I kind of loved this weekend. I slept a lot. I worked out. I hung out with friends. I ate most of my meals at home, meaning I saved money. I hung out on my new couch, which is the greatest thing in the entire world. I watched 3 Twilight movies on tv. Those seriously never get old. And I drank a couple glasses of wine. That was the only downer. Makes no sense, huh? Wine should mean great things, but not for me. The less I drink, the more I feel like balls when I do. Not just with wine, but with any alcohol. I seriously swell up like a balloon. Mostly in my feet, but also everywhere else. What’s up with that? I know for a fact that doesn’t happen to everyone. I remember in my college days when I would wake up skinnier from being more dehydrated. Now I’m just a little water balloon. Wtfuuuuu?
Ok, another serious question. Why do people enjoy watching scary movies? I probably watch one scary movie a year. Maybe. And I did last night. I don’t know why I did it, but when ’30 Days of Night’ was on tv, I couldn’t help myself. Maybe because it was just a vampire kind of night, or day (that’s besides the point), but I watched it. And instantly became terrified. Not just of the vampires eating my face off, but of living in Alaska when there is a month with absolutely no sun. Nothing is more terrifying than snow and no sun. That’s why I don’t live on the east coast. Jk Jk Jk, east coast humans. I can’t remember if my nightmares were from my fear of excess snow or vampires. I just don’t know. But I woke up pitting out a couple times last night. I do know that.
It didn’t even have a happy ending. The worst.
Remember how much of a heart throb Josh Hartnett used to be? He was so dreamy. Come back, Josh. Come back.
Wait, I need to go back to one point I mentioned. My new couch. Seriously, this couch is the most comfortable couch of all time. I need to take an instagram picture of it soon. Ya know, because that’s totally what people who follow food instagram pages are looking for. The couch has this giant ottoman that you can push up to the couch and make a bed. Pretty amazing. I kind of don’t want to sleep in my bed anymore.
I really want a churro.
PS- don’t freak out about the ingredient list below. I swear it’s really not that bad. Just man up, man dude bro.
- ⅓ cup pumpkin puree
- ⅓ cup maple syrup
- ¼ cup coconut oil, melted
- 3 eggs, whisked
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- ¼ cup coconut flour
- 1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice (or ½ teaspoon cinnamon, ¼ teaspoon nutmeg, ⅛ teaspoon ground cloves, ⅛ teaspoon powdered ginger)
- ½ teaspoon baking soda
- ½ teaspoon baking powder
- pinch of salt
- 2 cups of fresh blueberries (frozen blueberries work, just thaw first)
- 2 tablespoons honey
- 2 tablespoons coconut cream concentrate or homemade coconut butter
- 1 teaspoon lemon juice
- zest of ½ a lemon
- 2 tablespoons coconut flour
- ½ cup mixed nuts, chopped (I used cashews, pecans, and walnuts)
- 3 tablespoons unsweetened shredded coconut
- 1 teaspoon sesame seeds
- 1 tablespoon honey
- sprinkle of cinnamon
- pinch of salt
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
- Mix together wet ingredients in a bowl: pumpkin puree, maple syrup, coconut oil, eggs, and vanilla extract.
- In another bowl, whisk together coconut flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, ground cloves, powdered ginger, baking soda, baking powder, and salt.
- Pour dry ingredients into wet ingredients and mix well.
- Grease an 8×8 glass baking dish then cut a piece of parchment paper down so it can fit into the baking dish, leaving two sides out of the baking dish. This way you can pick the bars out of the dish without breaking them apart.
- Pour the muffin batter into the parchment lined baking sheet and spread out evenly.
- Place in oven and baking for 30-35 minutes until cooked through.
- While the crust bakes, place a small saucepan over medium heat and add blueberries.
- Add honey, coconut cream concentrate, lemon juice, and lemon zest. Mix well.
- Once the blueberries begin to burst, remove from heat and add coconut flour. Mix until completely combined. Let sit for about 5 minutes to thicken up.
- When the crust is done cooking, pour the blueberry mixture on top.
- In a bowl, add nuts, coconut, sesame seeds, honey, cinnamon and salt and mix together and mix.
- Add clumps of the nuts to the top of the blueberry mixture.
- Add to oven and bake for 15 minutes.
- Let cool for 10 minutes, remove from pan, then place on a cool rack to cool for 5 more minutes before cutting into 6-8 squares.
- Store in fridge.