Random Weekend Thoughts – Episode 93: PaleOMG Uncensored Podcast

Talking about a whole lot of random stufffffff today. New favorite podcast, creepy bugs, the Bachelorette, and anything else in this weird brain of mine!

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Big thank you to this week’s sponsors!

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Episode 93 Transcription!

This episode of PaleOMG Uncensored is brought to you by Aaptiv. Adaptive produces audio-based workouts created by certified personal trainers available through a mobile app. New members get 30% off an annual membership. Visit Aaptiv.com/PaleOMG.

This is Juli Bauer from PaleOMG and you are listening to PaleOMG Uncensored.

Juli Bauer: Hello, happy Saturday. Or whatever day you’re listening to this. You’re listening to another episode of PaleOMG Uncensored. And guess what? I’m by myself again. Womp. Womp. Why does everybody have to have a life, and can’t just chat with me all day every day? And come hang out in my living room, in my pajamas? Just kidding. I’m wearing real clothes. Real clothes meaning workout clothes. And workout clothes meaning no bra. But you know, I put on some makeup today.

It’s been a weird week. It’s been such a weird week. Of not that much sleep. A lot of sh*t to do. And PMSing on top of it. So I have major anxiety. I just kind of get anxiety when I’m PMSing. And then usually get mad at my husband for not a huge reason. Reason enough, you know. Reason enough. But then he can’t make up for it with dessert like he usually can, because I’m trying to get my life back on track after traveling so much and gaining about 10 pounds. I’ve got to reel it in. We talked about that last week on the podcast. I’ve really reeled it in.

Alcohol is just the worst. I wanted this margarita so bad the other day because it had orange juice in it, and habanero, and those two things together with tequila are just quite lovely. I miss the days when I did not like alcohol as much, but you know your tastes change, and you have a few good cocktails and you’re like; oh, motherf*ck. I didn’t know cocktails tasted this good. And then you’re stuck having multiple trying to get that same one cocktail you had that blew your mind. And nothing ever lives up to it. But you keep trying, and you keep drinking. It’s a downward spiral.

Just kidding. I’ll have usually one or two drinks. But, that one or two drinks. I was sitting with my girlfriend the other night and we were talking about weight loss. And I told her flat out; you can’t drink. If you want to see big results. Because you enjoy drinking, and you like having multiple drinks. And then multiple drinks turn into sh*tty food. And it’s just; that’s normal spiraling out of control situation we all go through. And then it’s like; what are you doing? Eating gyros on the side of the road.

I talked about that with Cassy, when we were talking about favorite drunk food. Gyros, Taco Bell, McDonald’s, I don’t f*cking know. An ice cream shop that’s open until midnight? Doesn’t happen, which is bullsh*t, and dumb on their end. Anyway. I’ve stayed away from alcohol, and I feel so much better. It’s so depressing. But so is life, you know? I’ve got to get my excitement other places. Like the Bachelor.

Which, I have loved this season. My sister-in-law hasn’t really loved it. And I’m so sad, because Carra, who recorded many episodes with me when she was in between jobs, now has a job on the complete opposite side of town. So before, when she was driving home to her apartment, she would pass us. Now, she’s nowhere near us. And it’s like; hey, if I’m going to go to your house, it’s going to take me 400 hours to get there because traffic is a nightmare. So now I don’t see her very often. And she’s dating this guy, and I don’t get to hang out with her all the time, and it’s just so depressing!

So she doesn’t come over to watch the Bachelor, because she has a f*cking life. Which I get. So guess what I have to do? Since my husband refuses to watch it. Because he’s not a supportive husband {laughs}. Since he refuses to watch it, I have to go in the basement. Which, our basement is 1 degree. It’s 0-1 degree Fahrenheit. It’s so cold down there, I have to have two comforters on top of me. Everything has to be tucked in. I might as well wear a hat. It’s so cold down there.

And there’s spiders and dead spiders. I f*cking hate the basement. Because we never go down there. So it’s like; spiders had an infestation coming inside. I’m like; hey, motherf*ckers. These people who I’m paying to spray the outside of our house; I think I need to cancel this service. Because you’re the worst and I still have spiders everywhere.

And, yesterday, Carra was actually over for family dinner. She grabs this blanket that we have outside. It’s one of those like Mexican blankets; Siete foods sent it to me. They’re the best. And we just have it on our outside rocking chairs. So she wraps up in it; by the way, it’s like 90 degrees out, weirdo. And we go sit out, and she was like; what is this? She points at it, and it’s like these little mud nests. She’s like; I think there might be a bee inside. So she looks it up. Well, I look it up. And I’m like, yeah I think it’s going to be this mud dauber, I think that’s what it’s called.

But I wasn’t sure, because they didn’t look exactly alike. And then I sent it to Instagram; ask on Instagram and you will receive. And I got 400 messages from people who just know everything about bugs. And they’re like; yeah, that’s a mud dauber. And a mud dauber is like a type of wasp that doesn’t sting. They make these little mud nests, put their larvae in there. And then they get dead spiders to feed to their larvae.

So we cut these nests open, before I get all these messages. We meaning Carra, because she’s a f*cking weirdo. So we’re out on the back balcony, or out on our back patio where there are couches. It’s dark outside, so she’s like; hey, bring your light on your phone over here. I bring my light over. Oh sh*t, I almost dropped beet juice on the floor; just got a new rug.

So she asks me to turn on my light; I turn on my light. She goes and gets and X-ACTO knife. And I’m like; motherf*cker, this is somebody’s home! You’re about to open someone’s home. And she’s like; this thing is at your house. Get rid of it. I was like; b*tch, no. We’re literally on all these bugs houses. Walking in the grass, you’re just walking on somebody’s home every day. It grosses me out. Grass creeps me out. Whenever people are hanging out in the grass at the park, I’m like; there are so many bugs underneath your butthole, just ready to make a new home inside your butthole. So gross.

So she starts cutting it open with my goddamn X-ACTO knife. I’m like; hey, I cut things. I open boxes. Of food. With that X-ACTO knife. And you’re just cutting open someone’s home with its larvae inside, you sicko? So she’s opening it up. I’m like; deuces, I’m out. I go inside, hide. And then they find, of course, a little larva. And then spiders in it. Dead spiders. And they thought at first they had killed the spiders by cutting it open.

So then I find out it’s a mud dauber, whatever. Apologies to these wasps that I just; not even me, Carra, the weirdo. Science weirdo. She killed your home, and your larva, and your little babies. Please continue to sweep up the dead spiders, or living spiders. Whatever you prefer to do. Because I’ve got about 400 in my basement, ok. So that would be great. Sorry.

I don’t know how I got on that page. But, bugs are gross. Bugs are gross.

So back to the Bachelor. Carra is not coming over for the Bachelor anymore. She’s got a boyfriend. She’s got a f*cking crazy ass job that she’s working, and has no idea what’s going on and trying to figure it out. She’s just bananas. And I’m like; hey, can you go back to not having a life so you can text me all day long? Because who am I supposed to talk to now, Carra??

I just hate when she has a life. It’s the worst.

But something we did do, for us, we booked Cabo. I don’t know if I talked about it here. But we booked Cabo for New Years. So pumped. They didn’t have the house available that we booked last year; so depressed. So now we are off to Cabo in a new house, renting a new house. This time we aren’t really going with family, we’re just going with friends. Last year we did family. And that’s where, if you watched my Instagram stories, the infamous.

That sounds stupid when I say infamous when I’m talking about myself. But when I was incredibly intoxicated. I have not been that intoxicated probably since then. And that was a very embarrassing Instagram stories that I had to take down. I took it down because I had gotten in a fight with my husband that night, and it was reminding me of the fight I didn’t even know why I was in a fight.

Being drunk sucks. When you’re just a messy drunk. I’m not a messy drunk very often. But I was a messy emotional drunk. I wasn’t drinking for a reason, going through some things, and then got drunk. Champagne. Dirty bananas. Lights out. So hopefully I don’t reenact that exact moment. But hopefully I do get a good buzz, because Carra drunk is the best. She’s really good at it. That family is good at drinking and being cool the next day. Kind of. Sometimes Carra is mean when she’s hungover. My husband is good at powering through. My brother-in-law is really good at powering through, because he’s like 23. Duh.

But anyway. Back to the motherf*cking point. Just going in so many different directions. I was trying to record this podcast earlier, and I just got a new car. Got rid of the Explorer. If you have a new Explorer, I recommend getting the f*ck rid of it. I loved that car. I loved my Ford Explorer. It was 2015. It was amazing. It did so well. At first. It was so comfortable. I loved everything about it. And then I got past the warranty, and everything went to sh*t.

The week before we got rid of it, the battery died. It’s just such a piece of sh*t. So if you have an Explorer, and you’re like; oh, it’s the best car ever! Just you wait, honey bee. You might be like me. I had so many people reach out to me and tell me that their Ford Explorer was just such a f*cking hot mess.

So I got rid of that car, got a new car. And of course, what happens in the first five days? A huge rock hits my windshield and just f*cks that sh*t up! And it’s just splintering everywhere. So I wait for this guy today. Waiting, I need to record this podcast, but I’m waiting for him because of course they give you a time range. He gets here. He starts doing it. He has the wrong windshield. {laughs}

He tried to explain it to me, and I’m like; I don’t know what any of that means. But I understand that you don’t have the right windshield, and I’ve got to get going. I’ve got people to talk to. All four people who are listening to this podcast. I have to make this podcast for four people! Yeah, that’s cool.

So back to the point. Let’s reel it in. Are you ready for a little Bachelor recap? Bachelorette recap. My sister-in-law has not been loving it this season, but that’s because she’s not watching it. When she does watch it, she’s just on her phone the whole time. Which is fair, because it’s like a 4-hour show. It’s like; how do you even get through all of that. But there are just so many good one-liners. I just f*cking love it. Some of the things they say on video, you’re like; man, you’re going to have to live with that forever on video. That will be on YouTube for the history of time.

Let’s see, what happens? I have to read my blog post to remember everything. So the episode starts off with Colton getting a date. So Colton is an ex-football player. He loves wearing crushed velvet, and sweatshirts with the sleeves cut off. So all signs are pointing towards what the f*ck. I hate sweatshirts with the sleeves cut off. It’s like; your arms are too big. And when do you need a sweatshirt with the arms cut off? Wear a f*cking vest. We’re not in high school anymore.

Oh, I just remember all those dudes in high school. And they were so gross. I mean, I was f*cking gross too, so who am I to judge.

But crushed velvet? It’s like, go f*ck yourself, Colton. So Colton, even though he is just the worst dresser, he is beautiful. He’s just this little blonde; I mean, he looks like he should be in Varsity Blues kind of thing. That’s the feeling I get from him. I haven’t seen that in ages, but whatever. And he just has the boy next door; I don’t know, that feel to him.

And of course, he is a virgin. That’s what he says. I’m sure he’s played “just the tip.” Maybe he’s put it in the bum, I don’t know. I’m not here to judge your fun sexcapades, or lack thereof. But they just make it; everything is around him being a virgin. And how he needs to tell her. So they go on a yacht or a catamaran or something and they go sailing. And then this guy pulls up and he’s like; we’re going to go conch fishing. And he’s like this dude with these dreads in his eyeballs. And they’re skinny, weird dreads. How do you not hate that? It’s like these sharp pieces of hair into your eyeballs. Or slapping you in the face as you’re trying to drive this boat. I can’t imagine living with those dreadlocks. But he’s rocking him.

So they’re like; you’re going to go conch fishing. And they’re talking about how something out of the conch is an aphrodisiac. So you pull this sperm looking little worm thing out of a conch and eat it. And it’s supposed to be an aphrodisiac. She’s like; Becca is making the joke that he doesn’t need this. And it’s like; oh man, this is just brutal.

It’s just like this slimy little wiener thing. It looks so gross. You know when those sperm are moving around, and you see their tails, like through a microscope. That’s what it looks like, but blown up. Its’ so gross.

So Colton finally lets her know that he’s a virgin. And Becca walks out. And I don’t know if this producer produced; you know how they make things look a certain way. So Becca walks out and has to take a breather on the balcony; I don’t know where they are at this point. Bahama something; they’re in the Bahamas.

So, it’s like, you know that she probably has to fart and she has to pass it off. Who knows what they’re eating on this trip in the Bahamas. She’s got the farts. She needed to walk around and has to play it off cool. Whatever.

So, whatever. She acts like she’s cool with it. What are you going to say if someone is a virgin? Are you’re going to be like; sorry, I’m not into you anymore? That doesn’t look good for TV. Right? So… but it’s weird. Because he’s not saying that he’s a virgin for religious reasons or waiting for the right girl or anything. It’s just like; I’ m a virgin. Do the damn thing. Except, not. It’s so weird.

It’s like; I think back to when I lost my virginity. I probably should have waited for a different person. A different time in my life. But people just make it such a big f*cking deal. It’s like; hey, it’s going to be awful. It’s not going to be great. This isn’t 50 Shades of Grey, motherf*cker. This is just awkwardness. Eww. I just imagined having a child and them losing their virginity. It’s like; Ugh! Gross.

That got off topic. Next date is Garret. Garret is so slow. Here’s the thing about Garret; he liked all this stuff on Instagram that it racist, and against women. I don’t know. Just sh*t he should not be liking on Instagram. And if you are going to go on a televised show, you better not do anything wrong, ever, because people will find you. And so now, I really liked him because he’s this goofy motherf*cker. And I’m like; you’re just like all those other douchebags out there. Racist as f*ck. Go away.

But Becca loves it. Loves it, loves it. So, let’s see. What do they do? They go in a seaplane. I don’t know, it’s super boring, obviously. And then, Garret goes on this little talking spree about his ex-wife and how she has an anger problem. And it’s like; can you imagine? You know his ex-wife is watching this. And there are two sides to every f*cking story. And he’s just making her look so bad, saying that she had anger problems and wasn’t; I don’t know if she didn’t want him hanging out with his family. All that kind of stuff.

Could you imagine if you were that ex-person? It’s like, oh. Ok. Let’s tell your story to the world. I hope she does. Don’t take the high road; ruin his life.

And then they go swimming in the pitch black ocean. F*ck no.

Ok, so the last date is Blake. And Blake is my favorite, probably just because he’s from Colorado. And he’s a crazy f*cking dancer, and I love dudes who just don’t give a sh*t and just wiggle their bodies however they prefer. Because my husband will not dance comfortably until he’s so drunk. And still he’s thinking about it. And I just don’t think about it when I dance, I just wiggle my body however my erratic maneuvers want to go. And that’s how Blake is, and I love it. Becca and him just dance his ass off.

So, Blake is moving fast. He’s moving and grooving. He’s like; ok, last week I told her that I was falling in love with her. So now I need to get a leg up. I need to tell her that I’m in love with her. I’ve met her three times; I know it, I can feel it, it’s meant to be. Whatever. It’s like; Blake, come on. Hold your sh*t together.

Then he tells Becca about his parents getting a divorce in high school, and his mom was having an affair with the basketball coach. It’s so f*cked up. I feel so sad; like, ugh. I had a boyfriend in high school, way back in the day, who his dad cheated on his mom. Got a divorce from her, and got together with this woman that he had an affair with, and now they have family functions altogether with the then mistress now wife. It’s such a weird situation. It’s like; that mom is such a saint.

So, now we just hear the mom is probably pissed about him airing their dirty laundry on national television, but those producers push hard, I bet.

So after he tells her that he loves her, Becca says that she wishes she could tell him that too. So this is what I think; this is what; I think producers are making us think it’s going to be Blake. It’s going to get down to Blake and Garret, and she’s going to pick Garret. Because Garret is just stupid as f*ck. Ugh. Dammit. That’s what I think happens.

So then, last but not least, I don’t care about this. Let’s see; Leo, Jason, and Wills all go on a three-in-one date. They play beach volleyball, it’s just my absolute nightmare. And then Leo, he’s the former porn star-stunt man, whatever you want to call it. And he is scrambling, and just kissing her face 400 times, and she’s just not into it. Because she’s like; hey, you have better hair than me. Get the f*ck away.

And then Wills is the same way. Wills seems traumatized when he finally gets the boot. But it’s like; Wills, first of all, take the LS off your name. It’s like Will. Your name is not; whatever. So then he also stops opening up his eyes ever, or his mouth. It’s like he’s just sleeping. I’m like; are you talking? Are you sleeping? What is going on. It’s so hard to tell. So Leo and Wills get kicked off. Leo is like; ok, deuces. Bye. I have sh*t to do. And then Will cries, and it’s just so sad. But I think he’s kind of force crying. But it was really sad either way. He sold it.

And then Jason gets to stay. I don’t know. I don’t really care anything about Jason. But at this point, how many of these guys are just getting hit up with DMs? Who are these women who are like; those guys seem like good guys. I’m going to hit them up. Leo and his porn star abilities; I like it. But you know their DMs are just getting hit! I wish I could watch that go down. And how many girls these guys sleep with.

So yeah, that’s my belief system now. Garret and Blake are the last two, and Garret wins. Takes it all! Hold on, I need to drink my beet juice.

Juli Bauer: I’m going to take a quick break to tell you a little bit more about this weeks’ sponsor, Aaptiv. Aaptiv produces audio-based workouts created by certified personal trainers available through a mobile app. One of the best parts about the Aaptiv app is that you can workout anywhere. Whether you’re traveling, or you just put the baby down for a nap, or you’re just feeling like working out in your living room, Aaptiv is ready for you anytime. Aaptiv has expert trainers to help you stay motivated and get you the best results from your workout. Plus, they have a variety of classes and levels, so anyone can workout no matter what point you’re at in your own life.

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Juli Bauer: So I wanted to talk about just some random stuff right now. First of all, I have a new absolute obsession; which is a new podcast called True Crime Obsessed. And I can’t believe nobody told me about this podcast before. Because it is awesome. It is so, so good. So it’s a girl and a guy, super flamboyant guy. Which I love it about him. He scream laughs all the time. It’s the best. And they do; I’m on like episode 21 or something, and I just found out about this podcast like 2 days ago. But they’re not crazy long. They’re an hour or less.

They do recaps of documentaries. So far it’s all been documentaries. And they just make light in dark situations. Because a lot of these situations; these people are pretty easy to make fun of. I mean; Making a Murderer; come on. How easy does every character; and character meaning real human being, in that documentary. The make it so easy to make fun of them.

So they just make fun of everybody. Like one I just listened to the other night is; what is it? FDLS. I don’t know. It’s like the Mormon church of the latter-day saints of the Jesus. There are four different things of what kind of religious group it is. But it’s latter day saints. And I think it’s Warren Jeffs; the guy who got convicted for having 4,000 wives. It’s like sups f*cked up.

There’s a recording; I’ve never watched the documentary that they talked about. But there’s a recording of this guy, Warren Jeffs, having sex with a 12-year-old. Not video, but voice. He just recorded his voice. Like, come on. This guy is so f*cking gross!

But their podcast is amazing. It is my new favorite thing. I can’t stop listening to it. It’s the absolute best.

Something else I’ve been really interested in. This is all over the board right now. An air fryer. I talked about an air fryer on my blog. And I’m saying this because I’m looking at my computer screen and an ad just popped up for an air fryer. So they’re f*cking hooking me. Their ads are working. I don’t know if people think ads work, but it’s working for me. I f*cking hate ads.

I just paid for an ad before and it never did anything. It’s the worst.

So I’m looking at this air fryer, like a Phillips one. I talked about it on my Instagram, and everybody wrote me and they’re like; I love my air fryer! I love it, I love it, I love it. It’s the best. And for me, I don’t really fry food, ever. I feel like that’s a southern thing a lot. If you fry food, if you grew up. But I never grew up frying anything. The most I’ve actually fried is like shoestring potatoes, and it’s like a whole f*cking mess to fry this. You need so much f*cking fat. And then what do you do with it when you’re done with it? You have to wipe out this whole bowl with a paper towel after it’s hardened. Get rid of it. Sure, you can save it for later. But pouring it into a f*cking jar out of this big ass pot. It’s just a nightmare. It’s a nightmare. So I never do it.

But I do oven roast vegetables every single day. And you know what sucks? Oven roasting vegetables in the goddamn summer when it’s 100 degrees out. It’s the worst. I don’t want to heat my house up. But it’s the only thing I can do. Because now, my fridge just continues to turn off. It’s still on right now, but my fridge just keeps turning off for no apparent reason. I’m sure there’s an apparent reason, if I pay a million dollars to come get it fixed. But I’ve had it for three years; go f*ck yourself. Goddamn Kenmore elite.

So somebody wrote me and they’re like; you would love an air fryer because then you can roast your vegetables and get them crispy. You just spray some fat on it, not like dousing them in fat like I usually do. And then you can cook them in like half the time. How great is that? And it’s not going to heat up your house.

But there are a couple of haters of air fryers out there. One person told me that it made all their food smell like plastic, which I’m guessing they had a pretty cheap one. Which that’s fair; don’t get a cheap one, I’m hearing from most people. Another people said she found it kind of pointless, and what was the reason. I wrote her back and was like; keeping the house less hot, cooking with less fat; it cooks in half the time. Then she never wrote me back. So, maybe I turned her into a believer. I don’t know, I don’t even have one. So I wasn’t even trying to. But those are the reasons I’m thinking about getting one.

They’re expensive. This one; I don’t even know, it’s like a Phillips one. I don’t know how big it is, but it’s like $200. And I think that’s marked down from $250. But somebody told me they make whole chickens in it, and it’s just like the rotisserie chicken that you get at the grocery store. And I’m all about that! Except my husband can’t eat chicken anymore. So depressing. Which let’s get on that topic real quick.

So, my poor husband. I think he hates when I talk about his personal life, which is why I keep him out of my social media altogether so he can have a personal life. But I’ll talk about it anyway. {laughs} So he has had some stomach issues for a long time now, and we did all this food testing. Sorry, I have to drink water. We did all this food testing, and he got back all these results. And I’m like; ok, this is just saying that you have leaky gut. And at the end of the day, his job is really f*cking stressful. And it’s ruined his health. Ok? That’s it. At the end of the day. F*ck that job.

So, the only way to really heal that is to deal with stress, and to remove those foods, and take care of yourself more than anything. So we removed all those foods, and he was on a really strict diet. No onions, no chicken, no pork. Just so many things we removed out. And then we’ve been adding those things back in and testing things, and pork seems to be fine. And he tried chicken, and felt like sh*t. So chicken is still out. So I only make chicken for lunch when he’s not home, or if he’s out of town.

So, the rotisserie chicken won’t really work. Know what I’m saying? Know what I mean? Only for me. But I really want to try potatoes. I know people do zucchini fries. People just do so many different creative things. And it would give me another way to be creative on my blog.

Do you want to go outside? I’ll let you out little panda. It’s so nice outside. But I don’t go out there anymore, because there are bugs.

So I’m thinking about getting the air fryer, adding that to my kitchen. Not that I have a place to store it anymore. But hey. I’m going to make it work. It’s part of the job, right? Right.

Another thing I’ve been up to, and I didn’t think about this. But I was talking to my girlfriend Bree. She owns the company the School of Betty. And I’ve been working with her for budget, spreadsheet, and getting all my finances in a budget sheet. It’s just so helpful having that.

But she was talking about how to organize your life, and getting things organized. Like your closet. Your car, whatever else it is. Because if you’re constantly thinking about those other things, you can’t concentrate on the task at hand. Whether that’s cleaning up your diet, or working out, or whatever else it is that you’re trying to concentrate on if you have this messy life. It’s just breeding chaos in your own actual life.

And I just recently cleaned out our pantry, and I’m going to do a blog post about it soon. Because I swear, after I cleaned it out and got it organized, I felt like a weight was completely lifted off of my shoulders. I felt so much better. I felt like I could get things done. And it’s so hard to concentrate on that one thing, because you have a million other things to do and is pantry organization at the top of my list? No. No, goddamn no. You should see my office! What a sh*t show.

But, after I got that done, I felt like I was able to be so much more productive because of that. And that productivity was leading into this week, because the Nordstrom anniversary sale went live, if you’re a Nordstrom cardholder. And I talk about Nordstrom all the time because it is a company that I f*cking love. No, they’re not paying for an ad. That would be awesome if they did. But Nordstrom is amazing. I was going to say American Express, because I was just thinking of another company that’s amazing, and American Express is one of those companies.

Those two companies together; customer service is top notch. You can talk to somebody in seconds. They’ll make sure everything is good to go with whatever you’re doing. I just love those two companies. But the Nordstrom anniversary sale went live, and if you’re a cardholder, you get to shop the sale early. Which I think is so cool. Because if you shop early, you get bomb ass deals. It is crazy.

On my blog this week, I talk about a second-hand store, consignment store, called Thread Up. It’s one of my favorite places to shop. You can find designer clothes for up to 90% off. It’s bananas. And what’s so cool is when they send you a receipt, your order receipt, it shows you how much you saved and what the estimated retail price was compared to what you paid. It’s like; here’s an $80 shirt, and you got it for $15.99. Or here’s a $50 skirt and you got it for $9.99. They show the comparison, and I wish Nordstrom would do that with their receipt of how much you saved.

Because even though you see the retail price and the sale price when you’re looking at that exact item; when you put it in your cart, it doesn’t have both prices. So when you check out, you just see the new price. You don’t see what it would have been versus what it was. I wish they would show you that. I think that would be so cool. Because how satisfying does it feel when you’re like; oh, I saved 300 f*cking dollars today, and I just got myself an entire fall wardrobe. So satisfying.

So the other day, when the sale went life, I fell asleep until one in the morning, and then started shopping and getting my blog post ready. And then the Amazon site was shutting down and not working, because I’m sure everybody was on it at the same time. So that was kind of a nightmare and a bummer. Because I was up until 8 a.m. until everything started working again. And then I started working on the blog post at 8 in the morning once everything started working.

Being up at 1 in the morning, I don’t know how you parents do it. I know you just figure it out, just like anything in life. Man, sleep is just such a beautiful thing. Especially as you get older. It’s like; I just love sleeping so much! And then you don’t get it, and you’re like; man, I’m grumpy as f*ck. Along with my period; I want to kill everything. But I didn’t.

But if you guys haven’t shopped that sale, it is the best. And you have to do some digging, especially after the sale goes live for the public next week, because a lot of things have sold out. So you have to do some digging. But if you’re willing to dig online, or in store, you will find some amazing gems for crazy mark downs. From designer, to just some of the Nordstrom brands. Like; what is it? Oh I’m going to say it wrong. Maybe Thread and Supply or something like that. But the Nordstrom brand like Zella; they have a ton of marked down things. It’s the best.

So I shopped in store the day before the sale went live. And then I did some online shopping, and bought my husband a bunch of stuff, because he never shops for himself unless it’s golf related. So I got him some normal T-shirts that he can wear when we’re going out to date night. Just some chill clothes. Because all he has at this point is the golf shirts and work shirts, and like two button-downs; one from our wedding. So I’m trying to step up his wardrobe. But that guy just doesn’t give a sh*t. Which is why I love him so much. He’s the best.

And, speaking of him. We have a trip to Cabo; we’re going to Cabo all the time, it looks like. But we just love Cabo, because from Denver, it’s like a 2 hour and 45-minute flight direct. It’s so easy, through Southwest. Love it. F*cking love it. And it’s stunning there. Cabo is so beautiful. So we wanted to do a little weekend getaway, just the two of us. Because we don’t do many trips just the two of us. And usually a lot of times, I’m traveling for work and he’ll come with, you know. And so I’m working and having to follow an itinerary. This is whatever the f*ck we want to do.

So we’re staying in the resort of Pedregal; Pedregal resort or something like that. It was recommended by a ton of PaleOMG readers out there when I asked people on Instagram. And they also recommended the Cape Hotel and the Grand Solmar; those were the top three. So I picked this one, and we can walk to the marina.

I also booked a reservation at Flora Farms, because everybody recommended that last time. Which I think it’s like a 30-minute drive, but I’m going to do what I’ve got to do. Oh, I thought my husband was home, but it’s just a trash truck. They’re the same loudness.

So yeah, we have a weekend getaway together soon! I’m so excited. We can just make out and stuff. It’s the best. This dump truck is like pulling in my driveway. Hold on, let’s see what they’re doing. I know you don’t give a sh*t. But I have to shut this goddamn door.

Also, I’m going to be shooting; I’m just talking randomly about complete random crap today. I hope you’re into that, you know. That’s like one of my favorite things to listen to with Joy and Clare on Girls Gone WOD, so I’m just taking that from their book today. So I talk about random stuff. But I just wish I had my little Carra bug. I’m hoping to make her record a podcast with me on Sunday to have it for you guys next week. Because she’s just the best. Hopefully I can just pay her for it. {laughs} That’s how you get people to do stuff you want, right?

Anyway. Let’s talk about a couple of things in the media. Like Justin Bieber getting engaged. It’s such a huge deal everywhere; do you think anybody cares? Because I’m pretty sure Justin Bieber is Courtney Love. Identical twins maybe; I don’t know. But he’s definitely turning into a woman. He’s very thin. I feel like he loves drugs. Which, cheers to you. Drugs are fun.

But, he just got engaged to Hayley Baldwin. I don’t know who she is, but I’m guessing Alec Baldwin’s daughter. I’m not sure what she does. Does she act? Does she sing? Does she just have sex with Justin? I don’t know. I don’t have the answers.

Also, what’s her face. What is her goddamn name? Kylee Jenner has decided that she’s not going to have lip injections anymore. That a real look is in, or something like that. So think about everyone who has gotten lip injections. As of recently, they’re like; what the f*ck? Kylee, goddammit, I got lip injections so I could wear your goddamn lip gloss that’s bright pink, because it looks stupid on thin-lipped b*tches. Like me.

Man. That is something that I thought about for a bit. I mean, it was like maybe a 2-minute thought. But I’m glad I never did, because just having a needle poke into my lips sounds really awful. I’m all about that Botox in the forehead, but lips? Eee! Never say never. I’m totally down for it at some point. But at this point, I’m just going to wear light lip gloss. Not try to bring attention to my thin lips.

I feel like I don’t even have that thin of lips. But even just after one guy I dated, who turned out to be a real f*ck-cock, way back in the day. Man. I think he’s married at this point, and I really wish that I could go tell his wife; get out while you can! Get out of the Explorer, and get out of his relationship.

But, he told me that I have really thin lips. And he also pointed out my cellulite. It was a great relationship, obviously. So I just always am like; oh, my lips are so thin! {laughs} It’s not something that follows me that much at this point. For one point, I went through a time with it. A tough time.

F*ck that guy. Now, also, president Trump goes to meet queen Elizabeth recently. I wonder how she feels about good old Trump. Because who knows what the royal family is really like. But I feel like they put on a pretty good front of being perfect. Perfect AF, which is why Americans are so obsessed with them. And meeting Trump? She’s like; what is this. What am I looking at? Because this isn’t a civilized human being. Your wife looks great. But you; what’s happening? Ew. He’s gross. I don’t care your political views; he’s gross.

Anything else? I also just want to mention that I think it’s weird when Khloe Kardashian puts a filter on her baby’s face. Like an Instagram or Snapchat filter or whatever the hell she uses at this point. It’s like; hey, only us old b*tches need a filter. Not your little baby’s chubby face. Weirdo. What are you doing? What are you doing? You’re weird.

And who is Taylor Swift dating nowadays, that’s what I want to know. Who is he? What does he do? I saw them on the beach together. I don’t know. I don’t know. But if anybody can give me answers, that would be lovely.

And, I haven’t looked if there’s a new episode; I have no idea. But I already miss Jersey Shore. And I hope they continue to make new episodes, or whatever, all the time. I need it. I need it in my life. They’re the best.

Ok. Well. I need to go make it to the gym. And then it’s a little double date night with our neighbors, because they’re the best. And then I have some new workouts and new recipes to come up with. Because, you guys; I am working on, and hopefully it comes to fruition. I don’t want to say it’s definitely happening yet. But I’m planning to record these videos in a week or so. But I’m going to record some workout videos for you guys that you can do anywhere. I’m going to be doing them in a park. Some workouts will just be bodyweight. Other workouts will be with like a loop band or exercise bands. And so I’m going to show you workouts you can do anywhere. And then I’m going to tie in some little snacks you can have afterwards.

So you can go workout in a park, bring some little snacks with you, and just have a grand old time. Because biggest things I get questions about are what do I have for snacks, what do I eat? So there we go. We got number one. And number two; what do I do if I can’t afford a gym? What do I do if I can’t make it to the gym? What do I do if I’m traveling? And even though I share travel workouts every week on the blog, I don’t think people always know that. So I wanted to put it in some video form.

So hopefully that happens. It hasn’t been recorded yet, but it’s supposed to in about a week and a half. And then hopefully I’ll have those on the blog soon. Which I’m sups pumped about! Now I can’t wait to see what you guys think. So, I’ll need your feedback when that comes out, if it really does. Ok? Give me your feedback. If you like it, if you hate it, what you need more advice on. Whatever it is, I want to know.

In the meantime, I am out of here. You guys are the best. Carra will be on soon. And I will chat with you later, gal pal. And maybe one guy who is listening. Bye!