Meaty Rice Stuffed Pumpkins

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If you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been pointing out the obvious lately: I’m single. I tend to go on tirades of this fact and emphasize it more than needed. But one night, in a drunken stooper, my guy friend told me it made me look desperate. He’s obviously not trying to get in my pants, but still. What the f*ck?! I admit my unattractiveness to the world wide web and he affirms those beliefs?! The asshole. Anywho, I stopped talking about it in hopes that I would seem less in need, but that’s dumb. Other people out there are talking about their single lives. That’s because the single life is funny as sh*t. Love and the dating world are such effing complicated areas that it’s bound to leap into my blog posts…every day. I’m a CrossFitter and a female. I see half naked dudes daily. Believe me, it’s always on my brain. F*cking hot dudes.

The single life is funny. It’s absolutely the best life to live, but we somehow long for something more. Whether that longing is to fall in love and start a family, to be a weird ass girl who wants the ever dreamt about picture-perfect wedding, or to just have someone to bone daily without feeling guilty about it, we all think about it. It’s been ingrained in our brain that we are suppose to be in a relationship. Look at movies, magazines, OUR PARENTS. We are taught to want to live the stereotypical meet-someone-you-love-and-put-up-with-them-for-life, life. F*cking propaganda.

Well this is my issue. I don’t really do the dating scene. I don’t like uncomfortable dates. Talking about yourself, trying to impress the other person, all while they stare at you just trying to think of what they are going to say next so there is no awkward silence. So they heard nothing you said. Then the awkward silence ensues. And thoughts begin to fill my mind…‘What time am I going to WOD tomorrow?’ or ‘I wonder if I could recreate this meal for my blog?’ or ‘I can’t wait for my Americano from Kaladi Brothers tomorrow.’ All while shaking my head acting like I was listening to him tell me about his fantasy football team ranking…or was he talking about their wins…or losses? Either way I don’t give a sh*t. F*cking dudes and sports.

Dating is also all about confidence. You lack self confidence, you will suck in the dating world. Men love confidence, but they also love sexiness. I lack that. Which leads to less confidence. Then leads to no dates. Thus the circle returns. F*cking dating. I think about going out on a date on the few occasions I’ve been asked, then I worry. I get to thinking about my skin, worrying he’ll be staring at my childish acne while I talk about CrossFit babble. Or think about my thighs rubbing together as I walk to the bathroom. Or think to myself that he’s probably looking at how huge my shoulders look in this shirt that is meant for a girl, not a CrossFitter. F*cking thoughts.

Then once I stop worrying about my own bullsh*t, I worry about his. The guy says he loves the outdoors: hiking, biking, camping…he’s out. He chews with his mouth open…he’s out. He brags about his CF Benchmark times and his PRs…he’s out. He’s wearing designer jeans…TOTALLY OUT. Check, check, check and check. Then I’m wondering why I’m even out on a date when I could be watching Cupcake Wars, in my pajamas, on my couch with Laura. Oh that’s right, because Laura won’t be single for long and then I’ve somehow become the cat lady. Minus the cats. I hate cats. F*cking cats.

So I come to a conclusion to this incessant, somewhat annoying jabber. Being in a relationship kinda blows, but dating probably blows even bigger balls. That’s why I don’t do it. Where am I supposed to meet someone anyways? At my fantastic age of 23, I could either meet someone out at a bar at night…..or…..meet someone out at a bar at happy hour….or….meet someone out at a bar during lunch. The possibilities are truly endless I tell you. Oh jesus, I can hear you now, ‘the guys you meet at a bar are not the ones you want to be dating.’ Thanks mom. I wasn’t aware of that. I was really thinking about asking out the guy who was staring at my chest while spilling his drink on my shoes. Reaaaaal winner. For now I think I’ll stick with cooking. At least I’m decent at that. But my blogs really would be more interesting if I went on more dates. F*cking blogging.

Print

Paleo Meaty Rice Stuffed Pumpkins

Scale

Ingredients

  • 3 small pumpkin pie pumpkins
  • 1 head cauliflower, chopped into florets
  • 1 bundle of spinach, stems removed
  • 1lb ground beef
  • 1 cup chicken or beef broth
  • 1/2 yellow onion, diced
  • 1 egg, whisked
  • 1 garlic clove, minced
  • 2 tablespoons herbes de provence *
  • 1 tablespoon garlic powder
  • 1 teaspoon thyme
  • 1 teaspoon parsley
  • salt and pepper, to taste
  • 12 tablespoons fat (I used olive oil)

Instructions

  1. Preheat your oven to 425 degrees.
  2. Cut the tops off your pumpkin. Remove the seeds. Put the seeds in the bowl to save for later!!
  3. Pull out a large baking dish. You may need 2. Pour in about 1/2-1 inch of water in the baking dish then set the pumpkin in the dish, cut-side down in the water.
  4. Bake pumpkins for 15-20 minutes or until they are soft when you poke them, but not falling apart.
  5. While the pumpkins are cooking, pull out your handy dandy food processor with the shredding attachment.
  6. Shred your chopped cauliflower in the food processor.
  7. Now heat a large skillet or pot over medium-high heat. Add your choice of fat then add your garlic.
  8. Once your garlic becomes fragrant, add your chopped onions.
  9. When your onions become translucent, add your ground beef, cauliflower, and broth.
  10. Let cook for about 3-5 minutes until beef is almost cooked through and broth has cooked off a bit, then add your spices. Mix to combine.
  11. Now add your spinach, cover and let cook for about 2 minutes.
  12. While the spinach is cooking down, pull your pumpkins out of the oven. Remove pumpkins from water and pour water out into the sink. Be careful please. This water is boiling. Don’t be stupid. Place pumpkins back into your baking dish upright.
  13. When your spinach has cooked down, remove from heat and add your whisked egg. Mix together.
  14. Once your pumpkin has cooled just a bit, use a large spoon or ladle to spoon your cauliflower/beef/spinach mixture into your pumpkins. Fill pumpkins as needed.
  15. Put pumpkins back into the oven for 8-10 minutes or until the top of the pumpkins are slightly browned.
  16. Remove and let cool just a bit. Then consume!

Notes

* see http://homecooking.about.com/od/allherbrecipes/r/blherb9.htm

you see that weird looking knife. best knife ever. ceramic knives. invest.

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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.

I’m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you don’t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.

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37 thoughts on “Meaty Rice Stuffed Pumpkins”

  1. Dude, we are one in the same. It's scares me. But here are some honest thoughts on this whole dating situation. Like you, I refuse to go to the bars and try to meet someone of quality, which isn't hard because I like to be in bed by 10 for my 7am WODS and don't drink anyways, BUT! I figure, if you stick to doing what you love to do, Crossfit, cooking, whatever else, then you're bound to run into someone doing the SAME THING you are doing and loving it just as much. Boom, common ground. Dates are fucking stupid, small talk is in no way efficient and if I ever find myself in a situation where he's asking the 'getting to know you' questions, I'm over it. It's fine to be picky as fuck, and scrutinize the smallest things, as long as you are doing it because you know you deserve exactly what you want and not because you are trying to talk yourself out of something that could be great but that extra freckle on his cheek just isn't working for ya….we have the rest of our lives to be with the same person everyday, we are two 23 year old babes who cook awesome food and live active, healthy lives, being elitist in our options for 'dates' is almost necessary, because if we weren't we'd be fucking cheating ourselves. I'm not sorry for knowing my worth and not wanting to waste time on some flavor of the week who runs out of witty things to say halfway through a meal. I Crossfit, I am about efficiency, and if you aren't an efficient and significant source for me to spend my time, then…beat it.

    1. Ha ha you are something else. I’m 26 and in grad school with no time to not listen to women on dates, doesn’t get more depressing than that.

  2. You're the best kaitlin!! That's exactly how I feel. BTW you looked great for new years! Cute dress! And no, I didn't eat the whole pumpkin lol I think it took me 3 servings to finish it. those things are dense, especially with cauliflower as the other carb. Post wod meal Fo sho. We need to wod together soon. Obv

  3. Thanks dude! I seriously put make up on, mowed through a stack of gingerbread coconut flour pancakes with almond butter as my last pre-30 meal haha, and then had to call my friend to have him talk me into actually going out, glad I did though, it's fun to play dress up once in a while…

    I was going to say that fucking thing looks huge hahaha. I just got a dehydrator and have been drying the shit out of sweet potatoes, making mass quantities of jerky and shit, you should send me your address in a message on facebook and I'll sample you out some Venison Jerky, it's so good, I wanna eat it for every meal haha, perfect for post WOD with a little dried sweet potato….wait a minute, I just had a business idea…post WOD refuel packs by KPK? Errrmm, yes!

  4. HAAAAA! The best part is that I can picture you nodding your head and ignoring everything he says while thinking about Crossfit. Awesome. You forgot to mention the part about sweating from the nerves while on a date. Also fantastically uncomfortable. I did hear a dirty rumor you were at a Nuggets game, so don't give us that "I don't like sports BS" anymore. 🙂

  5. Not a pumpkin fan so I plan on trying this with squash instead. As for your other comments, it reminds me of an article in the Crossfit Journal that crossfitters can really only date other crossfitters. I think that is pretty spot on.

  6. Thanks Dani!!

    Damon- I should talk about my sports experience. It was a once in a lifetime "opportunity" in my book so it needs to be documented. Sweating is just a given at this point.

    Pat- I heard about that article but I haven't read it yet. But it's so ridiculously true.

  7. Damon- I have an Excalibur food dehydrator, I slice those babies and sprinkle em with cinnamon and southwest seasoning and turn it on for 6 hours. Boom. In my mouth….wait…

    Dani-Glad you like it! I seriously just want to eat it for every meal, I just made some with pineapple/jalapeno/cilantro marinade…omggggg.

  8. I'm with you on the dating. I used to love having random dudes buy me expensive dinners in outlandish attempts to impress me, but I got bored with it fast, plus going out to dinner generally isn't conducive to maintaining paleo. The last dude who took me out to an expensive dinner told me I was going to marry him – he didn't ask me, he told me. It was our 2nd date. That kind of killed it for me. I'm 36, never married, no kids and no desire to have a family. I like "me" time, A LOT. I recently found myself in a relationship with a guy I've been friends with for a while. I actually like him. We actually have stuff in common. I was not even remotely attracted to him when I first met him because we work together and that's asking for trouble. I haven't been in a relationship in 3 years because I realized that I didn't really like my last 2 boyfriends all that much and I wasn't going to waste anymore time. I work in law enforcement so I'm surrounded by dudes with too much testosterone and most of them repulse me. I get hit on by married dudes all the time and that makes the prospect of settling down all the more stupid. I also get hit on by fat dudes. I'm convinced that fat dudes want to lure me in and make me fat like them. Enjoy your freedom and realize that most married people wish they were single. I'm far from bitter. I have a career, a house and 2 beautiful dogs. I love my life the way it is and can only be with a man who fits into my life, because I'm not changing and rearranging for some dude.

  9. This post is amazing. It's nice to find out that I'm not the only woman out there that feels this way. I'm so sick of all the "Oh, well, you'll meet someone someday" BS. What if I don't WANT to meet anyone because they all SUCK?! My friends encourage me to go on match.com because my "perfect man" description is so ridiculous to them. I guess it's not normal for a 26 year old to be looking for a man that makes bone broth, soaks nuts and seeds, and thinks the coconut is the most perfect thing in the world. Oh well. F that S. I'd still rather have my soulmate be a girl blogger I've never met then a real live dude that blows. Well said Juli.

  10. Amazing post Juli! I was having a crap day and this perked me up. I *heart* your blog. I'm 33, a single mom of 2 kids and single. Wicked combo…right?
    I am terrified of the dating game, don't have any clue where to meet guys and don't want to date strangers from websites. I'm lonely and it sucks, friends and family are great but they can only do so much. Kaitlin's advice was good so I'm going to remember that. All I can say is don't settle for anything less than what you want. I did and now I'm in a shit place, freaking hindsight. On the up side, it can only get better from here! 🙂

  11. I'm with ya Kat!!

    Thank you Lisa!!

    Allison…are we related? F that S. I love you. Have you trademarked that sentence because I may use it. But I guess that's ok since you're my long lost sister…?

    It can only get better, damn straight Lisa!!! Never settle, settling is boring.

  12. It blows me away how honest and real you are and you must never stop! And your recipes look de-f*cking-licious! Making a shopping list . . .

  13. So I thought of this post last night while I was on a date… Crossfit has turned me into a human vacuum, and I never get full…and I out eat most people anyways. But it’s embarrassing to out eat your date. #crossfitgirlproblems. Ha :). Thought I would share with you. Thanks for being so honest!

  14. This is my new favortie recipie!!! Followed your blog for awhile now and whenever I need a “meal” idea I think of your blog first!!! You ROCK!

  15. So i stumbled upon this blog while looking for a whole 30 friendly ground beef recipe- HELL YEAH! I got suckered into the whole online dating thing. I have had one date that actually made it past the crappy awkward conversations that characterizes first dates. But then he promptly demonstrated being incapable of planning a date with more than an hours notice- sorry dude, there are more things in my life than waiting for you. I was half- stalked by another, and another talked to me on the phone for an hour told me i was awesome and never talked to me again. So! Yes the problem maybe me and that I suck at small talk (simply because I really don’t care about the weather- not like I have Any say in what it’s going to do), or that I don’t play games ( when I say I don’t like something it means *gasp* I don’t like something) or maybe I’m too blunt. Who knows. Whole point to this is all y’all single people – I feel your pain. Also thank you SO much for your blog. These recipes kick ass and are making this challenge soooo much easier!!

  16. Ohhhh Juli you are my hero. You have turned this non cooker into an “i cant wait to see what else I can make” er. I love it. I also tend to find myself on your blog all day at work (shhh!) laughing to myself in my corner and then sending your amazing posts to co-workers and friends. You truly make my day…especially this post. I have the same dating views and i just don’t like it! I am new to the crossfit community but hey…maybe I’ll meet a decent (at least fun guy who enjoys the same things as me). In the meantime I will just be making as many of the recipes on here I possibly can. Theres too many I cant catch up!

  17. I want to do this for a paleo potluck that is coming up. About how many servings does this make and do you think it’d work with just one big pumpkin?

  18. I want to do this for a paleo potluck that is coming up. About how many servings does this make and do you think it’d work with just one big pumpkin?

  19. I did the online dating thing and actually bagged me a good one. I had finally gotten to the point were I was saying “You’ve got to be kidding me” out loud to my dates, and leaving whatever shitty “secret awesome spot” hovel they had taken me too.

    It made me compile a list of all my deal breakers and from that point I just grilled potentials until the good one floated to the top. We never argue about shit. Awesome sex. Married 4 years. 1 baby. Single life was fun, but I swear to god it was more annoying and nerve-wracking than caring for a fucking toddler. Seriously. I get to sit around watching TV and eating candy with my kid all day. Woot.

    Also note: stuffed pumpkin is baby approved.

  20. I know you posted this forever ago, but it totally made my night!! I LOL’d at least 5 times! You basically explained my life. Thanks for the great food and humour !

  21. I am a huge supporter of you and your blog but of the many recipes I have tried this one was not my favorite. The pumpkin with the herb de provence was a strange combination, and I even used less than directed because I feel herb de provence is very powerful. I ate my entire serving, but I won’t make it again with this same seasoning combo.

  22. I was planning to share your recipe on my Social Media feed, because your recipe really looks good. Then I read closer and I noticed that you have starred profanity all throughout your post. I respect your right to say whatever you want, but I do want you to know that I personally do not Tweet, Facebook, or Pin posts that I know have cursing in them. I hope to find more of your recipes with less starred words in the future. Your recipes look good.

  23. Victoria Hamstra

    Just read this post after looking at the recipe. I love that you were venting about dating and now you are engaged. Funny how time works.

    Congrats!

  24. Am I the only one who noticed that there is NO RICE in your recipe for “rice stuffed pumpkins”????
    I prefer it without rice…. js……

  25. I don’t normally enjoy the off topic ranting blogs which appear in so many of the recipe searches that I do, Yours however was quite refreshing and well said. Well done you on standing up to the Marriagocracy
    I am an old bachelor who enjoys being an old bachelor. when friends , family or other generally annoying folk challenge me on my choice, I enjoy reminding them that a bachelor(ette) is a person who has never made the same mistake once.
    Thank you for being a breath of fresh air.

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