Chats with Single Sara(h) – Episode 97: PaleOMG Uncensored Podcast

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My girlfriend Sara (formerly known as Sarah) is coming on the podcast to share her experience with being single in Denver, dating apps, hook ups and everly lovely and awkward story in between. Sara is a ball of energy and sarcasm. You’re gonna love her!

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Episode 97 Transcription Coming Soon!

This is Juli Bauer from PaleOMG and you are listening to PaleOMG Uncensored.

Juli Bauer: Recording right away. Because that’s just how I do it. Welcome to another episode of PaleOMG Uncensored. Today I’m not here by myself; you don’t have to hear me talk to myself for a f*cking hour while I yawn. Because I can’t get enough oxygen in, so I just yawn the whole time. Because today, I have a friend over! I just burped.

I’m bringing my girlfriend, Sara, to the couch of PaleOMG. This hairy f*cking couch. It’s getting dog hair all over you. Are you so annoyed?

Single Sara: No. This is the risk you take when you only wear black.

Juli Bauer: For real. I brought my friend Sara in because the other day I was talking about how I had to record a podcast by myself, and my life sucks. She was like; why don’t I just come over and record a podcast with you? So that’s what we’re doing.

Single Sara: Yep.

Juli Bauer: Sara is living the single life in Denver. So we’re going to talk about being single in Denver. What it’s like. Some of the worst and best dates. Oh my god, I can’t wait.

Before we get started let’s first talk about the Bachelor. Which, you don’t watch.

Single Sara: No. Because I had a bad experience. Remember Jason’s season; single dad, little boy. He was all about finding the right woman, and he found Melissa. Broke up with her on After the Rose to get back together with his runner up. And it was like; you’re a f*cking asshole. You put on this whole front.

Juli Bauer: And I think he’s still with her.

Single Sara: He is. And then she went on to Dancing with the Stars, and never looked better. Married somebody, and it all worked out. But I was invested. Hours.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. And then your broken up about it.

Single Sara: And it was like; the guy is a dick.

Juli Bauer: Did you see Ari’s season last season.

Single Sara: No. I literally stopped watching after that. Because it was like; this show is fake. It’s not real. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: 100% not real. So this year it went down to a guy in, I don’t know, Iowa or something. And then a guy from here, from Bailey, Colorado. But he lives here in Denver. Maddie, from the gym. She works out with him in Orange Theory all the time. So she was seeing him.

Single Sara: Not what’s his name who was with Lauren?

Juli Bauer: Who?

Single Sara: Ben.

Juli Bauer: No, not Ben. So this guy, he made it to the end. Becca picks the guy from Iowa. I don’t think he’s from Iowa, but I don’t give a f*ck. He is so dumb. And he’s super, I guess, he liked all these things all over Instagram and Twitter of very racist, sexist, against transgender, about throwing immigrants back over the wall.

Single Sara: Cool. Sounds like a good guy.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, he’s a real winner. And after the final rose, he was like; you know, I’ve had to deal with this. There’s been a lot of backlash. It’s like; yeah, you are a racist little f*ck.

Single Sara: Yeah, what was excuse.

Juli Bauer: What was his excuse? I think he was like; you just like stuff on Instagram.

Single Sara: {laughs} No you don’t!

Juli Bauer: It’s like, that’s not how it works. I’ve never liked something that’s talking about throwing a kid over a wall.

Single Sara: I’ve never even seen something like that, because the only way you see it is when you like stuff like that and it shows up on your feed.

Juli Bauer: Exactly.

Single Sara: What an asshole.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, he’s a piece of work. And he’s dumb as f*ck. He says like every other word. And I’m all about like. Like, use it all you need. You know?

Single Sara: Every other word.

Juli Bauer: But every other word. So the girl this season, her dad died.

Single Sara: The one who was picking them?

Juli Bauer: Yeah. Her dad had passed away. And the last; this guy she ends up picking is meeting his family. And he’s just crying about anything. He’s just crying constantly. And almost using her dad’s death to his benefit. It’s very creepy.

Single Sara: They should have a good marriage.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, they’re going to work out, for sure.

Single Sara: For sure. I just like how three episodes in; though, the guys do it too on the Bachelorette. But the girls are like; I just feel like I’m falling in love with him. And it’s like; f*ck. This is going to be so good when it burns out. You had too much booze.

Juli Bauer: And it happens so much faster.

Single Sara: Yeah. You’re three days in and you’re in love with him. But then it’s like; this isn’t real. But then I go to the grocery store and someone holds the door open for me, and it’s like; yeah, I’ll have your baby.

Juli Bauer: {laughs} Yeah! Such a gentleman! But think about this. You don’t have an outside stimulus. There’s one person that you’re trying to win. And…

Single Sara: So much booze.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. So many booze. Jackson, of course, has to go out. But it’s the one person that you see, so you’re like; oh yeah, this is the perfect guy in the entire world.

Single Sara: And competition between somebody else. You have to win. You just want to win. So then you think that you like him more than you actually do, because everybody else likes him. It’s just this weird f*cking mindf*ck of a TV show that people love.

Juli Bauer: And you’re like; well everybody else thinks he’s attractive. I guess he is. Maybe it’s something with me.

Single Sara: No. It’s just the way to make people feel bad about themselves.

Juli Bauer: So I was very disappointed in her choice. Because it’s like; you either have the really nice guy who is well-educated, well-spoken. He is really close with his family. Or, you picked the racist. You know?

Single Sara: And the racist is going to spice it up a little bit.

Juli Bauer: Spice it up.

Single Sara: He’ll make her work for it.

Juli Bauer: She kept talking; she was like, I think this guy, the racist one. She’s like; “I think he’s going to challenge me.”

Single Sara: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: I was like, what do you mean challenge you? He said like every other word. He can’t even form a f*cking sentence.

Single Sara: He might challenge her moral compass.

Juli Bauer: Yeah! {laughing} For real.

Single Sara: F*ck that sh*t. F*ck that show.

Juli Bauer: I am over the show.

Single Sara: Good.

Juli Bauer: Did you ever watch Bachelor in Paradise?

Single Sara: No. My roommate turned it on the other day, and she was like; we can watch it for 15 minutes, and if you don’t like it, we can change it. And about 5 minutes it, I was like; I’m vetoing this sh*t.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: It’s so; they’re awful. These people are so bad. It’s probably the worst television. I watch some sh*tty TV; that’s the worst.

Juli Bauer: What’s your favorite sh*tty TV to watch?

Single Sara: Jersey Shore.

Juli Bauer: Oh duh.

Single Sara: Yeah. Its’ good.

Juli Bauer: The best. Did you like the reboot?

Single Sara: Yeah, I liked it better than the original seasons.

Juli Bauer: Really?

Single Sara: It was just so funny. Sober Mike’s situation. He’s funny.

Juli Bauer: He eats his snacks while he’s on the treadmill. {laughs}

Single Sara: All he does is eat. It’s the best. All he does is eat. He throws it down. He parties with everybody, but stays sober. And he just; he has a lot of good one-line zingers to hurt everybody. And it’s great.

Juli Bauer: Is Mike your favorite character?

Single Sara: Yeah. I’m a big fan of Pauly.

Juli Bauer: Pauly is just so good.

Single Sara: He’s just fun.

Juli Bauer: He has so many good one-liners.

Single Sara: Yes. And he just wants to have fun. No drama.

Juli Bauer: The girls are like; whatever. The guys are so funny.

Single Sara: Right, because the girls are all…

Juli Bauer: Ronnie is the worst. He’s one of the girls that’s annoying.

Single Sara: He’s a terrible human.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: Dragging his baby mama through the media. And it’s like; she’s going to see this one day. His baby mama is not great, either.

Juli Bauer: I think she was in jail.

Single Sara: Yeah, for like assaulting him!

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: You have a child!

Juli Bauer: Who are these people that are assaulting each other?

Single Sara: I don’t know. And in regular life, if that happened, human services would come and take your baby. But in this life, it’s like; get your popcorn. I’m here for it.

Juli Bauer: I don’t understand that. I’ve never been so mad at Brian that I wanted to hit him.

Single Sara: No.

Juli Bauer: And I’ve had some major; I was on Accutane while we were dating. I’ve changed birth controls. I’ve been a real see you next Tuesday. You know?

Single Sara: I doubt that. Very much.

Juli Bauer: {laughs} Brian at one point, when I was just trying to push every button I could. He was like; I don’t know what you want me to say!

Single Sara: {Laughs}

Juli Bauer: And just walked out of the room. I was like, that’s completely fair.

Single Sara: I win that one though, right?

Juli Bauer: Yeah, so I won.

Single Sara: Cool. Alright we’re good.

Juli Bauer: Sweet. That’s marriage. So what are other different TV shows that you like? Like trash TV.

Single Sara: We are big fans of Real Housewives of New York City in our house.

Juli Bauer: I never got into Real Housewives.

Single Sara: You should.

Juli Bauer: I know! Everybody says that.

Single Sara: It’s good. It’s another; I just really like to yell at the TV, because these women are crazy. And they’re like, in their late 50s. And they look super young, because they’ve had so much work. Which is fine; I’m all about it. But they are so mean to each other.

Juli Bauer: That sucks.

Single Sara: And they all acts like they’re so innocent. But they’re all just pot stirrers, and they all talk sh*t about each other. And it’s just fun to get out the aggression at Bethany Frenkel.

Juli Bauer: But the thing about Real Housewives, why I feel like I never got into it, is because it reminds me of being in high school and middle school again. Of just; you’re friends with these people, but all they do is talk sh*t about you, but you have to be friends with them because they’re the only people you’re around 24/7. And that’s what these women feel like. I’m like; you guys don’t have to all be mean and unhappy all the time.

Single Sara: But you get to watch.

Juli Bauer: I get it’s a TV show.

Single Sara: Yeah, you get to watch it and yell at them as if you were for the girl in middle school. Like, f*ck you Bethany.

Juli Bauer: She’s bad?

Single Sara: They’re all bad. They’re all bad. She’s not bad. There’s one, her name is Jarinda. She gets hammered every episode. She just loves vodka soda, and she gets wasted. Slurs her words. Tells the same stories over and over. Just gets into it. And I just feel like I relate to her on some level. Not like the meanness, just the sloppy drunk.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: With no apologies. The next day, she’s right back at it. No apologies. And I like it.

Juli Bauer: Do you like watching the Kardashians?

Single Sara: No.

Juli Bauer: I’ve fallen off the Kardashians. I feel like I watched it years ago, and then…

Single Sara: It got boring.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. It’s like, as they get their lives together. Not together. But it’s like, they have kids, and you can’t be a sloppy drunk. Like when Kourtney used to be a sloppy drunk all the time. I’m like, those were the good old days.

Single Sara: Yes. Khloe was getting DUIs.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: But now they just sit in the confessional, they just look so fake with their tans. Their arms look too small for their bodies. And their lips are huge. And they’re like; I just really want Khloe to be happy. It’s like; b*tch, no one talks like that!

Juli Bauer: {laughs}

Single Sara: Talk like a normal f*cking person. Your voice does not sound like that. From back in 2007 when this sh*t started, you are so fake. And I can’t. I just think they’re horrible they’re horrible people. They’re really bad examples for women.

Juli Bauer: I know.

Single Sara: It’s like; any girl who is struggling at all and looks at a picture of Kim Kardashian and thinks that’s how you’re supposed to look; that is not good. That’s not good for girls.

Juli Bauer: And that’s what sucks so bad, is we see so many of those images of Kim Kardashian wannabes. Of the tiny waist, where they liposuction everything out of their waist, and put it into their ass.

Single Sara: It’s gross.

Juli Bauer: What happens over time? It’s kind of like fillers. I know fillers kind of dissolve, or whatever, but if you do too many fillers, it kind of fucks up your face. If you’re injecting fat into your butt; what happens?

Single Sara: I don’t know, it’s probably going to explode.

Juli Bauer: And I’m all about plastic surgery.

Single Sara: Yeah, absolutely!

Juli Bauer: I highly support it.

Single Sara: Yes. Love plastic surgery. My thing is, it just makes people feel like they need to look a certain way. And for a younger woman, or someone who is struggling, it makes them feel like they need to be all these things. And it’s normal to look this way. And your waist should look this way. When it’s not real. No one looks that way. But you’re just like; inundated with these photos of these women who look this way. And talk about their workout routines. And it’s like; yeah, but that’s your job. Her job is to workout 100 hours a day and to look that way, and spend millions of dollars on the way that you look. That is not good for people. I can’t do it.

Juli Bauer: Kim Kardashian; I remember watching one of the episodes of the Kardashians. They had to cut the middle of her jump rope, because Kim couldn’t jump rope. So then she was just swinging these two limp ropes because she couldn’t jump rope.

Single Sara: That is so weird.

Juli Bauer: And I’m like; you can’t even jump rope. But you just get skinnier and skinner. Her waist just keeps getting smaller. I’m like; how many ribs can you take out?

Single Sara: I know.

Juli Bauer: I mean, I don’t know if she does that.

Single Sara: But it works. We’re sitting here talking about it.

Juli Bauer: I know.

Single Sara: It’s just feeding into it.

Juli Bauer: It is just, like, it’s just watching kind of the royalty, where royalty is just on this other world. Not class, but you’re like; I can’t imagine walking out and everybody knowing who I was. And the Kardashians are the same. Everybody knows who they are. Then there’s this sh*t in the paper of Kim Kardashian decided she wanted to get this woman out of jail, and got this woman out of jail.

Single Sara: Oh my god, I saw that.

Juli Bauer: And went to Trump. I’m like; this is what Trump is dealing with right now? This is what he’s talking about, and meeting with Kim Kardashian? Are you f*cking kidding me?

Single Sara: I know. That’s just a whole; don’t. Just don’t do it.

Juli Bauer: So what was this drama that went down with the Kardashians? Why do I keep saying it like that? Dashians?

Single Sara: The Dashians.

Juli Bauer: the Kar-Dashians.

Single Sara: Because they’re f*cking dumb voices are now infected our brains.

Juli Bauer: I know.

Single Sara: I don’t know. They’re f*cking; one of them doesn’t want to work so much, because she wants to be with her kids and doesn’t want to do the Christmas photo. And it’s like; you don’t f*cking work! Your job right now is talking about getting a Christmas photo together. I can’t. Then don’t do it. You already have enough money. You don’t need to work anyway. Don’t be part of the f*cking photo. Who cares? But let’s tweet about it. Let’s get mad about it. Let’s all wear white shirts and our f*cking acid wash 90s jeans. Kylee is not in a picture because she’s pregnant. Who gives a sh*t?

Juli Bauer: Kylee’s pregnant again?

Single Sara: No, this is all; see. It was filming, and now it’s here, and we’re fighting. And Kourtney is crying. It’s like; cool, Kourtney. You weigh 90 pounds and eat like one banana a day and vacation in Italy with your 23-year-old boyfriend. Same.

Juli Bauer: That’s like; did you see Celeste Barber? We were talking about her the other day. She was like; Khloe Kardashian posted something about how to reintroduce carbs into your diet, and Celeste Barber wrote; eat them!

Single Sara: {laughing}

Juli Bauer: It was like; I f*cking love that chic.

Single Sara: If you never take them out, you never have that issue.

Juli Bauer: For real!

Single Sara: And you just be happy.

Juli Bauer: We’re really good at reentering them, because…

Single Sara: They never left.

Juli Bauer: If you guys haven’t started following Celeste Barber; it’s Celeste Barber {laughs} on Instagram. And she is the most hilarious person to follow. And she just makes fun of the Kardashians all the time, and just models. She’s the best.

Single Sara: Her photos are good.

Juli Bauer: They’re so f*cking good.

Single Sara: I’m getting her coffee table book.

Juli Bauer: Oh good deal. I really wish I could go to her stand up at Comedy Works.

Single Sara: Tweet her! DM her!

Juli Bauer: Yeah. She has like 6 million followers; I’ll DM her.

Single Sara: She’ll answer.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, she totally loves paleo stuff.

Single Sara: Duh.

Juli Bauer: Duh. And doesn’t get a million DMs per day.

Single Sara: Probably not.

Juli Bauer: I tried to get a hold of this one fitness chick who has over a million followers to get her on here, and just slid into her DMs. It’s weird, I never got a response.

Single Sara: {laughs} I’ve slid into a couple of celebrity DMs, and it’s like; I feel like one day I’m definitely going to get…

Juli Bauer: Who?

Single Sara: The guy who plays Robb Stark on Game of Thrones.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: He’s so hot. I told him to come out to Colorado and take a hike with me. He didn’t respond. Which was weird, because he was hiking in his photo, so I felt like there was definitely a connection there.

Juli Bauer: Oh. My. God.

Single Sara: That was rude of him. Who else? Oh, the guy who plays Nate on Gossip Girl.

Juli Bauer: I’ve never watched Gossip Girl.

Single Sara: He’s so cute. He was in Breckenridge for a bachelorette party. I hit him up. {laughs} Also, weirdly didn’t get a response.

Juli Bauer: Weird.

Single Sara: I know.

Juli Bauer: So weird.

Single Sara: I know. And I have a friend who hits up the Beckhams a lot. Like every day.

Juli Bauer: What? Oh my god.

Single Sara: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: And they’re like; hey, we don’t even look at our DMs, you f*cking psychopath.

Single Sara: Right. But maybe one day.

Juli Bauer: Maybe one day.

Single Sara: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: So what’s it like being single now, in Denver, Colorado. How long have you been single?

Single Sara: I have been single for about 2.5 years. So it’s good. I mean, it’s, you know.

Juli Bauer: What’s the dating scene in Denver like? Because I feel like people continually move to Denver. It’s the up and coming hot area to live right now. So since there are so many people. And you’re on Tinder.

Single Sara: Yep.

Juli Bauer: Swiping right.

Single Sara: Swiping left. You know, the dating app thing. It’s like you can resist it for as long as you can, but it’s pretty…

Juli Bauer: Helpful?

Single Sara: I don’t know that helpful is the right word.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: It’s fun.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: But I shouldn’t say that. I do know a lot of people who have met their significant others or their spouses on Tinder, and that’s totally fine. I just have always felt like that’s not how I want to meet somebody. But you know, it works, and people make connections that way. And everybody is on it. Everybody is on it.

Juli Bauer: So how often do you see people from the gym? Just so you guys know, Sara goes to my gym. That’s how we met each other, was at the gym. And so, how often do you see people? Because I was on Match right before I met Brian, and then I would see his cousin on it.

Single Sara: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: {laughs} I was like; oh sh*t. And I think he tried messaging; I don’t know what they did on Match. But I was like; ok, this got weird.

Single Sara: Yeah, I’m not interested enough to actually pay for it. I just do the free sh*t and get bottom of the barrel.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: Which, whatever.

Juli Bauer: But have you seen many people from the gym?

Single Sara: I saw three people in a row on the gym in one day.

Juli Bauer: No!

Single Sara: And I deleted the app. {laughs} Because it was like, yeah.

Juli Bauer: Oh no!

Single Sara: I can’t do this. Because then it was like; oh great, they’re probably seeing me also. And you know, you have to write your little blurb about yourself. Which is just…

Juli Bauer: The worst.

Single Sara: You think that it would be easy, but it’s like; how do I be witty and cute and funny but not too gross.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: And this is like, in 140 characters.

Juli Bauer: Mm-hmm.

Single Sara: So then you just don’t write anything, which I was told if you have no bio, that means you’re DTF.

Juli Bauer: Oh.

Single Sara: I don’t know if that’s true, I’ve just heard that. I mean, most everybody is anyway, whether you’re in it or not.

Juli Bauer: That’s the thing. You’re single, and 30 in Denver.

Single Sara: And you’re in Tinder.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. Most people are happy if they’re single to get a hook up sometimes.

Single Sara: Yeah. Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more.

Juli Bauer: Like, you can’t just stay celibate, unless that’s your thing. But you’re the worst.

Single Sara: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: David at the gym. {laughs}

Single Sara: Sometimes also if it’s been a while, you just need to lower your standards a little bit, and it’s easy.

Juli Bauer: {laughs} Then it’s so easy.

Single Sara: It’s easy. It’s actually; my friend from work told me; it’s really not hard to get laid.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: As a girl, you just walk up to somebody. You let them know; hey, buy me a drink, whatever. Put it out there and what dude is going to say no?

Juli Bauer: Dudes like all females.

Single Sara: Yeah, but you’re like; no, it’s not that easy. It’s harder than that, you know. But it really is that easy.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: {laughs} It’s that easy. Tinder has made it that easy.

Juli Bauer: So you’ve never matched up with any of the guys at the gym? Have you just; I don’t know which swipe is no thank you.

Single Sara: Well, no, you’re not going to match up with somebody at the gym. That’s just weird. Because then; so imagine you swipe them and you match. Then what?

Juli Bauer: I know!

Single Sara: Then you’re both notified that you matched, and it’s like; hey, so see you at the gym, maybe?

Juli Bauer: Drink afterwards.

Single Sara: We won’t make eye contact the whole time.

Juli Bauer: That’s fair.

Single Sara: Yeah, it’s just better to avoid that arena.

Juli Bauer: So how many Tinder dates have you been on?

Single Sara: Like in my life? I don’t know if you could actually consider them dates, though. Because some of them are just hook ups. Some of them are dates.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: I don’t like to date. It’s not fun for me.

Juli Bauer: Did you go out on that date; have you talked to that guy that you were supposed to go on that date and he had to move it?

Single Sara: Yeah we’re going to meet up next week. Which will be fine.

Juli Bauer: So when you’re going on actual dates, are you keeping them coffee dates? Are they drink dates? Are they dinner?

Single Sara: I think we both know that I need to have a cocktail or two.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. Sara’s good at cocktails.

Single Sara: Mm-hmm. My personality doesn’t get fun until about 3 beers in.

Juli Bauer: What the f*ck?! {laughing} Ok, we’re still going. So your personality doesn’t get fun? You’re always fun.

Single Sara: I’m just a little more charming once I have a little booze in me.

Juli Bauer: I mean, you’re sober right now and you’re charming.

Single Sara: Well, that’s because you know and like me.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: But thanks.

Juli Bauer: But it’s different when it’s a dude.

Single Sara: Well it’s hard. I think; and I’ve told you this before. I feel like my personality is just kind of a lot. It’s very loud, and I have a lot of opinions, and can be a little obnoxious. And that’s hard to bring to a first date and be like; here I am! Because you know, when you’re dating you have to be yourself, but not totally yourself.

Juli Bauer: Totally.

Single Sara: Because you can’t put it all too much out there, and be too weird or too whatever. So it’s like…

Juli Bauer: I totally went camping with Brian when we were dating.

Single Sara: Yeah. Which, first of all, why would you do that?

Juli Bauer: Right.

Single Sara: You hate camping.

Juli Bauer: I know.

Single Sara: See? Not totally yourself. You’ve got to hide it a little bit.

Juli Bauer: That’s what I mean.

Single Sara: So if you can just drink a little bit, it feels a little bit easier to just be you and not really give a sh*t. Which, you should always be yourself. But let’s be real.

Juli Bauer: Be yourself.

Single Sara: Be yourself. You can’t be totally yourself on the first date, because a lot of people just run.

Juli Bauer: I know. Which kind of sucks; that’s why I feel like relationships are so great when that start as friendships because you can be totally yourself, and then the person falls in love with just you because then the pressure of a relationship and being this perfect person isn’t there.

Single Sara: Because they already know everything about you. I mean, yes, that is deal for sure. The only problem with that, too, is once you cross that line, you can’t really go back. I mean, you can, maybe. But once you’ve crossed that line and made it romantic, if it doesn’t work out then you’ve also lost a friend.

Juli Bauer: I know!

Single Sara: And that just blows.

Juli Bauer: I had this friend, Sergio, for years. People always thought we were hooking up, because they were like; there’s no way you guys are just friends. And nobody believed us. But we were like; we have never crossed that line, because once you cross it you can’t go back. I mean, I’m not friends with any dudes that I’ve hooked up with.

Single Sara: No!

Juli Bauer: No. I’m never like; hey, can I call you and ask for some f*cking advice? No.

Single Sara: No.

Juli Bauer: I had sex with you. No.

Single Sara: Yeah, I have friends that are friends with their exes, and I just don’t get it.

Juli Bauer: That is so crazy to me.

Single Sara: I just don’t think that it’s necessary. Like, we probably weren’t really friends beforehand, so why do we need to be friends after. And there were probably feelings hurt. Whether you hurt mine or I hurt yours, we hurt each others. We don’t need to do this.

Juli Bauer: My ex, from college. My real last boyfriend before Brian. He defriended and then refriended me, and then defriended me on Facebook and refriended me. It’s like; f*ck. We just need to not be friends. I have no interest in talking to him. I wish him all the best. And whenever I hear anything about him, I’m like; oh, that’s really awesome. But I’m never like; I wish I could talk to him. Because he’s an ex!

Single Sara: I have one that we have mutual friends. Some of my best friends, I actually met through him. So I don’t really have a choice, because he’s around. And he doesn’t have a choice because I’m around. And it’s fine when we see each other. But yeah, it’s definitely not texting. We see each other in a group setting.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, yeah, that’s cool.

Single Sara: We pretty much just say hi to each other, and that’s really all it needs to be.

Juli Bauer: I don’t get how people are friends with their exes. I don’t get it.

Single Sara: Yeah, it takes a pretty special person, I think. I feel like you have to be pretty; I don’t know, secure with yourself?

Juli Bauer: Secure, and then it was like, 100% mutual on both ends.

Single Sara: Sure.

Juli Bauer: Because if someone is hurt; I don’t know how people do it.

Single Sara: Yeah, you’re going to hang on to it. Yeah, not for me. Get them in, get them out.

Juli Bauer: So, no love interests at the moment?

Single Sara: Nah.

Juli Bauer: Have you had any; and it doesn’t have to be Tinder. But have you had any really bad dates?

Single Sara: I went on a really bad date with a guy from Tinder. So I have been on and off Tinder for a very long time. When I got out of a relationship when I was about 25, I was new to Denver, I didn’t really know anybody, so I was Tindering pretty hard.

Juli Bauer: {laughs} Tindering hard!

Single Sara: And going through a pretty strong hookup phase. So I was just running through them. It was super fun. But one of them, I did go on a date with, and I just felt like I really didn’t want to go. And my coworkers at the time kept saying; just go. Try it. Have fun, if anything you’ll get a free meal out of it. Whatever. And I just didn’t want to go, but I felt like I should try.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. That’s what sucks. Because you’ll more often than not be like; I don’t want to go. But then what if it’s that person? So then you talk yourself into. But then it’s a sh*tty one.

Single Sara: Sh*tty! And you should always just trust your gut. On the way to the restaurant, he texted me and said, “you better be looking good tonight.”

Juli Bauer: Ok.

Single Sara: Which, like, why the f*ck I didn’t just turn around then, I don’t know.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: Looking back on it. Get to the restaurant. He pulls the menu out of my hands, and tells me; “I’m going to be doing the ordering tonight.”

Juli Bauer: Oh, no! I would have walked out right there.

Single Sara: “I am a foodie and a chef.” And it was like, ok b*tch. Let’s see what you’ve got.

Juli Bauer: What?

Single Sara: He was horrible. He talked about himself the entire time. The only question he asked me about myself was what kind of car I drive.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: And then when I told him, he told me it was a sh*tty car. And it was like; cool dude.

Juli Bauer: Oh-kay.

Single Sara: So I’m thinking this whole time that this guy works in a restaurant. He’s talking about how much he loves to cook. Turns out he works for AutoZone.

Juli Bauer: What?

Single Sara: But really likes to cook. But then, also, I find out that he is about to go on house arrest at his mom’s house.

Juli Bauer: Oh no!

Single Sara: Because he got caught with prescription pills not once, but twice. And got a DUI, which wasn’t his fault.

Juli Bauer: It wasn’t his fault.

Single Sara: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: Because it always happens like that when you get DUIs, they’re not your fault.

Single Sara: Definitely not his fault. But he was saying how once that’s over, or maybe he’ll just say f*ck it, move on down to Mexico, work with his bud and open up a restaurant.

Juli Bauer: Oh my god.

Single Sara: And it was the first time in my life that I was looking at the waitstaff like, “Help me. Help me.”

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: Like, can I go to the bathroom and get one of these waiters to get me the f*ck out of here. How do I do this? Turns out I couldn’t because my purse, and my bag, and whatever was all at the table. So then we leave. I get out of there as quick as I can. He’s like; I’ll walk you to your car. No, I’m good. I’m good. I’m actually parked right here. Goes in for the kiss; I dodge it. Grabs my face, sticks his tongue all the way my throat.

Juli Bauer: Eww!

Single Sara: Yes. So gross.

Juli Bauer: What is wrong with people?

Single Sara: I know! So then I get in my car, and I’m by myself going, oh my god! I can’t believe this just happened!

Juli Bauer: Who are guys out there like this that do that?

Single Sara: So bad. So bad. And this was before emojis were super big like they are now. And he said; I wish I could send you sexual emojis.

Juli Bauer: Eww!

Single Sara: Yes. So I just blocked his number, got off Tinder for a while. That was the end of that. It was so bad. I haven’t had a lot of bad dates, but that was bad.

Juli Bauer: What the f*ck.

Single Sara: Usually they’re not bad, they’re just like; oh, I didn’t really feel a connection.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: You know, you move on. But that was bad. From start to finish.

Juli Bauer: I haven’t had many bad dates. That’s gross.

Single Sara: It was so gross.

Juli Bauer: Who? It’s like; how do guys not see signs?

Single Sara: I don’t know.

Juli Bauer: Like when you turn your head?

Single Sara: Well, I’ve never met a guy like that before. Where it was like, he was just so clearly into himself and what was going on with him that it didn’t really matter what I did. And I didn’t even talk.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: It was just weird. It was so weird.

Juli Bauer: Eww.

Single Sara: I don’t know what happened to that guy. I wish I could know.

Juli Bauer: Right? Facebook. Facebook him.

Single Sara: I forgot his name. Thank god.

Juli Bauer: Oh dammit.

Single Sara: No, it’s better.

Juli Bauer: It’s better that way! {laughs} And now this makes me think about previous people I’ve dated. Or hooked up with, and I just want to look them up and see what they’re up to.

Single Sara: They’re probably married and have a bunch of kids.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, everybody has so many kids!

Single Sara: Mm-hmm. No.

Juli Bauer: Do you want to have kids?

Single Sara: I don’t think I do.

Juli Bauer: Really?

Single Sara: No. I mean, I have a niece and a nephew that I love so much. And they’re so great.

Juli Bauer: How old are they?

Single Sara: My niece is about to be 3 and my nephew is 1.5. So they’re super fun. They’re super cute. They’re super f*cking loud. They’re messy as sh*t. They throw tantrums. It just seems really hard.

Juli Bauer: Man, so hard. I don’t know how moms do it.

Single Sara: Not to mention, I really think I would be the most miserable pregnant person ever.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: That alone; just carrying a baby, sounds like hell on earth.

Juli Bauer: I always carry more weight lower half, even into my ankles. {laughs} And so I just imagine being pregnant.

Single Sara: Yeah imagine!

Juli Bauer: Yeah, like Kim Kardashian feet size and ankle sizes. Like, whatever that’s called when you have water weight in your ankles.

Single Sara: She would have nothing on what would happen to my body, I can guarantee it.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: It just sounds like, you know, I’m pretty ok with saying that I’m super selfish with my life and my time. And I like it the way it is. And I just can’t imagine what it would take to make me feel differently about that. And maybe it would be having a partner that I feel like I want to bring somebody else into this world. And do those things with. But I don’t want to get up in the middle of the night. And I like to be able to drop everything and just go camping, or go out of town. Or stay out late. You know, that’s another perk about being single. Just having no one to answer to.

Juli Bauer: I know.

Single Sara: And doing whatever you want. And sure, there are benefits to having kids. But I’m just not totally sold on it.

Juli Bauer: I know, that’s how I feel too. And people say; if you weren’t sure about it, sometimes you have this turn that you hit a certain age, and maybe your internal clock is ticking down and you can’t have kids soon, so then you start feeling it. But I have not felt it at all.

Single Sara: I haven’t felt it at all. Not at all. I will say, I was having a conversation with one of my roommates and we were talking about how; you know when you’re younger, you think you have all this time to get married and to have babies and all this stuff.

Juli Bauer: I know.

Single Sara: But then it’s like, as you get older, your whole reality changes of what you thought your life was going to be like, and everything is different than you thought it was going to be. And it’s like; ok. So, I’m 30. And once you hit 35, you’re considered at risk to have a baby. So let’s say I get married today, and I want to be with my husband for a couple of years. Then start having babies. So maybe by the time I’m 35, I’m done having babies. And that’s great.

But the reality is; I’m not getting married tomorrow. I couldn’t be farther from getting married. So if I do meet someone, I most likely won’t be getting married until I’m about 35 anyway. And then it’s like; do I have a baby when I’m close to 40? But I already know I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to have; so all of a sudden this window is slamming shut of when I can physically even carry a baby. And it’s like; well, maybe the reality is that I just might not have kids whether or not I want to.

Juli Bauer: Have you ever thought; because I’ve talked about it on this podcast before, and on my blog too. But Angie, who has freezed her eggs, she can have kids whenever, right?

Single Sara: Right.

Juli Bauer: It’s like, her eggs are 30 years old, or whenever she got it done. And then you just pop them back in. Of course, your body doesn’t bounce back.

Single Sara: Right, maybe somebody else does it for you.

Juli Bauer: But, have you ever thought about that?

Single Sara: Yeah, but I don’t have an extra 20 grand lying around to do it.

Juli Bauer: I know.

Single Sara: And if I did, I would get my tits done.

Juli Bauer: I know! {laughing}

Single Sara: Not freeze my eggs. So really, priorities here.

Juli Bauer: Priorities, man.

Single Sara: Yeah. I don’t know. I think kids are great, but I also firmly believe that if you don’t know if you want them, you probably shouldn’t do it.

Juli Bauer: I know! That’s the thing!

Single Sara: Because god forbid I have a kid and I don’t…

Juli Bauer: There are so many kids out there already.

Single Sara: Yeah, and I don’t want to be a bad parent. So it’s like; if I don’t feel like I have this maternal instinct, and I don’t want one, then why?

Juli Bauer: I know.

Single Sara: And if I really, really decide I do later, then I can just adopt one.

Juli Bauer: That’s so true!

Single Sara: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: It’s just something I feel like is talked about so much in our generation of waiting. Because we’re the generation that did not have kids. We didn’t get married when we were 20. We didn’t have kids right away. Our generation is like; oh, I want to travel. And I want to save money. I want to buy a house. We want to do all these things before having kids, but then that window closes so much more. It’s just; it’s always on my mind because I feel like; I wonder if that feeling will ever change. If I’ll ever want to have kids. Because it’s so easy to be like; oh, I don’t want to do it. But you never know; life changes all the time.

But that window. It’s very interesting.

Single Sara: But it’s like, I know it’s closing, but it doesn’t make me feel this urgency. The reality is that it is closing, and I am getting older, and I’m not there. But I don’t care. Because my life is pretty fun the way it is.

Juli Bauer: It’s so much fun! And you do fun sh*t all the time.

Single Sara: All the time!

Juli Bauer: You love going camping. You love kayaking. You love being outside. You have girl dates planned all week long, every week.

Single Sara: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: What are some of your favorite things to do in Colorado?

Single Sara: My favorite thing ever is to go rafting. I love it. I love to be out on the river. No phones, no internet, no TV, no nothing. Just hanging out with your friends, floating on a beautiful river, looking at a beautiful canyon. It’s the best. It’s just great. I just love to be outside camping, hiking, all the things on my Tinder profile.

Juli Bauer: All the things!

Single Sara: All the Colorado things.

Juli Bauer: So much Colorado.

Single Sara: Yeah. Even just sitting outside, having a beer on a patio. Just to be outside. And just that we get to have these beautiful mountains right outside our back door. Take a drive. It’s the best.

Juli Bauer: I know. We’re so spoiled.

Single Sara: Although I’ll never set foot on a f*cking snowboard again.

Juli Bauer: Really?

Single Sara: Yeah. Nu-huh.

Juli Bauer: So no snowboarding?

Single Sara: Not for me. Nope.

Juli Bauer: What did you not like about it?

Single Sara: First of all, I’m not good at it so it scares me a little bit. I also don’t like chair lifts at all.

Juli Bauer: Ok. That’s fair.

Single Sara: I grew up doing it.

Juli Bauer: I don’t like getting off the chair lifts.

Single Sara: No! It’s terrifying.

Juli Bauer: Getting off the chair lift is always like; I get so nervous about it.

Single Sara: Because then you fall down, and it might hit you in the head.

Juli Bauer: You get in the way of other people.

Single Sara: Yeah, it’s a disaster. I grew up doing it, and just never felt good or confident at it. And then I went to college and I didn’t do it. I was in college and it was just not a priority for me to do. And then I was dating a guy who loved to snow board, so I thought; ok, well I should try it. Maybe I should get back into it. It’s something that him and I can do together. And I went up with him, and the second we started, it was like; yeah, I can’t. I hate it. I hate it. Everything about it, so much. It was just solidified for me that I can’t do it.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: Also, end of the relationship as well.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, exactly. I used to love it in high school; middle school and high school. But it’s like; ok, yeah, I’m not paying for my motherf*cking pass then. I’m not paying for my gear. My parents bought that sh*t for me. I’m not driving, so someone else is sitting in traffic while I’m f*cking around.

Single Sara: You’re sitting in the back.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. So now going up there, it’s so expensive. It’s so crowded. You sit in traffic for hours upon hours.

Single Sara: It’s a production. For sure.

Juli Bauer: Yeah! It’s such a production of how much you have to have just to go snowboarding.

Single Sara: I know.

Juli Bauer: Kind of like golf. You know how you have to pay to play. Snowboarding; anything else you can pick up. Go play soccer, you can just grab a ball, go anywhere.

Single Sara: Go hike for free.

Juli Bauer: Go hike for free. Anything else. And snowboarding is so expensive.

Single Sara: So expensive. I did start snowshoeing this winter, which I think is going to be my winter activity.

Juli Bauer: I’ve never done it.

Single Sara: It’s great. It’s just…

Juli Bauer: Can you snowshoe Wash Park?

Single Sara: Yes.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Just flat, straight across.

Single Sara: Yep.

Juli Bauer: I’ll go around the whole park if you want me to.

Single Sara: Outer loop.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, outer loop.

Single Sara: I was always so surprised that you hate that sh*t.

Juli Bauer: I know.

Single Sara: Because you’re so active, and you do so much. And just the fact that you do not like to hike blows my mind.

Juli Bauer: It’s just like, you kind of have to drive far to hike. Sorry for my squeaking door in this podcast right now. Jackson. {laughing}

Single Sara: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: This door is terrible. Oh my god. I can’t. I can’t. Jesus Christ. I think because I grew up doing it, feeling I had to hike and I had to be outdoors all the time and love all this outdoorsy sh*t, it made me not like it.

Single Sara: That’s ok.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. Hiking; I hiked my first 14er years ago with a CrossFit gym. And I’m like; how many hours are we on this f*cking mountain?

Single Sara: That sh*t is next level miserable, though.

Juli Bauer: It’s awful.

Single Sara: It’s bad.

Juli Bauer: I’m down for like a St. Mary’s Glacier.

Single Sara: Sure.

Juli Bauer: Hike. Super easy to get to. F*cking beautiful when you’re up there. There are people ice climbing on the glacier. There are people cliff jumping into the lake. And then there’s people hiking.

Single Sara: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: I’m like; this is Colorado in one little area. I like that. And it’s short; Jackson can even go up it. But, if you go farther up. Walk uphill for hours? Are you for real?

Single Sara: Right. In thin air.

Juli Bauer: I can handle a CrossFit workout in and be done with my workout. Of fitness.

Single Sara: Ok, I’ll give you that.

Juli Bauer: There are so many beautiful places. But we went hiking in the Caribbean, and I love that sh*t. You walk up a mountain on an island and you’re surrounded all by water. I think it’s just so cool because we don’t have that in Colorado at all. So I always want to be in water.

Single Sara: So you would pick water over mountain.

Juli Bauer: 100%.

Single Sara: Ok.

Juli Bauer: The last thing I want to do is go to the mountains.

Single Sara: Damn, girl!

Juli Bauer: I know, right.

Single Sara: We’ve reached a little impasse in our friendship, here.

Juli Bauer: Well, no I support you. I support you.

Single Sara: Ok.

Juli Bauer: I don’t want to camp. I love having a bathroom. I don’t want to poop in the woods.

Single Sara: Ok. It’s freeing, kind of.

Juli Bauer: No, it’s not freeing.

Single Sara: No? {laughing}

Juli Bauer: You’re like, anybody could f*cking run up on you.

Single Sara: I’m always scared that a snake is going to bite my vagina.

Juli Bauer: Yeah! Or, what if he bit your butthole? And you had all your sensitive little things there.

Single Sara: Or get stuck in your butthole.

Juli Bauer: Oh my god. I can’t. So the whole bathroom thing is what I don’t like about camping. And camping is very much a production. It’s like; you have to bring up all your food. All your tent gear. You need a couple of different layers because it always gets so different temperature. So I like going to the beach. It’s like; hey, it’s f*cking 90 degrees. You’re in a bikini. You’re by the water. You sleep, you drink, you eat, you go to bed.

Single Sara: You maybe get eaten by a shark.

Juli Bauer: No, I don’t go in the water. {laughing}

Single Sara: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: I like to go three feet into the water and boogie board in.

Single Sara: Ok.

Juli Bauer: I’m not like; hey, let’s play around in the water. No, I got sh*t to do. Boogie board.

Single Sara: Got it.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. I just love the beach.

Single Sara: I love the beach too.

Juli Bauer: What if you could go on any vacation right now, what would it be?

Single Sara: Greece.

Juli Bauer: That’s a good one.

Single Sara: That’s my next one. I think.

Juli Bauer: Because you just went to Ireland. How was Ireland?

Single Sara: Awesome.

Juli Bauer: Amazing?

Single Sara: Awesome. The men in Ireland are great.

Juli Bauer: Oh yeah. You had some good times in Ireland.

Single Sara: I did.

Juli Bauer: And then before that you went to Thailand.

Single Sara: Yes.

Juli Bauer: Not your favorite trip of all time.

Single Sara: Not my favorite trip of all time, just because of the company I was with. Thailand is an amazing place, and I would definitely like to do it again. That trip I just learned a lot about who you travel with makes a big difference. That was a very tough lesson to learn in a third world country.

Juli Bauer: For sure. For two weeks.

Single Sara: While you’re having explosive diarrhea, and so sick you can’t keep water down. But.

Juli Bauer: What did you get, just food poisoning there?

Single Sara: I don’t know. I don’t know if it was like I drank a cocktail with ice in it. I kind of think is what did it.

Juli Bauer: OH, you’re not supposed to do water there?

Single Sara: I don’t know. We drank everything out of bottles, but then I did go to a bar that had a cocktail with ice. Which as I was drinking it I started to not feel good.

Juli Bauer: Oh.

Single Sara: And then it was the next day.

Juli Bauer: Did anybody in your drink of four have it?

Single Sara: No.

Juli Bauer: Eww, that sucks.

Single Sara: But I did meet a girl on the beach who had it the day before me. So I don’t know if it was jut food. It’s very different there than it is here, I feel like cleanliness, as far as food and stuff goes. Not really a thing.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, priority.

Single Sara: Yeah. I mean, they would, on the island every day you would wake up, they had hauled all the trash to the front of the island, and then they would ferry it out on boats.

Juli Bauer: Oh sh*t.

Single Sara: So there’s just trash sitting. So it could have been any number of things, I’m sure. Or just two weeks of travel has an affect on your body. It was a hard trip. But I would like to do it again, maybe with different company. Or at a different time in my life. Because it was very, very beautiful.

Juli Bauer: That totally sucks when you’re on a trip and you just don’t get to really enjoy it.

Single Sara: Yeah. I was very happy to be home.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, I could tell when you were back. I just booked our New Zealand flights.

Single Sara: Did it cost you so much money?

Juli Bauer: Oh yeah, it was absurd. F*cking absurd. But I also bought the sky couch on these flights, so you can sleep. If you guys have never heard of a sky couch; I don’t know if they do it on multiple kinds of airlines, but this is Air New Zealand. So you buy the seat next to you; it’s not the full seat price. And then it turns into a bed, so you can lay across all three seats. So Brian and I can just spoon; heavy spooning.

Single Sara: That’s a pretty small spot to spoon.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: You should have sex on that little sleep couch.

Juli Bauer: Nu-huh.

Single Sara: Do it.

Juli Bauer: If it was a pod, maybe.

Single Sara: Nah, just do it.

Juli Bauer: Nu-huh!

Single Sara: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: No. Airplanes are so f*cking dirty.

Single Sara: Yeah, so you might as well just embrace it.

Juli Bauer: And just get that bacteria in your vagina.

Single Sara: Bang it out.

Juli Bauer: For a 10-day trip?

Single Sara: Totally.

Juli Bauer: I’ve always wanted a yeast infection on a 10-day trip.

Single Sara: Yes. Who doesn’t? What a dream.

Juli Bauer: Who doesn’t? So we go for 10 days total. It takes 2 days to get there. It’s like 24-hour total, but then you have moved a day up. But then you come back and you land on the same day you left.

Single Sara: Time travel.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, you time travel. It’s the best.

Single Sara: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: And I was looking at Airbnb’s in New Zealand, and for some reason. You know, because you just think of New Zealand as this tiny little island. It’s just going to be tiny little places. And these houses are f*cking huge, modern, beautiful, overlooking a lake and crazy mountains, and wineries.

Single Sara: That sounds awesome. You should talk to Jess about that.

Juli Bauer: I know! I don’t know if she’s staying with the owner of our gym and his fiancé, who are getting married there.

Single Sara: OH. Yeah, I don’t know.

Juli Bauer: I don’t know either. But I am happy to have as many people as possible in a house in a different country.

Single Sara: How fun.

Juli Bauer: And do whatever.

Single Sara: I think I am just going to show up to that wedding.

Juli Bauer: Right?

Single Sara: Why not?

Juli Bauer: I mean, why wouldn’t he just invite everybody?

Single Sara: Because he’s f*cking rude.

Juli Bauer: He is rude.

Single Sara: Doesn’t he know this is as much about us as it is about him?

Juli Bauer: I’m honestly; I don’t even know how I got an invite. I think it was a pity invite, because I invited him to my wedding, and he didn’t show up.

Single Sara: Oh.

Juli Bauer: So I got a pity invite.

Single Sara: We’ll I’ve straight up been asking for an invite, and haven’t gotten it.

Juli Bauer: Well I did too.

Single Sara: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: I asked multiple times.

Single Sara: Shows priorities.

Juli Bauer: And then it just finally showed up. I was like; what?

Single Sara: Jason’s like; Juli brings people into this gym. She’s got a following, they like her. Sara is a f*cking dipsh*t.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. I’ve made Jason some money. That’s why. Maybe that’s how he’s paying it forward.

Single Sara: I haven’t done anything for him.

Juli Bauer: What do you think about going in. I was going to ask multiple people at the gym if they wanted to go in on a stereo for our gym, because we can’t turn it up past 10.

Single Sara: Yeah. I’m down.

Juli Bauer: I’m so over it.

Single Sara: Let’s do it.

Juli Bauer: OK. Let’s talk about likes and dislikes, to round this show out.

Single Sara: Ok.

Juli Bauer: Have you thought of something you’re really liking right now? Or did you want me to start?

Single Sara: Yeah, you go first.

Juli Bauer: OK. So I’m really liking; my husband would be like, what the f*ck. But I’m really liking this new coach at the gym.

Single Sara: Mmm.

Juli Bauer: {laughs} And I say that because I brought him up every single day this week, and Brian last night was like; yeah, you’ve talked about him a lot lately. I was like; oh, jealous motherf*cker!

Single Sara: Because his ass don’t quit!

Juli Bauer: it does not quit. He’s a good looking guy.

Single Sara: Yeah he is.

Juli Bauer: So we just had a new/old coach start at the gym, because he used to coach there before and then moved. And he just moved back to Colorado. And he’s just bringing a very nice freshness to the gym. He has amazing stretches. My hips, which have been hurting for about 5 years, maybe 6, don’t hurt right now. And he’s not judgmental about weights. So I go in, I get a great workout in, I feel good afterwards and before, and then I leave happy because I didn’t have someone judging me about my weight. He’s great.

Single Sara: Yeah, he’s great.

Juli Bauer: So I’m loving this new guy at the gym. Sorry, Brian. Not to worry. Your ass don’t quit, either. Husband.

Single Sara: Yeah, Brian is fine.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. He’s doing good.

Single Sara: Yeah, you’re not going anywhere. Chill out Brian. It’s all good.

Juli Bauer: {laughs} Yeah.

Single Sara: We all know how f*cking hot you are.

Juli Bauer: Nobody does. I’ve never showed his face.

Single Sara: Let me tell you guys, he’s fine.

Juli Bauer: He’s fine. So actually, Sara before she had ever met Brian, we were at a club together like a little bar club in town, and one of our friends was DJing, and we were dancing. So Sara goes over to our friend Lacy, and she was like; who is that guy over there? Hook a girl up. And she’s like; yeah, that’s Juli’s husband.

Single Sara: {laughing}

Juli Bauer: So obviously Sara and I have the same taste in men.

Single Sara: Same type. Because then he came to the Christmas party, and he looked different. Because he had a hat on. And again, I was like; who the f*ck is that guy? Oh, it’s Juli’s husband.

Juli Bauer: {laughing} He is a good looking guy. He’s got good teeth.

Single Sara: He is. Yeah.

Juli Bauer: I love a good set of teeth.

Single Sara: But we do have just in general the same type.

Juli Bauer: The same type. Yeah. We think Thomas is cute, we think Mike is cute. We think Rob is cute.

Single Sara: Yep. All of them.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. They’re all kind of messy guys. I don’t know if Mike is. But they’re all kind of messy dudes. So we just like them messy, I guess.

Single Sara: Well.

Juli Bauer: Brian was pretty messy when I first met him.

Single Sara: I’m a little messy.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. That’s true. Mess makes…

Single Sara: Nu-huh. No. No.

Juli Bauer: No? Ok. Ok, so that’s something I’m liking at the gym.

Single Sara: Ok. I am really liking being 30.

Juli Bauer: Yes! So Sara turned 30 last week. Sunday.

Single Sara: It feels good. I just feel good about my life.

Juli Bauer: It doesn’t feel any different. But it feels good.

Single Sara: No. The day after my birthday party we were all just hung over as f*ck. We were ripping the bong on the couch.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: Getting ready to go to brunch. And it was like; oh, so this is the exact same as 29.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: Nothing is different.

Juli Bauer: Nothing changes.

Single Sara: Great. I just am going to start wrinkling faster and my body is going to break down. But, no.

Juli Bauer: But you’re going to esthetician school, so now you’ll know how to combat it.

Single Sara: Yeah. I just have a lot of really cool stuff coming up, so I think everything in life, I’m pretty much liking right now. I’m even liking; I like being single. I like the apps. It’s good.

Juli Bauer: You like the apps, man.

Single Sara: A lot of fun sh*t going on.

Juli Bauer: What is something you’re not liking right now?

Single Sara: Hmm.

Juli Bauer: Oh, you know something else I’m liking, is our girl parties we’ve been having. We have this; we try to do it every month. And I missed the last one. I think I was out of town on the last one. But we switch off at people’s houses, and I’m hosting it this month. But we have 20 girls on this text from the gym. And this is why I think CrossFit is the f*cking best, because we have so many friends because of the gym. You have so many different groups of friends; but when people work out by themselves, I’m like; man. You’re missing so many friendships.

We’ll have probably like 15 girls come over to the house, which will be madness in this tiny house. And we just all bring food, and we chat and gossip about everybody. And drink wine. And that’s it.

Single Sara: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: And we’re doing it on Friday, which is going to be more fun that people can stay longer.

Single Sara: Drink a little bit more.

Juli Bauer: Mm-hmm.

Single Sara: Yep. And they’re all super supportive, which I found out when I accidently sent my drunken text to the whole group.

Juli Bauer: Oh yeah.

Single Sara: After my non-date date.

Juli Bauer: Tell everybody about your drunken text.

Single Sara: I went on; well, I thought it was a date. It turns out it wasn’t. It was just two friends having a platonic drink.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: Which I found out like 7 vodka sodas in.

Juli Bauer: Who doesn’t love a platonic drink.

Single Sara: Who doesn’t?

Juli Bauer: Spending that much money on a platonic friendship.

Single Sara: Yes. So I was very drunk and very upset when I got home, and I meant to just text my roommate. But somehow clicked on our group text.

Juli Bauer: Of 20 women.

Single Sara: 20 women. And sent them a text that said; “I feel sad and drunk and pathetic. I’m never going to find him.” Send.

Juli Bauer: {laughs} Sent.

Single Sara: And then realized that it went to 20 women at 1 o’clock in the morning.

Juli Bauer: And what was the great advice I gave you?

Single Sara: Knock it off, Sara.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: With my name spelled wrong. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Oh sh*t! {laughing} The worst. Sh*t I need to change that in my phone.

Single Sara: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: Sorry.

Single Sara: So that was super cool.

Juli Bauer: Sara, no “h”.

Single Sara: Yeah, Sara, no “h”. Knock it off, Sara. So that felt good.

Juli Bauer: Knock it off Sara.

Single Sara: But other than Juli, everybody was super nice. {laughing}

Juli Bauer: That’s so f*cked up.

Single Sara: Really just dinging it in there girl.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. It hurt her feelings.

Single Sara: Not as bad as the non-date date.

Juli Bauer: That’s true.

Single Sara: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: So I’m this cunt of a friend who I’m like; knock it off, Sara. And all the other girls are like calling her, and they’re like, are you ok Sara?

Single Sara: It’s ok.

Juli Bauer: It’s ok.

Single Sara: You’re going to find him.

Juli Bauer: And I came from it as; girl, I’ve been there. And it so annoying.

Single Sara: And so are you.

Juli Bauer: I totally; no. And I totally get it. And then you’ll meet someone and you will forget about that time.

Single Sara: Probably.

Juli Bauer: You won’t give a f*ck.

Single Sara: Yeah. Maybe.

Juli Bauer: But I went about it the wrong way.

Single Sara: Knock it off, Sara.

Juli Bauer: Knock it off, Sara.

Single Sara: With an H.

Juli Bauer: I think I had…

Single Sara: F*cking b*tch. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: I know. Were you like; this friendship is over?

Single Sara: No, I was like; you’re right, Juli. For sure. And then when I kept getting notifications, like; Christy liked Juli’s comment. Lauren like Juli’s comment.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: It was like; I’ll just be over here knocking it off. My bad.

Juli Bauer: These b*tches.

Single Sara: These b*tches.

Juli Bauer: This b*tch. Sorry ma’am.

Single Sara: It’s ok. I needed it. I needed; Thomas gave me a little b*tch slap of reality, too. So.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. Sometimes you just need…

Single Sara: To knock it off.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, you don’t need to be coddled.

Single Sara: Yeah. Definitely not.

Juli Bauer: Especially you. So you just knock it off.

Single Sara: I did.

Juli Bauer: And then you had a hook up, I’m sure, and life is fine.

Single Sara: Yeah. The birthday hookup.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. And life is good.

Single Sara: Life is good. Just riding that wave out.

Juli Bauer: And you didn’t even need to knock it off.

Single Sara: No.

Juli Bauer: So it’s obviously not going anywhere with Robb. The platonic friend.

Single Sara: {laughs} Just platonically.

Juli Bauer: Ugh. That guy.

Single Sara: I know.

Juli Bauer: Ok, anything you’re not liking?

Single Sara: Not really.

Juli Bauer: You’re just positive.

Single Sara: Just feeling good. I’m actually not liking that I have to make a huge decision about birth control right now.

Juli Bauer: Oh no. Why?

Single Sara: Well I decided to go off of it because I’ve been reading about how not great it is for you and how it just fucks up your entire body. So I just decided to get off of it. But then, I had a random hookup, which made me realize; oh f*ck.

Juli Bauer: I need to be on it.

Single Sara: I need to be on some sort of birth control or use a condom; which, f*ck no.

Juli Bauer: {laughing}

Single Sara: Who the f*ck wants to use a condom?

Juli Bauer: This is an explicit podcast, you guys.

Single Sara: Sorry. You’re going to have a lot of followers, like, don’t hang out with her. She’s bad.

Juli Bauer: {laughing} She’s bad.

Single Sara: I just really don’t like that I have to deal with this. And I’m the one that has to decide what’s going to happen with my body to enforce not being pregnant.

Juli Bauer: Feminism.

Single Sara: And either f*ck it up or not, or whatever. So I guess that’s just my white girl stupidity problem.

Juli Bauer: {laughs}

Single Sara: Just f*cking pull out man. Do the right thing.

Juli Bauer: {laughing} Do the right thing.

Single Sara: F*cking pull out. It is easy. {laughs} Get out of there. Throw me a towel. We’re good.

Juli Bauer: {laughing} This is my friend Sara. No H.

Single Sara: Super sorry.

Juli Bauer: Motherf*ckers.

Single Sara: My personality.

Juli Bauer: It’s so funny that I have you as Sara with an “h” in my phone, and Jess is under Jess CrossFit. I haven’t even given her a last name. And I’ve known her for like 4 years.

Single Sara: And I just don’t like to correct people, because it seems so bitchy to be like; that’s not how you spell my name. So I let Denise spell my name wrong for like a year. And I didn’t even tell her she was spelling it wrong. Somebody else told her that she was spelling it wrong. And now she spells it right.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Single Sara: But now that we’ve had this moment, you know.

Juli Bauer: Now I know.

Single Sara: I never would have corrected you. Ever.

Juli Bauer: Damn.

Single Sara: I know. What a good friend I am.

Juli Bauer: If you would have spelled my name with an E I would have corrected you.

Single Sara: You would have?

Juli Bauer: No.

Single Sara: You wouldn’t have.

Juli Bauer: No I don’t care. It happens.

Single Sara: Well. I’m very petty.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, you suck. {laughs}

Single Sara: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Thanks for coming on the podcast!

Single Sara: Yeah, girl.

Juli Bauer: And giving us your two cents about the single life.

Single Sara: It’s a good one.

Juli Bauer: It’s a good one.

Single Sara: Enjoy it.

Juli Bauer: All about pulling out. Birth control.

Single Sara: Pulling out. Always pull out. Enjoy your single life, because once you’re married, as you know. Sh*t is done.

Juli Bauer: Then you’re married. Yeah man.

Single Sara: It’s over.

Juli Bauer: Then you’re married.

Single Sara: Yeah, then nobody’s f*cking pulling out.

Juli Bauer: Luckily marriage is quite fun. When you don’t have kids.

Single Sara: Yeah, when you’re married to Brian.

Juli Bauer: I know, he’s so cute.

Single Sara: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: He’s the best.

Single Sara: He’s the best.

Juli Bauer: We love him! I never really talk about him that much, but he is the best.

Single Sara: He’s the best. Yeah, marriage is fun when you’re married to Brian. When you’re married to anybody else, it probably is like; meh.

Juli Bauer: It’s ok.

Single Sara: It’s ok.

Juli Bauer: There are a few good guys out there. My neighbor down the street has the best husband.

Single Sara: Of course she does.

Juli Bauer: He’s great.

Single Sara: All the good ones are either married are gay.

Juli Bauer: So many good gay ones. Man, we have so many good gays at our gym.

Single Sara: So many good gays.

Juli Bauer: Anyways. Ok, I love you. Thanks for listening today, guys. I’ll talk to you later. Bye!

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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.

I’m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you don’t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.

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7 thoughts on “Chats with Single Sara(h) – Episode 97: PaleOMG Uncensored Podcast”

  1. Hi Juli! My husband and I are thinking of buying an investment/vacation property in New Orleans, and it made me think: have you guys ever thought about buying a property in Cabo? I know that you guys go there fairly often and you love it there.

  2. OMG can we please have an episode where we just talk about terrible dates?!?!?! Because I would love that. I have so many (including my first date with my *now* fiancé who I met on Bumble). I also matched with one of my co-workers from the gym and I just screen shot the match and sent him a text that said HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I even had a dude who took me to an empty recording studio where we hung out with one of his friends??

    I also was on a tinder date where the guy went to the bathroom and the people sitting next to me asked me if it was a tinder date then proceeded to prank the guy when he got back from the bathroom. Oh and that same guy got MAJOR road rage on our way to dinner and almost got out of the car to fight someone before I convinced him not to.

    So many stories. The best part about terrible dates is that it settles your nerves so much that I actually learned how to just chill the fuck out and be normal on dates because my expectation was it was just going to suck anyway.

  3. Does Sara have her own podcast? If not, she needs one. I would totally listen to it…after I finish yours, of course!

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