Chewy and brittle shouldn’t go together in the same sentence, but they do here because…I MAKE MY OWN RULES!! Just trust me on this one. It’s good, it’s real good. It’s sitting in my freezer just calling my name. Bastard.
I’m so excited the election is over. I miss the days when I didn’t know people’s political opinions. Back in the good ole days. Like 3 months ago. At least now people can kind of stop hating each other for their differences in opinion. Laura doesn’t hate me because I think squat snatching is fun and she thinks it’s awful. We understand that we both have differences in opinion and we definitely don’t rip each others faces off because of it. Politics stuff is weird. All I know is that my Tuesday night (one of which I finally didn’t have to work on) was not filled with laughter and smiling while watching New Girl and The Mindy Project. But instead it was filled with lots of red and blue covering the tv screen. What if I was color blind?! How the hell would I know what was going on!? Bad joke.
I’m bored with politics talk. Let’s talk about me! Only child syndrome going on. So I got my car back yesterday. Remember how it was stolen then found all within 36 hours? Well, I had to get the ignition fixed up since they tore that apart, as well as get an alarm installed. An alarm? Really? I DO NOT have a nice enough car to have an alarm. Whatever. So I have this stealth sounding alarm that makes me look like a tool every time I lock my car. But when I picked up my car, my dad told me to test out the alarm…by smacking the window. So I stood outside, staring at my car, and smacking the window like I was getting my revenge from a cheating incident. Thankfully I haven’t met anyone in years to break my heart and turn me into much uglier Carrie Underwood. Before he cheats style.
I’m going to try to fancy up my car. I’m going to go get it detailed. It needs it. It still smells like weed. I bet these little bros who keep stealing my cars are pumped about Amendment 64 in CO. Now they won’t have to steal a car to just smoke weed in. Even though this Amendment isn’t actually a green light yet, people on Twitter keep asking me if I’m going to spice up my baked goods…meaning with weed. Here’s the thing, weed smells like skunks. And makes me want to eat an entire box of Lucky Charms. So I tend to stay away from it. Especially when it comes to paleo baked good. If I made my sweet potato brownies into sweet weed potato brownies, sh*t could get real ugly. Meaning my ass could triple in size.
Btw, I started washing my face with honey. In the mornings, when I have no make up on. Just a little warm water and honey does the trick. And makes your face feel real smooth. So I’m washing my face with honey in the mornings, oil cleansing at night, and using coconut oil as my face moisturizer in the day AND night. I smell like a hippy. Straight up.
- Place a medium saucepan over medium heat.
- Add a tablespoon of coconut oil then add your pecans to the pan. Toss around to coat in the oil and keep moving to help roast your pecans without burning them.
- When your pecans begin to become fragrant and browned a bit, add your honey and maple syrup. Mix well.
- Once your sugar begins to thicken just a little, add your coconut oil and coconut cream concentrate. Keep mixing with a rubber spatula to make sure your coconut cream concentrate doesn't burn.
- Then add your cinnamon, vanilla extract, and a pinch of salt.
- When everything is well combined, turn burner on low and let simmer for about 3-4 minutes to thicken just a bit. (it won't get super thick, so don't expect that)
- While your mixture is thickening, line a 8x8 glass baking dish with parchment paper, pressing the paper down into the sides of the dish.
- Then pour your mixture into the parchment-lined baking dish and use a spoon to spread out the pecans throughout the mixture.
- Place in the freezer and let freeze for an hour or more. When you pull it from the freezer, it should be completely hardened but still have a chewyness to it.
- Use a knife to break it into pieces.
- Store in the freezer until serving!
- Sooooooo much better than pecan pie. #factoflife
**To make it even creamier in texture, ad about ¼ cup almond butter or sunflower seed butter!
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