I think I finally have my life back together since I got back from Vegas on Monday. I’m finally not falling asleep in the middle of the day while sitting up. It’s amazing how lack of sleep will make you feel hungover because, honestly, I only had about 2 big drinks while in Vegas so I was never actually got super drunk or hungover. Which was awesome. I can’t help but be impressed with me keeping my sh*t together while not consuming alcohol. I don’t know how I did it. Vegas is so weird.
I went in to the weekend being pretty worried about not wanting to drink and having to be out with drunk people the whole time. But it wasn’t a big deal at all. Probably because I have really cool friends that aren’t d*cks when they drink (except my best friend Sergio, he threw a bucket of ice at my face and bruised my forehead, I hate him). So I felt good the whole time while I was there. We went to 2 pool parties and 2 clubs, seeing 4 awesome DJ’s, and that was QUITE enough. I think one day would have definitely been enough but I pushed through and only felt like semi dying during our flight home. I’m so happy I wasn’t hungover.
But here’s the thing, since I was pretty much sober the entire time, I noticed everything. Especially because my back started to seize up both nights from standing and dancing for so long. So I would have to lean up against something and not dance and would end up just watching people as the night went on. And I saw some awesome sh*t. And gross sh*t. Lots of gross going on in Vegas. Let’s go through my favorite Vegas memories:
- Women (and men) have absolutely no shame when it comes to what swimsuits and outfits they wear while in Vegas. Before I left for Vegas, I was trying to stay away from sugar in hopes of looking my best, but then you go to Vegas and you remember that people don’t give AF when it comes to that. Pretty much every female was in a thong bikini, while most of these women had zits on their ass. Hey, we all get zits in weird places, that’s totally normal. But to me, I would glance in the mirror and be like, “Oh sh*t, a zit where a zit should not be. I should probably get my sh*t together and wear a suit with more coverage.” But I guess that’s just me. At one point, I watched a girl dancing her ass off at the pool in her white thong bikini with a small piece of toilet paper stuck to her ass, obviously left behind from a bathroom break earlier. I can’t. I just can’t. People are obviously trying to look their hottest in a thong bikini with doodoo paper hanging out. It’s just too much to handle.
- I watched a man snort cocaine off another man’s neck right behind the collar of his shirt, in the middle of a super busy club. They were so nasty and it was so gross to watch. Definitely something I’ve never seen and I truly hope to never see it again.
- I came to understand that almost all men are absolutely assh*les while in Vegas. I don’t know if it’s because all they want to do is get some while there, but man, they sucked. I had multiple creepers creep in every way possible. After telling one I was married, he asked, “But is he here?” He then asked out 3 of my friends standing next to me and finally found one chick outside of our group who said yes and saw them leaving together. So gross. It sucks that being a gross weirdo actually works on some women so they keep the act up.
- I watched a couple hold each other for FOUR HOURS straight. If that’s true love, I don’t want it. If Brian tried to hold me for more than 2 minutes, I would freak out on him.
- On both nights in Vegas, we would think the headliner was going to come on at 1am…but then he wouldn’t come on until 2:30am, which really sucks balls if you’re sober and your back is seizing up. The second night at club XS was no different and I was getting pretty antsy. Luckily, the entire team of the Cavaliers showed up after they won their game and champagne showered the sh*t out of each other. Even though I care nothing about sports, I surprisingly know who LeBron is and it was nice to see the team so happy to help break up the time we were waiting for Alesso to come on. He didn’t come on until 3am. I made it through 2 sets then had to go back to the hotel to sleep for 3 hours before we hopped on a plane home. Most of our friends didn’t get home until 6am. I don’t know how they did it. F*ckin’ Vegas.
- Last but not least, WHY DO PEOPLE STILL SMOKE CIGARETTES?! Gross. Grow up. Use your brain to it’s full capacity and stop using something that’s going to kill you earlier. It’s just so insane to me how many people still smoke. My hair smelled like it every night and I hated it so much.
I know it may not totally sound like it based off my b*tchy tone throughout my post, but I seriously had SO much fun. I don’t know when I’ll actually be fully recovered enough to go back, but I definitely want to. But this time for only 1 day and 1 night. Keep it shorter and even cheaper.
Mango Ahi Tuna Poke Avocado Bowls
- Yield: 3-4 1x
Ingredients
- 1 1/2 pounds sushi grade ahi tuna, cut into 1/2 inch cubes
- 1 avocado, scooped out of shell, cut into 1/2 inch cubes
- 2 mangos (mine were small), cut into 1/2 inch cubes
- 1 seedless cucumber (I used an english cucumber), cut into 1/2 inch cubes
- 3 green onions, chopped
- 3 tablespoons coconut aminos
- 1 tablespoons rice wine vinegar (or coconut vinegar)
- 1 tablespoon sriracha (I use this brand or make your own)
- 1 teaspoon sesame oil
- 1 teaspoon grated fresh ginger
- 1 garlic clove, grated
- pinch of salt
- 1 tablespoon white sesame seeds
- 1 tablespoon black sesame seeds
Instructions
- Place all ingredients in a large bowl and mix until completely combine. Cover and place in the fridge to chill for 10-15 minutes.
- Fill avocado shells with ahi tuna poke then eat up!
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Juli, I love you. I think you have a good heart, you’re funny, and your food is kick ass. But there are moments in recent posts where I feel like you just judge everyone around you and show very little self reflection, almost to the point of seeming shallow and just plain mean. I know that you clearly define yourself by your body, your six pack abs, the “omg look at my outfit of the day and leggings” (but really guys, LOOKIT my abs) insta shots, the way a lot of your posts these days are about image — It’s disheartening and makes me wonder how you really feel about yourself and what sort of direction this blog/your writing is headed. I know you’ve worked hard for your body. I know you’ve had issues with food, and you feel healthy and happy now, or so you say. But are you really? I mean REALLY. If you are, awesome. I just sense like there is something deeper going on.
i’m so sorry you feel that way, jenny. can you explain to me of other examples other than this blog post about vegas? i think you’re reading way too into this. i talked about zits on asses in thong bikinis and people snorting cocaine off each other and men being complete pigs. all things that happen in vegas every day and you would talk with your friends about, which is what my blog has been from the beginning. that being said, you’re asking a person you have never met and know nothing about, if they are truly happy. doesn’t that seem strange? how do you know what their happiness even is if you don’t actually know them? i’m sorry that you’re not a fan of the leggings and sports bra photos. i like to show those photos not only to share my clothes but to prove that eating my recipes and sticking with working out really does work. we live in a world that believes quick fixes are possible and i’m showing people that it’s just not the case. it takes hard work. no pills, no crash dieting, no bullshit, just hard work and dedication. my body is very important to me and i will not apologize for that, it’s the only one i’ll ever have. i will continue to do what i love and share what i believe in and say what’s on my mind. my happiness continues to grow because of my blog and because of all the crazy moments i get to share with my readers. but at the end of the day, i can’t make everyone happy. just myself. sorry again this post upset you, just try not to read into it too much. i have around 650 posts, that’s a shit ton of posts to offended over.
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OMG- I LOL’ed at this post for sure!
You know you had a good time (and/or you are getting old) when your back seizes up from dancing so much!!
This poke bowl was so good! Even though I used Tabasco, because I didn’t have sriracha, it was the kick it needed to take it over the top. This dish will be on heavy rotation this summer paired with some plantain chips.
awesome!! glad you liked it, bridget!!
This recipe is absolutely incredible! I made it for a group of 12 last night and everyone loved it. Thank you so much for sharing!
I’ve read your blog for a long time but I don’t know if I can anymore. You talk about loving yourself but sh*t on people doing just that. Sometimes it’s hard for people to accept who they are, so kudos to anyone who can embrace their flaws and put on a bikini because it makes them feel good, even if they aren’t a size triple zero. You don’t know what any of those people are struggling with, maybe they are trying to be healthier but are enjoying their vacation. Maybe they are just going to be themselves and be proud of whatever body they have. They definitely don’t need other people shaming them and judging them. I’ve got acne and could probably lose a couple pounds so I guess I should probably just hide away so no one is forced to see my flaws in public. Eff that.
kristin, you gotta calm down. i didn’t talk about anyone’s weight here. no where in this am i shaming anyone for their weight. at all. you read it like that. i’m so sorry this upset you, but i’m not shaming anyone for their weight here. whatsoever.
Gurrrrl, I feel ya! The older I get the more I realize how silly people are. I went to Mardi Gras, in college, and let’s just say you can’t un-see the disgusting things you saw. (Why was that a good idea to go??) Isn’t it funny how when you stay sober you see how ‘awesome’ people truly are 😛 I’m with you 100% on this post…especially the smoking part. Thankfully, it seems like it’s not the cool thing to do anymore–my girls won’t even know that you could smoke on airplanes, in the back of the plane no less.
Sorry peeps are hating on you!
Keep ‘keepin’ it real,’ chica…and thanks for all your inspiration!
These were delish! I added a little more Sriracha because I was craving something spicy. Thanks for another great recipe!
Vegas is the best and worst place. So much great people watching, but people give zero f*cks and are basically gross as hell. Good place to sit and laugh! As for the smoke, that is the NUMBER ONE reason I loathe going to Vegas. Your hair stinks so bad all the time. There are a few non-smoking casinos, but they are few and far between.
Made the poké tonight and it was amazing! I doubled up the sriracha, because…sriracha. But I kept everything else the same. Wonderful!
so glad you loved it!
This was delicious! We will for sure keep this in rotation. We have loved every recipe we have tried from your site. Is it safe to store and eat leftovers?
probably for only a day, i wouldn’t go longer than that
Made this 3 times now, so good every time! We added a sirracha mayo on top with primal kitchen mayo this time it was the bomb
that sounds delicious!