Sooooo since I just got back from vacation in Lake Powell, I haven’t quite transitioned to real life yet. I hate reality. I have to workout with real barbells instead of just rocks. I have wear clothes that cover my entire ass and wear tops that actually hold my boobs in place. And I have keep track of time. All these things are just silly. I was quite happy with my schedule of working out in the morning with a large rock, wearing a strapless swimsuit during the day, and having no idea what time it was until the sun was going down and my stomach was growling. I think I’m fighting depression. Post Powell Depression. PPD.

Let’s recall some of the water sports at Lake Powell to pull me out of this slump. So every morning after I got in a quick workout, we would head straight onto the wakeboard boat (a Malibu to be exact. they are pretty damn cool) and head out for the morning on the water. We would get straight into wakeboarding or surfing or tubing. I wakeboarded a little, but as soon as I ate sh*t, I got scared real quick. I like wakeboarding, but I like lifting heavy sh*t way more and injuring myself isn’t on my agenda. So I mostly watched others who are good at wakeboarding. The guys I was with seriously have no fear. It was so freaking cool to watch. I don’t know what any of the tricks are called. I think some things are called gainers. Maybe tripods. Maybe cumquats. Yeaaaaaah, I made all those things up.

we’ll call this the gainer. badass JD.

this is the tripod. it just feels right. brian’s model pose

and this is the kumquat. please look closely. that is man (brian) jumping over another man (scott) who is doing a beer bong. i don’t care who you are. that’s impressive. and scott wasn’t even decapitated!

We then moved onto surfing. I like surfing. I feel much safer while surfing. I wasn’t any good at it, but I did get in a beer bong while surfing. Classy. Let’s rephrase that though. I was surfing, still holding onto the rope, and did a beer bong with probably 1/4 of a beer in it. If that. I hadn’t done a beer bong since my freshmen year of college, in which I swallowed a quarter. Yes, a quarter. Funny joke. Glad that joke didn’t play out this time around.

I seriously never stopped smiling on this vacation. if you look VERY closely, you can see my smile right below my gigantic forehead.

oh you classy huh?

I then begged the guys to go tubing, but as soon as we got out on the water, I was too scared to go first. For good reason. Two tubes tied behind the boat means danger. Especially when two men are strapped to them. I wish I had pictures of these men dueling away on their tubes, but that would mean I had missed some of the carnage that was left behind the boat. I’ve never seen grown men’s bodies flail so much through the air. It was terrifying. So in conclusion, I never tubed. I wanted to keep my boobs on my body. Another thing I decided against trying was body surfing. I almost peed myself watching it though. These guys would body surf tandem and go flying over each other, shark week style. I love sharks.

brian and kyle. no fear. or shame.

Ooooo, I almost forgot the cliff jumping. We did a good amount of that. I’m stupid in the fact that I feel all brave and have the balls to get up on top of the cliff, but as soon as it’s time to jump, I almost poop myself. Not even joking you. I 100% thought I might poop myself before one of the jumps. It would take me 15 seconds to get to the top of the cliff, then a good 5-8 minutes to even jump off. And my cliffs were BABY cliffs compared to the guys. My friends Justin, Scott, Brian, JD, and Ty all jumped about a 75-80 ft cliff and mine was 30 ft. If that. More like 20. But I’m rounding up. I can do that. It’s my blog.

it felt way higher than it actually was, ok?

still sticking with 30 ft. i don’t care what you say.

Thanks for bearing through that post. I know I just crapped pictures all throughout your brain. Hopefully it makes you jealous and makes you think my life is more exciting than it actually is. Tricked ya b*tches!

Oh btw, this recipe is delicious. Not even gonna lie this time.

5.0 from 15 reviews

Breakfast Meatza
 
Prep time
Cook time
Total time
 
Serves: 4
Ingredients
  • 1lb Bison Breakfast Sausage
  • 7 eggs (1 egg as the binder, the rest to top your meatza with)
  • 6-8 slices of bacon, diced
  • ½ sweet potato or yam, diced (the smaller, the faster it will cook)
  • ½ yellow onion, diced
  • 1 garlic clove, minced
Instructions
  1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
  2. Place your breakfast sausage in a medium bowl and crack an egg directly in. Mix with your hands until the egg is broken up and you have a big ball of goo.
  3. Pour your meat mixture into a 8×8 glass baking dish and press down until you have an even surface through the entire dish.
  4. Put in the oven for 8-10 minutes or until you see the fat rise up to the top. It won’t have to be completely cooked through since you will be cooking it a second time. Once you pull it out of the oven, discard of any excess fat if you’d like. I did.
  5. While your meatza is cooking, cut up your bacon and throw in a large pan over medium heat. Cook until completely cooked through and a bit crispy. Then remove with a slotted spoon and place on a plate with a paper towel to soak up excess fat. Pour the remaining excess bacon fat in the pan into a jar, leaving about 2-3 tablespoons in the pan.
  6. Add your garlic clove, then add your sweet potato and yellow onion to the pan.
  7. Let the onion and sweet potato cook down for about 8-10 minutes, stirring frequently to keep from burning.
  8. Once your sweet potatoes are soft and your meatza has cooked, start making layers. Add your sweet potato/onion mixture to the top of your meatza, evenly distributed. Then crack 6 eggs on top, you pick where you’d like them to go. And finally top with bacon through the eggs.
  9. Place back in the oven to cook for 8-10 minutes or until eggs are cooked to your preference. If you don’t like eggs over-easy or over-medium, you could make scrambled eggs instead to top it off with!
  10. Let cool. Top with hot sauce because hot sauce is delightful.