I don’t know why I call these Cuban. I’m not Cuban. Nor do I know anything about Cuban culture. Or food. But I do know that every time I’ve eaten Cuban food, I’ve loved every second of it because it’s included plantains and pork in it.
The other day, I jabbed myself in the mouth accidentally while brushing my teeth with my electric toothbrush. I was bleeding. I aggressively brush when I’m anxious about something. Anywho, I stabbed myself so hard in the gums on my bottom lip, that it won’t heal. It refuses to. And then all I do is bug it more. It hurts. Like I don’t have enough pain on my face with this acne bullsh*t, now I have a hole in my mouth that keeps getting worse. Not really, I’m exaggerating. I’m in that kind of mood. Like every other day.
My teeth are moving. I haven’t worn my retainer pretty much since high school, ummmmmm because it’s disgusting. It’s one of those retainers that looks like invisiline. And let me tell you, it’s become quite gross over the years. But these teeth that were very expensive to move (thank you Mom and Dad) are now moving back to places they are not suppose to. So I need to do something. I need to pull out my top teeth retainer that rests in my bathroom closet, then I need to drive over to my parents house and dig through the crap I left behind so kindly for my parents because I did not want to deal with the extra junk, and find my bottom retainer. Then, I need to wear these retainers. Obviously while sleeping by myself. Because not only will these retainers hurt incredibly bad so I will be whimpering through the night, but I will be sleeping with my mouth wide open, slobering everywhere. And personally, I’d like to keep my boyfriend around. I quite like him.
You know what adventure I’m going to take on this week? Actually, let me restate that question. You know what adventure(s) I’m going to take on this weekend? The s is very important. Because I want to take on many. Let’s make a list. I haven’t done that in a while. Shame.
- Buy new jeans. And shorts. I tried to do this over the weekend on an empty stomach, almost start crying in the Levi’s dressing room, and then went to Whole Foods since I knew I could get exactly what I wanted. Food. I felt better as soon as I ate something. That store never lets me down. Levi’s did. So I’m going to brave the mall once more, on a full stomach, and not go anywhere near the Levi’s store. I’m going to try all the jeans that my friends on FB have recommended and probably spend more than I would like. But I’m a woman on a mission and I’m going to find that pair of jeans. Look how bad these shorts were. wtf?
definitely sucking in during this picture. but please notice the excess room in the back and no space in the thighs. - Get my nails done. I don’t know about this whole “doing my nails” thing. It’s high maintenance. And expensive. I did them almost 3 weeks ago or something, and they are growing out fast. Then it looks worse than not having my nails done at all. But I have to get my nails and toes done this week because vacation calls.
- Ok that’s really all I got. I need to cook food for you guys too, but that’s all I got until I head out for vacation to soak up some rays!
Oh and before I forget, be sure to check out the Primal Life Kit! I’ve talked about it a few times now, but this awesome package deal ends tomorrow (Tuesday April 9th) so you don’t want to miss out! The package includes 30 products and 8 discounts for only $39. That’s pretty silly since that’s a $485 value. And the package includes some amazing recipe ebooks like ‘Awaken Egg Free and Grain Free Breakfasts’ by Karen Sorenson. But my personal favorite is ‘Well Fed’ by Melissa Jouwlan that includes amazing recipes, many of which I’ve tried myself. Get it now! Click below!
Honey Mustard Cuban Pork Burgers
- Yield: 4 1x
Ingredients
- 1 pound ground pork breakfast sausage
- 1 cup plantain chips
- 1 egg white, whisked
- 3 tablespoons bacon fat
- 1 garlic clove, minced
- 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
- salt and pepper, to taste
- 1 avocado, sliced
- 1 tablespoon raw honey
- 1 teaspoon dijon mustard
- 1 teaspoon yellow mustard
- arugula, to garnish
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
- Place plantain chips in the food processor and pulse until broken down in breadcrumb consistency.
- Make 4 burger patties with the pound of meat.
- Place 1 egg white in a bowl and whisk until bubbly. Place plantain bread crumbs in another bowl. Dip each burger patty in the egg whites then the plantain mixture to coat the burgers completely, then sprinkle with salt and pepper and a bit of garlic powder.
- Heat up a cast iron skillet over medium-high heat, place 3 tablespoons of bacon fat in the skillet and add the minced garlic cloves.
- Once garlic becomes fragrant, add pork burgers to the pan and sear on both sides for 3-4 minutes, making sure the plantain chip crumble does not burn.
- After burgers have cooked on both sides, place in oven and cook for 8-10 minutes, or until burgers are cooked through to your preference. Remember, it’s pork. I did the poke test, when they pushed back at my finger, I knew they were done.
- While the burgers are finishing up in the oven, whisk together the honey and two different kinds of mustards and slice up the avocado.
- When burgers are done, let rest for about 2 minutes so all the juices don’t come spilling out.
- Top with avocado and honey mustard.
- Eat with some arugula. You don’t have to, but it’s great with it.
__________
You May Also Like:
Quick Loaded Chorizo Burgers with Pan Fried Sweet Potato Fries
______________
Click Here To Get All My PaleOMG Recipes Into Your Meal Planner With Real Plans!
I may be compensated through my affiliate links in this post, but all opinions are my own. This compensation helps with expenses to keep this blog up and running!
I don’t know what you are complaining about! I wish I looked like that in the dressing room!!!
J Brands. I’ve tried litterally ever brand everyone else listed and none of them looked good or fit right. J Brand are perfect for my petite (actual meaning as in height) lean muscular hour glass figure. American Eagle is a less expensive 2nd. If you find an expensive brand you like in stores that fits, try finding the same jeans on ebay! Also a well priced tailor should be every woman’s best friend! I’m going to hit one up tomorrow.
I just received your cookbook in the mail today and it’s absolutely wonderful!! I adore the ‘notes’ you have throughout the book and absolutely love the section at the bottom of each recipe to make notes on what I modified – genius!! THANKS!!!
Juli, I too received your cookbook today, and it’s gorgeous, funny, and full of great recipes. Thanks so much for this blog and compiling the recipes. One of my absolute faves is your date-caramel. I love it over anything and everything. Cheers! P.S. Don’t worry about them jeans. You look great.
We share the same plight re: jeans. In fact, a lot of my friends seem to share the same sentiments about shopping for, and finding, jeans that fit. I am labored to find a pair of pants … any pants … that don’t leave me with the gaping change pocket featured in your photo. It’s not you. It’s not us (woman-kind), it THEM. You know who I’m talking about. Those jean manufacturers. THOSE people in society–whoever THOSE people are–that seem hell-bent on creating jeans/pants that seem to communicate to us that we all need massive muffin tops in order to fit into their product. Doesn’t it seem like there is some conspiracy out there that wishes to propegate that women feel badly about themselves? As in, round up girl so you can fit in these here jeans that were seemingly made for your PLUMBER! And now that you’re plumped up, open up any magazine and feel badly for not looking like the airbrushed models.
There! I’m done.
Love your site!
For the acne have you tried Retin-A Micro gel yet? Totally feel your pain
I bought supplies for Gelish polish at Amazon, the LED light for under $79 on ebay (don’t even look on Amazon they are $$$) and just the initial outlay will pay for itself within just a few professional visits. You can do your own nails, toes and fingers, and be ready to walk out the door in under 20 minutes!
i love my hudson jeans! and the best part..you can get the expensive jeans like hudson and joes at nordstrom rack! they are like half price that you pay in the store. honestly though, hudsons are amazing for girls with some thighs and booty! =)))
I highly recommend trying Eddie Bauer jeans. Their new curvy fit are great at fitting my thighs and butt without any gap in the waist. They’re pricey, but they’re also well-made and hold up over time.
Ok Juli- here’s the deal. I have been in orthodontics for longer than I really wanna brag about. There is a product online called Retainer Brite. You can usually find it at Walgreens or CVS. If you can’t, use polident denture cleanser. Put your retainers in there and let them go for a few hours. Once they’re tasty, wear them full time for at least 2 weeks. If they feel comfortable you can go back to nights. Here’s the truth, your teeth move your whole life. Just like parts of our body that sag or weaken, teeth do the same. You basically have to commit to wearing your retainers a few nights a week forever. It’s sad news, but true. If your retainers don’t fit, get new ones. It’s way cheaper to get new retainers than go through Ortho again. Good luck. Let me know how it goes. 🙂
Holy crap this is delicious! Definitely will make again. Thx! My husband is a fan as well. We even made our own plantain chips.