It’s slightly annoying that I have to write this. Especially since no one has really directly asked me to share why I’ve changed how I eat or changed how I workout. They just go on “hate blogs” to talk about me and other people in this community. It’s a very strange thing. People care more about what others are doing, how others are eating or how those people look, than they seem to care about their own diets, figures, and well, lives. I get it. Those people have boring lives. They do. I will look at instagram and see some of the top female CrossFitters post pictures of their jacked bodies and people talk sh*t about them. Right there. They say “I wouldn’t want to look like that” or “Why would you want to look like a man?” Oh, you know what’s crazy? That is THEIR life. Their non-boring life. Not yours. Theirs. People are entitled to eat what they want, drink what they want, workout how they want to, and really do whatever the eff they want to do. But people just have to voice their negative opinions?
I hate negative people.
I went off on a tangent there, so let me get to why I’m writing this. I recently came across a forum saying things like I have disordered eating or I don’t really eat paleo anymore and I should be living up to the brand I created, and things I posted in the past don’t live up to how I live my life now. And that I should post about why these things have changed. They didn’t come to my blog and request that in the comments, they just posted it on a hateful website. Makes sense, right? It’s ok, I get it. They’re scared. So I’ll help those scared people out and post this blog post.
I used to compete in CrossFit, I used to do 2-3 workouts per day, I used to restrict my diet because I was gaining weight and couldn’t figure out why, I used to say I didn’t mind getting bigger because I wanted to compete at a high level, I used to constantly talk about my frustrations with my body, etc, etc, etc. And recently, I stopped talking about all those things. I stopped talking sh*t about my body, I stopped posting what I ate in a day in blog posts, I stopped working out multiple times a day. I stopped all of it.
In my 26 short years of life, I’ve come to figure out that people seem to talk more about the things they are insecure about. Their relationships, their bodies, their jobs, their diets. Whatever. So I constantly talked about my body and appreciating it because I was trying to cover up all those insecurities I had and come to terms with how I looked. When I was competing in CrossFit, I put on 30 pounds. I wasn’t comfortable at that weight or with how I looked. I didn’t care what other people thought, but I wasn’t comfortable with it. I didn’t fit in my clothes, I didn’t feel sexy, I just didn’t feel like me. So I constantly wrote blog posts trying to come to terms with those insecurities.
I would look to other competitive CrossFitters who were jacked and shredded and even though I could beat some of them in workouts, I didn’t look like that. And I was really insecure about it. And frustrated. So I would try to eat completely strict, restrict my intake of fat, carbs and protein, and just drive myself crazy with restrictions. It was so frustrating. I was looking everywhere for control: In my workouts, in my diet, everywhere.
When I look back, I was completely overtrained. I worked out way too much for my body, I didn’t eat enough, and because of all of this, my hormones were out of control. I finally injured myself (my shoulder), was forced to cut back, and slowly over time started to live a more normal lifestyle. I worked out once a day, I cut back on weights to work on my form and I decided that cutting portions wasn’t working and started eating more of the foods I wanted. My hormones began to level out more, my body felt way better than it ever had, and I lost some of the extra weight I had gained from working out too much.
My body is different than every single other person in this world. Completely different. I could workout the exact same, eat the same, sleep the same and do everything the same as one of my jacked competitive CrossFit friends, and I would look nothing like her. That’s because my body is different. And my goals are now different than they were. Before, I wanted to compete. That’s it. I did that and then I changed my mind so I could live a happier lifestyle. I didn’t think I would ever stop training and stop competing, but I did. Have you ever thought you wanted something and changed your mind along the way? If you haven’t, you’re boring.
So here’s the conclusion for all the a**holes out there that want to talk sh*t behind their computer screens on a website dedicated to hating people: you’re right. You can pat yourself on the back. I’ve had disordered eating habits in the past, along with probably 80% of the female population. I’ve tried all kinds of things to feel better about myself like dieting and excessive working out, along with probably 80% of the female population. I would absolutely love to say that I’m 100% cured and will never have those feelings again, but I think that is a really childish thing to say. I can’t see the future, can you? I can’t see how my body will change, can you? I can’t see the battles I will face someday, can you? Answer: no.
I am absolutely happy where I am now. I sometimes workout 5-6 days per week (I usually do my CrossFit workouts lighter now but sometimes feel like going heavier) then I sometimes take lots of rest days when I feel like it (like the 4 days off last week I took). I’m not as strong as I used to be and I’m ok with that because I’m more comfortable in my skin, but I’m also better with some of my skills like muscle ups since I don’t constantly obsess over them. I eat when I’m hungry, I eat gluten free breads that don’t upset my stomach, I eat a paleo cookies when I want to because it doesn’t upset my stomach like a normal cookie would, and I try to live a life of moderation. Like eating the wedding cake I had this past weekend. It wasn’t paleo, it wasn’t gluten free, it was just delicious and covered with icing. Did I feel bad about it? Nope. Not in the slightest. I want to live a happy life at the end of the day. Not a life of restrictions.
So here’s what I recommend to everyone. Live the life that makes YOU the happiest. Whether that’s paleo, gluten free, pure gluten, CrossFit, jazzercise, marriage, single, muscular, skinny, really whatever. I don’t care. It’s your life. Do what makes YOU the best kind of person. Not because other people do it, but because you love it. And while you’re at it, try to keep your negative comments to yourself. No, don’t try. Just do it.
And that’s how I feel about that.