How I Make My Kale

I’ve had so many messages from people asking how I make my kale because, well, until summer hit, I was making kale almost every single night. My husband even got really sick of it but I didn’t give AF because he sure as hell wasn’t making a different veggie for dinner. So he eats the kale. Kale is just so fast, easy, nutrient-dense, and it takes on the flavor of whatever you add to it. So in my mind, it goes with everything. So I finally decided to show you have I make mine!

But honestly, who cares about kale right now when we have the bachelorette to chat about. I seriously could give two f*cks about the show after seeing Rachel’s dog in a cast and them not giving an explanation for it!! You bring out this giant dog who is hopping on three legs and you don’t explain to your millions of viewers why? That’s straight messed up. We might as well be watching a Sarah McLachlan animal cruelty commercial.

Ok so the episode the other night was pretty uneventful until DeMario’s past came creeping in. But we’ll get there. The first group date started off in some open field with Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kuniz. They said that they loved the show so much and fell in love with Rachel so they called the show to be part of it. Bullsh*t. You guys have nothing better to do than go on a crappy reality show? Whatever. Well all the dudes had to go through some obstacle course where they had to change a babies diaper, vacuum, and do other stuff that sounds like the worst day ever. Lucas ended up winning which meant nothing other than Rachel talked to him first. I’ll give him two more episodes on the show.

The one-on-one date was with my favorite on the show, Peter. I did a little googling about Peter and he became a personal trainer after having an eating disorder. And he’s a model. And likes to hike. The hiking part sucks but he’s still my front runner. They ended up taking a private jet to Palm Springs, which is cool AF, and you know what the producers had them do? They made them go to a dog pool party, still without telling us why the dog had a cast on. Here’s the thing – who has their dogs outside in Palm Springs? Like, ever? I went there at the beginning of their season last year and it was 110 degrees F. 110. I think that’s called murder. With all the cool things you can do in Palm Springs, especially when you can fly into their own small airport, why do they do that? Whatever. Also – if they will never have them actually eat dinner on video, why not remove the dinner all together and just have them sit on the couch with drinks? Doesn’t that make way more sense at this point since we all know they never actually eat the food?

Anywho, the last date was another group date and it.was.the.worst. You know what’s worse than watching professional basketball? Watching fake basketball. The whole group goes to some high school where they meet some really tall dude who obviously is important in the professional athlete world. All I knew was he was gangly AF. He tries to tell Rachel that basketball is really similar to love. Gross. Just stop. We then had to watch these bros broing out, all in build up to what we wanted to see – DeMario looking like a real assh*le. So DeMario is a dude that talks incessantly and is made to look extremely cocky. Well, of course, producers found a little dirt from his past and a woman comes on the show to out him on national television that he ghosted her and still has the keys to her apartment. DeMario is the kind of guy that I want to punch right in the weener because he just talks over everyone. There is a guy just like him at our gym and whenever I try to tell him to work on a movement, he says “Yeah, totally” before I’ve even finished my sentence. Then goes back to his sh*tty form because my sentence didn’t comprehend in his tiny brain. That’s DeMario. As Rachel tries to let him explain himself, he just keeps talking over her with OKs and YES. It drove me absolutely insane. PUNCH TO THE WEENER.

In his defense, the woman did have a scrunchy around her wrist. I’m not sure how you trust someone like that.

And that was that. Rachel sends DeMario home, they start their night in the rose ceremony and DeMario comes back. To obviously talk over Rachel more. And then it was to be continued. I hope she punches him in the weener next episode.

PaleOMG - How I Make My Kale


How I Make My Kale

  • Yield: 2-3 1x


  • 3 pieces of bacon
  • 1 bundle of kale, washed and leaves removed from the stem, thinly sliced
  • 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
  • salt and pepper, to taste
  • juice of 1/2 lemon


  1. Place bacon in a large sauté pan over medium heat. Cook bacon until crispy. Remove and set aside on a paper towel. Once cool, chop into small pieces. Turn heat down to medium-low.
  2. Thinly slice kale then place into the bacon fat. Cook low and slow for about 8-10 minutes, until the kale has softened and wilted. Add garlic and onion powder, red pepper flakes, and salt and pepper and cook for another 2 minutes. Then add lemon and toss to combined.
  3. Add bacon back to the pan with the kale and toss to incorporate the bacon throughout.
  4. Serve up, buttercup!

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PaleOMG - How I Make My Kale

PaleOMG - How I Make My Kale


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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.

I’m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you don’t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.


29 thoughts on “How I Make My Kale”

  1. She tweeted that her pup broke his toe jumping off something… not sure why his whole leg needed a cast for just a broken toe, poor guy! Also obsessed with this kale, I eat it every morning without fail.

  2. I could not believe that they didn’t explain why her dog had a cast! THEN the dog went in that baby pool and got the cast wet! These are the things I was focusing on! Imaging all that wet dog hair under the cast. UGH

    1. right?! she was like – oh he hates getting in water – Ummmmmm YOU’RE IN PALM SPRINGS. the only reasonable thing to do there is be in water at all times

  3. I’ve always made either super sautéed to death kale (Melissa Joulwan’s Spice Market Kale recipe from Well Fed) or massaged raw kale into a salad. This looks like a nice in-between style and I’m excited to give it a try!

  4. I’m so excited to try this! I’m a kale newbie, and am looking for different foods to make. My one coworker claims that I am “nesting,” but to me I just am loving food and cooking and eating a variety of things. I’m seeing and feeling SUCH a big difference in my overall health and physique.

    That being said, my boyfriend is a big time picky eater. Like… only burgers, chicken, pulled pork, pork chops, bacon(he’s not a monster, afterall), pepperoni pizza, plain beef tacos. Hardly any veggies in there aside from green beans, maybe corn, and romaine lettuce. It’s hard to get creative and make something we would both enjoy, and I feel like I would be making a TON of stuff each night for dinner all the time. Do you have any advice?

    1. that’s his problem, not yours. if that were my boyfriend, i would tell him to make his own veggies then. my husband sometimes doesn’t want the veggies i make and he eats them anyways because that’s all he has to choose from. making meals is hard work and they should be respectful of that

    2. Hi Patti!

      I don’t have a picky eater for a husband, but something you could do to make things easier on yourself and still keep him happy at dinner time is prep your veggies for the week on Sunday! That way you have a ton of prepped veggies to choose from as a side for you, and then have your meat of choice that you both like! Veggies don’t always need to be in the actual dish. If ye just likes plain beef tacos, you can have onions, peppers, lettuce, etc already cut up from Sunday that can be easily sautéed in a few minutes that you can put on your taco 🙂

      Hope this helps!

    3. When making dinner with my boyfriend, I make whatever vegetables I want. He tries everything, but if he doesn’t like it, he just doesn’t eat it. I don’t stress about it since he never complains. It it is a special meal, I’ll include something that I know he likes, but for every day sustenance, I can’t worry about it, my goal is to make sure I’m preparing food that makes me feel good and helps me meet my goals.

  5. LUCAS + BLAKE = CORINNE + TAYLOR. “you’re not here for the right reasons and I’m a self-righteous person!” same same. And yes, how could they not tell us about how her dog hurt himself? and also soggy wet doggy cast. whyyyy.

  6. Literally Demario’s ex Lexy or whatever looked SO MUCH like you it was freaking me and my friends out! I was so excited to read your recep – ALSO you should do a insta story recap as you watch kinda like Ashley I. does! I would loveeeee it

  7. JULI!!! i always say.. if you’re 15 minutes early, you’re on time. if you’re on time, you’re late. and if you’re late, don’t come. HA! but, seriously, will you share what top you’re wearing in your IG stories this morning? (white tank, kind of see through tank) THANKS!! and i will be making this kale. done and done.

  8. OMG. I’ve always thought you were the best, but my love for you is even stronger b/c you said PUNCH TO THE WEENER. l o v e i t. 🙂

  9. I know people say kale is great after time…what are the odds this is good as leftovers? I’m skeptical about soggy greens…

    1. i’m not the best person to ask because i like everything as leftovers, soggy or not. i would just heat it back up in a pan!

  10. Love your humor and recap of the Bachelorette. I fell asleep watching the first one and now I don’t have to watch it anymore; instead I’ll read your recaps! Kale recipe looks delicious and I will make it tonight as I have kale from the garden waiting ready to be plucked.

  11. My favorite is simply boiled to tender and dressed with excellent olive oil, lots of freshly squeezed lemon and lots of crumbled feta. Never get tired of it.

  12. Wow! This side dish is delicious! I love the touch of lemon with the kick of red pepper! I’ll make it again and again!

  13. When I told my husband I was making kale as a side dish, he gave me a funny look. But this recipe made him totally change his mind! He loves cooked kale now. The lemon at the end seemed to crisp up the kale and the flavors were so intensely delicious! Thank you for this recipe!

  14. I’ve been trying different kale recipes for awhile now-disliked them all. I love your method! I’ve made it 2x now and will continue to use your recipe! Also love your spaghetti pizza pie. I
    love your sense of humor via Instagram and your podcasts. Keep it up!

    1. you can simple remove the bacon and cook it in the fat of your preference. it won’t taste quite the same though. it’s tough to create a bacon flavor without bacon

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