Fall Harvest Chopped Salad with Apple Maple Vinaigrette

If you know me, or don’t know me, you’ll know that it’s weird AF that I have yet another salad recipe on my blog. I hate salads. Why have a salad when you can just eat the meat on top? But since the fiancé is healthier than me and consistently asks for salads, I make salads. Bastard. So I’m constantly looking for ways to cover up the greens in a salad and make it feel like an exciting meal instead of like I’m eating leaves. Leaves are stupid. This salad doesn’t taste like a salad. It tastes like a bowl of great sh*t that should be eaten this way all the time. That’s just a fact.

I drank so many dirty martinis last night and feel absolutely awful today. I always feel like I’m doing myself a favor by having a salty drink, but holy shart, that cocktail makes you so stupid dehydrated. I woke up this a.m. feeling like I had never drank a sip of water in my entire life. Then I looked up the calories in a dirty martini while drinking one. That cleared up my need for another sip. Hey, want to be the party pooper when you’re out with your friends? Just start googling the calorie count of every drink they are sipping on. No one will ever want to party with you again.

This week I had to make the sad decision to finally, after over a year, give my nails a break and remove all polish off of them. Let them breathe. But what I forgot is how ugly nails look without polish on. You know what’s the grossest thing ever? Someone taking a picture of food and having crap under their nails. But if you have polish, well, no one knows of all the crap you have underneath there. It’s a classy yet disgusting coverup. And I love it. But I needed my nails to get strong again and stop putting chemicals on them once a month. So I feel old looking, definitely dirty, and will have my hands in my pockets anywhere I go with the fear that dirt has found it’s way onto my hands. Which happens every single day at my gym. CrossFit floors are disgusting.

Can you tell I’m hungover today? My tangents are out of control. Have you guys planned your Halloween yet? When I found out that my favorite dj of all time was going to be in town, I pretty much BEGGED all my friends to come with. The cool ones agreed. So that’s what I’ll be doing! Dressing up as an 80’s fitness instructor for comfort and easy dance ability, all while listening to deep base and fast beats. Omg I’m so damn excited! This is going to be the best Halloween since we used to go into the rich neighborhoods to get full size candy bars!

___________________________

Don’t you dare ever let a salad bore you!

End of Summer Cobb Salad 

Winter Squash Salad on page 172 in Juli Bauer’s Paleo Cookbook

______________

Click Here To Get All My PaleOMG Recipes Into Your Meal Planner With Real Plans!

I may be compensated through my affiliate links in this post, but all opinions are my own. This compensation helps with expenses to keep this blog up and running!