10 Things I Learned in the First Year of Marriage

Is it dumb to put together a 1 year synopsis of our marriage? It is bad that I just had to google synopsis to figure out if I was using it correctly? And that I still don’t fully know if I am? Whatever. I’m sticking with my first sentence and backing it up with 10 things I’ve learned in the lovely first year of marriage. I don’t want to boast but THE FIRST YEAR WAS AWESOME! So many people said the first year was their hardest, but we didn’t feel that way at all. Most likely because we lived with each other prior to getting married and bought a dog and a house and all that jazz. So not much changed after we got married in Jamaica.

So far, marriage has been wonderful. Nothing has changed except we both feel even more committed to each other. There’s no, “We got in this big fight, maybe we aren’t meant to be together” kind of crap. It’s just that amazing person you get to see every day and know that you will always push through the tough times together. I guess what is different about marriage is that you never have to feel alone because you know that person will always be there for you, no matter the challenge. And that’s pretty damn cool.

Every year, I want to do a little reflection on the blog of what we’ve learned in the last year. So if you hang out with me for another year, I’ll have another 10 things I’ve learned. Because I really am constantly learning. About myself, about my husband, and about the life we want to create for ourselves. So let’s do this!

1. I’ve learned to respect our differences and he’s learned to respect mine. He likes to not talk much when he gets home from work after he has talked to people all day. And I love to talk since I’ve sat in front of a computer all day by myself. So he will now come home and give me just the little bit of chatter that I need to help round out my day, and I will try to let him be. It’s all about balance for us since we are incredibly opposite in most ways.
2. I’ve learned to go with the flow more and he’s learned to create a schedule more for me. I plan out every single day of my life. I even write down when I’m going to take a shower and eat lunch, all to make sure I can fit in everything I need to get done, even on weekends. But my husband mostly goes with the flow and doesn’t need to plan every detail. So nowadays he asks me what I want to do and lets me plan a little bit more. Like this weekend, his mom is coming into town so he had me sit down and we wrote out a schedule of everything we need to do and the free time I would have to get work done. I get anxiety when it comes to not having a plan and I can tell that he really tries to nip that anxiety in the butt before it ever starts. Which is pretty cool to see. And the more we are together, the more I know that most things we do together, plan or no plan, are still going to be fun so I try to let go of that anxiety more and more. It’s still a work in progress!
3. I’ve learned to not talk sh*t about myself. Slowly but surely. Because my husband doesn’t put up with it. And that’s really what I need. When I come up to him and say, “My legs are looking big nowadays” or some other crap like that after listening to the trolls out there, he simply says “I’m not doing this” and walks away. He doesn’t egg it on or put up with it, he simply says no and moves on. For me, that’s what I need. I need it to be out of my head so I can move forward with my day and put that energy into healthy and productive activities.
4. I’ve learned to calm the f*ck down when PMS is raging and I’m feeling like taking it out on him. I don’t know about you, but I can become a different person. And that different person used to want to fight for no real reason. Luckily, I’ve learned to walk away and be insane by myself. Sometimes being alone with your thoughts is the only way to get through a frustration, fight or PMS rage.
5. Communication is key, being annoyed is not. If you want something changed or worked on, say something. Letting it bubble up inside and just expecting the person to do it without you saying anything is just a recipe for disaster. And that’s definitely something I do sometimes. So if you want something done, just simply asking sometimes before you let it build up inside can be so incredibly beneficial to your relationship.
6. I’ve learned to work harder and he has too. After bringing our two incomes together when we got married, we are constantly working to provide a better life for each other for right now and in the future. So when he works on Saturdays (like he has for the past 10 years), I work on Saturdays, too. He leaves at 5am and doesn’t come home until almost 7pm, so I get up at 5am with him and start working and work until he gets home. I’m always looking at ways to improve my business and I think it inspires him to work harder at his job, and vise versa. It’s cool to get inspired in your own job because of the person in your life when it wasn’t always like that.
7. Since we both work so much, we now know that vacations and time alone are both really important to us. My goal is to plan an anniversary trip every year because it gives us time to unwind and reconnect, just like we did in Costa Rica this year! Time that we can be away from our phones and computers and just thinking about what adventures we have in store that day. Those adventures have created such amazing memories for us and bonded us even closer.
8. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Who cares if someone leaves the lights on or doesn’t shut the drawers or doesn’t close a cabinet or leaves clothes on the floor. Sure, we could always work on those things that annoy each other and we should work on those things, but we also shouldn’t let them annoy the sh*t out of us. I do things that Brian gets annoyed with and he does too, but it’s way easier to turn off a light or shut a door or pick up a piece of clothing than it is to let that annoyed feeling build up.
9. Love is respectful and supportive. When my husband wants to change something in his diet or wants to wake up at 5am to workout or has to come home late so he can make it to the gym on an off day, I completely support that. I never encourage him to miss a workout or not take care of himself because I know those things are key to us having a healthier relationship. Sure, I’d like to hang out in the mornings and have breakfast or I would like him to be home earlier, but his health is first and foremost and it’s the same for me. Supporting each other in the gym and with a healthy diet is really key to a successful relationship for us.
10. Love is always evolving. And so is that person. If you’re not evolving, you’re not progressing. So evolving with that person is key to progressing that relationship in an even better direction. Both of us have changed tremendously since we started dating 5 years ago, especially since I was in my early 20’s and still really figuring out myself. Both of us are always changing and it’s important to be respectful and open to that change.

Can’t wait to see what the second year of marriage brings! I’m ready to learn even more about myself and my husband!