10 Things I Learned in the Second Year of Marriage

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Another year of marriage down and I’m happy to say that I feel even stronger and more connected to my husband than the first year. Sure we have our struggles, we have our ups and downs, and we constantly have to reconnect and regroup, but overall, it’s been an amazing two years. I scooped up a good one.

And I think these positive past 2 years have partly to do with both of us growing up, especially me. I’m 7 years younger than my husband so when we first met, I was 24. And it’s amazing how much you can grow from age 24 to 30. As I get a little older, I understand my husband more and I respect him and his viewpoints and beliefs more than I did in the past, and he does the same for me. And that respect has brought us closer together in many ways.

Last year I shared a post about the 10 Things I Learned in the First Year of Marriage and I want to keep the reflection going each year. It’s honestly a little challenging to think up 10 things but I like that part. I think it’s good to really have to think about your relationship and how it’s grown and even how you could grow more over time. So here’s a little breakdown of what I’ve learned this year.

  1. I’ve learned to get my work done ahead of time so once he gets home from work, I can put my computer and phone away while we cuddle and catch up on the couch. It’s SO easy to get wrapped up in my online life, especially since that piece is part of my business and livelihood. But it’s also a piece that pulls us further away from reality. My husband works all day and tries his best to leave work behind when he walks in the door, so I’ve tried to do the  same. It may not always happen and I may need to be on my computer sometimes, but I’ll explain that to him ahead of time. And once I put electronics away, I find myself wanting to cuddle and be close to him, which is great for our relationship.
  2. I’ve learned to communicate my frustrations before they blow up. And this has not been an easy one for me. Of course I’d love for my husband to just know everything I want him to do without me having to say it, but that’s just not how it is. So instead of being pissed he didn’t do the dishes or didn’t help me bring the groceries in, I now just ask for his help and tell him that I would appreciate if he did those things in the future. And he does the same for me. This removes any sort of fight and just gets down to the details right away.
  3. I’ve learned to backpedal during fights and reflect before I say things I don’t mean. This goes back to communication, but it also has to do with reflection. As I get a little older, I can better understand when I’m in the wrong and I can stop myself in that moment and apologize right there on the spot before things get worse. It’s sometimes hard to admit when you are wrong but it builds so much respect within your relationship when you can do so.
  4. I’ve learned that it’s important to find things you enjoy doing together. This is something we are still working on. When we first met and first got married, my husband was still working out at the same gym we met at. But since then he has moved on to a different gym and because of that, we have a little less time together and conversations are a little different since we don’t always have the same group of friends like we did before. I love traveling but he can’t take that much time off work. He loves golf but I’m not fully prepared to take golf on yet. So in the meantime, we are trying to find other things we like to do together other than just going out to restaurants and cocktails. I think it’s important to have some common interests to keep you connected and keep you from becoming just roommates.
  5. I’ve learned to support my husband’s hobbies, even if I don’t connect with them. My husband fell in love with golf this year and it really became his favorite new hobby. Problem is, I don’t golf and sometimes golf takes away some time we could be spending together. BUT when he started playing golf, I saw what a positive change it made in his life during some stressful points, so I support him going as often as possible. I may not always understand his hobbies but if they make him a happier person, I support him throughout…even with it being the only sport you actually have to pay to play (insert eye roll emoji).
  6. I’ve learned that illness/sickness is a challenging piece of the puzzle when it comes to a relationship. Not just because that person is going through such a hard time, but because you often feel at a loss at how you can help. My husband has gone through some health challenges this year and it’s very upsetting not knowing how to help or who to reach out to in order to find him help. His issues are very small compared to what others go through daily, but his experience has showed me that doing whatever possible for your spouse during challenging times is all you can do sometimes.
  7. I’ve learned I don’t have to eat dinner fast just because my husband does. That guy eats so damn fast, and so does his sister! And then they will go wash their dishes before I’ve even finished my  half of my plate. This will sometimes make me eat faster and then I feel like crap, so I have to constantly remind myself that I don’t have to eat that speed just because they do. It’s such a small thing but looking at your food, slowly chewing your food and letting your food actually digest is so important for overall health so I remind myself daily whenever we sit down to dinner.
  8. I’ve learned to sometimes just make decisions without my husband if I really want an answer. I LOVE planning. I plan out my 2 weeks ahead of time and plan hour by hour. I even write down when I need to shower or have a snack. But my husband is the complete opposite. Even when it’s the day of, he often hasn’t planned out what he’s doing. So instead of asking if he’s available or if he can do something and being annoyed when he doesn’t have an answer, I just plan it instead. I plan the date, I book his flight and I let him know where we are going. And it’s worked out great for both of us!
  9. I’ve learned that I don’t like talking about politics or religion. I respect my husband and his beliefs and he does the same for me, but since we often differ in our opinions, I find those topics turn into negative conversations and upsets. In this current climate, it’s easy to drown in the negativity of everything that is happening, and those aren’t the regular conversations I want to have with my husband when I only get to see him for a couple hours each night. That doesn’t mean we don’t ever talk about it, but it’s just not high on the topic list.
  10. I’ve learned that even though I know my husband would be the best father ever, I still do not feel ready to have a child. I don’t know if that will ever change but as I get just a little older, instead of constantly saying never, I stay open to the fact that those feelings may change at some point. But for now, I feel so content with our lives and where we are at. I still have so much that I would like to accomplish and a child doesn’t fit into that. But I’m staying open to the fact that those feelings may change someday. Until then, I have lots of travel to do and a retirement to save for!

Cheers to amazing second year and to an even better third! I can’t wait to see what 2018 has in store!

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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.

I’m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you don’t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.

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34 thoughts on “10 Things I Learned in the Second Year of Marriage”

  1. So many of these I can relate to so closely! It is nice to hear how other people navigate these challenging situations and make them positive! It is easy to get discouraged ????‍♀️

  2. Nicole Medeiros

    Happy Anniversary!! P.S. You should try golf…or at least maybe go with him one day. Take a day to walk in beautiful weather with a more mentally than physically challenging game.

  3. My husband fell in love with golf this year too! Although we also have a 10 month old, so I actually started golfing with him so we can spend some alone time together. Sometimes I don’t play every hole, and I definitely don’t take it seriously, we just use it is time to spend together. Kind of to the point you said of finding hobbies to share together I guess!

  4. I got married not too long after you, and ever since we’ve been married my husband has been studying for his Architecture licensing exams. So I’m always doing all of the shopping, cooking, cleaning, dishes, etc since we both work full time and all of his down time is spent studying. So…… yeah. Once these exams are over things around the house will need to change. I just hope the change can happen gracefully with as little conflict as possible 🙂 I’m going to ask for a housekeeper as my birthday gift next month.

  5. Happy Anniversary! I know you like to keep your relationship privatish but thank you so much for sharing this! I am a major planner too and it used to bug me in relationships but I’ve finally figured it out too!

  6. Happy anniversary! I was with you on the kids. NEVER wanted kids but my husband did. Finally, when I was 29 and travel nursing, I realized I better get moving or it was never happening because being a mom to a newborn at 40 is NOT happening here. If I thought about kids, it felt like I was thinking about the end of my life. While pregnant and even in my first year as a mom, I totally felt like, WTF did I do? But now we’re 2 years in (toddlers > newborns!!!!) and I’m like, oh- this makes sense. Instead of seeing my kid as a barrier to traveling, I actually WANT to be home when I am and dream less of leaving more (I do still travel- I was out of the country for over 30 days last year on fun vacations and took a road trip in the US). It’s an interesting shift. Not that everybody should have kids because they TOTALLY change your life, but it ends up being a good thing, even if it takes a few years to figure that out, haha. I voice my concerns and ask my husband instead of having expectations, but I should probably work on asking a little nicer if he could remember to put his dishes in dishwasher next time instead of putting them in the sink like he always does, even though I’ve reminded him 1000 times and he KNOWS I hate it (see- that’s how I ask, hah. I liked this. I’m going back to look at your post from last year too.

  7. Happy Anniversay! Marriage is ever changing and reflecting from the year is a great idea! After 6 years of marriage and 8 years together I have learned to just keep reflecting and evolving 🙂 it will keep the marriage solid!

    As for wanting a child; I tell everyone the same thing, wait until your older 🙂 there is so much to do at your age still and your marriage is young so just enjoy that. Something about becoming a parent in my mid thirties made the transition easier and more enjoyable. Someday you may (or may not) want a child but when that time comes you will know it for sure!

    1. Agree on the having kids thing. No rush and you will know if it becomes something you want. Until then, just enjoy your life and take care of yourself. For me I knew I wanted kids when my life wasn’t fulfilling anymore and I started to crave a family. I’m now 36 and pregnant with our second. A lot of my mom friends are around the same age and older. There are a lot of older moms out there now.

  8. Congrats on a job well done!!! It is crazy that I have been following you since you got married. Your a beautiful young lady and I love watching you and your sweet man!!!

    Keep on trekking!!!

    Robin Taggart

  9. This is one of my favorite posts from you! I needed the reminder myself. It’s so amazing to look back on each year of marriage to see how we’ve grown. My hope is to get better and better each year. I can’t thank you enough for letting us readers in on your personal life. I know it’s not something you always share but this was a great read! Xoxo

  10. Happy Anniversary! I am on the same wavelength with you for Golf and Kids! My husband and his family will meet up a couple times a year to play and usually I opt out. I have zero interest in ever playing but I could tell it hurt his feelings that I didn’t want to participate in his family’s activity.This past year I decided I will go along and be his caddie, i.e. I drive the golf cart and order drinks while he plays! You do you lady, but maybe that could be a compromise if he wants to spend time with you.

  11. Happy Anniverary Juli!

    I also had a Destination Wedding in Mexico and we just celebrated our first year of mrriage! That is definitely the way to go! So damn fun!

    Also! I got my first pair of Paleomg leggings in the mail today. By far my most favorite pair of leggings now! They fit so well!

    I also just wanted to say that I love everything about you and have enjoyed following Paleomg! You’re just the best and always so inspiring!

    Have a great day!

  12. I love all of these things! The communication thing is so huge, I’m a big “hold it all in until I explode” kind of person and I am working on that on the daily.

    I don’t want kids, and thankfully my husband is on that same page. I just literally love my husband so damn much I don’t want to share him with anyone, even my own child. Is that crazy? It’s fine. I accept it. Haha.

  13. I’m not married (and not even in a relationship!) but I’ve been golfing since college and now I am determined to find a future boyfriend/husband that I can share this hobby with – I agree that it’s super important to share hobbies and unfortunately golf is what that is a) expensive and b) time consuming! You should have him take you to a par 3 course one day as a date because I am sure he will like that once you are ready to learn a new sport 🙂

    1. lol so time consuming and expensive!! thankfully the whole not having kids thing frees up some extra cash so i don’t have to be mad about it. but i told him that i would want to take a couple lessons just because i want to feel like i at least know how to swing

  14. I love that you keep his face hidden in your pictures. Shows your respect for personal life and business life.

  15. I am such a planner while my boyfriend is not! We have been through the struggle of me needing to know what will happen beforehand while he would rather see what comes up. Any tips on how to balance?

    1. i’ve honestly just started to make plans on my own and if he wants to join, he can. but if the plans are super important and i need to him to be there, i make them and tell him he’s coming. it’s worked out pretty well!

  16. Happy Anniversary! These tips are great! I’d love to learn how to plan out my day like you do it. Hour by hour?? That’s amazing. I work from home and sometimes I feel like my planning skills suck. Could you do a post about how you plan your day/week/life? 🙂

    1. that’s what i do every day! i plan hour by hour, even down to when i need to eat lunch or the drive time to get somewhere. and i do that every week for every day, even on weekends! i just use the notes app and write out the times for everything i have going on that day, work that needs to get done, workouts i need to go to, and whatever else needs to happen!

  17. Thank you for always being so open and honest for your readers. (along with providing us amazingly tasty recipes to snack on while reading your writing!!) I can very much relate to the newness of having to deal with your spouse going through health issues as my husband and I went through something similar this year. It’s new territory and on top of being new it’s scary. I’m so happy to hear you were able to navigate it and learn from it and most of all for sharing, it helps knowing you aren’t alone in your struggles. Best of luck to you and your husband with whatever health issues they were, here’s to a healthy 3rd year of marriage for you guys!!!

    P.S. thanks for your blogs on Denver and Crested Butte, we’re visiting in June for the first time and I got so many helpful tips from those blog posts!!!!

  18. Juliana Gildea

    I love this list and totally relate to so much of it! I 100% feel you on #10, its hard not to feel guilty that I’m not ready. But no one knows whats best for you, better than you do! Happy Anniversary!!

  19. Congratulations! My husband and I are coming up on our 3 year anniversary, and I can relate to many of the things you’ve learned. My hubby is also 7 years older, and he’s taught me a lot about patience (not my strongest quality). Cant wait to follow your blog more this year!

  20. My husband LOVES golf too, and has since before we met 10 years ago. I DO NOT love golf! However, we have had several fun dates going golfing! Like someone else mentioned above, I would drive (and drink!) the cart while he played. We got to spend real quality time together, he got to do something he loved and share it with me (I’d listen to him talk about it, even though it was over my head!) and I got to just catch a buzz! Try it sometime, I was pleasantly surprised;)

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