Favorites & Least Favorites w/ My SIL – Episode 87: PaleOMG Uncensored Podcast

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Today on the podcast, the one and only Carra Roth is back on to co-host with me to talk about our favorites, least favorites, my mouse situation, my new obsession with Taylor Swift and what we think of the new season of the Bachelorette!


Big thank you to this week’s sponsors!

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Support the podcast by clicking the Subscribe button on iTunes and please a review only if you love the podcast! There is enough negativity in this world, don’t spread more. I love hearing about what YOU want me to talk about so feel free to leave on comment here or on social media with topics you’d like me to cover! And don’t forget, some posts have affiliate links which I may be compensated from. This compensation helps with keeping this blog and up and running! Thank you so much for your support, you guys are amazing!


Episode 87 Transcription!

This episode of PaleOMG Uncensored is brought to you by Aaptiv. Adaptive produces audio-based workouts created by certified personal trainers available through a mobile app. New members get 30% off an annual membership. Visit Aaptiv.com/PaleOMG.

This is Juli Bauer from PaleOMG and you are listening to PaleOMG Uncensored.

Juli Bauer: Before we get started with this weeks’ episode with my lovely sister-in-law, I want to talk to you a little bit about Sun Basket. I’ve talked about it a ton on the podcast. Sun Basket makes eating fresh and healthy, delicious meals every night easier than ever. With Sun Basket, you can have a healthy meal on the table in under 30 minutes. There’s no compromising with your own health goals when easy to cook meals are delivered right to your doorstep.

Sun Basket delivers organic and clean ingredients with 18 healthy options to choose from every week. They work with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly raised meats and seafood. And everything is premeasured and easy to prep.

Everything I’ve made for myself and my husband has taken under 30 minutes, and cleanup is a breeze. I get the paleo option from Sun Basket, but they also have gluten free, lean and clean, vegan, Mediterranean, family options, and more to suit anyone’s lifestyle.

This week in my Sun Basket box, I got the Taiwanese style sole with 5 spice sweet potato and wilted greens. Which I would never, ever think to make at home. Which is so cool. There were Mediterranean turkey kabobs, and Jamaican jerk spiced pork with early summer salad. The sole and the turkey kabobs were definitely my favorite out of the box, but they were all amazing. I serious have not had a single meal that I haven’t liked. Everything has been awesome.

And don’t let this busy summer get in the way of your healthy goals. I know when it’s summer, for me, I get lazier and lazier with cooking. And that’s what I do for a living. So Sun Basket makes those lazy nights easier than ever because I know I’m going to have a meal in 30 minutes. And it’s so convenient, and you can make healthy eating in your household easier than ever, and more delicious, so no one in your family is going to complain.

To try out Sun Basket, all you need to do is go to SunBasket.com/PaleOMG today, and you can learn more about Sun Basket and you can get $35 off your first order. That’s SunBasket.com/PaleOMG. I promise you, you are going to love it. And now it’s time to do the damn thing.

Juli Bauer: Hey Pandi! Say a few words.

Carra Roth: Hey Pandi! How are you?

Juli Bauer: Jeeze, don’t scream.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Just trying to get the range right.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, ok. I get it. Welcome to another episode of PaleOMG Uncensored. How are you doing, Carra?

Carra Roth: I’m good. How are you?

Juli Bauer: You know what? People liked you so much.

Carra Roth: Back by popular demand.

Juli Bauer: Back by popular demand.

Carra Roth: Or just because I didn’t have anything going on today.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. Carra is at the moment interviewing for jobs, so I get her a couple of times a week. Which has been quite lovely. She’s been helping me with my own job, so I don’t go insane. Like I normally do by myself.

Carra Roth: I had so much fun.

Juli Bauer: Just weep in a pillow. It’s way more fun hanging out with someone than hanging out by myself.

Carra Roth: I agree with that.

Juli Bauer: And I’m good at hanging out by myself.

Carra Roth: You are really good at it.

Juli Bauer: Like really good at it. Ok, as I’m thinking about it, I’m going to pull up the ABC website so we can take a look at some of the guys from The Bachelor. Because I wanted to talk about that today.

Carra Roth: OK. That is on one of my lists, so I’m excited to see if it’s on your thumbs up or thumbs down list.

Juli Bauer: OH, sh*t. Ok, it’s on neither one of my lists.

Carra Roth: Oh, we’re just going to talk about it?

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Carra Roth: OK {laughs}.

Juli Bauer: So, today guys is a favorites and least favorites, as you know. As you’re reading the title of this podcast, obviously. But Carra, I gave her homework. And she had to create her favorites list and her least favorites list. Which is what I do. Ew; Let’s do the damn thing.

Carra Roth: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: It’s the title; ok, whatever.

Carra Roth: That’s one of my things!

Juli Bauer: Ok. I just need to get the dudes. Here we go. But before that, I want to give everyone an update, even though you never even got the first situation. But we had a mouse situation, guys. There was a mouse situation in our household. I left for the Caribbean back in April for my birthday. And the day I left, Carra saw a mouse in the house.

Carra Roth: It was actually the day before you got home.

Juli Bauer: Oh, ok.

Carra Roth: Yeah, it wasn’t the first night.

Juli Bauer: OK, that’s not too bad. So Carra saw the mouse, and then I got home and I was like; I swear to god I saw a mouse. If hear Jackson licking; I wonder. He’s got peanut butter in the roof of his mouth or something’s going on.

So we saw a mouse. We put out traps. But I never heard the traps go off, or whatever. And they didn’t look like they did. But then one day I open our linen closet, and I’m like; that is a death smell. And I’m not dead, Brian is not dead, Jackson’s not dead. There’s only one other standby animal that it could be.

And here’s the thing; I worked at a CrossFit gym that had mice all the time. At our old facility. And pretty much this new facility too. Our new gym used to be a bird sanctuary.

Carra Roth: Really?

Juli Bauer: How f*cking weird is that? It smelled like such sh*t when we moved it.

Carra Roth: I bet.

Juli Bauer: Oh my god it smelled so bad.

Carra Roth: Is it just because the doors are always open? The garage doors?

Juli Bauer: I’m sure. And there’s food. I mean, our gym owner swore off dogs. He’s like; no dogs are allowed inside. And I’m like; your f*cking children put graham crackers inside the wheels of our bikes.

Carra Roth: Oh sh*t!

Juli Bauer: No wonder there’s mice. And at one point, the gym owner; he hates when I talk about him. Somebody will tell him I talk about him on the podcast and he’s like; don’t talk about me. Don’t talk about my children. And he gets very volatile. I don’t know if that’s the right word. Very aggressive.

Carra Roth: Defensive?

Juli Bauer: That’s the right word. Whatever, mind your own business, Jason. {laughs}

Carra Roth: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: So at one point, his kids were making shakes at one of the events. We had an open event. So they were making post-workout shakes that was like milk and lemon-flavored protein powder. It was something that was just hell on earth. And they were like $20 for this one little cup. So he leaves the milk in the fridge for months and months.

Carra Roth: Gross.

Juli Bauer: The milk explodes; goes everywhere. And the whole gym smelled like vomit.

Carra Roth: That’s disgusting.

Juli Bauer: And he doesn’t want to deal with it; because he’s a dude. Or he’s just one of those types of dudes. So he just left the spoiled milk fridge.

Carra Roth: No!

Juli Bauer: In this little tiny closet in the gym.

Carra Roth: For how long?

Juli Bauer: Months.

Carra Roth: What?

Juli Bauer: I’m not joking. I think Tommy, the guy who married us, for people who are listening to this. I think he helped him take the fridge out. And he just put the fridge by the trash at some point. So the trash just smelled like; it was so gross.

Carra Roth: Oh my gosh.

Juli Bauer: Back to the point. I’ve smelled a lot of dead mice in my day. I’ve seen a lot if dead mouse; mices, moose. And I knew a dead mouse when I smelled it. But I was too busy to go searching for it. So when Carra came over on like Saturday, she went searching and she found it right away, dead as a doornail.

Carra Roth: Yep.

Juli Bauer: And it scared you.

Carra Roth: It did.

Juli Bauer: You knew what you were looking for and it still scared you.

Carra Roth: Yeah. I was scared. I don’t know why, it was like a tiny little guy.

Juli Bauer: He was super tiny. Poor little panda.

Carra Roth: I know.

Juli Bauer: So what do you think happened to him?

Carra Roth: He was so close to the pantry, too. He could have been thriving, but instead he went into the linen closet. He picked the wrong door.

Juli Bauer: For real. I drop dog food all the time. Our pantry probably has dog food everywhere. And I’m sure he went in there at one point. Do you think maybe he swallowed one of Jackson’s pebbles that were too big, and he choked on it and died in the linen closet?

Carra Roth: I think he went into the linen closet, got caught up in all the sh*t that was at the bottom of it.

Juli Bauer: What? I’m not a hoarder! {laughs}

Carra Roth: {laughs} And couldn’t find his way out. And then he just died of starvation and thirst.

Juli Bauer: That’s true. Where do you think they drink water out of it? Like Jackson’s dog bowl? Where did he get water?

Carra Roth: {laughs} I don’t know. That’s probably why he died.

Juli Bauer: I guess why he died. Well, rest in peace, mouse. I feel sorry for you. But you stunk bad.

Carra Roth: At least we found him, he wasn’t in the wall. He was just dead on the floor.

Juli Bauer: Yes. Because I was telling my friends about this mouse, and I was freaking the f*ck out. Because all of them were telling me that they had to deal with a mouse in their wall. They had to take apart their wall and call an exterminator. I’m like; ok, this is going to be hell and I don’t have time for this. And that was not the case. Carra just found it.

Carra Roth: Yep. He was just there. And he wasn’t in anything. I didn’t have to shake out a towel or a blanket or anything. He was just dead on the ground.

Juli Bauer: No. Just lots of dead mouse poop.

Carra Roth: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: So rest in peace. Ok, can we quickly just talk about what I did last week that you’re mad about.

Carra Roth: OH gosh. Ok.

Juli Bauer: Going to the Taylor Swift concert.

Carra Roth: Yep. I feel like I’m the only person in Denver who did not go.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, that’s fair. I mean, there were 58,000 people at this stadium. And if you guys care, which you 100% don’t, you should look at Taylor Swift’s Instagram page. Because she has a picture of the Denver event.

Carra Roth: I saw that.

Juli Bauer: It’s really pretty. Like really cool.

Carra Roth: It is cool. I saw so many videos, and I was even tailgating with girls that went to the concert. I just didn’t go.

Juli Bauer: F*ck.

Carra Roth: It was terrible.

Juli Bauer: I apologize. It wasn’t my fault. I wouldn’t have bought tickets without you. A friend had to backout last minute, so I got her ticket. That’s how I end up doing anything, is someone backs out and I just get to go. And I hate events like that, because I have such bad social anxiety at stuff like that. And I hate being around that many people. People are rude, and pushing, and you can’t find an Uber. And I stress out about it. It’s the worst. I didn’t get home till like 1 in the morning because of it.

Carra Roth: And you were sober the whole concert, and still had fun.

Juli Bauer: Sober. And my friends were f*cking wasted.

Carra Roth: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Taco Bell drive through 1 a.m. wasted. I mean, we’re 30 years old. It’s like; ok, Taco Bell drunk nights are gone. When is the last time you went through Taco Bell drive through?

Carra Roth: OH my gosh. I don’t even know.

Juli Bauer: Because you’re an adult.

Carra Roth: Yeah. I miss it though. I do miss it.

Juli Bauer: Do you drunk eat?

Carra Roth: Never. Hardly ever.

Juli Bauer: Damn. That’s so crazy, because that’s all I think about when I get drunk. Or sober. {laughs}

Carra Roth: Yeah, that’s no different.

Juli Bauer: Because Carra and I were talking about how I’ve been more into drinking lately, and she’s really into that Juli. And I was like; the problem is it’s just so many calories. I start getting chubbier. And she’s like; I don’t feel like you drink enough to get chubby. I’m like; ok, but. I eat a lot of food, so on top of that with drinking, that’s just so many extra calories. And Carra does the opposite. She just drinks more and doesn’t eat.

Carra Roth: {laughs} That sounds really bad.

Juli Bauer: It does. But that’s like your whole family. You’re just not big…

Carra Roth: Big foodies.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. Your mom is the most foodie of all of them, being into sugar like me. But you guys just don’t really think about it.

Carra Roth: I’m not a big snacker. I just eat to eat.

Juli Bauer: No. And you guys go out and drink all night and not even think about food. And I’ll be the person who’s like; hey guys, we have to eat f*cking dinner.

Carra Roth: Let’s get a snack!

Juli Bauer: Remember Christmas last year. Was it Christmas? Where I had to feed Brian.

Carra Roth: I don’t remember that.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, because you were wasted. {laughs}

Carra Roth: {laughs} Where were we?

Juli Bauer: That was the night of the cow.

Carra Roth: Oh, ok. That’s fair.

Juli Bauer: So we were in Nebraska.

Carra Roth: {laughs} The night of the cow, we were in Nebraska.

Juli Bauer: The night of the cow. We were in Nebraska. And one of Brian’s friends was like; hey, I want to take you to this secret thing. I probably talked about it on the podcast at one point. But this guy took us to the farm where you have to milk a cow, and then you pour; what do you pour in it? Whiskey?

Carra Roth: It’s like hot chocolate with vodka. You just make a spiked hot chocolate. But you milk the cow to get the milk.

Juli Bauer: to get the hot milk.

Carra Roth: So it’s like fresh.

Juli Bauer: Frothy.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Frothy. It’s really gross, and you kind of gag a little bit as you’re drinking it; just the thought of it. But it tastes good.

Juli Bauer: It tastes delicious.

Carra Roth: It’s just like fresh out the teat.

Juli Bauer: So I didn’t want to get that drunk, so I gave Brian my drink. And the drinks were so strong. And then we went to a bar. And this is Christmas, you guys. This is motherf*cking Christmas night. So we’re at this farm, and nobody speaks English at this farm. It’s all Mexican farmers. Nobody speaks a lick of English. And everybody got so wasted. And then we went to a sketch ass bar, because we always go to sketch ass bars in Nebraska. And I’m like; I haven’t eaten f*cking dinner. I want to get home. And Brian; I had to feed you guys.

Carra Roth: It’s so funny, because we’re from Omaha. We’re not from a small town. So it’s so funny that this just sounds so hickish.

Juli Bauer: It is. It was the biggest hick thing I’ve ever done.

Carra Roth: Me too.

Juli Bauer: And I feel like I grew up in a hick town of Golden, before Golden was the cool place to live. Anyway. I forget what I was talking about? Oh, Taylor Swift. So, by the way. If you guys ever have the ability to go to a Taylor Swift concert, it was the best.

Carra Roth: {crying}

Juli Bauer: I know, you’re sad still.

Carra Roth: I think it sounds boring.

Juli Bauer: {laughing} Carra is still very bitter. She told me to put eyedrops in one of my friend’s drinks so she could go for them instead.

Carra Roth: Yeah. I didn’t want to kill her, I just wanted her to be down for the night.

Juli Bauer: Yeah just have major diarrhea.

Carra Roth: You can’t sh*t yourself at the concert.

Juli Bauer: But it was so much fun. Dealing with wasted friends isn’t as fun. Still great.

Carra Roth: But you were stone sober and still had the time of your life.

Juli Bauer: Completely. I danced my ass off. I’m good at concerts being sober, because I like to dance and I don’t give a sh*t what anybody thinks.

Carra Roth: Yeah, you used to sneak into clubs with fake IDs when you were younger just to dance not to drink.

Juli Bauer: Yes.

Carra Roth: I did the opposite.

Juli Bauer: Not fake IDs; I would pawn my way in with candy.

Carra Roth: Yeah. I had a fake ID to get into bars to drink.

Juli Bauer: You did?

Carra Roth: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: I feel like you guys all had fake IDs, huh?

Carra Roth: Yeah. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: I never had a fake ID.

Carra Roth: It was so cool. Well, and you weren’t drinking so they were like; ok. She’s not really a hazard.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, just go dance, you weirdo. I would go in and dance so hard for like 5 hours. I would leave completely drenched, like I just got out of the shower.

Carra Roth: Dancing hard. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: So weird. Ok. Now, let’s talk about The Bachelor. Or The Bachelorette. My apologies to the women out there. The Bachelorette is in full swing. What did you think of the first episode?

Carra Roth: Ok. So this is going; The Bachelor entrances/night one is on my thumbs down list.

Juli Bauer: Oh sh*t! Ok.

Carra Roth: Yeah. It makes me feel so awkward. I pretty much hate everything about it.

Juli Bauer: Tits! It’s on my thumbs up list.

Carra Roth: Night one?

Juli Bauer: Well, it’s like, the start of it all.

Carra Roth: I know, but you don’t know anybody, so they just look like tools.

Juli Bauer: They all look the same.

Carra Roth: Yeah. You don’t know their personalities, so it’s not funny. It’s not relevant. You’re just like; this makes me feel so uncomfortable and awkward.

Juli Bauer: It’s true. You can miss the first night and not miss anything.

Carra Roth: Right.

Juli Bauer: Ok, but I know we wouldn’t remember anybody so I wanted to pull up their faces.

Carra Roth: Even looking at them, I don’t remember them.

Juli Bauer: This guy, Blake, lives here in Denver. He’s from Denver. I creeped on him on Instagram. Because I was like; this guy looks like he’s 21. There’s no f*cking way.

Carra Roth: He’s the guy who rode in on the ox. And was …

Juli Bauer: Yes. And rode in on the horse before. He wears a bow tie; I’m not a fan of bow ties. But he has the youngest looking face. But I looked at his Instagram, and he actually looks like a really nice, cool dude. He has a lot of pictures with his younger sister, and they have the Colorado beer Olympics or something like that. Fun activities. So he’s on my top favorite list now. I still think he’s like 21, but whatever.

Carra Roth: Do we know how old she is yet?

Juli Bauer: I think she’s like 30.

Carra Roth: OK. I feel like all the guys on this episode or this season are really young for some reason.

Juli Bauer: Well, ok. Ew, I hate this guy’s hair. Chase’s hair looks like he’s wearing a bumpit.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Yeah, just on one side.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. Chris here; Chris was the tattletale of the night, and Chris has two hairlines.

Carra Roth: I think he’s going to be the tattle; he’s just going to throw everybody under the bus. That’s his thing. He’s just the biggest tattletale.

Juli Bauer: I feel like he’s not going to make it long. Or did he get kicked off? We didn’t even watch who got kicked off.

Carra Roth: No, no, no. He stayed. He told on Chase, and Chase went home.

Juli Bauer: OH, ok. So Chris has two hairlines. He obviously permanently markers in his first hairline. I don’t know why you can’t have one hairline when he obviously has plenty of hair. I don’t get it. Don’t care about those guys. Clay has a hard time smiling.

Carra Roth: Can you do his impression.

Juli Bauer: “Uh, hi. {smacks} I’m very excited to meet you Becca. {smacks} I love football. {smacks} I love hanging out with my family. {smacks} I love smiling. {smacks} It’s just very hard for me.” That’s what he sounds like! Look at him smiling there; he’s having the hardest time smiling. It’s really weird.

Ok, Colton. Colton is the one who wore the crushed velvet vest.

Carra Roth: Ok, yeah. That was an interesting choice. I feel like he’ll probably make it far.

Juli Bauer: I think so too. Based on the trailer that showed every single episode.

Carra Roth: Yeah, that’s the only reason why. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Yeah. I think he makes it far. And he’s the one they show in the trailer that he’s a virgin.

Carra Roth: OH, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. But he’s probably lying about that.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. What is up with virgins feeling like they need to talk about that they’re a virgin all the time? It’s not like I’m like; hey. You want to know how many guys I’ve slept with in my day?

Carra Roth: Yeah like night one. Did he tell her night one?

Juli Bauer: No. Just on the trailer.

Carra Roth: Ok. Yeah, I don’t know.

Juli Bauer: Why do people have to brag about that? Why does it have to be a topic of conversation? If you feel so strongly about it, keep it to your damn self.

Carra Roth: I feel like if you’re going to get into a relationship, they should probably know there’s going to be no hooking up going on.

Juli Bauer: Ok, they’re hanging out for four weeks straight, and like two days.

Carra Roth: Well 4.5 weeks, they get engaged. So at some point you have to have that conversation {laughs}.

Juli Bauer: Can’t that be the one on one night, where you bang it out. You can be like; hey, I’m not going to bang you because, god.

Carra Roth: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: {laughs} I don’t know. Whatever your preference of virginity is.

Carra Roth: Ok, well some people just want to put it out there. It’s not like you hold back. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: {laughs} I’ve never once talked about how many people I’ve slept with on here. One; my husband. {laughs} Ok, let’s see.

Carra Roth: None of these guys look familiar.

Juli Bauer: Oh, Garret is the one who got the first impression rose. He’s the one who loves Chris Farley.

Carra Roth: Oh man, that was tough for me to watch.

Juli Bauer: The worst. Why does he have to do that?

Carra Roth: I don’t know.

Juli Bauer: But he seems like a funny nice guy.

Carra Roth: See, right. It’s just out of context. We don’t know his personality yet, so he seems just like a tool. And quoting movie lines is my worst; I hate it so much.

Juli Bauer: Especially because you know he bought that fly fishing gear for his intro video.

Carra Roth: {laughing} Yeah.

Juli Bauer: And that gear is f*cking expensive.

Carra Roth: It’s so expensive.

Juli Bauer: Jake was the one who has met her before.

Carra Roth: Oh yeah, he got sent home. Right home.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, he got the boot.

Carra Roth: It’s like; just turn right back around.

Juli Bauer: Oh, yes. Joe. Good old Joe.

Carra Roth: Joe with the terrible accent from Chicago?

Juli Bauer: Yes. Chicago. He said, “Oh hi there!” What’s a Chicago accent? How do you say it?

Carra Roth: I don’t know. I don’t think that was it. But, the grocery store owner.

Juli Bauer: Yes. And he’s like, I used to sell watermelons. And he got so awkward that he got sent home. Because he couldn’t be himself. He was like, “Goddammit, Joe! You f*cked it up!”

Carra Roth: {laughs} He was so mad at himself.

Juli Bauer: Ugh, what’s a Chicago accent?

Carra Roth: But he was like; I can’t be myself around her. And it’s like; you’ve met her for 10 minutes.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, nobody feels themselves. You fake it.

Carra Roth: Yeah! {laughs}

Juli Bauer: You fake liking someone so you can be on the show longer.

Carra Roth: He doesn’t have very good social skills.

Juli Bauer: No, because he’s a grocery store owner.

Carra Roth: Are we back?

Juli Bauer: We’re back on. We lost it for a second. So act natural, ok? Act natural.

Carra Roth: Be cool, be cool. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: {laughs} Be cool! Our podcast keeps shutting down and we have to record again. And it is just so annoying. So let’s get back on track. We were talking about Joe. John is the guy who invented Venmo. We don’t care. He won’t last long because he’s too kind.

Carra Roth: {laughs} And smart.

Juli Bauer: Let’s see. Jordan.

Carra Roth: Yeah, Jordan. The Merman. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Jordan sucks. Jordan is the male model. And…

Carra Roth: He is the real life Zoolander.

Juli Bauer: Yes! And he; ok, when we see some of these people on here, is it like; is he real? Is it real? Because nothing feels real on this show.

Carra Roth: I don’t know. I mean, I want to know how much of it is producers. He’s not really there. He’s just an actor. Some of these people are just there for good TV.

Juli Bauer: I don’t feel like he’s getting paid.

Carra Roth: Yeah but it will enhance his career, whatever. He’ll get Instagram followers, you know what I mean? So I just feel like he’s definitely one that the producers are going to keep around just for good TV. He doesn’t care about anybody but himself.

Juli Bauer: Oh, he loves himself.

Carra Roth: So much.

Juli Bauer: He loves himself so much, and he thinks he’s so attractive. And he looks rather short. {laughs} It’s like; what’s up with these short dudes thinking they’re f*cking hot sh*t?

Carra Roth: {laughs} You hate short people!

Juli Bauer: I know. I just think of one person in particular.

Carra Roth: Ok.

Juli Bauer: {laughing} But, anyway. I don’t hate short people.

Carra Roth: This is a recurring theme.

Juli Bauer: It is. Ok, what do you think about Leo?

Carra Roth: Ok, so Leo; I feel like Leo would be; me personally, better looking with shorter hair. He’s got a nice face, but I’m not into those long locks.

Juli Bauer: No. He looks like a character on Game of Thrones.

Carra Roth: {laughs} That’s a good analogy.

Juli Bauer: He legit is a Game of Thrones guy, but less attractive.

Carra Roth: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: Like who Khaleesi marries and dies or something.

Carra Roth: Khal Drogo?

Juli Bauer: What?

Carra Roth: Khal Drogo.

Juli Bauer: How do you know that name? Do you speak Dothraki?

Carra Roth: {laughs} I don’t know, I’m just super into Game of Thrones. I’ve seen one season.

Juli Bauer: {laughing} One episode that you’ve really dedicated to. Ok, Lincoln. He is a Nigerian guy who is obviously going to stir up some controversy.

Carra Roth: Yeah, I feel like they made him seem like he’s big drama in the previews.

Juli Bauer: With that high top he has going on, he loves drama. He has a fade, and the line through it.

Carra Roth: Yeah, kind of like the Fresh Prince. Old school.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, Fresh Prince with a cut line, like swivel. Line.

Carra Roth: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: I don’t really like his voice. He sounds like a female.

Carra Roth: I don’t remember his voice.

Juli Bauer: You don’t? He sounds like a girl.

Carra Roth: Oh yeah, I remember you saying that.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Carra Roth: But he’s jacked.

Juli Bauer: He is jacked. So.

Carra Roth: Good for him.

Juli Bauer: Good for him. Mike is horrifying in this photo.

Carra Roth: Yeah. I don’t remember him.

Juli Bauer: Mike wore a man bun and had Ari cut out.

Carra Roth: Oh yes! Yeah, that’s the worst. No one wants to see their ex-boyfriend. Or ex-fiancé who just f*cked you over.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. And he brings a cut out of him?

Carra Roth: Yeah. Ew.

Juli Bauer: Don’t care about these guys. Oh yeah, this is like the end. Don’t care about any of those guys.

Carra Roth: I don’t know them.

Juli Bauer: I don’t care about them. Will; you have terrible hair too.

Carra Roth: I was just kind of disappointed in the cast. I feel like; I didn’t find a lot of them attractive.

Juli Bauer: I really do like Blake. I think Blake is going to make it far. And if he doesn’t, f*ck her. She’s a Midwest girl. Isn’t Minnesota Midwest? I don’t really know.

Carra Roth: I think so.

Juli Bauer: Where is Minnesota?

Carra Roth: Up. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Ok. So, Carra and I today have our favorites and least favorite things.

Carra Roth: Well I already told you that Bachelorette, or bachelor entrances just in general in night one are on my thumbs down list.

Juli Bauer: Well, we’re not to the thumbs down list. Ok Carra?

Carra Roth: Well that’s just; ok. Let’s get into it.

Juli Bauer: OK. So, let’s first talk about favorites. I’m going to start. {laughs} This is my podcast. So, I have been loving on Netflix Californication.

Carra Roth: I’ve only seen a few episodes a long time ago, when it was first airing.

Juli Bauer: It’s good.

Carra Roth: Yeah, it’s good.

Juli Bauer: And somebody at the gym today; I love this couple at the gym. And the guy was like; it’s funny that he turned out to be a real sex addict in real life.

Carra Roth: Oh really.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. David Duchovny.

Carra Roth: Oh yeah, didn’t he go to rehab. Sex rehab.

Juli Bauer: I don’t know anything about that guy.

Carra Roth: He was married to what’s her face. Tia. Anyway.

Juli Bauer: Tia and Tamara?

Carra Roth: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: But it was funny, because this guy at the gym was like; but it’s all perspective of what a sex-addict is. He said; because maybe some people don’t have twice a day like we do. I was like; twice a day! Jeeze!

Carra Roth: Damn. Like we do? Like him and his wife?

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Carra Roth: Every day?

Juli Bauer: Sounds like it. And it does not surprise me whatsoever.

Carra Roth: Really?

Juli Bauer: Yeah, this couple is badass.

Carra Roth: Damn.

Juli Bauer: I feel like a slacker.

Carra Roth: Right. She’s a good wife. She shaves her legs every day?

Juli Bauer: Doubtful. Very doubtful.

Carra Roth: {laughs} OK.

Juli Bauer: But they’ve been married for like 10 years. Do you have to shave your legs anymore after 10 years? {laughs}

Carra Roth: {laughs} I don’t know. You’re like 3 years in. You’ve got 7 years to go before you can stop shaving.

Juli Bauer: In Californication, they talk a lot about liking hairy vaginas.

Carra Roth: That’s gross to me.

Juli Bauer: {laughing} And they say they don’t want a 70s bush, but they want some hair, that you’re not a child.

Carra Roth: Hmm.

Juli Bauer: I don’t feel like any guys ever looked at my vagina and been like;

Carra Roth: You’re a child.

Juli Bauer: You look like a baby.

Carra Roth: {laughs} I mean…

Juli Bauer: I mean, my husband, since I’ve only had sex with one person.

Carra Roth: Right. And he’s never said that. Yeah. I don’t have hair there.

Juli Bauer: {laughing} It’s just interesting. So, Californication, it’s all about sex, drugs, and rock and roll kind of show. And David Duchovny; there’s this one episode where he’s at his ex-wife. They’ve never been married. But he’s at his ex-wife’s fiancé’s house. So he spends a lot of time over there. And then he ends up doing a chick doggie style in their bedroom. In the ex-wife’s bedroom. And they walk in on him, and they’re both; David Duchovny and this chick are super high and drunk. And they walk in on him, and he’s like; oh my god! So he pulls down a painting off the wall to cover him wiener. And then he throws up all over the painting. And then the girls throws upon the bed, and they’re like; sorry, we’re high. {laughs} That’s one of my favorite episodes ever.

Carra Roth: What is this guy’s job? I don’t remember. I’ve only seen…

Juli Bauer: He’s a writer.

Carra Roth: Ok. So that’s why he’s just able to do drugs and sluts all the time?

Juli Bauer: Yeah. That’s what California people do.

Carra Roth: Let’s live in LA.

Juli Bauer: All California people. And probably short people too.

Carra Roth: {laughing} And gingers.

Juli Bauer: {laughs} And gingers. So, if you guys haven’t watched that show, there’s like 7 seasons. I’ve probably gotten through 6 already in 2 days. {laughs}

Carra Roth: It’s good to just binge on it?

Juli Bauer: Yeah, it’s good to binge. And it’s a very emotional rollercoaster sometimes. Like, some episodes are emotional, like his dad dying and how sh*tty his dad was and their relationship having hard times. I think he just got a chick pregnant. So it’s very rollercoaster-y. Which I dig.

Carra Roth: Yeah, that’s, I’ll have to get into it.

Juli Bauer: Ok. Now give me one of your favorites.

Carra Roth: Ok so I’ll keep it in regards to kind of TV; one’s a movie. I’m going to throw Deadpool 2 out there.

Juli Bauer: Deadpool 2.

Carra Roth: Because we just saw it. And I loved it so much. I only cried twice.

Juli Bauer: It’s so weird you cried.

Carra Roth: But I thought it was so great. I just feel like I was so happy the whole time, and I could hear you laughing next to me. So I just felt like we were having …

Juli Bauer: Connecting?

Carra Roth: The best time.

Juli Bauer: I loved that movie. Ryan Reynolds is just so f*cking hot.

Carra Roth: Yeah. And it’s unfortunate that you only get to see him as his true self; spoiler alert, for 3 minutes.

Juli Bauer: A couple of minutes.

Carra Roth: But…

Juli Bauer: He’s beautiful.

Carra Roth: But it was so funny and I just thought it was so good.

Juli Bauer: So good. Loved it.

Carra Roth: Loved it.

Juli Bauer: Let’s keep going on the famous people vibe. I’ve been liking listening to two different people music-wise. And I don’t listen to a ton of music, because I just listen to podcasts. And I have been loving Taylor Swift Of.

Carra Roth: Yeah. She’s done a heavy rotation right now.

Juli Bauer: Yeah I’ve just been listening to all of her songs.

Carra Roth: Around Denver. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Her new album is really good.

Carra Roth: Yeah I really like it.

Juli Bauer: So good. And then I’ve been listening to Post Malone.

Carra Roth: {Laughs} So my little brother got us totally hooked on Post Malone.

Juli Bauer: By the way, Nick called me last night just to check in and see how I’m doing.

Carra Roth: He checked on me too!

Juli Bauer: A 23-year-old checking in on us. We don’t even do that. We’re bad people. He’s a millennial. He shouldn’t be calling people.

Carra Roth: I know. And he was telling me all about his new job. He got business cards.

Juli Bauer: He’s so cute.

Carra Roth: I know.

Juli Bauer: Oh my god, he’s so cute. He’s going to his first convention.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Work conference.

Juli Bauer: And he’s like; I don’t have to pay for anything. It’s so adorable.

Carra Roth: So cute. But yeah, his favorite artist right now is Post Malone, so he got us hooked on Post Malone. And I’m digging it.

Juli Bauer: It’s so good.

Carra Roth: Yeah, it’s got such a good singing voice, and he’s a rapper too. But his singing voice is so cool.

Juli Bauer: It makes me feel kind of young, too.

Carra Roth: And hip.

Juli Bauer: I’m listening; I know who Post Malone is.

Carra Roth: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: He’s hideous.

Carra Roth: He’s tough to look at.

Juli Bauer: Tough on the eyes. I’ve said a lot of people are hideous in this podcast. I’m going to hell. But he’s; isn’t he white with dreadlocks and a grill? Google Post Malone right now.

Carra Roth: Yeah, and he has face tats.

Juli Bauer: Oh he does? Oh no! Ew face tats?

Carra Roth: Oh, you’ve never seen him?

Juli Bauer: I think I have but I couldn’t stare at him. Oh my god! Oh my god. How does he; who; oh my god, who has sex with him?

Carra Roth: Probably a lot of people.

Juli Bauer: He’s got neck tattoos. He has face tattoos. He has a beard and a mustache that doesn’t link together.

Carra Roth: {laughing}

Juli Bauer: He looks like he should be a person in Lord of the Rings mixed with Eminem, mixed with Kylee Jenner’s baby daddy, but white.

Carra Roth: Yeah, he’s got a unique look.

Juli Bauer: Ooh! Would you have sex with him?

Carra Roth: F*ck no.

Juli Bauer: {laughing} What if he paid you?

Carra Roth: Jeeze, then I’d be a hooker?

Juli Bauer: What? To each their own. You call it what it isn’t. I don’t know what that meant.

Carra Roth: I’m going to pass on that one.

Juli Bauer: Ok.

Carra Roth: OK.

Juli Bauer: Give me your next favorite.

Carra Roth: I’ll keep it in music. I’ve been loving Mat Kearney.

Juli Bauer: So good!

Carra Roth: Ok, so Mat Kearney, he has a song on the radio right now called Kings and Queens that most of you will be most familiar with. But his whole album is so good. It’s just a chill, laid back vibe. But he’s got some good EDM beats in it.

Juli Bauer: Yes! He does have EDM beats.

Carra Roth: But it’s like really chill. He’s got a really cool voice. Loving it. The whole album is good. And I can’t say the last time I listened to a whole album besides Taylor Swift.

Juli Bauer: And he’s very calming. He makes you feel good.

Carra Roth: But you kind of want to move your shoulders, and shimmy and shake to it.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Carra Roth: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: I love him too. You turned me on to him, and now I want to listen to all his stuff all the time.

Carra Roth: Yeah. It’s good background music.

Juli Bauer: Hey Jackson! Hey panda! He’s a good boy. Ok, I’m going to take a different direction. I’m going to go with some skincare.

Carra Roth: Ok, I have one of those, too.

Juli Bauer: Ok sweet. So my first skincare; oh my gosh, I have a lot of skincare stuff. My first skincare is L’Occitane. And if people; it’s hard to know how that’s spelled. It’s really weird. It’s like French or something, and French doesn’t make sense, but whatever.

So, I recently tried their aqua line. And I did a sponsored post with them.

Carra Roth: This was the pictures that we took down by the river.

Juli Bauer: {singing} Down by the river!

Carra Roth: Ok. So you’re loving that?

Juli Bauer: Loving that stuff.

Carra Roth: OK, good!

Juli Bauer: So they have this new aqua line that’s super hydrating, obviously. And they have a gel that goes on, but it’s not greasy. It’s lightweight. So I put that on. Because I’ll talk about my peel in a second, but I put that on and then I’ll put this moisturizer cream on top. And then I’ll spray it with a mist. And that hydrates my face before bed, so I wake up and my face is still hydrated in the morning. I found that if I don’t hydrate my skin, I break out. So as soon as my skin is not hydrated, a zit pops up.

Carra Roth: That’s interesting.

Juli Bauer: I need to drink water!

Carra Roth: {laughs} What are you substitute L’Occitane for? Does that make sense? Because I know that you use a lot of other stuff. You use a lot of Tula. Are you still using all your Tula products, and just incorporating this now? Or are you substituting L’Occitane for some of your Tula stuff?

Juli Bauer: I still use almost all my Tula stuff, I just wanted to try the aqua line. So instead of using my multispectrum night cream by Tula, I’ve been using the L’Occitane for triple hydration. Because my skin was so dry as I was traveling a lot to different climates. And it’s been awesome. But I’m still using all my other Tula products.

Carra Roth: Ok. Good to know. I’ll have to try it.

Juli Bauer: And, if you want to know more, you can go to my blog. Because I talk about it there. Because if you’re like; I don’t know how the f*ck to spell that, because that word isn’t real! You can just go to my blog.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Ok.

Juli Bauer: Now what’s yours?

Carra Roth: I want to maybe try that after we get back from Aruba. Because I’m hoping to be sunburned as f*ck.

Juli Bauer: {laughs} No! We just bought sunscreen today!

Carra Roth: I know, I’m just kidding.

Juli Bauer: We’re too old to get sunburned. Which I did in the Caribbean.

Carra Roth: You did it in the backyard the first sunny day here in Denver.

Juli Bauer: Whatever, Carra! Not my face.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Ok, touché.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, I keep taking years off my face. My face is going to be 20 when I hit 60. My whole body is just going to be a wrinkly mess.

Carra Roth: But not your face.

Juli Bauer: Not my face, b*tches!

Carra Roth: That’s all that matters. The skincare product I have is Tula. It’s the Tula toner.

Juli Bauer: Ooh. I haven’t used that one much.

Carra Roth: One of the reps gave us one after your event. And I’ve used toner in the past, but I didn’t really know what it was for. It’s just always been part of your makeup routine; like, whatever. So I was talking to her, and I was like; what does toner actually do. And I don’t think she actually knew what it really does, but she says this one doesn’t have alcohol in it, and it has probiotic. So after you put all the products on and wash everything and scrub everything off, it takes it back to the pH balance it’s supposed to be. So I don’t know how that’s different from other ones, but I’ve been loving it.

Juli Bauer: That’s sweet.

Carra Roth: And I’ve only been using it a couple of times a week. But I’ve been loving it. It kind of has the texture of snot.

Juli Bauer: Oh, yum!

Carra Roth: Where most of them are just like liquid.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Carra Roth: But I really like it so far.

Juli Bauer: OK, sweet. I’ll have to try that one out. I haven’t tried that. And I even have it here, but I haven’t tried it.

Ok, another thing I’m loving; Carra.

Carra Roth: Mm-hmm.

Juli Bauer: Obsessed with.

Carra Roth: What?

Juli Bauer: My nano peel and light Profractional that I got.

Carra Roth: Yeah, your face looks so good.

Juli Bauer: You told me the other day; you were like; it doesn’t look any different.

Carra Roth: I was just going to tell you that.

Juli Bauer: You’re such a cunt. {laughs}

Carra Roth: {laughing} It always looks good. You’re the only one who notices difference.

Juli Bauer: OK, so I just recently got a super light nano peel, and light Profractional. So my blog post where I’ve had the deep Profractional and my face is bloody, my face was not bloody at all it was just red. Like, lightly red. Nothing crazy. And then you heal from it pretty fast. And I got it on Tuesday, and my face was peeling by Saturday, and I used a little razor. One of those face razors. To peel off my skin. And then my face was so soft.

But; and people wouldn’t notice this. I just notice it because I edit my photos all the f*cking time, and then I’m looking at my face all the time.

Carra Roth: You’re like zoomed in.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. I’m like; oh, cool. I have cellulite, sweet. It’s so much fun seeing that. So wrinkles around here, where my acne scars were, around my mouth. Kind of near my dimple; smile lines there. They’ve gotten so much better since I’ve been doing the Profractional. It’s crazy. And my skin, I feel like, looks so much more even and the same tone. I just have to be really good about wearing a hat. But I loved it. And it wasn’t painful at all. I put on numbing cream beforehand.

Carra Roth: And it wasn’t really; well, day one wasn’t bloody. Like normal.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. I worked out the next day. Like, went out in public. I was able to wear makeup the third day.

Carra Roth: It was kind of like the equivalent; looking at your face, if you put on a mask and let it dry, and how your whole face moves. Like a clay mask, and your whole face moves.

Juli Bauer: Yes, a clay mask. Yes.

Carra Roth: Like once it’s dry. But it was just your skin.

Juli Bauer: Yea. So scary.

Carra Roth: Yeah, just to give them a mental picture.

Juli Bauer: Yes. It’s exactly like that. Where your whole face moves and you have 400 wrinkles that you never had before. And I kept texting.

Carra Roth: And it’s still just so tight.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. I kept texting my esthetician. I was like; tell me that it’s going to be ok, because I f*cking hate this. But then once I get through it, once your skin peels off. It doesn’t peel the same as sheets. It comes off in little tiny dots, like flecks. Which I think is better than a chemical peel. Because a chemical peel, you have these huge layers of skin that are coming off. And this it’s just kind of dry patches. So, it’s just not nearly as bad.

Carra Roth: I know. I tried to peel one of your dry patches off and it was very unsatisfying. Because I was hoping it was going to be a big piece, but it wasn’t.

Juli Bauer: It’s not the sheets. No.

Carra Roth: I was disappointed.

Juli Bauer: So it’s different than that. But I would highly recommend to anybody, especially people who are scared of the deep Profractional, because it’s so painful.

Carra Roth: So, is it just for fine lines and scars and stuff like that that aren’t super deep?

Juli Bauer: Yeah. And it rebuilds the collagen in your skin. So you’re just not getting the same deep level and turnover in your skin in the collagen that you would with a deep Profractional. But you’re still getting that turnover and getting the skin to almost wakeup. Like; oh, ok I need to continue to be alive instead of just aging until I die.

Carra Roth: OK. Got it.

Juli Bauer: So I loved it. Highly recommend it.

Carra Roth: Awesome.

Juli Bauer: Moving on.

Carra Roth: I don’t have any more skincare.

Juli Bauer: Well you don’t have to have skincare.

Carra Roth: Ok, so my next one is Kite Hill.

Juli Bauer: Oh, yes. What kind of Kite Hill stuff?

Carra Roth: I just feel like they deserve a round of applause for everything they’ve done.

Juli Bauer: Right? Ok. If people don’t know what Kite Hill is, it’s an almond milk brand. Almond milk product.

Carra Roth: I don’t’ know much about them but they have cheeses and dips.

Juli Bauer: All made of almonds.

Carra Roth: I stole your pasta, because you thought it was gluten-free, but it’s only soy and dairy free. And it was so good. It was ravioli. But their dips are so good.

Juli Bauer: Their cream cheese. I’ve been using the cream cheese like crazy. I used it in a recipe for a cooking recipe the other day.

Carra Roth: That was amazing.

Juli Bauer: So good.

Carra Roth: So good.

Juli Bauer: They have yogurt and pancakes.

Carra Roth: I just feel like everything that I’ve tried from them, I’ve liked everything.

Juli Bauer: Thanks for reminding me, because I have one in the fridge and I’m going to eat one today.

Carra Roth: OK, cool.

Juli Bauer: Thanks. I love that brand, too. Have you tried the yogurts?

Carra Roth: I haven’t. I’m not a big yogurt guy.

Juli Bauer: I’m not either. I’ve been doing half; I’ll do half the yogurt. And put some nuts in it if I just don’t know what I feel like snacking on. And it does not taste like cow’s milk Greek yogurt. So if you want that taste, and expect it out of that; don’t. Because it did not come from a cow’s teat.

Carra Roth: It came from almonds.

Juli Bauer: Almonds. And they don’t have teats.

Carra Roth: That we know of.

Juli Bauer: Almond teats. Can you milk an almond? Ok. I’ve talked about this product a million times, but I’m going to still talk about it. Revision skincare, the Intellishade. That’s the tinted moisturizer I use. It has SPF 45 in it. And that’s all I have on today, and it’s my favorite. I think it does such great coverage. I always get compliments on my skin whenever I have this tinted moisturizer on versus when I have real makeup on. It’s the best.

Carra Roth: That’s awesome. I love lightweight that still gives you enough coverage to even out your skin. But that also has sunscreen in it. Especially here in Colorado.

Juli Bauer: I know, you’ve got to wear it all the time. And that’s why that setting mist, I think, is awesome. It only lasts for like 90 minutes, and everybody, you’re out in the sun way longer than that. So you need a setting mist with SPF in it so you can spray it on top of your makeup.

Carra Roth: Ok.

Juli Bauer: You go.

Carra Roth: This is my last one. My last thumbs up.

Juli Bauer: That’s perfect. I have two more.

Carra Roth: I’m going to leave it with jean jackets.

Juli Bauer: Ohh! Ok. You have a good jean jacket.

Carra Roth: I’m so happy that they’re back in. I’ve had the same one probably since high school.

Juli Bauer: And it’s still available at OldNavy.com.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Which is the greatest part. But I’m so happy that they’re back in. It goes with everything. It’s such a; I’m just so happy about it.

Juli Bauer: And you have the best one. I bought one and I hate it because it’s so stiff compared to yours.

Carra Roth: You just need to wear it in. It’s like a baseball mitt.

Juli Bauer: I know, it’s just not as cute as yours, so I’m just going to steal yours like you do to my stuff.

Carra Roth: Ok. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: OK, I have two more so I’ll share my last two and then we’ll go to dislikes. Second to last; San Tropez tanning lotion.

Carra Roth: Yeah, we talked about this last time.

Juli Bauer: Yes. I haven’t been loving to go get a spray tan because it’s just such; it’s like your whole day is just impeded by the spray tan.

Carra Roth: Yeah, you can’t go out in public.

Juli Bauer: No. You can’t go out in public. You can’t sit down. You’re sticky as f*ck. You’re just a hot mess. And it’s like your whole day is taken away from you. Which, saying that, I still love the girl I go to spray tan at. At Glamor Bar, she’s the best. And so if I have a big event coming on and I want a deep tan, I’ll go there.

But in between, because I’m not going to make an appointment every two weeks. Because b*tch ain’t got time for that. But, San Tropez, the tanning lotion is what I’ve been using almost every week. And I use the tanning mitt, and I love it so much.

Carra Roth: I do too.

Juli Bauer: I just made Carra pick me up some at the store; at Sephora.

Carra Roth: Yep. We’re going to lather it on before our trip.

Juli Bauer: Aruba! We leave for Aruba on Friday at 1:15 in the goddamn morning.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Yeah, so we’ve got to go to the airport Thursday night. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Yes. Man that’s going to suck.

Carra Roth: It’ll be so fun.

Juli Bauer: We have a 3-hour flight.

Carra Roth: A 5-hour layover.

Juli Bauer: And I’m taking a Xanax. So I’m going to pass out, and I might sleep somewhere in the airport, like the middle of the floor where everyone is walking.

Carra Roth: Are you allowed to just sleep 3 hours on Xanax?

Juli Bauer: I’ve slept 4 hours on Xanax.

Carra Roth: You have? Ok.

Juli Bauer: I mean, I took a third.

Carra Roth: I’ve heard horror stories of people staying awake through the Xanax, and just disaster. I don’t want that to happen to us.

Juli Bauer: I definitely; so I took a Xanax when I went to the Caribbean, and we had a late flight, just like this one. We had a layover. It’s all day travel. And we don’t get on the boat until 5. So we left at midnight our time, and then we got on the boat at 5 that day. So it’s an all day f*cking travel day. And then before we got on the boat we started drinking; you’re so excited. We’ll do the same thing in Aruba. You have frozen margaritas. And then we stayed up all night getting to know some of the people on the boat. So I was up till midnight. And I don’t remember some of those conversations I had, and I didn’t drink that much. But the Xanax and the drinks together, you’re just a ball of goo. I slept so good that night.

Carra Roth: I can’t wait! {laughs}

Juli Bauer: I slept so good that night.

Carra Roth: Ok. So is Xanax on our thumbs up list?

Juli Bauer: Xanax is on the thumbs up. Don’t do prescription drugs illegally, ok.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Disclaimer.

Juli Bauer: Disclaimer. Ok, and my last one on the like list is Everly Well.

Carra Roth: Oh, I want to try those.

Juli Bauer: So cool. I talked about this on my blog recently. And a ton of people wrote in about it and were super interested in it, so I wanted to share it here. I did the food sensitivity test, and I did the metabolism test but I still need to go over my results because I haven’t really looked at them deeply. But my food sensitivity test was super interesting. And I found out; I have a moderate allergy to almonds, which I already knew. But I’ve been doing Kite Hill stuff and dancing with the devil a little bit more. Because my skin hasn’t been breaking out. But it gave me that. And said cow’s milk, and have heavy cream in my coffee every day, but that’s the only dairy I have unless I’m eating out and having cheese or something.

And then there were mild sensitivities. Just because allergies and sensitivities are different. Because if you have a peanut allergy and you almost die, that’s different than a sensitivity, obviously. So this isn’t a food allergy test, it’s a food sensitivity test. Giving you your feedback on that. And, they’re a sponsor of this episode. So if you guys haven’t heard of Everly Well, it offers health testing in the comfort of your own home. So when you checkout at Everly Well, if you checkout the website, you’ll find a ton of different tests. They offer food sensitivity, heavy metals, sleep and stress, STDs, thyroid, metabolism.

Carra Roth: STDs?

Juli Bauer: Yeah, STD testing. Luckily, I think I’m in the clear, so I don’t’ have to take that test. But you never know. You just never know. You could contract it off a toilet seat. That’s what I hear.

So once you decide what test you want to take, and place your order, you’ll be sent a package in the mail with a test kit. Each test kit includes detailed instructions, collection tools, secure sample container, and a prepaid shipping package to return your kit after you collect your sample. So once you send the kit back, you’re going to receive results in about 5 business days. I sent mine back on a Tuesday, and I got it on Monday the next week. It might even have been a Thursday. I don’t know. I forget when I sent it in, but I got my test results back super fast. They were really, really quick.

So like I said, I took the food sensitivity test and I wasn’t crazy surprised, but I’ve also been doing elimination diets for about 8 years now. So it’s like; I know that I’m allergic to almonds because I bloat, I fart, I have zits. Hello! Big, big. Whatever. But it also showed that I had a sensitivity to egg whites and egg yolks, which I knew as well because of elimination diets. But what I thought was really interesting is I was in and out of hospital all growing up, and never once did a doctor tell me to look at the food I was eating. And if I would have had this test way back when, I could have cut out years of elimination diets. Years of being sick. Years of having acne. Years of having bloating. I would have known these things ahead of time and things I should stay away from and things that I don’t react to.

Carra Roth: And you don’t have to make a doctor’s appointment. You don’t have to wait to go in. You can just do it at your house, which is the best part.

Juli Bauer: So freaking cool. And not saying anything bad about doctors whatsoever.

Carra Roth: No, it’s just more inconvenient.

Juli Bauer: See a doctor. It’s just convenient to do stuff in the comfort of your own home. Have your test results on your phone. You can download a PDF to give to your doctor. So you can even do your food sensitivity test, take it into your doctor, and say; hey, here’s the results from the test. So it just kind of cuts out that middle man. And then you can always go to your doctor if you want more information. It’s just such a cool freaking system. So easy, so nice. And it would have saved me years o being uncomfortable, and I wish had that.

But, anyway. Everly Well is offering PaleOMG Uncensored listeners a special discount so you can try out their kits in the convenience of your own home for 15% off the kit. And I think the food sensitivity kit was about $150. So you’re going to get 15% off of that, which is awesome. And all you have to do is use code PaleOMG at checkout. SO you’ll get 15% off, and you can do tests like vitamin D, or DHA. Don’t even know what DHA is. But, you can do it. Whatever you need. They have so many tests. I swear, they probably have 30 to 40 tests on there. And I’m sure they’re adding some as they go.

Carra Roth: They have fertility; did you say that one?

Juli Bauer: Yes, I have the fertility test in our bedroom. But you have to do it when you start your period and when you finish your period. And I can’t remember to do that on a timely schedule. So I haven’t taken it. But, anyway. If you want to try out Everly Well, go to EverlyWell.com. And then use code PaleOMG at checkout to get 15% off. That’s EverlyWell.com code PaleOMG.

Now, let’s have a little bathroom break. Ok?

Carra Roth: Ok.

Juli Bauer: I’m going to take a quick break to tell you a little bit more about this weeks’ sponsor, Aaptiv. Aaptiv produces audio-based workouts created by certified personal trainers available through a mobile app. One of the best parts about the Aaptiv app is that you can workout anywhere. Whether you’re traveling, or you just put the baby down for a nap, or you’re just feeling like working out in your living room, Aaptiv is ready for you anytime. Aaptiv has expert trainers to help you stay motivated and get you the best results from your workout. Plus, they have a variety of classes and levels, so anyone can workout no matter what point you’re at in your own life.

When you open the Aaptiv app, you’ll have a ton of different workouts to choose from. Pick running workout, or maybe strength training, indoor cycling, stair climbing, yoga, or even meditation. It’s like having your own personal trainer right in your pocket. Once you pick your workout, you’ll have a certified personal trainer walking you through your audio-based workout. Plus, Aaptiv has an inhouse music production team that partners with every trainer to create music playlists that are perfectly timed to the intensity and pace of your workout. When you need an extra boost, the music keeps you going and motivated. When you need to slow things down with the intensity of the music, the music comes down with you. It’s very nice.

Aaptiv has classes for all fitness levels, from beginner, to intermediate, to advance. And with more than 2500 workouts available on the platform, and 30 new classes added every week; how insane is that. That’s so many workouts. There’s always a new workout for you to try. Or, simply pick a type of workout that you were feeling up for that. Whether it’s technical training, high energy coaching, or bootcamp style intensity. They have everything. No matter what you need from your workout, Aaptiv has your back. They even have a maternity program that breaks down by trimester. It’s such a cool feature. I feel like everyone I know is pregnant right now. I guess that’s how the world is.

I’ve used Aaptiv myself when traveling, but I mostly love it for the stretching workouts. Because I never stretch after my CrossFit classes. With Aaptiv, I can turn on the app as soon as I get home from my workout, and go through stretches in under 10 minutes. It just makes it so easy.

Aaptiv subscriptions start at $14.99 billed monthly, or $99.99 for an annual membership. But for a limited time, new members can get 30% off an annual membership, which means it’s just $69.99 for an entire year of unlimited workouts. So all you have to do is visit Aaptiv.com/PaleOMG and you can get 30% off your entire year membership.

And before I get back to me and Carra’s least favorites, because those are very important. Let’s talk about my other sponsor, which is so cool; Fab Fit Fun. Fab Fit Fun is a seasonal subscription box with full size beauty, fitness, fashion, and lifestyle products. It retails for $49.99, but always has a value over $200. Use code PaleOMG for $10 off your first Fab Fit Fun box at FabFitFun.com.

If you haven’t seen my past posts about Fab Fit Fun on the blog, you’re missing out. Because this seasonal box is filled with so many amazing products. I’ve received three separate Fab Fit Fun boxes, and I think this summer one is my favorite by far. There are so many cool items in this box, including a huge Yumi Kim makeup bag that also I’ll be taking with me to Aruba this week. Packing all my little toiletries in it. It even has a little gift card inside, which is so cool.

And if you’re also a makeup lover like me, you’re going to be obsessed with the Tarte pro-glow powder and cream set. It makes contouring and highlighting super easy. Plus they have skincare products like ELEMIS papaya enzyme peel and Vasanti brighten up face rejuvenator. Which I’m actually going to use this week now that my peel has peeled off.

What’s so cool about Fab Fit Fun is you’re going to get over $200 worth of products, and find some new brands you never may have heard of before, all for $49.99. But wait; if you use coupon code PaleOMG you’ll get $10 off your first box at FabFitFun.com. That means you’ll be able to try out the summer box for only $39.99. It’s so fun getting the box every season, it’s like getting a little give of goodies every season at your doorstep. It’s so awesome. I’m even excited to try the Foreo facial cleansing brush that links up to your smart phone and tells you how your skin is doing. It’s crazy. So cool.

So to get your own summer Fab Fit Fun box, head to FabFitFun.com and use code PaleOMG and you’ll get $10 off your first box. Now, let’s see if I can get my words out more.

Juli Bauer: We are back. Back from the bathroom. Back from a snack break, water break. Nap break.

Carra Roth: I didn’t do any of those things.

Juli Bauer: I know. Just got on damn Instagram. You millennial.

Carra Roth: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: {laughs} I just have to pee a lot. I’m trying to lose some water weight before this whole Aruba thing. We have a 5K to run; we’ve got to be light on our feet.

Carra Roth: I don’t want to talk about that.

Juli Bauer: I know. We’re going to run so hard.

Carra Roth: Preworkout?

Juli Bauer: No but for real, can we just walk? No, run walk.

Carra Roth: Run-walk.

Juli Bauer: Because we need a workout that day.

Carra Roth: Right, that’s true.

Juli Bauer: So it will just be our run. We can do some squats on the side.

Carra Roth: Oh god, no.

Juli Bauer: Oh, sorry. Ok, start us off on your dislikes and squats are obviously on there.

Carra Roth: Yeah. I didn’t write that one out, but I feel like that’s just implied in life, that squats are a dislike. My first one is going to be any new recent update for social media. Snapchat, Instagram, not a fan.

Juli Bauer: Why do you hate the updates so much? It makes it run better on your phone.

Carra Roth: So I haven’t really used Snapchat since; well I know you don’t really use it anyway.

Juli Bauer: It’s over. I don’t even have it on my phone anymore.

Carra Roth: I know. The new update, or the last update, was just so terrible. I’m like; I can’t do this anymore. It’s so disorganized. It just was; I hated it.

Juli Bauer: Nobody knew; I remember people didn’t know how to use it anymore. And didn’t like Kylee Jenner break Snapchat because she was like; I don’t use it anymore, because I hate you.

Carra Roth: Yeah, the stock plummeted because Kylee Jenner stopped using it. But I just thought it was super non-user friendly. And switched over to Instagram. So Instagram doesn’t update and I love the explore feed, if that’s even what it’s still called. But they used to have one where the; for your location. So if you were in Denver, people would post.

Juli Bauer: Which I still have that.

Carra Roth: So yours hasn’t done the update yet. But if you go to Aruba or Cabo, you could look at that and get ideas of where to go to dinner or just see what’s going on in your city.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, creep on people. See who’s cute.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Yes.

Juli Bauer: Use it as a dating app.

Carra Roth: Yeah. Which is what I was doing. And with the new update, it completely went away. So you like something, it goes away, and it makes me sad.

Juli Bauer: Well, it’s so weird, mine hasn’t done that.

Carra Roth: Yeah, yours still has that. Mine doesn’t.

Juli Bauer: Mine still looks at that. You can see; that’s so sad. Because I like that too. I don’t use it that often, but, when we’re in different locations, I think it’s fun seeing what people are doing.

Carra Roth: Like in Cabo.

Juli Bauer: It gives you ideas.

Carra Roth: Yeah. Especially if you’re in a place where you don’t know what to do or what all there is to do. It was just really cool to check it out.

Juli Bauer: Agreed.

Carra Roth: So that’s my dislike.

Juli Bauer: Well you can look on mine for now.

Carra Roth: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: OK, that actually is perfect for mine, because I hate Instagram now. {laughs} I feel like I’ve hated Instagram for a good chunk of time at this point. But it’s like; people don’t see any of my posts.

Carra Roth: Yeah. And that’s the chronological algorithm. It just doesn’t make sense.

Juli Bauer: Yes. Ok, I have 330,000 people who follow me. And that’s not me buying people to follow me. I did not buy anybody. Those were organic follows. And now, a post will be 500 likes. 500 likes, out of 300-something thousand people. Come on. Go f*ck yourself.

Carra Roth: Yeah. It just seems like they’re kind of f*cking over businesses now. It’s like people that want to follow you. They followed you by choice, like you said, you didn’t buy them. So they should see what your posting.

Juli Bauer: And now, Facebook did the same thing so I stopped using Facebook. I post usually once a week on Facebook, and I’ll do like a recap of what happened on the blog. And if I work with a business that requires a Facebook post, I’ll do that. But I don’t want to be on Facebook. I don’t want to use it at all.

Carra Roth: I hate; I’m not on Facebook.

Juli Bauer: And Instagram is becoming that. I don’t want to post on Instagram ever now, because first of all it makes me feel bad. Because I’m like; oh, nobody likes this. So I’m obviously not doing my job well. Or, nobody is going to see so what’s the point in even putting any time into this, when I could be putting time into other things, like my blog.

So, I don’t know. It’s a very scary thing when your business is social media, and thinking of that being taken away. Luckily, my business is my blog, too. But people are funneled by social media. It’s just weird. So f*ck you, Instagram and Mark Zuckerberg and your f*cking stupid haircut.

Carra Roth: And spying on us.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. Go take a dump on your face. He should poop on his own face.

Carra Roth: Got it. Let’s leave it at that. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: But you know what, he has a family, and I wish them all good things.

Carra Roth: Ok. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: {laughs} Now you go. F*ck you Mark!

Carra Roth: Ok. Are you done?

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Carra Roth: Are you sure?

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Carra Roth: Alright. I’ve been having some trouble with Apple TV lately. I’m not a fan of it.

Juli Bauer: Oh. Didn’t you steal that from our house?

Carra Roth: Yeah. Maybe that’s karma?

Juli Bauer: {laughs} Maybe. What’s happening with it.

Carra Roth: So you go to click on a show, especially, most of the problem I’ve noticed is through FX or FOX. And you click on a show, and it says, “Have trouble connecting, try again lately.” It’s some sort of issue. But it happens all the time, with movies or shows. And I don’t know if there’s a way to restart it, but it just happens all the time. Which is really frustrating. Because I don’t watch TV a lot. So when I’m like sitting down to watch something…

Juli Bauer: You want to watch it.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Yeah. It’s really frustrating. I haven’t been able to watch New Girl.

Juli Bauer: The worst.

Carra Roth: Not that I was trying to watch it without you.

Juli Bauer: Brian turned it on without you. Well, maybe he didn’t. I forget.

Carra Roth: Anyway, I didn’t end up watching it because it wouldn’t turn on.

Juli Bauer: Ok. Goddammit. Mark Zuckerberg probably owns Apple TV at this point. He probably owns it.

Carra Roth: Yeah. So if anybody knows how to troubleshoot that. Let me know.

Juli Bauer: I hate Mark.

Carra Roth: {laughing}

Juli Bauer: Ok. So yesterday I was driving, and I lifted my arm. I don’t know why; maybe I was feeling how much armpit hair I had, because I forgot. And I had shaved that day, but I had lifted my arm to look. Man, I found a couple of hairs who had been there for a while. And I don’t know about you; lift your arm up. Ok, you have flat arm pits.

Carra Roth: Yeah, but isn’t it an implant thing?

Juli Bauer: What’s that mean?

Carra Roth: Isn’t it because of your implants?

Juli Bauer: Oh, yeah. That probably is. Yeah, I got deep ass armpit. Implant armpits. So shaving is a nightmare. Getting a razor in there. So I miss hairs all the time. I really just need to get laser hair removal.

Carra Roth: Didn’t you start that process once?

Juli Bauer: I did and then I forgot about it. And then you can’t be tan. Not that your armpits are ever tan. But I was doing other parts of your body. As soon as you get tan, or even have fake tanner on, you can’t do it.

Carra Roth: So your dislike is missed armpit hairs?

Juli Bauer: Yes.

Carra Roth: That are really long.

Juli Bauer: Yes. Or like a crotch hair. I mean, you get waxed so that’s different.

Carra Roth: Yeah. But I would get them down here, like on my ankles where I don’t get them all the way. Or my knees.

Juli Bauer: But armpit hairs are like f*cking dark. And they’re visible as hell.

Carra Roth: I’ve never noticed your long armpit hair.

Juli Bauer: Well thanks. I mean, I feel like you’re never looking at it. Today, at Apollo, where I go to the chiropractor, he was digging his thumb into my armpit, and pushing on some nerves. And a nerve would hit and it felt like fireworks went off in my elbow. And I was staring at him like; I am literally going to cut your face off. And he was just sticking his thumb in my armpit.

You know how people tickle you when you’re young, so you’re just like made to know that you don’t want anybody in your armpit, and freak out. So he has to do it really slow or he’ll do it fast, like. But yeah, I’m not a fan of the armpit hairs that I miss.

Carra Roth: Fair.

Juli Bauer: Create something better than a stupid flat ass razor that doesn’t fit into a concave armpit. Everyone has implants nowadays. We have many concave pits.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Alright. There you go. Invent it.

Juli Bauer: Why haven’t they created a flexible razor? Somebody out there. I don’t want to invent it. I don’t care. Somebody create it. Where it rounds.

Carra Roth: OK. Get after it.

Juli Bauer: Don’t you think that’s a good idea?

Carra Roth: It’s a good idea. I don’t have concave; I don’t relate to this problem. Missed armpit hair, yeah, but not because of it.

Juli Bauer: You have perfect feet, and you have great armpits. Your life is just perfect.

Carra Roth: {laughing}

Juli Bauer: And I have f*cked up things all over my body. F*cked up toes. I have weird ass toes, and Carra, whenever she takes my photos, she’s like; ok, let me fix your toes.

Carra Roth: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: And she’ll have to move my toes.

Carra Roth: It’s just like a crazy one that crosses over the other one. They’re really cute, though.

Juli Bauer: No. As I get older, they just continue to get worse. I’m probably going to have huge bunions. I’m going to have these windy, nasty feet.

Carra Roth: You won’t have bunions, because your feet are always in tennis shoes. I feel like you get bunions from heels. I think it’s from the rubbing.

Juli Bauer: Really?

Carra Roth: I think. Maybe not.

Juli Bauer: Gross.

Carra Roth: Maybe I just made that up.

Juli Bauer: My feet are so; oh, I was going to get a pedicure. I guess I don’t need that bad. You go.

Carra Roth: Oh.

Juli Bauer: {laughs}

Carra Roth: I do need a pedicure. So I had one good movie, I’m going to go with a bad movie that I recently watched. And that’s Black Panther. I heard so many good things about it, so I was excited and stoked to watch it. I love a good comic movie. Is that what it’s called? Comic movie? Comic book movie?

Juli Bauer: Like Marvel Studios.

Carra Roth: Marvel, yeah. So I was pumped to watch it because I’d heard such good things about it.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, people freak the sh*t out about it. They love it.

Carra Roth: Yeah. And I legit; the guy I was watching it with, like halfway through, I was like; I’m going to be honest. I don’t have a clue what’s going on. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Dammit.

Carra Roth: I don’t know what the hype was.

Juli Bauer: The music sounded good in that one.

Carra Roth: The music was good. I get the whole premise. I get it, but I really had no idea what was happening the whole time. Really beautiful people in the whole movie, but I had no idea what was going on.

Juli Bauer: Damn. I don’t want to see it at all. I have no interest in it. I feel like the only Marvel Studios movies I want to see are Ironman and Deadpool, because they have funny people. I don’t need a serious or hot guys who are trying to be funny; Robert Downey Jr. is not hot, but he can be funny. Legit.

Carra Roth: Hot funny guys? That’s the best. What more could you ask for? And they’re always in shape.

Juli Bauer: No, no, no. I mean the guys who aren’t that funny and they just are written funny lines.

Carra Roth: Oh ok.

Juli Bauer: I love Guardians of the Galaxy. I don’t know if that’s a Marvel Studios movie. Because what’s his face.

Carra Roth: Chris Pratt is funny in real life.

Juli Bauer: Hilarious. Ryan Reynolds; hilarious. Robert Downey Jr.; hilarious. But if you put someone in who is like a superman, who is just, he looks the role and he has a stupid one-liner that’s like a dad joke. I don’t want to see those kinds of movies. I want raunchy, dirty humor.

Carra Roth: Yeah. Deadpool. There you go.

Juli Bauer: Deadpool.

Carra Roth: Yeah, that’s my dislike.

Juli Bauer: Ok, we won’t see it. Well, I won’t see it. This is a dumb one because I said it last week, but I’m going to say it anyway. Bumper stickers. Get out of here.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Still on that, huh?

Juli Bauer: It’s like; you know, goes to Hawaii once, then you get this island sticker.

Carra Roth: Goes sky diving once.

Juli Bauer: Yep. Been there. Been there, done that.

Carra Roth: {laughs} We all make mistakes.

Juli Bauer: We all make mistakes. So I’ve had a sky dive sticker, and I’ve had a Colorado State University sticker. Because I was quite proud to be in college. Honestly, quite proud to make it to that university, because there was not a great run in high school.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Yeah. You’re proud of your accomplishments.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. Sky diving, once. Proud.

Carra Roth: I just have never cared about anything that much that I felt like I needed to put it on my car, or my body. That’s why I also don’t have tattoos.

Juli Bauer: Oh, so jealous of your no tattoos. You and Brian.

Carra Roth: Yeah. I just have never really felt that passionately about really anything.

Juli Bauer: I wish that even though I do feel quite passionate about my two tattoos; the premise behind them. They still both mean something, and long-term mean something. Why the f*ck did I do it? Why?

Carra Roth: Bad decisions.

Juli Bauer: That’s something else I hate. The tattoos that I put on my body.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Not to bring up that sore subject.

Juli Bauer: Ugh, that’s such a bummer. Why’d I do it? If you’re out there and you’re thinking about getting a tattoo, just don’t.

Carra Roth: Just don’t.

Juli Bauer: Unless you’re going to be that person who has a million tattoos, just don’t do it. When Nick, Carra’s brother, has talked about getting tattoos, I’m like; don’t f*cking do it.

Carra Roth: Don’t do it.

Juli Bauer: And he was talking about getting one for his friend that passed away. I’m like; just don’t do it.

Carra Roth: Don’t do it.

Juli Bauer: They just don’t get better with time. I hate that.

Carra Roth: So we always have to consciously make sure we’re shooting Juli on her one side that doesn’t have the tattoo.

Juli Bauer: Because it’s on my ribcage, on my side. And people are like; you should just get a coverup. I’m like; motherf*cker. First of all, the ribs hurt so terribly. It was like getting Profractional. And how do I know I’m not going to regret the coverup? Then I would have a bigger tattoo.

Carra Roth: Yeah. And it’s filled in black, so I don’t feel like it would be that easy to cover up.

Juli Bauer: No.

Carra Roth: And you hate it, so it’s not like you’re going to love a cover up. You just want it to be gone.

Juli Bauer: I just don’t want tattoos.

Carra Roth: Right.

Juli Bauer: But I’m not going to dedicate myself to 20 sessions getting it removed and feel like acid is getting poured on me.

Carra Roth: Yeah. It’s just a reminder of that time of your life, always.

Juli Bauer: How is me hanging out with my ex-boyfriend.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Good time.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. But I was with him when he got a ton of tattoos, so haha, jokes on you. You have to be reminded of me.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Forever.

Juli Bauer: Ok you go.

Carra Roth: OK this is my last one.

Juli Bauer: OK good, I only have one more too.

Carra Roth: Ok good. So I left the thumbs up on jean jackets. I’m going to leave the thumbs down on most of the other 90s style trends that are back. I guess the jean jacket wasn’t 90s, necessarily.

Juli Bauer: Baggy jean jackets were 90s. Like, huge.

Carra Roth: Well, what I’m talking about now is I feel like every style; every chick that’s been on the Bachelorette, all their style is straight from the 90s. Mom jeans are in. And I just hate it so much.

Juli Bauer: There’s this one blogger that I follow who I think is stunning and beautiful and she wears mom jeans all the time. And I’m like; you are so much better looking than those mom jeans.

Carra Roth: Right? I can’t get on board with it. 90s was a terrible time for fashion. A terrible time for music.

Juli Bauer: it is.

Carra Roth: 90s rock is the worst.

Juli Bauer: The whiniest.

Carra Roth: Punk rock or whatever; Sum 41, Blink 182, all of that is terrible.

Juli Bauer: Gross.

Carra Roth: So I’m sad that fashion is back. I’m happy that overalls are back. I don’t think I can get on board with that, again, but I like it. And I think…

Juli Bauer: Do you like the fitted or the baggy?

Carra Roth: Well these sluts now get the fitted kind.

Juli Bauer: Did you say these sluts?

Carra Roth: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: These sluts out here.

Carra Roth: They don’t even know, back in the day, baggy overalls and now they get all cute ones.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, like the kangaroo overalls. Where you can have a baby.

Carra Roth: I’m on board. I’m happy for them, and they’re super cute. But I don’t know that I’ll get on board with it.

Juli Bauer: Ok. My last one; my car.

Carra Roth: Oh, yes.

Juli Bauer: Ok, so I have a Ford Explorer. It’s like 2017, I think. It was brand new. Maybe 2016. So it was pretty much brand new when I bought it. It had only been driven once, from like Michigan or something like that. So it had like 3,000 miles on it. I don’t know what it had on it.

Carra Roth: It was essentially brand new.

Juli Bauer: So somebody told me at the gym they have a Ford Explorer, and they’re like; Juli, get rid of that car. It will drive you f*cking crazy. A year or two in, everything will start going wrong.

Carra Roth: And that’s so funny because my best friend, Steph, had an Explorer. Hers was the new one.

Juli Bauer: She still has one, right?

Carra Roth: Yes. I don’t know why she’s doing this to herself because I think she got rid of the other one because she had constant problems with it. I just feel like this is a thing; an Explorer thing.

Juli Bauer: F*ck! Well, ok. And I loved my car when I first got it. And now, everything is going wrong. Like when we were driving back from Steamboat Springs, the front panel, the video or whatever froze up so we couldn’t play any of our music in it.

Carra Roth: Like the touch screen.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, the touch screen part.

Carra Roth: Dashboard, whatever.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. It froze up, we couldn’t play music. It wouldn’t play. It wouldn’t connect. Ugh, found some long hairs.

Carra Roth: {laughing}

Juli Bauer: What else has gone wrong?

Carra Roth: So we were just driving yesterday after taking pictures. We were driving, and it said that your door was open. So you had to pull over, put it in park, open the door.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. It constantly does this. It says my door is open; it’s not. It says transmission not in park. Why would it be in park? I’m f*cking driving.

Carra Roth: Right. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: It always says that my tires are low. And sometimes they are. {laughs} But it always says it, no matter what. Even if I just got my tires filled up, it will change 10 minutes after driving away from the oil change place. It started making the weirdest f*cking noise. Like, it’s coming from…

Carra Roth: The glove box.

Juli Bauer: Yes. And it’s like eeeeee. Eeeee.

Carra Roth: It sounds like a duck is in there.

Juli Bauer: Yes! Like a duck call. People have when they’re trying to shoot duck. Yeah, it’s just going to sh*t. This car is going to sh*t and I’ve only had it for two years or so. It just keeps breaking down. So now I feel like; I don’t want to have a sh*tty car. Should I be going towards other cars, like GMC? Brian has a GMC. So this is obviously a Ford; should I be going to GMC? Because I like the, what kind of car is mine?

Carra Roth: Crossover? Well it’s like bigger. SUV.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, I think it’s like an SUV. It’s not quite like a mom SUV. But it’s in between. And I like it. I like having more space than your crossover has, just a little bit more space for whenever I need that. Which isn’t very often.

Carra Roth: Well we’ve used the third row quite a bit.

Juli Bauer: Yeah, when we’ve gone on road trips. I just love that size car. So I want that size car again. So we looked at; what was it we looked at the other day?

Carra Roth: Was it the Lincoln one we looked at?

Juli Bauer: Yeah, I think we looked at a Lincoln. And this is online, we’re not looking in stores. But I just hate my Explorer now.

Carra Roth: We looked at, I think the Infinity one.

Juli Bauer: Yeah.

Carra Roth: I don’t know. We just kind of were looking at.

Juli Bauer: Because I don’t have time to think about; I have three trips in June. I don’t have time to think about buying a f*cking new car. And, I can’t sell this car with all this sh*t wrong to someone else and act like everything’s fine.

Carra Roth: It’s definitely not under warranty?

Juli Bauer: I don’t know.

Carra Roth: You should check.

Juli Bauer: This is the first new car I’ve ever bought that there’s a warranty with it, so I don’t even know how this sh*t works. Because before, I had 90s cars. So this is the newest car I’d ever bought. And the nicest car I’d ever bought. So I have no idea. I need to look into that and just call. I should call the dealership and tell them all the stuff that’s going wrong with it. Because they call and check on me. And that’s in f*cking Brighten.

Carra Roth: Yeah, that’s really funny. Because one piece of mail that I had over here is for my car. My car is paid off. I’ve had it for years. And it was from my car dealership. Just checking in.

Juli Bauer: Oh hi. Oh hey there. From Nebraska?

Carra Roth: Well I bought my car in Kansas.

Juli Bauer: Oh.

Carra Roth: They were like; I know your warranty is over. My car is several years old. No sh*t there’s no warranty on it. But anyway, that’s funny.

Juli Bauer: Balls. I need to call in. So I need to figure that out. But if you’re out there, and you’ve had problems with an Explorer, let me know. I want to know if anybody else has had this issue, other than my friend, who is telling me to get away from Explorers.

Carra Roth: Yeah, and Steph.

Juli Bauer: Oh yeah, I need to text Steph. And, let me know if you have any SUVs that you like. If you’ve had one for a long time and if you liked it. GMC or Infinity or whatever those cars are called.

Carra Roth: Send a picture with it so we don’t have to look it up.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. Send a picture. Send us quotes. Send pictures of the interior; that would be great.

Carra Roth: Yeah.

Juli Bauer: Make sure you get it detailed before you send pictures.

Carra Roth: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: So that’s what I’m hating right now.

Carra Roth: That’s fair. That’s a good one.

Juli Bauer: Anything else you can think of?

Carra Roth: That’s all that’s on my list.

Juli Bauer: Dang. So you have a lash appointment tonight.

Carra Roth: I do.

Juli Bauer: We have hair appointments tomorrow. I really should get a pedicure.

Carra Roth: I should too. Look at this.

Juli Bauer: Ew. Why don’t you paint your nails anymore?

Carra Roth: I just haven’t had time.

Juli Bauer: You just don’t have; what? You don’t have a job this week. You could have gone in.

Carra Roth: I’ve been really busy.

Juli Bauer: So everybody; Carra had an interview this morning, and then she has an interview tomorrow. And I’m really sad for her not to be working with me anymore. That will be a bummer. I can’t offer you insurance. Medical, health, dental. I don’t even have dental for myself. I pay $150 every 6 months. It’s fine.

Carra Roth: Jeeze.

Juli Bauer: What?

Carra Roth: That’s a bargain.

Juli Bauer: Oh, right? I have no idea.

Carra Roth: I didn’t pay anything when I just went last week.

Juli Bauer: Well that’s because you have insurance.

Carra Roth: That’s true.

Juli Bauer: But I have to pay my own insurance. So if I have to add on that, it’s like; it’s probably $150 a month to add on dental insurance. I hate them.

Carra Roth: Insurance is the f*cking worst.

Juli Bauer: It’s the worst.

Carra Roth: And you have to have it, but I never use it, because I never go to the doctor, ever.

Juli Bauer: And then you hope that you get in a car accident so you need your insurance.

Carra Roth: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: {laughs} It’s like; I need to pay off my deductible so I can go get my vagina checked out and make sure everything’s secure and good to go.

Carra Roth: Yeah. And I don’t ever make doctor’s appointments, because of the hassle of finding a doctor that’s in network. It’s the worst.

Juli Bauer: Why can’t they create something easier?

Carra Roth: I don’t know. I don’t understand it. Insurance is the worst.

Juli Bauer: I have had a cracked windshield since I bought my car probably two years ago, and I don’t call and fix it because I don’t want to talk to insurance.

Carra Roth: I know. Yes. Exactly.

Juli Bauer: And it’s probably super easy. Brian has had to get dent repair on his car. But I ain’t dealing with that.

Carra Roth: Yeah. It’s the hassle of it all. It’s the worst.

Juli Bauer: I asked if he would do it for me and he said no.

Carra Roth: Ohh! Sh*t.

Juli Bauer: What the f*ck.

Carra Roth: He’s going to make you do it?

Juli Bauer: Yeah, and I’m not going to.

Carra Roth: {laughs} I’ll show him.

Juli Bauer: Like; the crack isn’t in my vision of sight, since it’s on the passenger’s side. So I don’t care at all.

Carra Roth: Out of sight, out of mind.

Juli Bauer: And people ask me about it every time they get in my goddamn car. I’m like; mind your business. This crack is not your; are you going to call insurance for me? Because if you are, then you can talk about my goddamn windshield.

Carra Roth: How did it happen in the first place? It’s like the whole side of that windshield.

Juli Bauer: It was just like a rock on the highway. And then it cracked and it just kept spreading and going farther each day. And then we had a hail storm, so I’m sure that didn’t help the crack.

Carra Roth: Right. And it gets so cold here. And so hot. That’s probably not helping.

Juli Bauer: Yes. Every morning I would wake up and it was longer. So annoying. It’s like a huge circle. It’s like a penis. It’s a phallic shape on my front windshield. Not really.

Ok we have to get on with our day. But it has been lovely having you on again.

Carra Roth: The best.

Juli Bauer: So I hope you don’t get the job so you can continue being on! {laughs}

Carra Roth: {laughing}

Juli Bauer: And that would be great. I loved everybody who commented on the podcast last week and let me know that they loved the podcast. That was so much fun.

Carra Roth: Yeah, we didn’t see any of them that didn’t like it, so thank you for not commenting. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Yeah. I stopped reading my iTunes reviews because there were so many angry hateful ones, so I never see the positive ones anymore. So the only way I see reviews is on my blog.

Carra Roth: Well I appreciate those 6 people who said they liked it. {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Yeah. So many people.

Carra Roth: This one is for you.

Juli Bauer: This one is for you guys. Shout out to all 6 people out there listening.

Carra Roth: Love you.

Juli Bauer: You’re the best. That’s about it.

Carra Roth: That’s it.

Juli Bauer: That’s all I’ve got today. My dinner plans were canceled for the night.

Carra Roth: Dang it!

Juli Bauer: Because my friend is sick.

Carra Roth: We should do another one after Aruba.

Juli Bauer: Ok.

Carra Roth: Talk about our Aruba trip.

Juli Bauer: Yeah. So good luck not getting the job, and we can continue this.

Carra Roth: Ok, yay!

Juli Bauer: No that’s so mean. I won’t say that.

Carra Roth: {laughs}

Juli Bauer: Shout out to all you gingers and short people out there. We love you.

Carra Roth: {laughs} Keep it strong.

Juli Bauer: Keep it strong. We’re going to take Jackson for a walk maybe. Love you guys!

Carra Roth: Bye!

Juli Bauer: Bye-bye!

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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.

I’m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you don’t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.


23 thoughts on “Favorites & Least Favorites w/ My SIL – Episode 87: PaleOMG Uncensored Podcast”

  1. OMG, I have the exact same issue shaving my underarms! But it’s so weird because I’ve been shaving for 25 years, but have only noticed this problem in the last several months – when I started doing more push-ups! Maybe it has something to do with those chest muscles getting bigger? I don’t have implants so it’s definitely not uniquely implant-related. But yes, we need solutions! I am so afraid to shave because I keep thinking I’m going to slice myself and end up in full Psycho shower scene mode!

    Also – I’ve been married for 17+ years, and you definitely stop shaving your legs as often. Believe me, hubby doesn’t care at this point and is just happy to get some :p

    And Carra – don’t you be hatin’ on 90’s music! 🙂 But the fashion…oh God, the fashion. I had a pair of PURPLE AND TEAL TIE-DYED OVERALLS. Which I’m sure I wore with my Reebok Pumps and cow-print scrunchie. Good Lord.

  2. Married for 13 years and yeah I still shave my legs ???? def not as often as I did when we were newlyweds but it’s still a couple times a week

  3. LOVED the episode with Cara! So fun. Married 25 years, still shave daily! Makes me feel good. You talked about a lotion you love, I thought you said Vivant, but I am not finding it. Could you please let me know – I am going to try some of their other products based on your rec. Safe travels home from Aruba!

    1. vivant is the skincare i love. but as for body lotion, it’s called shikai borage therapy and i get it at whole foods! and if you’re talking about face lotion, i love l’occitane and tula hydrating creams

  4. Loved this episode, yall are so funny! You mentioned you hate instagram now that they changed the algorithms but I have to say, please don’t stop posting there! PLEASE! 🙂 I keep up with your stories and haven’t missed a single story or post thus far. Maybe the more often you follow someone the more often their posts pop up, I don’t know. I love your stories though so please don’t stop posting for the 17 of us that see them, lol!

  5. Just listened to this one and except for the bachelorette stuff, I so relate to everything! Same armpit hair problem lol…but the reason I came to comment is that I too have a Ford Explorer, 2013, and I HATE it! I have had so many little issues with it, and not even the same ones you mentioned. I’ve had Honda’s and Toyota’s in the past and all of them have run great for years with nothing but maintenance, but my Explorer started having problems 2 years in. The paint on the hood started bubbling, then it chipped off, and Ford did absolutely nothing about it. They gave me the runaround and made me bring it in twice but then just always told me it wasn’t covered under the warranty. I had to pay $600 to get it repainted! A couple years ago a sway bar (random part) fell out underneath while I was driving around, and when I took it in to get fixed there were several other parts underneath that needed to be replaced because they were all worn out. Now it’s constantly telling me I need to shift to park when I turn it off, and I’m already in Park. There are several other minor things I won’t detail here but suffice to say I will not be buying a Ford for my next car! And sorry to hear you are having so many issues with yours!

  6. Sorry to bring bad news, but Ford Explorers are terrible. Every year Car and Driver magazine names them the most unreliable cars on the road. Get rid of it while you can!

  7. Love, love, love your podcast, but I think I love it even more with your SIL, if that’s possible…she’s the best. You two make me laugh so much when I listen to you together…she may have to become a regular 🙂

  8. I never understood people like Carra who didn’t think about eating when they’re drinking!!! My bff and I made my Ex come pick us up from a bar once and take us to McDonalds and She’s in the backseat and keeps repeating ” I need 200 chicken nuggest” and then I turn to my ex and whisper “get me a fish filet. NO WAIT! Get me TWO fish filet” whatever I think we were fun.

    Pleeaasseee do an Aruba recap please please please!

  9. The episodes with your SIL are some of my favorites! You both are so funny!

    By the way, I see all your posts on IG which is probably because I like EVERY.SINGLE post of yours (you’re my favorite, what can I say?) I heard that if you want to keep seeing someone’s posts you have to like them (the more you like, the more you’ll see, stupid IG). So tell all your followers to be a weirdo like me :D.

  10. Juli! Sorry about the Instagram blues. I’m terrible with ‘liking’ posts. But I definitely read all your posts and follow links. So I’ll try harder to like them because I really appreciate all your hard work and wonderful recipes!

    Also, check out Mazda CX-9. I used to only love toyotas but am obsessed with Mazda right now. It’s not a huge SUV but it has the 3rd row and perfect size for what you probably want!

  11. Vanessa A Mirro

    I loved this podcast. Please bring Carra back on! You guys have the best dynamic. I was dying at the almond teats comment. OMG. So funny.

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