I don’t know why I call these Cuban. I’m not Cuban. Nor do I know anything about Cuban culture. Or food. But I do know that every time I’ve eaten Cuban food, I’ve loved every second of it because it’s included plantains and pork in it.
The other day, I jabbed myself in the mouth accidentally while brushing my teeth with my electric toothbrush. I was bleeding. I aggressively brush when I’m anxious about something. Anywho, I stabbed myself so hard in the gums on my bottom lip, that it won’t heal. It refuses to. And then all I do is bug it more. It hurts. Like I don’t have enough pain on my face with this acne bullsh*t, now I have a hole in my mouth that keeps getting worse. Not really, I’m exaggerating. I’m in that kind of mood. Like every other day.
My teeth are moving. I haven’t worn my retainer pretty much since high school, ummmmmm because it’s disgusting. It’s one of those retainers that looks like invisiline. And let me tell you, it’s become quite gross over the years. But these teeth that were very expensive to move (thank you Mom and Dad) are now moving back to places they are not suppose to. So I need to do something. I need to pull out my top teeth retainer that rests in my bathroom closet, then I need to drive over to my parents house and dig through the crap I left behind so kindly for my parents because I did not want to deal with the extra junk, and find my bottom retainer. Then, I need to wear these retainers. Obviously while sleeping by myself. Because not only will these retainers hurt incredibly bad so I will be whimpering through the night, but I will be sleeping with my mouth wide open, slobering everywhere. And personally, I’d like to keep my boyfriend around. I quite like him.
You know what adventure I’m going to take on this week? Actually, let me restate that question. You know what adventure(s) I’m going to take on this weekend? The s is very important. Because I want to take on many. Let’s make a list. I haven’t done that in a while. Shame.
- Buy new jeans. And shorts. I tried to do this over the weekend on an empty stomach, almost start crying in the Levi’s dressing room, and then went to Whole Foods since I knew I could get exactly what I wanted. Food. I felt better as soon as I ate something. That store never lets me down. Levi’s did. So I’m going to brave the mall once more, on a full stomach, and not go anywhere near the Levi’s store. I’m going to try all the jeans that my friends on FB have recommended and probably spend more than I would like. But I’m a woman on a mission and I’m going to find that pair of jeans. Look how bad these shorts were. wtf?
definitely sucking in during this picture. but please notice the excess room in the back and no space in the thighs. - Get my nails done. I don’t know about this whole “doing my nails” thing. It’s high maintenance. And expensive. I did them almost 3 weeks ago or something, and they are growing out fast. Then it looks worse than not having my nails done at all. But I have to get my nails and toes done this week because vacation calls.
- Ok that’s really all I got. I need to cook food for you guys too, but that’s all I got until I head out for vacation to soak up some rays!
Oh and before I forget, be sure to check out the Primal Life Kit! I’ve talked about it a few times now, but this awesome package deal ends tomorrow (Tuesday April 9th) so you don’t want to miss out! The package includes 30 products and 8 discounts for only $39. That’s pretty silly since that’s a $485 value. And the package includes some amazing recipe ebooks like ‘Awaken Egg Free and Grain Free Breakfasts’ by Karen Sorenson. But my personal favorite is ‘Well Fed’ by Melissa Jouwlan that includes amazing recipes, many of which I’ve tried myself. Get it now! Click below!
Honey Mustard Cuban Pork Burgers
- Yield: 4 1x
Ingredients
- 1 pound ground pork breakfast sausage
- 1 cup plantain chips
- 1 egg white, whisked
- 3 tablespoons bacon fat
- 1 garlic clove, minced
- 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
- salt and pepper, to taste
- 1 avocado, sliced
- 1 tablespoon raw honey
- 1 teaspoon dijon mustard
- 1 teaspoon yellow mustard
- arugula, to garnish
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
- Place plantain chips in the food processor and pulse until broken down in breadcrumb consistency.
- Make 4 burger patties with the pound of meat.
- Place 1 egg white in a bowl and whisk until bubbly. Place plantain bread crumbs in another bowl. Dip each burger patty in the egg whites then the plantain mixture to coat the burgers completely, then sprinkle with salt and pepper and a bit of garlic powder.
- Heat up a cast iron skillet over medium-high heat, place 3 tablespoons of bacon fat in the skillet and add the minced garlic cloves.
- Once garlic becomes fragrant, add pork burgers to the pan and sear on both sides for 3-4 minutes, making sure the plantain chip crumble does not burn.
- After burgers have cooked on both sides, place in oven and cook for 8-10 minutes, or until burgers are cooked through to your preference. Remember, it’s pork. I did the poke test, when they pushed back at my finger, I knew they were done.
- While the burgers are finishing up in the oven, whisk together the honey and two different kinds of mustards and slice up the avocado.
- When burgers are done, let rest for about 2 minutes so all the juices don’t come spilling out.
- Top with avocado and honey mustard.
- Eat with some arugula. You don’t have to, but it’s great with it.
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I’ve had luck with Lucky jeans, if you have a Lucky store near you. They have room in the thighs but aren’t gaping at the waist. I’ve had luck with shorts at the Loft outlet, if you have one nearby. But, even there, I often take the shorts/capris to the alterer to have a nip taken out of the waist/rear so they don’t sag. I hate saggy crotch. I’ve come to accept that as a 5’1″ woman who had hips even before CrossFit, I will have to alter just about everything. Except Lucky jeans. 🙂
I second the Gap Curvy and if you are looking for a more expensive pair, Paige Denim fits pretty good, too. I know you can get those at Nordstrom.
Levis jeans are stupid. I am built small but that didn’t mean that Levi’s “curve id” knows what fits my body. They used to fit me in hs when my legs were less curvy and they didn’t develop the new system. Also I will be trying this recipe when I am eating starches again. So it might be a while but my belly doesn’t like starch right now :/
Yum!! I saw another recipe that used plantain chips as “coating” going to have to find those!! Just got my copy of “OMG that’s Paleo?” Have only looked at the first three recipes and already determined this one is going to be my favorite!!! GREAT JOB!!!
The burgers look awesome. I love burgers. I get my nails done with shallac nail polish! It lasts two weeks and is $25. It really isn’t too bad. I don’t do it all the time but it’s nice that they stay nice for awhile and I get to pick whatever color I want.
You are truly a spaz!!! I love it 🙂
Can I just state that I love how this was a pork burger recipe but 3/4 of the article and the posts are all about the jeans! That’s funny!
For the record my wife and I made 3 of your recipes this past weekend, BAD ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love it! Keep up the great work!
And please more cooking!!!! 😉
I’m not going to lie, I haven’t read your post today yet, because I’m too excited to tell you: I just got home and guess what was waiting in my mailbox??
Yep – your sweet ass cookbook!!!
It looks beautiful, and I can’t wait to figure out which recipe is for the sweet potato “boat” looking things on the back cover. They are calling my name!!
Ok, going to read this post now… I’m sure it’s great!
My cookbook is at my apt RIGHT NOW! I am thrilling about running home for lunch and getting it!
I gave up on manicures. The budget couldn’t handle it, and my nails never hold up for more than three days between cooking and cleaning. WTH is up with those shorts? Who is built in a way that could fill those out? My hubby has the same problem with pants – massive cycling legs and a tiny waist.
Never made plantains before at home, looks like an adventure as well! An adventure in taste!