I kind of loved this weekend. I slept a lot. I worked out. I hung out with friends. I ate most of my meals at home, meaning I saved money. I hung out on my new couch, which is the greatest thing in the entire world. I watched 3 Twilight movies on tv. Those seriously never get old. And I drank a couple glasses of wine. That was the only downer. Makes no sense, huh? Wine should mean great things, but not for me. The less I drink, the more I feel like balls when I do. Not just with wine, but with any alcohol. I seriously swell up like a balloon. Mostly in my feet, but also everywhere else. What’s up with that? I know for a fact that doesn’t happen to everyone. I remember in my college days when I would wake up skinnier from being more dehydrated. Now I’m just a little water balloon. Wtfuuuuu?

Ok, another serious question. Why do people enjoy watching scary movies? I probably watch one scary movie a year. Maybe. And I did last night. I don’t know why I did it, but when ’30 Days of Night’ was on tv, I couldn’t help myself. Maybe because it was just a vampire kind of night, or day (that’s besides the point), but I watched it. And instantly became terrified. Not just of the vampires eating my face off, but of living in Alaska when there is a month with absolutely no sun. Nothing is more terrifying than snow and no sun. That’s why I don’t live on the east coast. Jk Jk Jk, east coast humans. I can’t remember if my nightmares were from my fear of excess snow or vampires. I just don’t know. But I woke up pitting out a couple times last night. I do know that.

It didn’t even have a happy ending. The worst.

Remember how much of a heart throb Josh Hartnett used to be? He was so dreamy. Come back, Josh. Come back.

Wait, I need to go back to one point I mentioned. My new couch. Seriously, this couch is the most comfortable couch of all time. I need to take an instagram picture of it soon. Ya know, because that’s totally what people who follow food instagram pages are looking for. The couch has this giant ottoman that you can push up to the couch and make a bed. Pretty amazing. I kind of don’t want to sleep in my bed anymore.

I really want a churro.

PS- don’t freak out about the ingredient list below. I swear it’s really not that bad. Just man up, man dude bro.

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Blueberry Pumpkin Muffin Breakfast Bars

5 Stars 4 Stars 3 Stars 2 Stars 1 Star

4.8 from 18 reviews

  • Yield: 6-8 1x

Ingredients

Scale

For the muffin crust

For the toppings

  • 2 cups of fresh blueberries (frozen blueberries work, just thaw first)
  • 2 tablespoons honey
  • 2 tablespoons coconut cream concentrate or homemade coconut butter
  • 1 teaspoon lemon juice
  • zest of 1/2 a lemon
  • 2 tablespoons coconut flour

For the crumble

  • 1/2 cup mixed nuts, chopped (I used cashews, pecans, and walnuts)
  • 3 tablespoons unsweetened shredded coconut
  • 1 teaspoon sesame seeds
  • 1 tablespoon honey
  • sprinkle of cinnamon
  • pinch of salt

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
  2. Mix together wet ingredients in a bowl: pumpkin puree, maple syrup, coconut oil, eggs, and vanilla extract.
  3. In another bowl, whisk together coconut flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, ground cloves, powdered ginger, baking soda, baking powder, and salt.
  4. Pour dry ingredients into wet ingredients and mix well.
  5. Grease an 8×8 glass baking dish then cut a piece of parchment paper down so it can fit into the baking dish, leaving two sides out of the baking dish. This way you can pick the bars out of the dish without breaking them apart.
  6. Pour the muffin batter into the parchment lined baking sheet and spread out evenly.
  7. Place in oven and baking for 30-35 minutes until cooked through.
  8. While the crust bakes, place a small saucepan over medium heat and add blueberries.
  9. Add honey, coconut cream concentrate, lemon juice, and lemon zest. Mix well.
  10. Once the blueberries begin to burst, remove from heat and add coconut flour. Mix until completely combined. Let sit for about 5 minutes to thicken up.
  11. When the crust is done cooking, pour the blueberry mixture on top.
  12. In a bowl, add nuts, coconut, sesame seeds, honey, cinnamon and salt and mix together and mix.
  13. Add clumps of the nuts to the top of the blueberry mixture.
  14. Add to oven and bake for 15 minutes.
  15. Let cool for 10 minutes, remove from pan, then place on a cool rack to cool for 5 more minutes before cutting into 6-8 squares.
  16. Store in fridge.

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80 Comments

  1. Megan @ The Skinny-life says:

    These look amazing & I love your tip about using parchment paper so they do not crumble. I love blueberries too so I’m a sucker for them in anything!

  2. Chrissy says:

    I swell in my fingers when I drink. Then my rings are tight and I hate it!

    I hate hate hate scary movies….. Why do people like them?

    Twilight will never get old

    Can’t wait for hunger games, can’t wait for divergence!

    Comfy couches are important. My couch is amazing. Everyone that sits on it says I’m never getting up!

  3. Lex says:

    Sounds like a great weekend to me! I love Twilight haha. These bars look amazing! I have to make them later when I am no longer on crutches. Grocery shopping and standing up to bake is a little difficult at the moment. Can you just mail a batch to a poor gimp in Chicago??

  4. Courtney says:

    The older I guess, the worse alcohol makes me feel (and I’m only 33). I used to drink many nights a week, sometimes as much as a bottle of wine all by myself and it would have little to no effect on me. If I did that now, I’d end up in the ER, I’m sure of it. Although I’d also add that on the rare occasion when I was younger that I managed to drink enough to make me ill the next day, it didn’t deter me from doing it again (drink alcohol in genera, that is, not enough to make me sick) a few days later. Now, I feel like being hungover for a day isn’t worth it… it feels like wasting a day of my life feeling crappy for nothing.

  5. Livi says:

    that looks so delicious! I haven’t made anything with coconut flour yet, but I really need to!

  6. Steph says:

    These look delish. However, I can’t stand the smell of pumpkin, much less the flavor. I’m trying to think of a substitute that would have a similar consistency. Any suggestions?

    1. Sandra says:

      Steph, you can always substitute baked sweet potato for pumpkin – I’m not a pumpkin fan either.

      1. denise says:

        or squash

    2. Fran says:

      @Steph -I will attempt a sweet potato puree substitution.

  7. Kacey says:

    Same thing with me. I used to enjoy the post-drinking skinny aftereffects. I also started to have hangover symptoms for the very first time last year (I’m 28 now). Used to be I could eat, not eat, drink a ton, I’d wake up skinnier and happy. Now I have to eat real food if I drink to feel normalish in my head the next morning, and it’s hit or miss whether I feel thin or bloated. Oh well. :/






  8. Katie says:

    Watching scary movies is like watching a train wreck, sometimes you just can’t look away.
    I can’t wait to make these, they look beyond delicious! Blueberry anything is amazing.
    I’m jealous of your couch, and I don’t even know what it looks like. An ottoman that can make your couch into a bed? I’d never leave my house!






  9. Choylo Shaw says:

    Omg I just made these blueberry pumpkin muffin breakfast bars following your recipe and I just wanted to say that they taste so good 🙂

    I’ve even noticed a bit of a energy kick as well.
    Thank you so much for sharing this recipe.






  10. K8 says:

    Hi Juli! I love reading your blog and you are hilarious and I love your writing style!

    I have an idea about the swelling.

    Before I was tested for food intolerances, I had horrible edema (swelling) in my feet. It turns out that it is how my body reacts to many of my intolerances. The one that makes my feet swell the most though is Yeast Extract or Brewer’s Yeast. It’s in all forms of alcohol and vinegar. The only vinager I can now have is Apple Cider vinegar. Also, I have to avoid anything that has Brewer’s Yeast in it as a flavoring enhancer.

    Something to consider at least.

    1. juli says:

      hmmmm that’s definitely possible! i never ever swell other than drinking so that must be it, right?

    2. denise says:

      I not only get swollen feet/calves from alcohol, I also have had heat edema for 30 years. I didn’t think about the heat edema being food related. As soon as warm weather hits, puff, there it is and if it’s humid? omg, my feet feel like if you prick them they will pop. Will have to see what else might have to be removed from my diet and hope it makes a difference.

      Thanks for this tip.