I don’t really know what to say about The Bachelorette this week. Because it was yet another episode that needed more drama. WHEN IS KAITLYN GOING TO SLEEP WITH ONE OF THEM?!! You can’t put that in the preview starting at episode one and put that drama off until later. That is just unacceptable.
The guys did their normal routine of going on dates where they have to make up their own lyrics and sing to her. It was pretty much the exact date as their Aladdin on Broadway date, except that this time, Ian proved that his receding hairline truly is beating down his confidence. He choked. The self proclaimed model, singer and “perfect bachelor” proved that he will not make it far on American Idol. Or the Bachelorette…or the Bachelor. He also validated the fact of how miserable dating can be. You think a guy is a kind soul and BOOM, he feels unwanted and starts talking about all the women he has slept with or calls you ugly or talks about how he is a catch. Dafuq? If you’re such a great catch, why are you telling everyone that. If you have to say that over and over, you probably suck. It’s pure science.
I don’t know how much longer I can watch a show that only includes adult men singing poorly. We get it, Kaitlyn, you want a guy who will do whatever the hell you say, including being miserable in mariachi attire.
Can someone tell me why Ben H. from Denver looks familiar? Any of you creeps (it’s totally cool, i’m a creep too) know where he went to school? No joke, I’ve gone far enough to ask a friend if she had dated him because he looks so damn familiar. I’ve found nothing of the fact that we have ever met, but I will swear until the day I die that I’ve seen him from afar. Don’t you just hate me right now? But back to the point, he’s proving to be quite the cutie. He’s tall, which is cute, and he concentrates when he dances, which is cute. That’s pretty much all I got from that date.
Let’s talk about Shawn. Here’s my thoughts: before, I thought Shawn was the greatest thing since apple pie and I wanted him to win. I mean, he dresses better than most women I know and sports a haircut that 3 out of 5 men all tried out this year. He is Ryan Gosling’s body double when Ryan Gosling needs to be crazy jacked for a movie role. For real, if he needs a job, he should totally look into that. And then thank me for recommending it. But now, I’m wondering if his haircut has me like WHOA and I can’t see his true suckiness. I know he’s proud of his abs, which I get, he has many of them. But is he a nice guy? I just don’t know. I am blinded by his hair. I still kind of want him to win.
But before I leave you, let’s just remember that ABC made these men stand out in a baseball field in NYC in the middle of winter. I’m pretty sure they did this for dramatic effect since every single one of them were shaking while the rose ceremony went on. No no, they weren’t shaking with nerves debating if they would receive a rose or not, they were shaking with nerves because their balls had been swallowed up into the depths of their bodies. How pissed would you be if you were one of the guys who wasn’t picked and had to lose your balls to find that out. Shame.
Enough about balls, let’s get to marinating! You know what would be even better with this salad?? The tomatillo ranch recipe in my upcoming third cookbook! Yesssssss.
For the marinade
- 1 pound chicken breasts
- 1 (14 ounce) can of full fat coconut milk
- zest of 1 lime
- juice of 1 lime
- 2 jalapeños, diced
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1 teaspoon fine sea salt
- 1/2 teaspoon cumin
- 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
For the salad
- 6-8 cups mixed greens
- 1 cucumber, diced
- 1 avocado, thinly sliced
- 1 cup cherry tomatoes, cut in half
- dressing of choice - I used Tessemae's Zesty Ranch
- Whisk all marinade ingredients together and place in ziploc bag and into the refrigerator for up to 24 hours.
- Heat up grill or grill pan over medium-high heat. Pull chicken out of marinade, salt chicken on both sides with just a pinch of salt, and place onto pan to cook for 8-10 minutes per side, depending on the thickness of the chicken breasts. Cook until no pink remains or the chicken has an internal temperature of 165 degrees F.
- Halfway through the cooking process for the chicken, pull the diced jalapeños out of the marinade and place on grill to cook on both sides for about 3-5 minutes.
- While the chicken cooks, get the salad ingredients together in a large bowl.
- Once chicken is cooked through, let rest for a couple minutes then slice and serve with salad ingredients and top with grilled jalapeños.