Car Accidents, Colonics & Lake Powell – Episode 51: PaleOMG Uncensored Podcast

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Today on the podcast, I’m talking about all kinds of random ish. A guy riding his bike down the highway (drugs obviously involved), getting a colonic (aka a professional enema) and going to Lake Powell for the 4th time and what I will do differently there in the future!

Links from podcast:


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Episode 51 Transcription!

This is Juli Bauer from PaleOMG and you are listening to PaleOMG Uncensored.

1. Colonics [10:55]
2. Lake Powell update [24:58]
3. Weekly blog recap [48:32]

Juli Bauer: Well hello. Welcome to, I don’t know, what are we at? 51st episode? Why don’t I ever look this up before? Because I’m the worst. Apologies. Let’s start apologizing for things. I apologize for not having a podcast up last week. Let’s review why.

So, I usually record my podcast Thursday or Friday. Which, it’s Thursday right now while I’m recording this. So, last week, I needed to record it early. But I left town at like 6 a.m. on Wednesday. So I was like; ok, what the hell am I going to talk about? Another recorded podcast by myself. By me amigo; my friend, myself. And so I recorded the podcast while I was doing stuff. While I was running errands. I got 30 minutes’ worth of content, but what I wanted to talk about and what was recorded on that podcast, and what I’m talking about today, I couldn’t get the full effect and the full recap, if you will, with just that 30 minutes that I had that Tuesday recording the podcast before I left for Lake Powell on Wednesday.

So after I recorded it, I was like, I don’t even want to f*cking post this. I’m driving most of the time, trying not to get hit by cars. So I wasn’t feeling it. And I didn’t want to put out completely bullsh*t content for you. I mean, if you’re listening to this podcast, you’re used to bullsh*t content. But I felt bad. It just wasn’t the full recap. So I thought it would be better to do it once I got back from Lake Powell. And could really give you the full vision of my experience. But we’ll get to that in a second.

I first want to talk about something I witnessed, and I talked about last week while I recorded the podcast while I was driving. Because it was just perfect for what I had experienced. The last podcast I recorded, I had just recorded it, and then I went on a little double date. So my husband got home, and we hop in the car. And then we get onto I-25, which is like the main highway of Denver. We get on I-25, and we’re coming on the on-ramp, and people are going kind of slow. And then a car kind of pulls just to the side so you can have a little bit of vision almost. And there’s a bicyclist on the road. I’m like what the f*ck.

But, I’ve seen weirder sh*t in Denver. So I didn’t think much of it. I’m like, ok he obviously just accidentally got on the highway. I’m not sure how you do that. But he’ll stay in the little, what’s it called. The side of the highway that you can pull over when you have an accident or a police officer pulls you over, like a real dick, when you’re speeding like a normal human being.

So, I think he’s going to pull over, and so we’re all kind of trying to get over to the left. But then this guy decides that he wants to go to the fast lane, so he shoots off to the left, causing the cars not only in front of me, but the left of me, and then to the right of me, all to get into accidents. So he caused four accidents in front of me. Luckily, I was not one of those people in the accidents. Because I was far enough behind that I could stop in time. Take it in. But I’m just screaming. I’m driving. My husband is in the passenger’s seat. Because my husband’s travel time from work should be 20 minutes, and it takes an hour most of the time. So I almost always drive somewhere when he gets home. Because he’s been sitting in traffic all day.

So I’m driving. I’m screaming, because all these accidents keep happening, like little pop cans smashing. Like a woman in a little; what are those electric cars? Why can’t my brain function today? This little electric car. Tiny little thing. She gets hit by a truck. And so all these accidents happen. And the bicyclist does a little U-turn, and then he’s biking towards me, and so we make eye contact. And I’m like, wow. You’re f*cking on drugs, out of your mind. Who are these people on meth and heroin? What the f*ck?

In Denver, it’s such a huge issue. We have the Cherry Creek Trail where a lot of people commute on their bikes to work, or you can get a great workout in because it goes for miles. I think like 60 miles or something. And they have needle drop stations on the Cherry Creek Trail. That’s how much these people are shooting up. F*ck! It’s so gross.

So this guy is obviously hopped up on something. Maybe it was bath salts. Who knows. I don’t know, that’s just me being skeptical. Jumping to conclusions. But he was f*cked up for sure. So he’s biking towards me. And then he does another U-turn, going back down the highway. And these people who are on the highway in the left lanes, they don’t know what’s going on. They just think it’s like a normal accident. That we’ve just all rear-ended each other. Because now he’s going down. I’m like, do I keep going? Do I pull over with these people and make sure everybody is ok?

And we didn’t want to get in a car accident, so we just pulled over. Made sure this old woman in her tiny car that had been rear-ended by a truck was ok. I started crying. I was like, “Are you ok?!” Because it’s so scary. This poor old woman and her drink got spilled all over her car. That car was totaled for sure. But poor thing. She was probably drinking a delicious coffee, an afternoon delight, kind of. And it got spilled everywhere because this jackass got on the f*cking highway on his bike!

So then the person who hit the little car, the truck. The truck is obviously fine. The truck kind of keeps going down. Tries to pull off to the side a little farther up, and then the woman who was in that truck gets out of the truck, runs onto the highway, and is trying to stop this bicyclist. And the bicyclist is like, “F*ck you man.” And tries to go even farther out into the highway. So all these cars are screeching to a stop, and he just keeps f*cking going down the highway. Just going on down. Like a real idiot.

So I have no idea what happened to him. The fire trucks came, and we just told them what happened. And then we were like, ok we need to get the f*ck out of the way. So we just told them what happened and then we left, and just left our number if they needed witnesses or whatever. But we could see, on the next on-ramp, there were flashing lights. Like an ambulance and a police car. So we don’t know if that had to do with it. But I don’t know what happened to this guy. And I really want to know.

And then a girl on Instagram sent me a picture, and she was like, “Was this your guy on I-25?” But it was a total different bike and outfit. So I was like, no. But it was almost the same area. Who are these people?

Another thing that’s happening in Colorado; Colorado Springs, to be exact. Hence why I don’t go to Colorado Springs very often. No offense to people in Colorado Springs. That was rude. So, this woman, it looks like she’s; you know the runner’s outfits that those long-distance runners wear. Like those people who are in the Olympics, and they’re running forever. They have those almost onesies; kind of like what wrestler’s wear. You know what I’m talking about? I don’t know what they’re called.

So this woman in Colorado Springs; a woman must be out for long runs. And instead of going to the park bathroom or a gas station or a porta-potty. There are many options. I’ve hit up many options in my day. Because I have a very small bladder. But this woman decides that she’s not going to do that. And she is taking dumps in people’s; {barking} Jackson. Jackson. Hold your phone, it was the ice machine.

So this woman is taking dumps in people’s yards in front of children. Just let that sink in for a second. Could you imagine if your kids are playing in the front yard. You’re like, you know, doing some housework stuff. Maybe getting some work done. Maybe doing the dishes. A little vacuuming. And your kid comes in and they’re like, “Hey mom, a woman is taking a poop in our front yard.” How would you deal with that?

So what does she do? She goes out and she’s like, “Are you serious? Are you seriously pooping in my yard?” The woman is like, “Sorry!” Takes the napkins that she brings with her, wipes her butt, and leaves the sh*t in the yard, and keeps on running. {barks} Jackson! Stop barking, bro. You’re not cute in this episode. It’s not cute.

And she’s done this more than once. This is not a one-time deal. This is not a situation where she just had to let things go. And the thing is, that woman lives across the street from a park where there’s a public bathroom. I hate this woman so much. I can’t believe she defecated in someone’s yard in front of children. I don’t even like children. And I’m not going to take a poop in front of them.

1. Colonics [10:55]

This is actually the perfect leeway. I didn’t mean to do this, but this is the perfect introduction into my next topic. Because, this is what I kind of recorded last week. But then it’s just shitting recording. No pun intended. Sorry, I have to stay hydrated.

So, ok. Let’s do a little backstory. Ever since I went to Idaho; I went on a short trip to Idaho, the people who put together my trip, they put me at this one restaurant that had no gluten-free items. And I thought I made a good decision with the salad I purchased. I got a salmon salad. It had beets, and I stayed away from the dressing. Like, really a simple salad. Nothing crazy. Good chunk of goat cheese. Things I don’t have issues with. And as soon as I ate that meal, my stomach felt super off. And it had not been back to normal ever since then.

Just so you know, while you’re listening to this podcast, if you’re eating, you just shouldn’t. {laughs} Ok? I’m not that gross of a person, but not everybody can take this topic. We’re talking about poop here, guys. I’m sorry that’s so gross. Don’t hate me. Just stop eating for a second.

So anyway, my digestion had been really off. And I’m a person who does not have those issues because I stay away from food that makes me sick. I drink a sh*t ton of water. I try to be good about eating slow and chewing my food enough. So I’m really regular. I don’t have stomach issues. I don’t have gas issues, because I stay away from those foods that make me feel that way.

And if you’re a person who has gas issues or stomach issues, you need to find out what food is causing this. Because you don’t have to live like that. Just FYI. I think a lot of people think that; they’re like, “Oh, I’m just a gassy person.” No, the food you’re eating is make you a gassy ass person. {laughs} Gassy ass.

So, ok. It had been 2 weeks of not feeling good, and I had been eating all my own food. Drinking a ton of water. Staying away from sugar and alcohol. So I should have been feeling back to normal, because I had been to places where I had gluten in my diet accidentally, and I was able to get back on track within that next week. But this had been like 2 weeks, and I’m like, “I do not feel ok.”

So I was in getting my eyebrows tinted and waxed, and my girl who does that is f*cking hilarious. And she’s so easy to talk to and I love seeing her. Which is probably why I go see her every three weeks to get tinted and waxed. And because my eyebrows are blonde, so you’ve got to dye these motherf*ckers.

So I go in, and I’m talking to her, and I don’t know how it comes up. But I was talking about how my digestive tract had been weird. She was like, “Oh my god, you need to go in and get a colonic!” And I was like, I don’t even know what that means. I’ve heard of enemas before, at home enemas. Don’t want to do that kind of sh*t at home. I have so many puns in here! I had never heard of a colonic. Places you can go to.

So I start doing some research about the place. Because there’s a naturopath place in town called Natural Flow. And I know people are going to be like, “Was this sponsored…” Whenever something is sponsored, I say and let you know. But no, this was not sponsored. My bum was not sponsored in this recording of this podcast, ok? But it’s called Natural Flow. {laughs} Which is so great. And it’s in the uptown area in Denver. But I’m sure there are many all over the place in the US. And outside of the US.

But it’s colon hydrotherapy. So she starts telling me about. And she’s like, “Oh my god, Juli, you have to go do it. It’s so awesome. I highly recommend it. You feel so good afterwards.” So I was like, that same day, I call in and make an appointment. I did it right before; the day before we left for Lake Powell. Because I didn’t want to feel like sh*t at Lake Powell. I felt super bloated, wasn’t regular. Just not myself. Not my normal, healthy self.

So I make an appointment. I go in the day before Lake Powell. And it’s like, in this little Victorian house in uptown. And you know what I’m talking about if you live in Denver, and you know the uptown area. Ok, it’s super weird. It’s super awkward, because bowel movements are done in privacy. And this is with someone else around, kind of.

Ok. So it’s pretty much like an enema. And this is going to get a little detailed, but I think it’s important for people to know. And after experiencing it myself, I can’t wait to do it again and I would recommend it to anyone. So I’m just putting it all out there because that’s what I’ve done on my podcast. I mean my blog for 7 years at this point. I talked about my Brazilian wax on my blog in detail. So we’re going the colon route now.

Ok, so you go in. You pick your music you want to listen to. I was like, I don’t know any of this music. Because it’s very crunchy, hippie music. So I pick something, and she’s like, “Oh, that’s so joyful!” It was like Irish Folk music. I was like, ok. {laughs} So she puts this music in. And then she explains everything. How you’re going to do it. Because you get everything done pretty much yourself, and she just makes sure everything’s going to plan.

So you have to kind of picture this. Imagine you’re at the doctor. They have those kind of lie down beds. And then it has these little foot spots, where you put your feet up just a little bit. So if you put your feet up, you can kind of scoot your butt down. And if you scoot your bum down, there’s this little tube. Don’t worry, she takes it out of the package. You see it’s a brand new tube. Puts it onto this little water spout. Think of a bidet. That’s what it’s called, right? I haven’t used one of those. I don’t have a fancy toilet at home. I just got a regular flushing toilet, no bidet.

So imagine a bidet; that water kind of coming out. It’s that same thing here. And it has this long tube. It’s a very small tube; nothing crazy. And you scoot your bum down. And you put this tube in your bum. I know you hate me right now. I know. I get it. This is so gross. And it’s so weird to talk about. Luckily, I’m in my house by myself, and don’t feel like anybody actually listens to this podcast. So it’s fine.

So you do that. And then this is a 40 minute; you’re doing this for 40 minutes. So it’s in there. You don’t feel it. It’s nothing crazy, don’t worry. And then water starts going in. Obviously, it fills your large intestine, your colon, with water. And it keeps filling it up. And then what’s going to happen? It’s going to have to come out.

So it comes out, and where you’re sitting, it’s almost like this little drop off area, and it goes down into a tube and a tube of water takes it away. You can see the tube. You can see what’s coming out. Which is the worst part. I thought I was going to throw up. But you can see what’s coming out of your body.

So there’s obviously what comes out of your body in the first place. But then there’s mucus that can get in there. She was talking about all these different things that can come out; it’s pretty f*cking crazy and disgusting. So you sit there for 40 minutes.

The first time, the woman’s like, I can be in here. I can use essential oils. I can kind of massage your intestines; your stomach area. Or do like trigger, what’s it called? Trigger point on your feet type of thing that helps with digestion. And she was like, some people are cool with me in here and some people do not want me in here at all. Even women who have had like 4 babies; they’re like, get the hell out.

So I was like, I thought I would be ok. And she was starting to talk to me as the water is starting to fill up. And I’m like, “I think I need you to leave now.” Because it is so scary. Because you don’t; hopefully you don’t go to the bathroom. I sure as f*ck don’t go to the bathroom in front of my spouse. Not our thing. I know plenty of people who do; not our thing. Not into it. And I definitely don’t want a stranger in there when that’s happening.

Because what happens is you feel like you have the stomach flu. You know when you have the stomach flu, and you’re like, “Oh no.” It’s like pressure in your stomach, and you’re like, “I cannot wait!” And you have to run to the bathroom. That’s what it’s like. Because all this water is filling up, and it has to come out. And you can’t hold it for long. And you’re lying down. So when was the last time you took a dump lying down? Hopefully when you were a baby. Hopefully it wasn’t last week when you were super wasted. Fingers crossed. Think about your drinking if that’s the case.

So, yeah. You lie there for 40 minutes. You get used to the sensation. But it is just like, “Oh my gosh!” It’s just that pain in your stomach. Not like, super painful, just uncomfortable. Then everything comes out. And it detoxes your liver. And then people think it’s dehydrating you, but it’s actually hydrating you from the inside out. Because it’s getting water into your intestines. So it’s super hydrating. But it does get rid of some of your electrolytes, so she gives you an electrolyte drink afterwards to just kind of replenish those.

And then it detoxes your liver. So she mentions that you can feel cold afterwards because of that liver detox. And I went to Target afterwards as I was going home, and I was freezing in Target. I was so cold, it made me get the shivers. So I got that for sure.

Afterwards, she just talks about things that you should stay away from. Raw vegetables. Things that are hard to digest. Like lettuce, red meat is just a little bit since it’s on the higher fat side. It’s a little bit harder to digest than, say, chicken or even I had salmon that night. She recommends lightly steamed vegetables. Lightly cooked vegetables. And she gives you kind of a list there. She said white rice. And I had salmon with white rice and some vegetables. That’s what I had for the rest of the day.

After you get done with this, you kind of go to the bathroom. There’s a bathroom right there. You go to the bathroom, hang out there for a while, make sure everything’s done. But I definitely had to go to the bathroom again about an hour later. And I was like, “Oh no, I need to go right now.” But that was the only thing.

And you guys. I’m talking about all of this because the day after; back to normal. Body has been completely normal. No issues. Even traveling to Lake Powell. And of course, I’m eating things that I normally wouldn’t eat. And more snack food, because we’re on the boat all day. Even with that, my digestion has been totally normal. Back at it. Feeling awesome. Not having any issues.

So I cannot wait to do it again. I’ll probably do it every few months just because. Things just kind of get backed up. She talked about why this can happen. Obviously, a lot of us don’t chew our food very well. We don’t drink enough water. Stress can cause those issues. The sh*t we eat, obviously can cause those issues. So it’s just so awesome. I highly recommend it. This is not paid advertisement. I don’t think I would be like, “oh yeah! I totally want to talk about getting a colonic.” No. No. But, I’m talking about it based on my experience. Which was enjoyable. Frightening, awful, yet enjoyable.

I told my husband I think he should do it. I told him I didn’t think he could take it. I don’t think he could. But who knows. Maybe he could. But I’ve been telling all my friends about it. People who don’t want to hear about it at all; I’ve been telling them about it. I just think it is the best thing. So yeah, go get a colonic. Cool? Cool.

2. Lake Powell update [24:58]

Now, let’s talk about Lake Powell. So I’ve been to Lake Powell. Because we got my colonic, went to Lake Powell the next day. Early in the morning. I’ve been to Lake Powell; this is now four times. So the first time I went to Lake Powell, it was back in my CrossFit competing days. Like I worked out every single day on shore with heavy rocks and all that kind of sh*t. So the first time I got invited to Lake Powell, it was probably because my husband kind of had a crush on me. He didn’t really figure it out for a while. But we had been playing kickball with these friends. One guy worked out at my gym, and then my husband worked out at the gym, and we were all on a kickball team together. So I think we just kind of got the half-ass invite. They’re like; well, we need more chicks. Let’s invite Juli and her best friend Laura. Or Laura and her friend; you know what I’m saying. The two of these chicks.

So we get this invite. And they do this trip every year. They get a houseboat, and 30 people are on this houseboat. It’s like 5 rooms. So it houses like 10 to 12 people. But then people just sleep in the upstairs. People have slept in the wakeboard boats. You just work it out. So like 30 people on this boat. And the first time going to Lake Powell, we drive there. And we usually drive through the night. So we get there in the morning, and then be able to go out on the boat right away, as soon as the place opened.

So get this invite. Fell in love with Lake Powell. It’s one of the coolest trips I’d ever been on. Loved it. Loved the experience. Most beautiful place. So serene. So calm. You don’t have cell service where we were at, and that’s the best. Because being on your cellphone is the worst. And I live on my cell phone. I mean, I’m literally recording this on my cellphone at the moment.

Speaking of, I really want an iPhone 8. I need a new camera. This is like the iPhone 6 and it’s like dying on me. Anyway.

First Powell trip was amazing. Second Powell trip, the next year, comes around. We go a little bit later. The first trip we went early August; we went a little bit later in late August. And we had a couple weirdos on the boat. Like, oh this one f*cking guy. He was the worst. I don’t know whose friend he was. I don’t know who brought him. But I hated him so much. As we’re looking at these huge carp or something off the side of the boat one night, this guy brings out his gun and starts shooting the fish.

I’m like, first of all, why did you bring a f*cking gun? You f*cking weirdo. And then number two, you can’t just shoot into the water! Ugh, I f*cking hated this guy. He was such an idiot, and such a drunk, messy person he fell and cut his foot open and bled all over the boat. He was just one of those messy drunks. Why do people have to be messy when they’re drunk? I just black out and walk home. I just keep to myself. I do the Irish goodbye. I go do my own thing. And this guy cuts his foot. Brings his gun out. Thinks he’s so funny.

Our friends; I never even ate this because it was pasta. But our friends made this mac and cheese every year, and everybody loved it. And they’re making it, and he’s like, “I can make it a better way.” And completely ruined it. He ruined this trip. So not only was he the pits, but at that point me and my husband were then just boyfriend and girlfriend, but he didn’t want to call me a girlfriend. So we just kept breaking up and getting back together, and I hated him but was so in love with him. It was just the worst time in our relationship during that second Lake Powell trip. I almost didn’t go on it.

And then, it just rained the whole time. It just rained and rained. And when we drove out there, all of our suitcases were in the back of the boat, and it rained all in the boat, and my suitcase got soaked. And all my clothes never dried. So I was freezing cold the whole time.

Then the third time we went on Lake Powell, we went in our friend’s houseboat. He owns it with a few other friends, so it’s kind of like a timeshare for them. So we went out with him. And it was just my husband, two of our friends; who just had a baby yesterday. Congratulations Ben and Sarah. Their cute little baby boy. 8 pounds 5 ounces. Little chunk. He’s going to be so athletic. He has really college athlete parents.

Then, my husband and I, and then our two other friends. So it was only 6 of us on this whole houseboat, which was amazing. And we made fancy dinners every night. We had cocktail competitions. Everybody had to bring their own cocktail ingredients and make it for the group, and then we voted who did the best. It was just so much fun. It was perfect weather. We surfed and wake boarded the whole time. It was just amazing. So third trip was awesome.

So now, a couple of years later, our friend’s houseboat is broke. They’re still fixing it. So we stopped by just in case on our way to Lake Powell to see if it was fixed, and it wasn’t. So what we did this year, we drove to Lake Powell. Because to go to Bullfrog Marina from Denver, it’s like 7 to 8 hours, just depending on how fast you are and how many times you stop. And you can stay in hotels in the marina. So you don’t have to do a houseboat. Highly recommend doing a houseboat, because it’s the best experience. It’s so much fun. It’s like just having your house right there with you to go home to every single night. It’s just so comfortable.

So this time we really wanted to make Lake Powell happen, so we’re like, ok let’s just get hotel rooms. So we got a hotel room in Bullfrog Marina the first night. So we get there, we check into the hotel. And we’re there by 3, so we go out on the boat. And just surf and have a great time. The first night is great. Then we ate at the Bullfrog Marina hotel’s restaurant. Decent restaurant. And then we stayed the night there, and the next day we literally pack everything from our cars and from the hotel into our boat. Luckily we had a Malibu, like a 2017, I think it’s a 25-footer or something. So it had a ton of space. Water break. Got to keep that colon hydrated. Gross.

So, we had a big boat, so we were able to fit everything really comfortably. So we took food so we’d have lunch on the boat. Snacks. Any drinks. All of our clothes. Wake boards, surf boards. Literally everything is on this boat. So we head out the first day; the first full day to go to Page Marina. Which is almost 100 miles from Bullfrog. So it’s a good distance. And that’s lake miles. It’s a good distance; takes a few hours. Especially when you’re surfing. And we know we’ll have to stop for gas. So we kind of have a spot that we’re going to stop for gas.

So it hits about 11, and all hell breaks loose with a storm. We knew we were getting into a storm that day, but we didn’t know that it would be a f*cking torrential downpour storm. So this storm starts up, and it just comes in hard. Wind is blowing at like 50-60 miles per hour. I looked this up, that’s how I know. I don’t know wind speeds off the top of my head.

But this wind starts coming in. It starts dumping rain. And then the hail starts. And it’s like little pebbles of hail. I just have a towel over me, just crunching down. Because there’s nothing I can do at this point. And then my husband, poor guy, captain of this boat, is freaking the f*ck out because he can’t see pretty much past his windshield let alone the end of his boat. And if he can’t see in front of him, houseboats or other boats can’t see in front of them, either. So it is very likely that we could hit another boat and capsize or f*cking ruin this boat that we’re borrowing.

So we’re pretty much just chugging along, because now we’re almost out of fuel. We’re trying to find Dangling Rope Marina, but it’s off to the side. You can’t see it unless you know where you’re going, and we don’t. So then we know that Antelope Point, which has gas isn’t too far, so we’re kind of just chugging along, trying to wait out this storm. Trying not to hit another boat, or hit a sandbar, or hit rock, or whatever the f*ck is sitting in the middle of the lake that you can’t see. And luckily, as we’re chugging along, we find Antelope Point, which has a cool restaurant, and gift stores and convenient store, and it has gas.

So we get in there, and we run into the convenient store. The guys are out there getting the boat locked up. And then they’re helping other people pull their boat in without the boat hitting the marina, and f*cking ruining the boat. So then we just kind of wait out the storm. And the winds are so intense, that it ends up breaking the dock at Antelope Point. Like, snapping the dock in half. And then all the power is out, so nobody can get gas. So people are also stuck here, and can’t get anywhere. And you don’t want to go anywhere, because you can’t. Because these winds are so intense.

We keep seeing these houseboats trying to come in out of the rain without dying. And these houseboats are getting swept away. They can’t get the boat to come in. It’s so terrible. The coast guard found a bunch of random boats that were most likely swept away from the marinas. And then this poor 80-year-old woman; I’m not sure exactly what happened. I read a short article about it. But their houseboat was swept ashore, and she got, I’m guessing pinched between something in the houseboat, and her arm was severed. She had to get; I think it came off. Not even have to get it amputated later, I think her arm came off. And she lost an arm during this storm. It was f*cking crazy. Sucked.

We were out of gas, so we were stuck there. Luckily, my husband helped this guy bring their boat in, we were talking to them, and he was like, “Oh, we have gas. You can buy it off of us. Thank you so much for helping us.” So we bought gas off of them, and we were able to get out of there once the storm kind of backed down. Because it was a mess at Antelope Point.

And then all these drunk people were yelling at us while we were leaving. Like they were mad at us we were leaving. It was so weird. And Antelope Point is like; this is me being judgey. But Antelope Point is like a marina; I don’t know if it’s considered a marina. I don’t know what it is. It’s a spot where all of the speed boats; and these speed boats that cost like $200 to $400,000 that have multiple engines and use gas like nobody’s business. All these people are kind of assholes in there.

Oh my god; they had this one group. God, I hope they don’t listen to this podcast. No offense to you guys. But they had this one group of all these speed boat people, and it was like a club, obviously. And they all race each other. And all the dudes had these hats on, and the girls all had these dresses on that said “Panty droppers”. And that was their club name, was Pantry Droppers. And all these women were obviously like all plastic surgeryied out. Hey, I’m a pro plastic surgery; you go girls. They all had so many fillers in the face, so it was super obvious. And they’re hanging out with these dudes who are so ugly!

I’m like, you guys are trying so hard, and these guys don’t give a f*ck. And they’re super messy drunks. Really loud. And they have hats on that say Panty Droppers. God, I sound like such a judgey b*tch. I’m just saying, ladies, why are you going for these dudes? You’re trying your ass off. Go for a hotter dude. Maybe you’re going for the rich guy? Go for the hot rich guy. I don’t know. I sound like such a judgey b*tch. I know nothing about these people other than they weren’t very polite, and they had Panty Dropper dresses on.

Sorry, that was rude. I was mean, I apologize. It was just a lot to take in. It was great people watching, let’s just say that.

So we get out of there, and then we make our way to Page Marina. Page is huge. I’d never been to Page. Bullfrog is in Utah, Page is in Arizona. I’d never been to Page before because it’s so much farther for us to drive, and then we’d never really boat over there. But it’s full of super beautiful houseboats. Like yachts. They have beautiful yachts there. These crazy expensive houseboats. So those were really fun to look at. And they have amazing resort with pools and firepits and they have a really great restaurant. It had a ton of gluten free options on it, which was really cool. We ate breakfast and dinner there almost every night, and always had great options. Never had stomach issues from it, which was great.

We went to the pool; they had a hot tub. It was not hot. Which was very needed after that storm. But what sucks is we’d have to take everything out of the boat. Like, we’d leave stuff in ice. But we’d take all of our clothes, anything else that we needed, all out of the boat, close the boat up. Put the cover on. And tie it up for the night. Walk up the huge hill up out of the marina with all of our sh*t. And go to the hotel, which was even farther. And then leave all of our stuff in the hotel room.

We stayed a couple of nights in Page. And then we boated back to Bullfrog to stay one more night, and then leave the next morning. My poor brother-in-law had so many spider bites from the night in Bullfrog. The last night. So our last night in Bullfrog, my brother-in-law was trying to pay. So all of us went back to the room, and he’s just kind of waiting there. And he asked this other girl. He’s like, “Can I get our check? We’ve just been sitting here for a long time.” And she’s like, “Yeah, who was your server?” He’s like, “I don’t know. This dude here.” And she’s like, “Oh, ok. He’s dealing with a widow problem. A black widow problem.”

And then my brother-in-law, the next morning, after we slept at that hotel woke up with probably 8 to 9 spider bites all over his body. A little bit sketchy. Especially because I saw a spider nest above his bed the next morning.

So, Bullfrog doesn’t have the newest of hotels. The nicest of hotels. But Page had really great hotel. It was super nice. Loved staying there. The staff was really nice. They had a coffee shop. And both marinas had Wi-Fi. Not great Wi-Fi, just in case you want to go there and work. I couldn’t get half the work I needed done, but I still got plenty of stuff done for that time.

But, yeah. It kind of turned into a bust. Because every day on the lake. In Page, it was like 10 degrees warmer than Bullfrog, luckily, but it only got to maybe 85 degrees. And when your boat is going quickly, it gets pretty cold pretty quickly as soon as the sun goes behind the clouds. If you’ve been out on the lake at any point, you know that. So I was wearing sweats and a sweatshirt and pants and a hat almost the entire trip. I got some great surfing in the first day or so. First two days. And then the last day we were there, I didn’t even get in the water other than to pee. Great peeing water. Water was warm. But it’s like, you don’t want to get out because you’re going to be freezing the rest of the time as the wind is blowing.

So that was just kind of a bust. So I feel like; I told my husband, I feel like I want to go only in the beginning of August. Because it’s started to cool down, but it’s still like 100 degrees. And if you’re out on the lake all day, you want hot weather. I want it to be 90s to 100 degrees. Not in the 70s and 80s and microburst storms that severe people’s arms. But that’s just me. That’s just what I’m looking for.

And then we had to drive the 8 hours; it probably took us longer because as soon as you hit mountain traffic in the mountains of Colorado it just becomes a sh*t short. Which is why I don’t snowboard or ski. Because I’m not into sitting in traffic for hours on end. And we had to drive back. And now I’ve had a knot in my back, because I kind of sit slanted whenever I drive. I don’t have proper posture. Or I’ll put my foot up, pretty much by my face. I don’t know how that’s comfortable. And it’s not, on your back, later on.

And I was driving with my brother-in-law and his girlfriend. So I couldn’t listen to any of my murder podcasts. So that would have been really great to listen to podcasts on the way there. Or on the way back. But people don’t really like true crime unless they like true crime. So I didn’t get to listen to any of those. A lot of times they slept, or I didn’t even want to talk anymore and people would want to talk.

So it was kind of a bust. I was pretty bummed. Because this is like the one vacation my husband got to take this year, and he was stressed out the whole time because he didn’t want this boat to get f*cking ruined. And it was an expensive trip. To stay in these hotel rooms; this is why we all stayed in a hotel room together. So we didn’t even get private alone time. Because they were like $350 a night. That is f*cking expensive for not a super fancy room. Yeah.

So it turned out to be an expensive trip, and a bit of a bust. But my brother-in-law was so happy. He is 23. He actually turned 23 when we were out on Lake Powell. And he said it was the best trip he’s ever taken. And he was so happy, and that made us so happy. So it was totally worth it. But I’m ready to go back out on Lake Powell next year and get a houseboat for sure. Because Lake Powell is one of the most beautiful places you’ll ever be. Every turn you make it’s like stunning.

We went to Rainbow Bridge. We went to I think it’s called Clear Creek in the Escalante River. It’s like this little channel that you go back. We call it the bat cave, because it’s almost a cave feel. But it has an opening at the top. And you can do some cliff jumping. And they have a rope that you can climb up on. And you can go into this farther little canal where the water doesn’t reach anymore. And we’ve all gone to that spot before.

I actually almost cried at one point when we had to do this jump, because we had to jump right foot to the right, left foot to the left on another rock, and then out. And I was scared I was going to slip and break my face open. And you know what, I like my brain where it’s at. But I was fine when I jumped off of it. But I almost cried. But this time, someone put a rope in so you can climb down the rope. Which thank you, to that person out there. I appreciate that.

Sorry if you can hear Jackson chewing on his bone. He’s loving this new rug that I just got. Just FYI, I don’t know when this podcast comes out, if it will still be the case. But World Market has a ton of rugs. I know this sounds like another plug. {laughs} But I’m for real. I just bought a rug there. And luckily, they didn’t have it in store so they had to order it to bring it in the store. By the time I got in the store, it was on sale for 50% off. No big deal! So I was like, hey can you price match me, b*tch? I didn’t say b*tch. And they’re like, oh yeah for sure! And I’m like, I love you!

So I got this new rug because ours was looking a bit dingy. Because Jackson had probably thrown up on it 47 times and rubbed his butt on it like a nast-ass. Dogs are gross. He should go get a colonic honestly. This podcast has a lot of poo in it.

So yeah. Lake Powell was a bit of a bust this year. But I’m not giving up on it. I’m going to make sure a houseboat happens next year. And I’m going to crush that houseboat. It was wonderful. So yeah, that’s how the past week has been. Colonics, car accidents, and Lake Powell. And a new rug. That’s a big thing in my life. The only problem is, our big trash day doesn’t come. Where they take extra trash. It doesn’t come for another 2 weeks. So I have this rolled up rug in my living room, along with our new rug, and I don’t know what to do with it.

And I thought about taking it to a thrift store, but I feel bad. Here’s my sh*tty ugly rug? Tell me what to do. If you think I should take it to a thrift store, let me know. Because I have some time. I have two weeks before the big trash comes. Do you think somebody would want it? I love the rug, but it needs a deep shampoo. So then, will anybody take that? I don’t know. Tell me. Tell me what you think. Come over the blog;

3. Weekly blog recap [48:32]

If you’ve missed anything on the blog lately. I’m going to pull it up and see what I’ve been posting. Because now it’s been two weeks, and I’ve had some fun recipes on the blog. I wonder if I’m even pronouncing this right. I don’t even know how to pronounce it and I made my version of it. But pastelon? Pastelon. I don’t know. It’s like a Puerto Rican plantain lasagna, if you will. I made that this week. I did an applesauce spice bread. So for people who can’t have coconut or nuts, this is a coconut free and nut free recipe. So you should definitely check that one out.

I did a recap of Lake Powell, so you can see the recap of where we stayed and what we did while we were there. I shared Greek yogurt fluffy waffles. If you can’t have Greek yogurt, don’t sh*t the bed. Don’t worry, I have plenty of other waffle recipes on there. And then I did a one pan baked lemon and dill chicken and potatoes dish. It’s like one pannish. Kind of. I also made a taco lasagna. I think I talked about that last time on the podcast. But I don’t care because I really liked that dish. It was a taco lasagna casserole, and it’s divine.

And then this week I’m talking about bras, for all you ladies out there who need some boob help. I’m talking about a really cool bra that I am obsessed with. And then I shared this little modest look. I’m not much of a modest gal, obviously. But I shared a modest look last week on the blog. So I have all kinds of stuff on there. All kinds. And I’m also talking about the importance of rest. Because all you people who work out like f*cking crazy and never take rest days, believe me, it will catch up to you. So I’m talking about the importance of rest in my weekly workouts post.

So I have a sh*t ton of stuff on there. So head to That’s where this podcast started in the first place. And let me know about the rug situation. Leave a review of a recipe. And don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe this podcast. Ok? Ok.

Well I need to head to the grocery store, because I’m cooking a recipe today, and I’m also recording a podcast for another podcast. Like, I’m going to be on their podcast this afternoon. So I have to get all prepped and ready for that. So I hope you have a wonderful week. Thanks for listening to my colonic story. I’m sorry if I made you throw up. But you’ve got to talk about that kind of stuff. Only to your close friends, like me. So, go get one. They’re awesome. And if you have any questions, or you just want to chat, feel free to leave a comment on my website. I’m terrible at getting back to emails, but I always get back to comments. So come chat. Let’s be best friends. Hope you have a wonderful weekend. Chat with you soon. Bye-bye for now.

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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.

I’m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you don’t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.


13 thoughts on “Car Accidents, Colonics & Lake Powell – Episode 51: PaleOMG Uncensored Podcast”

  1. Thanks for this pod! I am so glad you gave details about colonics – I’ve always been curious about them, and want to try one, but I am a little scared. I needed someone like you to give me the “gory details!”

    Did you notice any other changes to your body – ie. clearer skin? I’ve always wondered if a colonic would help my skin and also my somewhat frequent headaches. I might try the place you went to since I live in Castle Rock.

    And seriously – that pooping lady – WTF is wrong with people?!?! When I used to run all the time, I made sure to use the bathroom before I left the house. Duh.

  2. “Natural Flow” haha. Best. Name. Ever. In all seriousness thanks for sharing on your experience! I’ve been interested in these for a long time, but always a little terrified. I’ve *tried* those at home tea/powder/pill combo thing…like you make a nasty shake in the morning and take the pills and tea at night everyday for a month or something…I’m terrible at remembering that shit so it obviously didn’t work well. I’d rather just do it all at once.

    Totally unrelated and random question– I know, ‘we rise by lifting others’ but did you/do you struggle with being competitive in your own business AND genuinely encouraging and uplifting/supporting your friends who are in the same business, even though they are technically your competition? I feel like a terrible person admitting that I struggle with this. I freaking know that I shouldn’t feel threatened by others success, it’s no reflection of my own and I should be genuinely excited for them. I also know this is a reflection of my own insecurities….just wondered if you had any perspective on how you deal with this. Thanks!

    Also…I am an ultra runner in Colorado Springs and would just like the record to show that the vast majority of us don’t shit in people’s yards! #fuckinggross hahaha! My husband (not a runner) was reading that article to me and was like ‘See! That’s the problem with you damn runners, you just think you can do whatever you want and shit in people’s yards and stuff’ lol!!

    Thanks for reading this long winded ramble!

    1. i definitely use to feel competitive and jealous with people in the same business as me, but over time i found that having those feeling made me stay still instead of pushing forward and getting better. i think jealousy is a normal feeling, even with close friends, but as long as you’re not letting that jealousy freeze your momentum, than it’s ok to feel that way. nowadays i see it more as – if they can do it, i can too. so those feelings now just make me work harder!

      1. Yup ! Totally agree! After I wrote that comment to you I really thought about it and thought that rather than focusing on changing how I feel about other people, I should focus on how I feel about ME and my life and I think the rest will fall into place. So decided to start spending a few minutes each morning focusing on gratitude and things I am grateful for/things that are going well/opportunities I have (i.e. The Five Minute Journal). Guess I already knew the answer, I just wanted your opinion because I think you offer up a great no bullshit perspective on life! 🙂

        Also, I was wondering if the place you got the colonics at spoke to the frequency of getting them? I had heard that it wasnt good to get it done too often (6 months apart was the minimum) because it got rid of too much good bacteria in your gut…or something like that. Thanks!

  3. Julie – I always enjoy your podcasts and I am so glad you shared your experience with colonics. For the past week my stomach has been super jacked up and gassy and I went to my doctor because I thought maybe I had a blockage and she just said take magnesium citrate and you will be good to go. Well I took it but I still have this horrible feeling in my stomach and still have problems in the bathroom. So I found a clinic where I live that does colonics and i will be making an appointment. Thank you, you may be my life saver 🙂

  4. Can I just say this podcast had me laughing on my drive home today! The picture you painted of colonics was amazing and it was great how you made a somewhat awkward topic pretty damn funny! Plus it was very informative! I enjoy your podcasts and blogs! Thanks for all the great info.
    Can I ask you a somewhat off topic questions. You do a lot of blogs and podcasts on your skin care routine. Have you ever used beautycounter? I know a lot of other bloggers use it but you’ve never mentioned it. I ask because I feel like we have very similar skin types (at least from the way I interpret your description of your skin) and I’m trying to make a change in skin care.

    1. lol so glad you enjoyed it! i think it’s always fun talking about what other people won’t talk about haha! and i’ve tried a few BC products but I actually plan to place an order with them soon! love a few of their skincare products, not a huge fan of the makeup i’ve tried though. once i try more, i’ll definitely do a post about it!

  5. 1. This episode though…. I giggled and giggled.
    2. Have you ever tried products from Malaleuca? I have just started to test out their makeup and cleaning products. I’d love to know your thoughts on them. There isn’t much information about them online.
    3. I’ve just started to use the rowing machine at the gym. Do you have any tips for using this machine effectively? It feels like I do not have enough resistance when I use it.

    1. nope! i’ve never heard of it! definitely check out some rowing video on youtube because they will definitely teach you better than i can!

  6. Thanks for the podcast, I have been having so many tummy issues, I just booked my first colonic thanks to you. Fingers crossed it is as pleasant as you made it sound, but still hysterical.

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