The JB Burger Special

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I could name these burgers something clever BUT I don’t care enough to. So instead, I use my own self given nickname to name them. Self absorption at its max.

I look like a train wreck today. I also feel like one. Coming back from vacation has been tough. I was so used to not doing my hair or make up while I was there, and that now has transferred over into real life. Terrible idea. I’m a person who needs make up. As my acne is beginning to heal itself (i’ll talk about that another time), my scars are still plaguing me. So makeup is a truly good idea, especially when working and trying to be semi-professional in the gym. I keep looking in the mirror and declaring that I will be single for life based on my homeless looking appearance. Reason #432 why I am single.

While on the boat, no one cares what you look like. At least I definitely don’t. The last thing I am thinking about is looks,which is very surprising since all I was worrying about before the trip was being in a swimsuit and people seeing my sh*t storm puberty skin. But even though I didn’t care what I looked like, I still noticed that all the girls I was with would come out of the water and within 2 minutes, look perfect again. I would come out of the water and not only be a beached whale, but look like a wet dog in the mean time. My hair would instantly knot. My leftover mascara would run. Not cute. Like really.

BUT I was lucky enough that even though I looked like wooly mammoth, I was one of the few people that didn’t have swollen ankles. Kankles to be exact. After the first day of heavy drinking, half the house boat crew had swollen feet and ankles. Well, probably not half, but it seems more dramatic that way. And I don’t mean kind of swollen, I mean Michelin man swollen. No vein, bone or crease to be found. Just folds. We guessed that it was water retention from all the alcohol consumption, but I think it also had to do with some of the dancing that went on. Epic dancing. Meaning stomping as loud as possible.

So get this. Every night there was some kind of dance party, but the best looking dance party was probably the last night…Prom night. Yes, we had Prom on Powell. It was wonderful. The air reeked of booze and thrift store suits and dressed,  and the dance floor lit up with break dance moves, CrossFit moves, and inappropriate moves. Mostly men being inappropriate with other men. Anywho, the guys picked us up at our door to our rooms and gave us the gift of grassy weed corsages (not the kind you smoke) or tin foil roses. So romantic.

look at that good looking prom date. those smiles are suppose to be awkward smiles, no exorcist smiles

But what made the entire night for me was watching the guys decide to put our friend Scott “out to sea”, if you will, while we had our Prom party. Scott made the mistake of falling asleep on the bail out tube. I mean, snoring-effing-loud asleep. So all the guys did what any good friend would do and pulled up the anchor that held it in place and paddle boarded him and his tube out into the lake. They were nice enough to keep his close by so he could see the boat once he awoke from his drunken slumber. So as the night went on, we played flip-cup on the rooftop, and we heard a faint “Hey Guys” followed by a dog paddling sound. After a good 15 minutes, he finally figured out that the tube was anchored, pulled it up and proceeded on to paddling away. The sound was great. A quick paddling noise followed by silence. Since the tube was so thick, he had to lean himself over the tube as far as possible, making it so he could barely get a pull through the water. Good exercise for the big guy. Once he got closer, we sling-shotted him beers to keep his spirits up. And when he finally made it back to the boat, he popped up and said, “This is STILL the best day of my life”. I love Scott.

Prom night was Perfect! Perfect! Perfect!

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The JB Burger Special

  • Yield: 5 1x
Scale

Ingredients

For the burgers

  • 6 strips bacon
  • 1lb Grass Fed Rump Roast
  • 1lb Grass Fed Ground Beef
  • 1 yellow onion, chopped
  • 3 garlic cloves
  • 2 cups vegetable broth
  • 2 tablespoons honey
  • 2 tablespoons hot sauce (I used Red Hot)
  • 1 teaspoon cumin
  • 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
  • 1/2 teaspoon oregano
  • salt and pepper, to taste
  • sprinkle of garlic powder
  • 1 avocado, sliced (optional)

For the bbq sauce

  • 1 (6oz) can tomato paste
  • 1/2 yellow onion, diced
  • 2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
  • 2 tablespoons dijon mustard
  • 2 tablespoons honey
  • 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
  • juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • 1 teaspoon hot sauce (I used Red Hot)
  • sprinkle of cayenne pepper
  • salt and pepper, to taste
  • 1 tablespoon fat of choice (I used olive oil)
  • 1 tablespoons water

Instructions

  1. First you’ll need to crockpot your rump roast over night so it will be nice and shredded in the morning.
  2. Place your rump roast and you onions in your crockpot, cut three slits in the roast by pushing a knife into the meat, and push your garlic cloves into the slits that you just made.
  3. Then pour in your vegetable broth and top of the meat with cumin, cayenne, red pepper, oregano, salt and pepper, honey, and red hot.
  4. Cover and let cook on low for 6-8 hours or until you can take two forks to the meat and easily shred it completely apart.
  5. Once your rump roast is done cooking and has been shredded, turn off crockpot and let cool.
  6. Now you’ll make your bbq sauce. Place a large skillet over medium heat and add your tablespoon of fat of choice. Then add your sliced garlic and onions.
  7. Once your onions have begun to sweat and have cooked down to become translucent, add your tomato paste and honey and thoroughly mix.
  8. Then add you dijon mustard, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, hot sauce, cayenne pepper, salt and pepper and mix well.
  9. Place heat on low and let the flavors simmer together for about 10 minutes.
  10. Once it has simmered, place in a food processor, add 2 tablespoons of water and let completely processor down until you have no onion chunks left behind. (you can add more water for a more runny bbq sauce, if you’d like)
  11. Last but not least, you need to make your burger patties. So place 1lb of ground beef in a large bowl and take about 1-1.5 cups of your shredded rump roast and add it to the bowl as well.
  12. Use your hands to fully incorporate both the ground beef and shredded meat with each other.
  13. Make into five patties.
  14. Place patties on a grill or skillet, sprinkle with a bit of garlic powder on one side, and let cook for 5-7 minutes per side. I cooked mine in a skillet and after I flipped them, I covered them and added a bit of water to help them steam through.
  15. As the burgers cook, cook your bacon to preference.
  16. Once the burgers are done, top them off with your pureed bbq sauce, bacon, and avocado, if you’d like.
  17. Eat up!

Notes

You will have leftover shredded meat. Add that to a scramble or just thaw more ground beef to make more burgers with!

 

 

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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.

I’m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you don’t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.

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32 thoughts on “The JB Burger Special”

  1. Holy fuck, this recipe has me nearly speechless…it’s ON for Sunday night. My husband comes home from a camping/racing weekend with the boys Sunday afternoon. After I feed him this, he will never leave again!

    1. Hah, Good strategy! Before really learning about Paleo I was keeping meat to a minimum in our household but now that I’m learning and seeing the benefits of eating it right (it’s always been good quality, grass fed, etc) my husband has been so happy there is decent portions of meat at dinner again! And he’s happy he won’t have to have another “lentil sloppy joe” again. ahha.

  2. Juli, I could tell you the one and only reason you’re single: confidence! (maybe that and a lack of quality men the world but mostly confidence)
    I also share this problem, I’m totally confident in every area of my life except when it comes to men. It sucks! So I feel you! 🙂 You are pretty and bad ass so you will meet someone someday!

  3. Juli – you may have just made my boyfriend’s life! He LOVES bbq sauce and I can’t eat it, at least EVERY bbq sauce we have tried in the 4 1/2 years we have been together has given me an allergic reaction. Your ingredients though, I eat all of those so this one should work perfectly! It’s extra irritating because I love the smell of bbq meat but can’t ever eat it 🙁 So I am very excited to try this.

    I experiment with food all the time. The joke in our family is that for all the cookbooks we own, we never follow a recipe. But when it comes to sauces I just don’t have the same kind of luck… so thank you, thank you, thank you for this recipe!

    PS Love, love, love your blog!

  4. Two words for your skin: argan oil

    It’s expensive, buy the Josie Maran general stuff and use it on your face at night. I’ve fought acne my whole life, like really bad, scares, embarrassment, etc and at 35 I still have some scarring, but the Argan oil has made a huge difference on my skin and the brown spots are fading away over time.

    Love the blog, love the humor, can’t wait to try one of your recipes.

  5. DistractedWorker

    I’m not sure it’s legal to have something this good on the internet………

    I haven’t even tried it yet but now I can’t concentrate at work because I just want to go home and make up a batch.

    Now to figure out what to have with it 🙂

  6. Do you have any pictures of you working out with a giant rock? You mentioned you did that a few posts ago and I was wondering exactly how that would work.

  7. First, I just want to say that I love your site! I just started my Paleo adventure 4 months ago, and your recipes have been super helpful. I’ve been kicking around the idea of doing the sugar detox, but I’m afraid of dying of misery.
    Secondly, have you ever tried LUSH skincare? Their stuff is amazing for adult acne.

  8. This looks so amazing!!! I am going to try it this weekend for my football party! 🙂 Show them paleo food is very yummy!!!

  9. Sounds like you all had such a blast! Love your site and all of your recipes. I definately missed you while you were away on holidays. You should come over to Australia for a visit.
    🙂

  10. Heather Longoria

    If you are looking for a natural remedy for acne scars, I have good luck with using organic apple cider vinegar as a toner. You are supposed to cut it with water, but I’ve been using it full-strength, and my skin looks much better! It stings your eyes for a little bit, but it works great!

  11. You’re so hard on yourself! You are beautiful and I’m sure you looked just as beautiful as the other girls out of the water!

    This burger looks epic, thank you for all the hard work you put into the recipes. I have not had a bad recipe of yours! You’re the best!!!

  12. what type of crockpot do you use? i tried to look in old posts but i couldn’t find anything. i’m in the market for one but i wasn’t sure which direction to go in.

  13. Love your recipes, from one JULI to another! I am a nurse practitioner in Michigan and creating a program for our patients to reduce their chronic disease through changing their eating habits and exercise. Can I copy some of your recipes and give them to patients? (Sorry, would have emailed you but couldn’t find an email). Thanks, keep up the great work, your site is my new favorite to visit.

  14. Hi Juli!

    Your vacay looks like it was a BLAST! I’m so jealous. And Prom on Powell? Genius. It looks like it was so fun. The recipe is beautiful…I will be making this. Also, a couple of my good friends/coworkers started eating vegan while I was gone for the summer. So sad. They are bashing on meat…Sad. Hasn’t anyone heard of grass-fed animals who are raised and slaughtered humanely!? I feel the need to employ a Paleo-Intervention!

  15. Made them tonite…yummy!! Dense with the shredded beef in it, had to use a knife to cut, but the sauce makes it!

  16. These are by far THE BEST BURGERS we’ve ever had!

    I am really particular about the quality of a burger and won’t hesitate to pay more for a grassfed beef burger from a local restaurant, but let me tell you…these surpass their $20 burger by a mile!

    The flavor is amazing and the homemade BBQ sauce is to die for! Thank you for giving us a home made, gourmet burger that I can proudly serve to guests!!

    Oh! My kids like a ‘bun’ so we sometimes wrap these beautiful morsels into lettuce or eggplant ‘buns’. Damn!!

    -Libby

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