It’s slightly annoying that I have to write this. Especially since no one has really directly asked me to share why I’ve changed how I eat or changed how I workout. They just go on “hate blogs” to talk about me and other people in this community. It’s a very strange thing. People care more about what others are doing, how others are eating or how those people look, than they seem to care about their own diets, figures, and well, lives. I get it. Those people have boring lives. They do. I will look at instagram and see some of the top female CrossFitters post pictures of their jacked bodies and people talk sh*t about them. Right there. They say “I wouldn’t want to look like that” or “Why would you want to look like a man?” Oh, you know what’s crazy? That is THEIR life. Their non-boring life. Not yours. Theirs. People are entitled to eat what they want, drink what they want, workout how they want to, and really do whatever the eff they want to do. But people just have to voice their negative opinions?
I hate negative people.
I went off on a tangent there, so let me get to why I’m writing this. I recently came across a forum saying things like I have disordered eating or I don’t really eat paleo anymore and I should be living up to the brand I created, and things I posted in the past don’t live up to how I live my life now. And that I should post about why these things have changed. They didn’t come to my blog and request that in the comments, they just posted it on a hateful website. Makes sense, right? It’s ok, I get it. They’re scared. So I’ll help those scared people out and post this blog post.
I used to compete in CrossFit, I used to do 2-3 workouts per day, I used to restrict my diet because I was gaining weight and couldn’t figure out why, I used to say I didn’t mind getting bigger because I wanted to compete at a high level, I used to constantly talk about my frustrations with my body, etc, etc, etc. And recently, I stopped talking about all those things. I stopped talking sh*t about my body, I stopped posting what I ate in a day in blog posts, I stopped working out multiple times a day. I stopped all of it.
In my 26 short years of life, I’ve come to figure out that people seem to talk more about the things they are insecure about. Their relationships, their bodies, their jobs, their diets. Whatever. So I constantly talked about my body and appreciating it because I was trying to cover up all those insecurities I had and come to terms with how I looked. When I was competing in CrossFit, I put on 30 pounds. I wasn’t comfortable at that weight or with how I looked. I didn’t care what other people thought, but I wasn’t comfortable with it. I didn’t fit in my clothes, I didn’t feel sexy, I just didn’t feel like me. So I constantly wrote blog posts trying to come to terms with those insecurities.
I would look to other competitive CrossFitters who were jacked and shredded and even though I could beat some of them in workouts, I didn’t look like that. And I was really insecure about it. And frustrated. So I would try to eat completely strict, restrict my intake of fat, carbs and protein, and just drive myself crazy with restrictions. It was so frustrating. I was looking everywhere for control: In my workouts, in my diet, everywhere.
When I look back, I was completely overtrained. I worked out way too much for my body, I didn’t eat enough, and because of all of this, my hormones were out of control. I finally injured myself (my shoulder), was forced to cut back, and slowly over time started to live a more normal lifestyle. I worked out once a day, I cut back on weights to work on my form and I decided that cutting portions wasn’t working and started eating more of the foods I wanted. My hormones began to level out more, my body felt way better than it ever had, and I lost some of the extra weight I had gained from working out too much.
My body is different than every single other person in this world. Completely different. I could workout the exact same, eat the same, sleep the same and do everything the same as one of my jacked competitive CrossFit friends, and I would look nothing like her. That’s because my body is different. And my goals are now different than they were. Before, I wanted to compete. That’s it. I did that and then I changed my mind so I could live a happier lifestyle. I didn’t think I would ever stop training and stop competing, but I did. Have you ever thought you wanted something and changed your mind along the way? If you haven’t, you’re boring.
So here’s the conclusion for all the a**holes out there that want to talk sh*t behind their computer screens on a website dedicated to hating people: you’re right. You can pat yourself on the back. I’ve had disordered eating habits in the past, along with probably 80% of the female population. I’ve tried all kinds of things to feel better about myself like dieting and excessive working out, along with probably 80% of the female population. I would absolutely love to say that I’m 100% cured and will never have those feelings again, but I think that is a really childish thing to say. I can’t see the future, can you? I can’t see how my body will change, can you? I can’t see the battles I will face someday, can you? Answer: no.
I am absolutely happy where I am now. I sometimes workout 5-6 days per week (I usually do my CrossFit workouts lighter now but sometimes feel like going heavier) then I sometimes take lots of rest days when I feel like it (like the 4 days off last week I took). I’m not as strong as I used to be and I’m ok with that because I’m more comfortable in my skin, but I’m also better with some of my skills like muscle ups since I don’t constantly obsess over them. I eat when I’m hungry, I eat gluten free breads that don’t upset my stomach, I eat a paleo cookies when I want to because it doesn’t upset my stomach like a normal cookie would, and I try to live a life of moderation. Like eating the wedding cake I had this past weekend. It wasn’t paleo, it wasn’t gluten free, it was just delicious and covered with icing. Did I feel bad about it? Nope. Not in the slightest. I want to live a happy life at the end of the day. Not a life of restrictions.
So here’s what I recommend to everyone. Live the life that makes YOU the happiest. Whether that’s paleo, gluten free, pure gluten, CrossFit, jazzercise, marriage, single, muscular, skinny, really whatever. I don’t care. It’s your life. Do what makes YOU the best kind of person. Not because other people do it, but because you love it. And while you’re at it, try to keep your negative comments to yourself. No, don’t try. Just do it.
And that’s how I feel about that.
Thank you for this! It was like reading my own stream of consciousness. Keep it up 🙂
This is the first time I’ve commented on any of the food blogs that I follow. I really enjoy reading your blog and your recipes are fantastic. But I felt like I should comment here to show support in what you’re saying. Long story short, it’s sad that people have nothing better to do than to criticise other people. But I loved your response to this…and in my mind, you’re 100% correct. These people are just criticising because they are compelled by their own insecurities. I don’t think it’s any secret that the vast majority of women are insecure with their bodies at one stage or another. And it is important for people to find the routine (eating, working out, etc.) that works for them and makes them feel good about themselves. Plus, I’m always happy to hear that I’m not the only one that doesn’t deprive myself from the odd treat! haha. You’re the best, Juli!
Awesome! Keep staying positive
Look at all this love you have right here on your own site Juli! Let the haters whinge away their day and just keep doing what you’re doing because clearly you are a fortress to be reckoned with!!
It does sucks you have to defend your own experiences of the past, but let it be known, if you put yourself out there and the bigger you become (not literally of course!), it’s only natural the haters are going to flock. mwah!
Thank you for posting this!! I have enjoyed your blog and go to it FREQUENTLY for recipes. I have struggled with strict paleo and the best kind of exercise. In the last year I have gained weight and lot of it has been because I keep trying to be something I am not. So thank you for the reminder. Now I just need to figure out what is best for my body not necessarily someone else!
I’m currently making one of your oh so delicious recipes and read this blog post. It was a mirror image of what happened to me after giving birth to my son. I’ve always been in shape, but husky, “big boned,’ but fit girl. After my son, I became just big. I was restricting my diet, eating clean, lean, counting fats, carbs, calories. I was going to the gym at 5 am every morning while getting up 3x a night with baby and working my butt off to get my (still big, husky, but fit) body back. I went back to playing my competitive sport, ringette, though my equipment didn’t fit. I was tired all the time. Truth is, I completely sent my hormones out of wack. My adrenal system shut down and my thyroid was sent into over-drive and then it too started crashing. I felt terrible. But how could I feel so terrible when I eat so healthy and workout, right? I finally got a concussion which slowed me down to a dramatic halt! I found myself a 100% trustworthy naturopath doctor who has helped me with diet and supplements and life-style change to find a balance. I eat a mix of pale and ketones diet and feel better then ever! I might even argue better then before I had my little guy! It’s been a very slow recovery, but I’ve learned to love my body because I’ve worked hard to make my body feel good. I get a lot of flack from people in my daily life about the amount of fat I eat. People don’t get it. But I happily ignore them. Thanks for not only sharing your story, and recipes, but also, thankyou for being such a wonderful advocate for us and our community!
Juli, this post is SOOO refreshingly honest and open, THANK YOU for writing it! I eat 80-90% paleo and for the past two years have felt shamed for not being 100% all the time, and also having backed off CrossFit to lift lighter and take off days when my body tells me I need it. I’ve tried explaining to others that this is the lifestyle that makes me the most HAPPY – where I can see progress and feel my body being happy and healthy, where I can ENJOY the occasional non-paleo treat or meal and not feel bad about it and also not feel like a terrible person who declines meals/treats for the sake of being 100% paleo no matter the occasion. I still remember going out with friends a few years ago for my best friend’s birthday and the servers brought her a special birthday treat, she shared with everyone and it looked, smelled, sounded amazing. I was the only one who declined because it wasn’t paleo, and I felt like a terrible friend. Food brings us together, and if the occasional treat allows me to enjoy moments and celebrate life more, I’m going to indulge now. No more beating myself up in a lose-lose battle of negativity. As a leader in the paleo-blog community, I think your stance on this issue is wonderful, and I appreciate you sharing it with us! Again, thank you! Still hoping to meet you one day in Denver! Please let us know if you’re doing any book signings in the area!
Juli – I am almost 40 and just in the last few years have I figured out that I don’t want to treat my body like a battleground anymore. Your blog is part of how I got there. If anyone gives you any shit, I’ll beat ’em up. That is all.
I so needed to read this! I am constantly thinking if only I was more restrictive with eating or worked out harder i would have those killer bodies I see on TV, magazines, beach,etc.truth is I wont, and have spent 30+ years of my 42 years on this earth trying to be “perfect” whatever that even is. I am trying to slow down and enjoy life more and quit obsessing over things that I cant control. You rock!!!
Juli, I love you. You are perfect, just the way you are. I have suffered from an eating disorder for the past 20 years (I am almost 38 years old) and you have inspired me to take better care of myself. I want to love myself as you have learned to love yourself at age 26.
Thank you for posting this today. Haters are always going to hate.