Hi. Hi. Hi. Just trying to jump to the top of his email. Because he probably emails 800 people per day. And I’m like; hey, I’m most important!
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Let’s see. I’m stressed out. My best friend is moving soon. I’m trying to coordinate with her, but she has like 400 things going on. I didn’t get invited to her…
Carra Roth: {laughing}
Juli Bauer: {laughs} To her going away party.
Carra Roth: But I did, so I’ll bring you.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Carra got invited, and I didn’t. And it’s probably because I don’t check Facebook, because Facebook is the devil. F*ck them. And everybody does Facebook invites nowadays. It’s like; what happened to the good old Gmail evite?
Carra Roth: {laughs} Do you have all your friends’ emails, though? No. You have everyone on Facebook.
Juli Bauer: I don’t. I’m not accepting any of those people’s friend requests. Go to hell. Mind your own business.
Carra Roth: They’re friends that you would want.
Juli Bauer: I have like 4500 people that I’ve accepted their friend request from. Why did I ever do that?
Carra Roth: I don’t know. Blogging your business now, right?
Juli Bauer: Will you go through them, and read everyone and erase them?
Carra Roth: Read all your what?
Juli Bauer: Whoever my friends.
Carra Roth: Invited you to stuff?
Juli Bauer: No. Whoever my friends are. And if I don’t know them.
Carra Roth: Just delete them?
Juli Bauer: Yeah.
Carra Roth: Isn’t this a business account?
Juli Bauer: No, that’s my personal.
Carra Roth: Oh. No, I won’t do that. That’s terrible.
Juli Bauer: Ok. So, yeah. We have her going away party. Brian and I are going on a double date with Liz and Gerkie this weekend.
Carra Roth: Oh fun.
Juli Bauer: Cute.
Carra Roth: Where?
Juli Bauer: Garden Grace.
Carra Roth: Fun.
Juli Bauer: Adorbs.
Carra Roth: Adorbs.
Juli Bauer: And then I am shooting workout videos next week and cooking videos.
Carra Roth: Damn, girl.
Juli Bauer: And they’re like; are you cool to shoot 8 cooking videos? And I’m like, oh. Yeah. I’m a sh*t storm.
Carra Roth: Mild panic attack?
Juli Bauer: Oh yeah.
Carra Roth: So wait, are you doing 4 cooking videos and 4 workout videos? Wait, what’s 8?
Juli Bauer: I’m doing 8 cooking videos.
Carra Roth: Oh.
Juli Bauer: and 5 workout videos.
Carra Roth: That’s a lot.
Juli Bauer: So 2 days. I’ve got to scope out the park and find a good spot.
Carra Roth: 8 recipes?
Juli Bauer: Yeah.
Carra Roth: Jeeze.
Juli Bauer: Tits. I only have three done.
Carra Roth: {laughs} That’s fine.
Juli Bauer: This is fine. It’s totally fine. My hair is disgusting. It’s fine. So yeah, that’s what’s been going on in my life. I’ve got an unhappy panda for no reason.
Carra Roth: He’s so happy he’s on the bed. Yeah. Just a chill week, you know. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: So you did not watch the Bachelor this week.
Carra Roth: I did not.
Juli Bauer: I hate when you don’t watch it without me.
Carra Roth: {laughs} On my own?
Juli Bauer: Yeah.
Carra Roth: I don’t have time. I didn’t go home until 9 o’clock on Monday.
Juli Bauer: Why?
Carra Roth: Because I went to the gym, and then I had to go to the auto part store. It’s just so much.
Juli Bauer: Are you trying to get Cabo fit?
Carra Roth: Always.
Juli Bauer: Always.
Carra Roth: Cabo fit.
Juli Bauer: Cabo. New Years.
Carra Roth: Fit.
Juli Bauer: Fit.
Carra Roth: Yep. Inspiration. Inspo. So I just have not had time to sit down for three hours to watch the Bachelor.
Juli Bauer: It’s the worst. Brian, luckily.
Carra Roth: Because I have to watch it; I can’t fast forward.
Juli Bauer: Oh no.
Carra Roth: There are shortened commercials, but there are still commercials on it.
Juli Bauer: Ok, that sucks. Because I had to watch it, because I do the recap on my blog, you know. So I had to watch it Monday night. And I was like; do you care if I watch it up here, Brian? Because I watched it in the basement by myself, in the freezing cold, where it’s snowing downstairs pretty much, last week.
Carra Roth: Yeah, it’s so cold.
Juli Bauer: And he said I could watch it. And luckily, he fell asleep by like 7:15. So I was good to go.
Carra Roth: So he just went back upstairs?
Juli Bauer: No, I stayed upstairs, and he fell asleep even before I was going to turn it on.
Carra Roth: Oh, nice.
Juli Bauer: It was great. His narcolepsy is really paying off.
Carra Roth: {laughs} 7:15. That’s good.
Juli Bauer: I know.
Carra Roth: That’s 45 minutes later than normal.
Juli Bauer: I wanted to text you a photo and be like; look at this guy. I have a new show I’m watching.
Carra Roth: What?
Juli Bauer: You have Netflix, right?
Carra Roth: Mm-hmm.
Juli Bauer: It’s like a murder show.
Carra Roth: I started watching True Detective. Have you seen that one yet?
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Of course. Aquarius, and it has David Duchovny in it.
Carra Roth: Wait; is that the one about…
Juli Bauer: Charles Manson.
Carra Roth: Yeah. I came over that night you guys were watching it.
Juli Bauer: OH, yeah.
Carra Roth: Then we watched 13 hours and cried.
Juli Bauer: Oh, that movie is brutal, guys. If you haven’t seen 13 hours. Which, that movie makes me want to see Jack Ryan, with Jim in it.
Carra Roth: I don’t know about that one.
Juli Bauer: It’s like; it used to be a book series, I think. And then it was turned into movies. I think it’s; Jim.
Carra Roth: Big Tuna?
Juli Bauer: Big Tuna, man!
Carra Roth: Getting all serious on us?
Juli Bauer: I love him so much.
Carra Roth: Yeah. That 3.5 seconds they showed him with his shirt off was my favorite of that whole movie.
Juli Bauer: Right? Why didn’t they do that more?
Carra Roth: Right?
Juli Bauer: You worked that hard. You worked out that hard, for … I mean it was like 10 seconds.
Carra Roth: Yeah. It’s hot in Benghazi. Take your shirt off.
Juli Bauer: 10 seconds.
Carra Roth: {laughs} Yeah.
Juli Bauer: Who was your; I’ve never felt like I had a famous crush until Jim.
Carra Roth: Really?
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Because he kind of reminds me of Brian sometimes.
Carra Roth: Yeah, I get that.
Juli Bauer: Just kind of quiet, and has these good one-liners.
Carra Roth: I feel like if somebody were to play Brian in a movie it would probably be him.
Juli Bauer: OH. Yeah.
Carra Roth: My crush was always Mark Wahlberg.
Juli Bauer: Ok, in his undies.
Carra Roth: And then Paul Walker.
Juli Bauer: Aww, man. Way to bring this podcast down.
Carra Roth: Too soon?
Juli Bauer: It will always be too soon for Paul Walker.
Carra Roth: I remember the text I got that he had passed away.
Juli Bauer: Did you cry?
Carra Roth: Yeah.
Juli Bauer: You did?
Carra Roth: I was at Steph’s house. We were all at a party. And I got a text; Paul Walker died.
Juli Bauer: You really cried?
Carra Roth: I had to take a minute. I didn’t really cry, but I was really sad. I was so in love with him.
Juli Bauer: Ok, I’m trying to think of somebody I cried about. Yeah. Blue eyes.
Carra Roth: Poor Steph, my college roommate. I watched Fast and the Furious every single day freshman year. Every day.
Juli Bauer: Why?
Carra Roth: Because I loved him so much.
Juli Bauer: Wow.
Carra Roth: She bought me the DVD for my birthday, and that was a big mistake. Got my money’s worth. Her money’s worth.
Juli Bauer: Her money’s worth. Damn, man. That’s like me and the Office. Every day. Especially since our TV doesn’t work.
Carra Roth: And the Fast and the Furious; do you know how terrible that movie is? I watched it every day.
Juli Bauer: It’s so bad. But it’s so good.
Carra Roth: Yeah. The first one wasn’t so bad.
Juli Bauer: You know what I was just thinking about? How I was like; oh, our TV isn’t working now, either. And then I was thinking about how our fridge doesn’t work, and how I also bought a new dishwasher. {laughs}
Carra Roth: You did buy a new dishwasher?
Juli Bauer: Because if I’m shooting…
Carra Roth: And you just turned in your broken car that kept breaking down. Not breaking down, but making new noises.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. So I had to buy; I didn’t have to. But since I’m shooting cooking videos, and those two things are right next to each other. And most stainless steel doesn’t match.
Carra Roth: You just went ahead. Did you get the drawer?
Juli Bauer: No. They didn’t have the drawers for this.
Carra Roth: F*cking Bob.
Juli Bauer: F*cking Bob. This was the top rated dishwasher of whatever those studies are.
Carra Roth: {laughs} OK.
Juli Bauer: That you have to pay to look at. I don’t know. Top.
Carra Roth: Top. Good, because yours is not hard to beat, probably.
Juli Bauer: It’s the worst.
Carra Roth: You literally have to; you make me clean the dishes before I put them in the dishwasher.
Juli Bauer: You have to!
Carra Roth: I could just put them away at that point!
Juli Bauer: I know.
Carra Roth: But I don’t want to dry them so I put them in the dishwasher. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Yeah! So you have to clean them. And if you miss one little speck of food…
Carra Roth: It will still be there.
Juli Bauer: It will be a sh*t storm. The water will break up the piece of food into a million pieces, and then spread all over all the glass.
Carra Roth: {laughing}
Juli Bauer: I hate that dishwasher so much. But, you know, clean your f*cking dishes, b*tch. {laughs}
So, ok. Wait. Back to the Bachelor. Do you want me to tell you anything that happened? Are you going to watch it?
Carra Roth: Sure. I’m annoyed with this season anyway.
Juli Bauer: I know. That’s why I feel like I can talk about it.
Carra Roth: Not annoyed, I’m just bored. I’m bored with her. I kind of hate how she handles certain situations. And I’m not in that situation, nor would I ever want to be. But I just feel like she handles some situations poorly.
Juli Bauer: The virgin situation.
Carra Roth: Yeah, specifically that. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: The virg. How she walked away from him.
Carra Roth: She just left him hanging. He told her this huge lie. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Yeah! He has definitely put it in the put. And he’s played just the tip.
Carra Roth: Yeah. But you know how much courage that had to take him to tell her this huge lie.
Juli Bauer: {laughs}
Carra Roth: And then she just walked away. She was like; I need a minute. Like; what b*tch?
Juli Bauer: I feel like that was producers.
Carra Roth: We don’t see that part. So that’s on her.
Juli Bauer: We don’t know. {laughs} That’s on her.
Carra Roth: And then she comes back and she goes; how are you doing? Or something stupid like that. It’s like; b*tch you just left him hanging!
Juli Bauer: Yeah. I think she just had to fart.
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: That’s what I imagine. She was like; give me a minute. And she was like; ugh!
Carra Roth: Like he just told her; that’s not something you have to mull over. You know? It’s just like; ok cool. Well, why are you? Is it a religious thing? Is it because you haven’t found the right person? It’s not like you need to step away from the situation.
Juli Bauer: Well that’s the thing about; he doesn’t have an answer.
Carra Roth: It’s like; talk about it. Because he’s lying! {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Yeah. He’s lying. He’s like; I thought about having sex. He just had no answer for it.
Carra Roth: He essentially said it’s not religious reasons, it’s because he hasn’t found the right heart, or something that’s gay like that.
Juli Bauer: {laughs} I talked about this by myself on the podcast last week. And how; don’t hold onto that virginity. {laughs}
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Ok, I say that. Having a good time in life. God, your mom listens to this sometimes. I didn’t have sex until Brian, ok? {laughs}
Carra Roth: I’m still a virgin, mom.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, you’re still a virgin, for sure. But it’s like people make such a big deal about it. And sex is totally important, and women connect through sex, for sure. But it doesn’t have to be this put on a pedestal shenanigans.
Carra Roth: No.
Juli Bauer: Get it over with. It’s the worst! It’s going to be awful anyway. It’s not going to be comfortable.
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: I’ve never talked to a person who was like; the first time was so romantic.
Carra Roth: Like, first time ever? Or first time with that person?
Juli Bauer: First time ever.
Carra Roth: Oh. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Because yeah, you’re going to have some first time, super romantic, with a person at some point. Hopefully. God, I hope so. Like your first time ever. You know where I got my first viewpoint of what sex should be like?
Carra Roth: Where?
Juli Bauer: American Pie.
Carra Roth: {laughing}
Juli Bauer: {laughing}
Carra Roth: That it was just supposed to be with pie? {laughs}
Juli Bauer: No, not the pie, directly. But I remember there was one girl. The one who was in love. And she has an orgasm.
Carra Roth: I don’t remember that closely.
Juli Bauer: It was the couple who are actually in love in the movie. Yeah, and she has an orgasm. And I’m like; oh, that’s what it should be like!
Carra Roth: Oh, and she’s like; I’m coming, I’m coming! And her dad is trying to get her for dinner? That part?
Juli Bauer: No.
Carra Roth: Oh, ok.
Juli Bauer: No, it’s like a romantic one.
Carra Roth: Ok never mind.
Juli Bauer: How first times never are!
Carra Roth: {laughing}
Juli Bauer: This f*cking movie lie.
Carra Roth: I haven’t seen that movie for a while.
Juli Bauer: They’re like; ok, so you’re going to orgasm on your first time having sex. And it’s supposed to be romantic? This is so… setting us up for all failure.
Carra Roth: Yeah, for real. Especially if you’re getting all of your sex knowledge from American Pie. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Did your mom have a sex talk with you?
Carra Roth: I don’t remember. I don’t really remember that. I don’t think so.
Juli Bauer: No, I wouldn’t see her doing that. I feel like Catholics don’t really talk about that. They’re like; hey, never have sex. And when you do, don’t use protection.
Carra Roth: Yeah.
Juli Bauer: Yeah.
Carra Roth: I don’t really remember having a sex conversation.
Juli Bauer: I don’t either. I think my mom brought it up once, later on, and I was like; ew, I’m not having this conversation with you. Because I was like; I’ve been having sex for years, you dumb-dumb! {laughs}
Carra Roth: {laughing} Yeah, I probably did the same. Like I was like; uh. Deflected.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, deflecting. And my mom did, when I was younger, probably 12. She bought me a book that was like; this is what sex is. And it was two children looking people. And it’s like, when you hug very tightly, a woman makes a baby.
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: That’s my sex education.
Carra Roth: So I’m surprised you’re not pregnant yet.
Juli Bauer: Hey. No pregnancy here! What up b*tches!
Carra Roth: You hate hugs, that’s why.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, I hate hugs. Don’t touch me.
Carra Roth: That’s why you hate hugs, to this day.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, I hate cuddling. Because I like…
Carra Roth: You’re going to get pregnant.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Uterus empty please. I just read another birth story today.
Carra Roth: Why?
Juli Bauer: One of my friends that I follow on Instagram. She’s a CrossFit chick. She shared her birth story. And it’s f*cked up. They’re all just f*cked up.
Carra Roth: Yeah. I don’t know one that’s good.
Juli Bauer: Steph hasn’t had good ones?
Carra Roth: I don’t know really. They don’t ever sound fun.
Juli Bauer: No.
Carra Roth: Or like; yeah, that was a great experience.
Juli Bauer: If you ever have a baby, I’m going to watch everything. I’m going to be at the foot of the bed, seeing what’s happening.
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: I want to experience what happens beforehand.
Carra Roth: Ok. Don’t put that pressure on me. Don’t put that karma on me.
Juli Bauer: Laura will definitely get pregnant before both of us.
Carra Roth: Yeah.
Juli Bauer: So I’ll watch Laura.
Carra Roth: Ok.
Juli Bauer: Ugh. Just picturing it. It’s scary.
Ok. I’ve got to tell you who went home on the Bachelor.
Carra Roth: Oh, yeah. Back to the Bachelor.
Juli Bauer: So, she first gives a rose to Blake. Who she said, again, that she is in love with and wishes she could tell him. Which makes me believe especially that she’s going to pick…
Carra Roth: Blake is the guy from Denver, right?
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Which, by the way, Colton is from Parker.
Carra Roth: I think you told me that.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, she had two dates here in Colorado. So then she gives a rose to Jason, the second rose to Jason. Which I’m like; ok, Dark Horse Jason with your gel hair. He just came out of nowhere.
Carra Roth: He needs a new coif, for sure.
Juli Bauer: But his family; all these families are perfectly normal. Which made the show very boring. Everybody seems like they had a great family. Colton has 400 family members. And then Jason has a super gay brother with his gay brother-in-law who are just gay and adorable together.
Carra Roth: Yes!
Juli Bauer: I was like; why wouldn’t you pick him? Say yes to him.
Carra Roth: Right.
Juli Bauer: And Jason’s mom is like; yeah, she’s not into you. So, I don’t think this is a good idea. He’s like; it’s fine. I’m going to tell her I love her. I love you Becca!
Carra Roth: {laughing}
Juli Bauer: So then it’s between Garret and Colton. I think this is how it went down.
Carra Roth: So I know, Colton goes home.
Juli Bauer: Yeah.
Carra Roth: Yeah.
Juli Bauer: So, right before Colton goes home, she meets with all the girls. It’s like a total producer set up thing.
Carra Roth: Yeah! So what happened. Because on the previews, Tia was like; can we talk for a second, or whatever.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. And she’s like; I still have feelings for Colton. And they were talking about meeting his family, it makes me really sad.
Carra Roth: Oh.
Juli Bauer: And then I kind of stopped watching because I was bored, and just annoyed with listening to her voice. And then she sends him home. She’s like; go off to Bachelor in Paradise. They had a Bachelor in Paradise commercial, but I didn’t watch it because I was fast-forwarding. But just so you know, it’s coming.
Carra Roth: It starts soon. I’m so excited for this season to end. I would be fine if I didn’t even know who she picked because I cared that little. Just to get on to the Bachelor in Paradise.
Juli Bauer: Do you think you just don’t care because you’re like; hey, I don’t have time to go to Juli’s house and f*cking watch it, so I just can’t care?
Carra Roth: No. I would rather watch it here so we could fast forward and cut an hour out of the show.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. I don’t know how you would do that. I can’t. I kind of hate it now that I’ve put it on myself to write to the three people reading my blog about the Bachelor recap. I put this on myself.
Carra Roth: Yeah. And so, I just am not invested in this season. Just because…
Juli Bauer: I’m more invested than Ari’s season.
Carra Roth: You are?
Juli Bauer: Yeah, because Ari was the devil.
Carra Roth: There was more drama or something, I don’t know. She’s like a great, normal girl next door.
Juli Bauer: Minnesotan. Is she Wisconsin?
Carra Roth: Whatever. She loves apples.
Juli Bauer: Apples.
Carra Roth: Apple orchards. But I don’t love her style, so I’m not into it for the fashion. I don’t love the guy. So I’m just not into it, you know.
Juli Bauer: I like Blake. He was in a school shooting. How sad is that?
Carra Roth: That’s really sad.
Juli Bauer: What the f*ck.
Carra Roth: In Colorado?
Juli Bauer: Yeah. I don’t even know where Bailey is. I’m going to look up how far it is.
Carra Roth: You’ve lived here your whole life.
Juli Bauer: I know. There are just some places I really don’t need to visit, and Bailey is one of them.
Carra Roth: Yeah that’s true.
Juli Bauer: It was like dumping snow when she was in Bailey; it’s an hour away. That’s not far at all. It was dumping snow, and then it was complete springtime here in Denver. Or in Parker. That’s where it is. Over there.
Carra Roth: Oh neat.
Juli Bauer: O’er yonder. If you want to go.
Carra Roth: Don’tcha know.
Juli Bauer: Oh sh*t, sorry Jackson. I said the G-O word.
Carra Roth: He wants to go.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, he’s like; can I go hang out with dad? Panda. Ok, can we talk about; we’re going to talk about things we wish we would have been taught.
Carra Roth: {laughs} Yeah.
Juli Bauer: Like things…
Carra Roth: Life lessons.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, life skills. Instead of algebraic; I don’t even know. Algebraic equations.
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: I don’t need those two words ever in my; Jackson. Thanks doggie. In my vocabulary. So why were we taught all those things? Are they trying to make everybody a scientist? Or a mathematician?
Carra Roth: {laughs} It appears that way. Because no one knows life lessons.
Juli Bauer: No.
Carra Roth: I had to get my; should we just start? {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Yeah, tell us. You start it off.
Carra Roth: I had to get my car jumped from the gym the other day, because it died. And so, I was on this one-way street in downtown Denver. And no one was coming out. It was like 6:30 at night.
Juli Bauer: What gym were you at?
Carra Roth: Fit 36.
Juli Bauer: Oh, ok.
Carra Roth: So, I wasn’t just going to stop a car passing, driving by.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, that’s how you get murdered, for sure.
Carra Roth: {laughs} There was no one walking by. Finally this girl walks by. And I was like; hey, would you do me a favor and jump my car? She kind of looks at me weird, and she was like; yeah, do you know how to do it? And I just kind of laughed, and I was like; yeah. She was like, ok. So she could have just backed out and backed up to my car and been parallel with my car. But she backs out, and turns her car around so she’s facing the wrong way on a one-way street. Taking up one and half lanes of traffic.
Juli Bauer: {laughing}
Carra Roth: And she doesn’t even know how to open her car hood.
Juli Bauer: Ugh!
Carra Roth: She has no idea. She’s looking everywhere. So I had to open her car hood. And then she’s like; I learn! So I had to teach her how to jump a car as I was jumping my car.
Juli Bauer: Damn.
Carra Roth: Like; how do you not know how to jump a car?
Juli Bauer: Well, Carra.
Carra Roth: Come to find out.
Juli Bauer: Come to find out.
Carra Roth: You don’t know how to jump a car.
Juli Bauer: No. Brian just jumped my car a little bit ago. But I was like; you do it.
Carra Roth: Yeah. So I’m surprised you don’t know how to do that.
Juli Bauer: Well, number one.
Carra Roth: And kind of sad that you don’t.
Juli Bauer: I have triple A.
Carra Roth: Yeah, but sometimes it’s just not needed. Anyway, red is positive, black is negative. That’s all you need to know, really. Ok?
Juli Bauer: {laughs} That reminds me of the episode of the Office, when Andy has to jump a car.
Carra Roth: Of course it does. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: {laughing} He’s just like, attaching random parts to random pieces. He’s like; oh. It’s totaled.
Carra Roth: {laughing}
Juli Bauer: So great. That’s completely my experience. So yeah, I don’t know how to jump a car.
Carra Roth: I feel like every person…
Juli Bauer: Do you know how to change a tire?
Carra Roth: I feel confident that I could figure it out.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, you’re good at problem solving.
Carra Roth: I have never had to do it by myself, but I have helped with it. But I feel confident that I would be able to do it.
Juli Bauer: I don’t.
Carra Roth: Ok. See, I feel like you should be able to do that.
Juli Bauer: You can call triple A. {laughs} You know what I mean?
Carra Roth: Your go-to.
Juli Bauer: See, I can cook.
Carra Roth: That’s true. Life hack; I never got taught.
Juli Bauer: I definitely was not taught, either. We ate a lot of sandwiches.
Carra Roth: We had so much hamburger helper.
Juli Bauer: So much hamburger helper. My mom was a cook every single night, and my dad had dietary restrictions because he couldn’t have dairy, and then he was like; well I’m not going to eat grains anymore. And then I was like; I’m a vegetarian. And my mom was like; f*ck y’all. I ain’t doing this anymore. I f*cking hate you guys. And I don’t think she’s cooked a single meal since.
Carra Roth: Stressed her out.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. She was like; you guys are the worst. Could you imagine if she had more children?
Carra Roth: No.
Juli Bauer: They would have ruined her.
Carra Roth: Yeah.
Juli Bauer: One child ruined her enough. All of them would have ruined her big time.
Carra Roth: Bless her heart.
Juli Bauer: Bless her heart.
Carra Roth: What other life hacks? I don’t know. I feel like we should be able…
Juli Bauer: This is easy. Taxes.
Carra Roth: I was just going to say that. Taxes. Or investing.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Oh, yeah. They’re like; no. We’re going to teach you how to write a goddamn check that will be obsolete in three years. And then all these old people will be writing checks in Safeway and taking 47 minutes to checkout one item.
Carra Roth: But you don’t know how to do your taxes, or where to invest your money.
Juli Bauer: No. It’s like; hey, I’m going to hand my money to somebody and hopefully it sticks. But, you can hire a tax accountant.
Carra Roth: That’s true. {laughs} Triple A.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, triple A. But at the same time, it’s like; I don’t know if they’re embezzling my money. I don’t even know what embezzling mean. But I don’t think it’s good.
Carra Roth: I think it’s good.
Juli Bauer: I don’t think it’s good. Ok, what else? Taxes. Ok. How about we just talk about f*cking budgeting. Nobody teaches you how to budget. Unless you have a parent who does that.
Carra Roth: Or like really, the repercussions of what a credit card means. When you’re in college, they’re just like; here, have a credit card. And you’re broke as f*ck. You can’t even afford ramen noodles, and you’re like; what? Free money!
Juli Bauer: Yeah.
Carra Roth: Why don’t they teach you about that stuff?
Juli Bauer: No clue. What else? I hate the budgeting stuff. I think I’m decent at budgeting because I was so poor, so I had to f*cking save every penny. Because I was like; I’m so poor and I still have to pay my taxes.
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Because I’m a contractor. I remember the first year out of college, my mom was like; taxes were coming up and she was like; have you been saving? I was like, what do you mean saving? I made $17,000 a year. What am I supposed to be saving? And she was like, to pay your taxes. I was like, why would I have to pay taxes, I always got taxes back, b*tch! I was like working for the YMCA in high school. You get those taxes back. It’s like, hey, here’s $34 back. Congratulations.
Carra Roth: Yeah, thanks for working.
Juli Bauer: The government loves you. So that was a rude awakening when I had to pay like $1,000. {laughs}
Carra Roth: $1,000.
Juli Bauer: I was like; I don’t have $1,000!
Carra Roth: That’s like compared to mine; the taxes from last year. I actually clicked the wrong box, so all of last year they didn’t take out any taxes. Unbeknownst to me, until I go to do my taxes, and I thought I was getting this huge…
Juli Bauer: She’s like; payday, b*tch!
Carra Roth: {laughs} I thought I was getting this huge refund. Turns out, that’s what I owe.
Juli Bauer: Nope.
Carra Roth: Like, what?
Juli Bauer: Pay the government. Oh sh*t, I have to pay you. I’m going to have to pay you for your time today, too.
Carra Roth: Put it toward my taxes.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, exactly.
Carra Roth: Make sure you take taxes out.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, you’re going to have to take money out for this. {laughs}
Carra Roth: Oh man, it’s the worst.
Juli Bauer: I wish they taught you how to eat properly. I wish that was part of our curriculum of; hey, stop eating the sh*t that the government is saying is good for you. Like, wheat.
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: {laughs} Or bad quality meat.
Carra Roth: Yeah. Processed…
Juli Bauer: Processed foods.
Carra Roth: Anything, everything.
Juli Bauer: Oh, I wish someone would have told me that the gnocchi from Trader Joe’s is bullsh*t.
Carra Roth: {laughs} Goo balls.
Juli Bauer: Goo balls. We just made…
Carra Roth: They weren’t so bad, they were just a little slimy. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: It was the slimiest thing ever. So I just finally made that Trader Joe’s cauliflower gnocchi. And it was literally just balls of goo. And I followed the instructions. I’m going to have to play around with it 80 more times.
Carra Roth: Don’t take this personally, but sometimes when you f*ck up food, it makes me excited. It’s like; yes! She’s a normal person!
Juli Bauer: Ok, that’s fair.
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: That’s totally fair. But that’s like; I was following directions. It should not be f*cking things up.
Carra Roth: That’s true, but you did.
Juli Bauer: {laughs} But you did. So, sucks to be you!
Carra Roth: {laughs} It made me happy.
Juli Bauer: So I wish Trader Joe’s would have figured that sh*t out.
Carra Roth: Maybe you just made it wrong. Because Laura said it was good.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Laura’s a liar. I’m going to b*tch her out at breakfast tomorrow. We’re going to Snooze.
Carra Roth: You are? Where are we going for dinner?
Juli Bauer: I don’t know yet. We’re going to talk about it at breakfast. {laughs}
Carra Roth: Cool.
Juli Bauer: Plan out all my meals. Tomorrow, I’m also going shopping in Cherry Creek North. I’m doing some promotion for their sidewalk sale. So inspire boutique. My girlfriend just opened a little boutique there. She just had a baby. I think it’s called Denver Darling.
Carra Roth: Buy me stuff!
Juli Bauer: Ok. And then, ok. Let’s rewind. What else do you wish you’d learned?
Carra Roth: That’s all I can think of off the top of my head. It was just one of those weeks where I should be able to even; so I went to the auto part store to get a new battery, and the guy didn’t have time to change it. So I didn’t buy a battery. Which I should be able to change a battery. It’s not hard. I feel like I could have figured it out.
Juli Bauer: Oh my gosh. You are way more ballsy than I am. Changing a battery?
Carra Roth: It’s just like unhook and hooking it back up.
Juli Bauer: Man. I wish; because, remember, my old f*cking car. What was that? 4Runner, something like that. I always want to say it’s a 4Runner. The Explorer, they were like; the cords that lead up to the battery were all corroded. They were like; so we had to charge you for this for getting it off, and we had to charge you for that. So it was like $300 to get a new battery.
Carra Roth: Well mine was $120. So it was like double that.
Juli Bauer: I know, I’m saying how stupid that is. I got rid of that car a week later.
Carra Roth: Real stupid. But I just feel like you, any girl. I do know how to do that; jump a car. Which is; I don’t know. Stuff like that.
Juli Bauer: That’s fair.
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: I’m looking up any random questions to ask you before you leave today.
Carra Roth: Ok. Wait, from just like a random website?
Juli Bauer: Yeah, like the first thing. I said random questions.
Carra Roth: Or from our three listeners?
Juli Bauer: {laughs} No, I Google searched random questions.
Carra Roth: OK, fun.
Juli Bauer: Let’s see. Have you read any books?
Carra Roth: {laughing} Like ever?
Juli Bauer: {laughs} No, lately.
Carra Roth: Hard no.
Juli Bauer: Hard no. Ok, me neither.
Carra Roth: I don’t have time for that.
Juli Bauer: Could you survive in the wilderness for one month?
Carra Roth: One month. Do I get any supplies?
Juli Bauer: Ok, your plane crashed, so whatever is on the plane.
Carra Roth: I feel like I could. I don’t want to play that game. I don’t want to do that, but I probably could I guess. I don’t know.
Juli Bauer: Ok. You could, I definitely could.
Carra Roth: I feel like you could.
Juli Bauer: Do you like camping?
Carra Roth: I’m good to camp for like one night, and then I’m good. If it’s any more than that, nah.
Juli Bauer: Have you pooped in the woods.
Carra Roth: No.
Juli Bauer: You haven’t?
Carra Roth: No.
Juli Bauer: Man. Last time, I was; where was I? I forget where I was, but I stepped in human poop.
Carra Roth: Yeah, it wasn’t mine.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, it wasn’t yours. Were you on that camping trip…
Carra Roth: Nuh-uh.
Juli Bauer: {laughs} Where your cousin pooped {laughs}.
Carra Roth: No.
Juli Bauer: Your cousin straight up pooped right by a car. No joke. Shout out to Spencer out there. {laughs}
Carra Roth: I wasn’t there.
Juli Bauer: Man. That was lake Glendo, and he took a dump. Or maybe one of his friends did, but I’m going to say it was Spencer. {laughs}
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Ok. What’s your going to bed routine?
Carra Roth: I usually just put bedtime clothes on.
Juli Bauer: Sometimes.
Carra Roth: Sometimes. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Carra is really good at sleeping in whatever she’s wearing at the moment.
Carra Roth: Sometimes.
Juli Bauer: You know what you should tell everybody?
Carra Roth: What?
Juli Bauer: Because I think about this every time I don’t wear a bra. Carra wears a bra to bed every night. Do you wear a sports bra or something?
Carra Roth: I just wear whatever bra I’m wearing. Unless I was really sweaty at the gym and have to shower before bed.
Juli Bauer: Carra wears a bra every night to bed, and her boobs are so perky.
Carra Roth: But I always have. Ever since I started wearing a bra. I don’t know.
Juli Bauer: Mine are getting older, and the weight of the implant is pulling them down. I’m like; sh*t, I should pull one out of Carra’s book.
Carra Roth: I don’t know if that is any correlation between the two.
Juli Bauer: I think it is.
Carra Roth: But, I mean, I’ve been told I have nice boobs, so.
Juli Bauer: {laughs} You went too far. You went too far!
Carra Roth: By you. By you!
Juli Bauer: What’s the perfect temperature to set your thermostat at?
Carra Roth: Such a stupid question. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: {laughs} Just answer the question.
Carra Roth: my apartment is good between; at about 75.
Juli Bauer: 75!!
Carra Roth: Yeah.
Juli Bauer: Holy tits, that’s so hot.
Carra Roth: It’s not, though. It’s a small place. It cools down quickly.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. So hot. I’m trying to think of any other questions.
Carra Roth: There’s nothing. Your thermostat is set at like 60.
Juli Bauer: I wish. 71.
Carra Roth: OK, but you have a house. I have an apartment.
Juli Bauer: And I have to put on a sweatshirt immediately when I get in the house.
Carra Roth: Yeah, see.
Juli Bauer: But then it gets too hot at night, so 71 is perfect.
Carra Roth: Ok. What a stupid question.
Juli Bauer: I know. It’s not my question, ok. I mean, these ones are really terrible.
Carra Roth: That might just be like somebody who for real asked you that question, I don’t know.
Juli Bauer: {laughs}
Carra Roth: Not like a random get to know you question. That’s like, someone actually inquiring. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: There’s another question here; when is the fullest you’ve ever been?
Carra Roth: What?
Juli Bauer: When was the fullest you’ve ever been?
Carra Roth: I don’t know, Monday?
Juli Bauer: I remember I at two Cinnabon’s once.
Carra Roth: That was it.
Juli Bauer: It was bad.
Carra Roth: Over the line.
Juli Bauer: That was a downward spiral in my weight.
Carra Roth: I feel like every time I’m over here I eat too much.
Juli Bauer: You do? Shoot. Well that’s good, I guess. And you liked my energy ball I gave you?
Carra Roth: So good.
Juli Bauer: What do you rate it?
Carra Roth: What’s my point scale?
Juli Bauer: One to ten.
Carra Roth: I give it a 10.
Juli Bauer: Ooh.
Carra Roth: I didn’t know if we were doing two thumbs up, or five stars. You know.
Juli Bauer: Do you give it one thumbs up? Or two?
Carra Roth: Two.
Juli Bauer: What is in your fridge right now?
Carra Roth: I just went shopping.
Juli Bauer: You did?
Carra Roth: Yeah.
Juli Bauer: Do you go to that Whole Foods downtown?
Carra Roth: Yeah. I went there last night. I bought $108 worth of groceries.
Juli Bauer: Holy sh*t.
Carra Roth: Well, that’s like three things.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, that’s true. It is Whole Foods. But, what did you buy?
Carra Roth: I bought meat, and eggs, and some snacks, and some charcuterie.
Juli Bauer: Nice.
Carra Roth: Is that what it’s called?
Juli Bauer: I don’t know. If it’s charcuterie, then yes.
Carra Roth: Yeah. Ok. It’s charcuterie.
Juli Bauer: Like meat and cheese?
Carra Roth: Yeah.
Juli Bauer: Did you get the hot cheese? Where they melt it over a fire?
Carra Roth: No.
Juli Bauer: I want that so bad.
Carra Roth: So good.
Juli Bauer: That’s the only time I’ve seen it there.
Carra Roth: Me too. That’s about it. Just a lot of meats. Some stuff for breakfast and stuff for lunch so I don’t have to go out to eat every day for lunch.
Juli Bauer: I get it. You want to rub it in my face that your fridge is cold. You’ve got cold meat. Ok.
Carra Roth: {laughing}
Juli Bauer: Whatever.
Carra Roth: You can borrow my fridge if you need to.
Juli Bauer: What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done because someone dared you?
Carra Roth: Hmm.
Juli Bauer: Or it could just be the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. Like, ran your car over a cliff into a tree.
Carra Roth: I saw that one coming. Dating my ex’s; all my exes was pretty stupid.
Juli Bauer: Dating all my ex’s! {laughs}
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Yeah. I f*cking hate that guy. I wonder if I’ve gotten that point across.
Carra Roth: He’s not the only one, though.
Juli Bauer: But he’s the only one I’ve met.
Carra Roth: That’s true. I don’t know. That was probably pretty stupid.
Juli Bauer: If you could lock one person up in a mental institution who would it be? Your mother?
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: A politician? Your boss? Maybe your ex-boyfriend?
Carra Roth: Yeah, for sure.
Juli Bauer: I would lock him up too. I would lock up one of my ex-boyfriends.
Carra Roth: Ok. They can go together.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. They’re both 100…
Carra Roth: Who would you lock up? Your ex-boyfriend?
Juli Bauer: That Max guy that was like the crazy liar.
Carra Roth: Yeah. He had a whole nother life family.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, I would definitely lock him up.
Carra Roth: Yeah, he’s worthy.
Juli Bauer: Take a dump on his chest. {laughs} Is that too far? Did I take it too far?
Carra Roth: That’s too far. Yeah.
Juli Bauer: It’s not what they do in mental institutions. {laughs} These questions.
Carra Roth: What was the dumbest thing you’ve ever done? Because someone dared you? Or just ever done?
Juli Bauer: Stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Nothing super stupid. We did a ton of wheelies. Or figure 8s or whatever in a parking lot in one of my friend’s cars. And it was super snowy, and it got stuck in the ice. And we were out there with no gloves or jackets or boots or anything and we were trying to dig this car out of the snow. Its’ really not that stupid. Then we had to call our parents and admit that we weren’t at the movie theater.
Carra Roth: Why didn’t you call triple A?
Juli Bauer: Sh*t. {laughs} So true. You know, I didn’t have my license yet, so I didn’t even know about triple A. The freedom of life through triple A.
Carra Roth: Yeah, ok.
Juli Bauer: Ok. I’m going to ask you two more questions. What part of the human face is your favorite? {laughs}
Carra Roth: {laughs} On somebody else?
Juli Bauer: Yeah.
Carra Roth: Probably teeth?
Juli Bauer: Oh, that’s a good one. Brian’s teeth are so good.
Carra Roth: He does have good teeth.
Juli Bauer: He has the best. That was the first thing I saw of him. He walked in, and his teeth were so white.
Carra Roth: Plus they’re so white. Yeah.
Juli Bauer: And he doesn’t smile a lot, so when you get to see them you’re like; whoa! Where did those come from?
Carra Roth: Whoa! Ok, what’s yours. What were you going to say? Eyes?
Juli Bauer: Eyelashes.
Carra Roth: Oh. You notice eyelashes.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, since mine are longer I’ve noticed it on other people now.
Carra Roth: {laughs} OK.
Juli Bauer: Let’s see. All these kind of suck. Oh my god. How many pennies would fit in this room? What are you talking about? What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done in a hotel room, you slut?
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: {laughs}
Carra Roth: In 8th grade we went on this trip to DC, and we snuck out of our room when we weren’t supposed to. But, I don’t feel like I’ve done anything crazier than anybody else has done in a hotel room.
Juli Bauer: Me neither. I don’t think I’ve done anything crazy.
Carra Roth: We smoked weed in Vegas way back in the day in college.
Juli Bauer: No. Much worse things have been done in Vegas.
Carra Roth: Right. But I’m saying we had to cover the cracks in the door because we didn’t want it to leak out. We were just smoking out of a pipe. It’s not like we were vaping.
Juli Bauer: Vaping! When I went out to dinner with our neighbors the other night, a vape pen pulled out. I was like; ok.
Carra Roth: {laughing}
Juli Bauer: I was kind of buzzed. I was like; I’m vaping right now. I’m Holly. That’s embarrassing.
Carra Roth: How was it?
Juli Bauer: I mean, I was kind of high. {laughs} So it was fine.
Carra Roth: Cool.
Juli Bauer: Then I went to sleep and it was great.
Carra Roth: Awesome.
Juli Bauer: After I had pizza.
Carra Roth: What a great night.
Juli Bauer: OK wait I have one more question for you. It wasn’t on here.
Carra Roth: {laughs}
Juli Bauer: OK that’s all I’ve got.
Carra Roth: OK. You can text me later if you think about it.
Juli Bauer: Um. Dammit. It was right at the tip of my tongue. By the way, I burned the sh*t out of my tongue twice today.
Carra Roth: I burned the sh*t out of my leg.
Juli Bauer: Oh yeah! We’re just the worst. Are you on your period?
Carra Roth: Yep.
Juli Bauer: Ok. So this is why everything sucks.
Carra Roth: We’re going to blame my car not starting, the fridge going bad, your blog not posting.
Juli Bauer: All on the period.
Carra Roth: My phone. {laughs} Damn to be a woman.
Juli Bauer: Blood is powerful. Ew that grossed me out.
Carra Roth: That was real gross.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, that was gross. Ok guys. Thanks for having Carra back.
Carra Roth: What a way to end that, you know.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Blood.
Carra Roth: Blood.
Juli Bauer: If you guys want to see something bloody, go watch Aquarius. It’s quite bloody. And if you guys need a new podcast to listen to, listen to True Crime Obsessed. I’m obsessed. It’s so good.
Carra Roth: I believe you.
Juli Bauer: Did you know; I listened to this one episode, because we were talking about the catholic church earlier. When the AIDS epidemic was happening, and AIDS killed like 1.4 million people. I had no idea it was that many. But the catholic church was telling everybody not to use condoms. They were like; it is a sin to use condoms. Don’t protect yourself. Nope. We’re not behind it.
Carra Roth: What good advice they give.
Juli Bauer: Yeah. Good old Catholics. And I can say this; my family is catholic. So I can make fun of them all I want.
Carra Roth: Mine too.
Juli Bauer: Yeah, yours too. My entire family now is catholic. And I’m just this girl chilling out here going to mass.
Carra Roth: Are you?
Juli Bauer: With you guys, once a year.
Carra Roth: {laughs} Exactly.
Juli Bauer: And then with my grandma for her 90th birthday she wants her entire family to go to mass. I’m flying to Texas to go to church.
Carra Roth: What gam-gam wants, gam-gam gets.
Juli Bauer: Gam-gam. Ok, thanks for listening guys. Carra is back. No need to send me hate messages. Ok, nobody has actually done that, but it was kind of like; we miss Carra. You’re ok.
Carra Roth: One person said that. {laughs}
Juli Bauer: Yeah, one. The one person listening. I love you guys. Thanks for listening.
Carra Roth: Bye guys.
Juli Bauer: Send more questions, better than the ones we asked.
Carra Roth: Please.
Juli Bauer: For the future. Because Carra is going to come over again. I’ll force her to come again with her broken car.
Carra Roth: It’s fixed now.
Juli Bauer: Is your light?
Carra Roth: It’s, it’s, it’s…
Juli Bauer: That’s beside the point. Ok, love you guys!
Carra Roth: Bye.
Juli Bauer: Bye! {laughs} Good goodbye.
Carra Roth: Bye.
I loved the first season of Aquarius, but didn’t think the second season was as good. I fell in love with Gethin Anthony when he was on Game of Thrones <3 He still looks hot even as Charles Manson LOL
There are some great true crime documentaries on Netflix right now – I recommend Evil Genius, The Staircase, The Keepers, Mindhunter (sooo good!), and Manhunt Unabomber (also great). Some of these are cases you might have heard about on various true crime podcasts.
the cauli gnocchi is better if you don’t follow the directions. i microwave it for about 2 min so it is just barely defrosted and then heat ghee in a pan and brown them in the pan and they’ve been pretty good
thanks for the tips! definitely excited to try it again!