How I Make My Kale
I’ve had so many messages from people asking how I make my kale because, well, until summer hit, I was making kale almost every single night. My husband even got really sick of it but I didn’t give AF because he sure as hell wasn’t making a different veggie for dinner. So he eats the kale. Kale is just so fast, easy, nutrient-dense, and it takes on the flavor of whatever you add to it. So in my mind, it goes with everything. So I finally decided to show you have I make mine!
But honestly, who cares about kale right now when we have the bachelorette to chat about. I seriously could give two f*cks about the show after seeing Rachel’s dog in a cast and them not giving an explanation for it!! You bring out this giant dog who is hopping on three legs and you don’t explain to your millions of viewers why? That’s straight messed up. We might as well be watching a Sarah McLachlan animal cruelty commercial.
Ok so the episode the other night was pretty uneventful until DeMario’s past came creeping in. But we’ll get there. The first group date started off in some open field with Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kuniz. They said that they loved the show so much and fell in love with Rachel so they called the show to be part of it. Bullsh*t. You guys have nothing better to do than go on a crappy reality show? Whatever. Well all the dudes had to go through some obstacle course where they had to change a babies diaper, vacuum, and do other stuff that sounds like the worst day ever. Lucas ended up winning which meant nothing other than Rachel talked to him first. I’ll give him two more episodes on the show.
The one-on-one date was with my favorite on the show, Peter. I did a little googling about Peter and he became a personal trainer after having an eating disorder. And he’s a model. And likes to hike. The hiking part sucks but he’s still my front runner. They ended up taking a private jet to Palm Springs, which is cool AF, and you know what the producers had them do? They made them go to a dog pool party, still without telling us why the dog had a cast on. Here’s the thing – who has their dogs outside in Palm Springs? Like, ever? I went there at the beginning of their season last year and it was 110 degrees F. 110. I think that’s called murder. With all the cool things you can do in Palm Springs, especially when you can fly into their own small airport, why do they do that? Whatever. Also – if they will never have them actually eat dinner on video, why not remove the dinner all together and just have them sit on the couch with drinks? Doesn’t that make way more sense at this point since we all know they never actually eat the food?
Anywho, the last date was another group date and it.was.the.worst. You know what’s worse than watching professional basketball? Watching fake basketball. The whole group goes to some high school where they meet some really tall dude who obviously is important in the professional athlete world. All I knew was he was gangly AF. He tries to tell Rachel that basketball is really similar to love. Gross. Just stop. We then had to watch these bros broing out, all in build up to what we wanted to see – DeMario looking like a real assh*le. So DeMario is a dude that talks incessantly and is made to look extremely cocky. Well, of course, producers found a little dirt from his past and a woman comes on the show to out him on national television that he ghosted her and still has the keys to her apartment. DeMario is the kind of guy that I want to punch right in the weener because he just talks over everyone. There is a guy just like him at our gym and whenever I try to tell him to work on a movement, he says “Yeah, totally” before I’ve even finished my sentence. Then goes back to his sh*tty form because my sentence didn’t comprehend in his tiny brain. That’s DeMario. As Rachel tries to let him explain himself, he just keeps talking over her with OKs and YES. It drove me absolutely insane. PUNCH TO THE WEENER.
In his defense, the woman did have a scrunchy around her wrist. I’m not sure how you trust someone like that.
And that was that. Rachel sends DeMario home, they start their night in the rose ceremony and DeMario comes back. To obviously talk over Rachel more. And then it was to be continued. I hope she punches him in the weener next episode.
How I Make My Kale
- Yield: 2-3 1x
- 3 pieces of bacon
- 1 bundle of kale, washed and leaves removed from the stem, thinly sliced
- 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
- 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
- salt and pepper, to taste
- juice of 1/2 lemon
- Place bacon in a large sauté pan over medium heat. Cook bacon until crispy. Remove and set aside on a paper towel. Once cool, chop into small pieces. Turn heat down to medium-low.
- Thinly slice kale then place into the bacon fat. Cook low and slow for about 8-10 minutes, until the kale has softened and wilted. Add garlic and onion powder, red pepper flakes, and salt and pepper and cook for another 2 minutes. Then add lemon and toss to combined.
- Add bacon back to the pan with the kale and toss to incorporate the bacon throughout.
- Serve up, buttercup!
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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.
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