Roasted Garlic Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes

I really liked this weekend. I did….ummmm….nothing. I slept 20+ hours, ate A LOT of food, and watched Disney movies. And movies about love. Terrible idea. I hate Hollywood love. It’s unrealistic. And bullsh*t. I’m not bitter.

Moving on. I’ve been sad lately. You know why? Because the latest season of Jersey Shore ended. Oh stop judging me. That show is like a car accident, you slam on your breaks just to get a peek. If I want to feel better about myself, that show is the perfect fix. If I ever have a drunken fail, I watch that show, and don’t feel like a drunk. And if I ever think my outfit is inappropriate, that show reassures me that I could be far more disrespectful in the way I dress. Maybe I’ll try that. They seem to really attract the classiest of dudes with the lack of underwear and extremely short dresses they sport at the clubs. Lord, that show is a joy.

One more reason I’m sad…I tried going jeans shopping (once again) this past weekend. I don’t know why I do this to myself on a regular basis. Well, I mainly do it so I will go out on a Friday night and be social, and having regular people clothes helps with that. I seriously should have taken pictures in the dressing room. It would have been humiliating for me, but at least you would have had a good laugh on this Tuesday morning. My thighs and ass barely fit into the jeans, so once I have them on, it looks like I’m wearing a diaper. I think I need to buy extreme bell bottom jeans to make my thighs look smaller. In the old days (meaning 2 years ago) I used to sport some pretty intense flare jeans. I say intense flare, some people would say bell bottoms. TomAto, Tomato. Know what I’m sayin? Me neither.


Roasted Garlic Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes


  • 1 head of cauliflower
  • 1 head of garlic
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 23 tablespoons canned coconut milk
  • salt and pepper


  1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
  2. Chop up your cauliflower into smaller florets and place in a large baking dish to roast.
  3. You’ll also need to roast your garlic, so cut off the end of your head of garlic to show the clover. Sprinkle a bit of olive oil on the head of garlic then wrap foil around it.
  4. Place your cauliflower and foil packet in the oven to bake for about 30-35 minutes.
  5. Once everything is roasted away, remove from oven.
  6. Place roasted cauliflower in your wonderful food processor along with roasted garlic cloves. To get the cloves from the head of garlic, just squeeze them out of use a fork to pull them out. I just took the head of garlic and squeezed the sh*t out of it, into my food processor.
  7. Turn food processor on, pulse until garlic and cauliflower begin to become a paste, then add olive oil and coconut milk to help form your preferred texture. If you want it a bit smoother, add a little more coconut milk. Just play it by ear.
  8. Add salt and pepper to taste.
  9. Consume. I ate mine with a bacon wrapped deer steak. Fantastic.

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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.

I’m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you don’t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.


14 thoughts on “Roasted Garlic Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes”

  1. Julie welcome to the world of thighs. gotta love when you walk in looking for a size 4 or 6 to fit your waist and the lady working is like "excuse me? don't you mean a 8 or 10" listen lil skinny fatness that works here….i know what i need!
    i shop at the buckle because they have BKE's, silvers, and MEK's which seem to actually fit….by fit i mean they aren't too tight in the thighs and the backs don't stick way out so much that when you bend over your ass, and im talking complete ass, hangs out….
    so try the buckle…a lil more expensive but worth it!

  2. Skinny jeans used to be my staple, until I OVERHEARD some girl point out my thighs to her friend. That was a bad day. Damn you squats.

  3. I have the SAME problem. I've found Red Engine jeans fit the best for big bootys/small waist. I was in shock the first time I tried them on.. expecting to have to do the ass wiggle to squeeze in only to find them floating around my waist, but they fit perfect. MEKs are awesome too

  4. My uniform, that I'm supposed to climb mountains and chase people in, doesn't fit my thighs. What kind of retard thought women in my line of work would have skinny thighs? I can't put things in my cargo pockets sometimes. And if it gets cold and I have to wear long johns underneath I can't move. Who the hell makes these clothes for scrawny women? Women are either fit or fat these days, unless they're meth-heads. When are clothing designers going to wake up and stop designing clothes for people who spend all their money on crank?

  5. I LOVE your posts! I have the same problem with jeans (size 0 waist with abt size 3-4 legs haha). I try jumping and lunging my jeans but i just cant get in them! Im pretty sure everyone just thinks im lazy bc i wear workout clothes all the time. You're legit. 🙂

  6. Look at all this women power haha!! How are jeans so dumb? My problem is I don't want to spend the money on jeans when I rarely where them and my thighs will grow an extra inch by next week. Just like to complain i guess. Thanks for all the ideas! I'm definitely going to have to check these jeans out!

  7. This is the first time I’ve seen 4 letter words used in sharing a recipe. There’s no need to go there. Please keep it wholesome. Your recipe and your humor are great, otherwise.

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