I think I finally have my life back together since I got back from Vegas on Monday. I’m finally not falling asleep in the middle of the day while sitting up. It’s amazing how lack of sleep will make you feel hungover because, honestly, I only had about 2 big drinks while in Vegas so I was never actually got super drunk or hungover. Which was awesome. I can’t help but be impressed with me keeping my sh*t together while not consuming alcohol. I don’t know how I did it. Vegas is so weird.
I went in to the weekend being pretty worried about not wanting to drink and having to be out with drunk people the whole time. But it wasn’t a big deal at all. Probably because I have really cool friends that aren’t d*cks when they drink (except my best friend Sergio, he threw a bucket of ice at my face and bruised my forehead, I hate him). So I felt good the whole time while I was there. We went to 2 pool parties and 2 clubs, seeing 4 awesome DJ’s, and that was QUITE enough. I think one day would have definitely been enough but I pushed through and only felt like semi dying during our flight home. I’m so happy I wasn’t hungover.
But here’s the thing, since I was pretty much sober the entire time, I noticed everything. Especially because my back started to seize up both nights from standing and dancing for so long. So I would have to lean up against something and not dance and would end up just watching people as the night went on. And I saw some awesome sh*t. And gross sh*t. Lots of gross going on in Vegas. Let’s go through my favorite Vegas memories:
- Women (and men) have absolutely no shame when it comes to what swimsuits and outfits they wear while in Vegas. Before I left for Vegas, I was trying to stay away from sugar in hopes of looking my best, but then you go to Vegas and you remember that people don’t give AF when it comes to that. Pretty much every female was in a thong bikini, while most of these women had zits on their ass. Hey, we all get zits in weird places, that’s totally normal. But to me, I would glance in the mirror and be like, “Oh sh*t, a zit where a zit should not be. I should probably get my sh*t together and wear a suit with more coverage.” But I guess that’s just me. At one point, I watched a girl dancing her ass off at the pool in her white thong bikini with a small piece of toilet paper stuck to her ass, obviously left behind from a bathroom break earlier. I can’t. I just can’t. People are obviously trying to look their hottest in a thong bikini with doodoo paper hanging out. It’s just too much to handle.
- I watched a man snort cocaine off another man’s neck right behind the collar of his shirt, in the middle of a super busy club. They were so nasty and it was so gross to watch. Definitely something I’ve never seen and I truly hope to never see it again.
- I came to understand that almost all men are absolutely assh*les while in Vegas. I don’t know if it’s because all they want to do is get some while there, but man, they sucked. I had multiple creepers creep in every way possible. After telling one I was married, he asked, “But is he here?” He then asked out 3 of my friends standing next to me and finally found one chick outside of our group who said yes and saw them leaving together. So gross. It sucks that being a gross weirdo actually works on some women so they keep the act up.
- I watched a couple hold each other for FOUR HOURS straight. If that’s true love, I don’t want it. If Brian tried to hold me for more than 2 minutes, I would freak out on him.
- On both nights in Vegas, we would think the headliner was going to come on at 1am…but then he wouldn’t come on until 2:30am, which really sucks balls if you’re sober and your back is seizing up. The second night at club XS was no different and I was getting pretty antsy. Luckily, the entire team of the Cavaliers showed up after they won their game and champagne showered the sh*t out of each other. Even though I care nothing about sports, I surprisingly know who LeBron is and it was nice to see the team so happy to help break up the time we were waiting for Alesso to come on. He didn’t come on until 3am. I made it through 2 sets then had to go back to the hotel to sleep for 3 hours before we hopped on a plane home. Most of our friends didn’t get home until 6am. I don’t know how they did it. F*ckin’ Vegas.
- Last but not least, WHY DO PEOPLE STILL SMOKE CIGARETTES?! Gross. Grow up. Use your brain to it’s full capacity and stop using something that’s going to kill you earlier. It’s just so insane to me how many people still smoke. My hair smelled like it every night and I hated it so much.
I know it may not totally sound like it based off my b*tchy tone throughout my post, but I seriously had SO much fun. I don’t know when I’ll actually be fully recovered enough to go back, but I definitely want to. But this time for only 1 day and 1 night. Keep it shorter and even cheaper.
Mango Ahi Tuna Poke Avocado Bowls
- Yield: 3-4 1x
Ingredients
- 1 1/2 pounds sushi grade ahi tuna, cut into 1/2 inch cubes
- 1 avocado, scooped out of shell, cut into 1/2 inch cubes
- 2 mangos (mine were small), cut into 1/2 inch cubes
- 1 seedless cucumber (I used an english cucumber), cut into 1/2 inch cubes
- 3 green onions, chopped
- 3 tablespoons coconut aminos
- 1 tablespoons rice wine vinegar (or coconut vinegar)
- 1 tablespoon sriracha (I use this brand or make your own)
- 1 teaspoon sesame oil
- 1 teaspoon grated fresh ginger
- 1 garlic clove, grated
- pinch of salt
- 1 tablespoon white sesame seeds
- 1 tablespoon black sesame seeds
Instructions
- Place all ingredients in a large bowl and mix until completely combine. Cover and place in the fridge to chill for 10-15 minutes.
- Fill avocado shells with ahi tuna poke then eat up!
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I laughed my a** off at everyone of your comments about Vegas!!! I’ve never been. Now maybe I don’t want too lmao
The sad truth is that I’ve seen almost all of the above (no doodoo paper on a thonged butt) while in Vegas, and I still love it. Almost as much as I love the looks of this recipe.
Julie, this post made me LOL. I seriously hate Vegas and I would be super grossed out to see that crap (doodoo paper and all). You’re a saint.
Reading this post made me kinda sad. I love following your Instagram and your posts, and you have great recipes, but this post just felt kind of Mean Girls.
I agree, Vegas is a weird place. You work really hard to be healthy and look good, and you DO look amazing, but I feel like you were dumping on people for wearing things that they felt good in.
And I feel awful for that chick with the TP stuck to her booty. Where are her friends?! Or even, where is a friendly person to say “hey, if want to know this if it were gapping to me…you have poo poo paper on your tush”.
Vegas is just a place where people go to legit let go of everything. That doesn’t mean like, guys should be dicks or creepily bump lines off of each other, but it happens.
i love your stuff, but reading this post just made me kinda sad
sorry you feel like it’s mean girls kristin. i did feel like a mean girl when i was out there, actually. but that can sometimes happens when you are sober. again, sorry you feel like i was being mean!
I live here and wasn’t offended. As a local you tend to avoid the Strip for all the reasons mentioned. On the rare occasions we take the time to dress nice and go out you look around and think people give zero fvcks anymore about how they look in public!
lol thanks sabrina! there are some AWESOME restaurants there, so i would totally go out randomly if i lived there. have you ever gone to lotus of siam? it’s my FAVORITE and was bummed i couldn’t make it while i was there!
Oh no…I just got back from Vegas and I’ll I did was people watch!! I got the biggest kick out of the girls who got their sexy on, but really looked like blobs!!
Don’t get me wrong…I’m fat and seriously out of shape, but come on…there are just some things you don’t wear anywhere!!
My boys (25/23) eyes were popping out of their heads most of the time!! And we laughed a lot!!
Juli…I laughed again reading your post. I got to see the normal superb side of Vegas and loved that even more. I got to see Palo Verde High School graduation of 600 seniors, 8 Valedictorians & Salutatorian speeches and feel confident our nation is in good hands.
right?! some things are meant to just hang on hangers and never sell. glad you got to see our nation hopefully moving in a better direction haha!!
Thanks for sharing the recipe. It looks so delicious. I will definitely try to cook at home for my family.
Do you remember when your husband told you to stop hating on your body? I wish you would apply that wisdom to other peoples’ bodies as well, because I love reading your blog posts, but this one was hard to read; it just came across as cruel.
you’re reading it wrong, taylor. and reading way too into it. i wrote this post just like i write my bachelorette/bachelor recaps. i said exactly what i saw. i’m not hating on anyone’s body, no where did i make fun of someone’s figure. i’m sorry you felt it was cruel, i was literally just saying what i saw. sorry again if it upset you.
I ran into the same issue at my whole foods so I made a variation of the recipe using seared ahi on top of the mixture and mixed greens. I also added some pickled ginger. My husband and I loved it! Thanks Juli- adding this one to the rotation.
Oh man I seriously loved this post and everything you said about Vegas. I have never been, but all my friends have pretty much told me similar stories to what you wrote, especially the part about the thong bikinis being everywhereeeee. Also so cool that you got to see the Cavaliers party post win!!!! I would have been in heaven haha.