It’s slightly annoying that I have to write this. Especially since no one has really directly asked me to share why I’ve changed how I eat or changed how I workout. They just go on “hate blogs” to talk about me and other people in this community. It’s a very strange thing. People care more about what others are doing, how others are eating or how those people look, than they seem to care about their own diets, figures, and well, lives. I get it. Those people have boring lives. They do. I will look at instagram and see some of the top female CrossFitters post pictures of their jacked bodies and people talk sh*t about them. Right there. They say “I wouldn’t want to look like that” or “Why would you want to look like a man?” Oh, you know what’s crazy? That is THEIR life. Their non-boring life. Not yours. Theirs. People are entitled to eat what they want, drink what they want, workout how they want to, and really do whatever the eff they want to do. But people just have to voice their negative opinions?
I hate negative people.
I went off on a tangent there, so let me get to why I’m writing this. I recently came across a forum saying things like I have disordered eating or I don’t really eat paleo anymore and I should be living up to the brand I created, and things I posted in the past don’t live up to how I live my life now. And that I should post about why these things have changed. They didn’t come to my blog and request that in the comments, they just posted it on a hateful website. Makes sense, right? It’s ok, I get it. They’re scared. So I’ll help those scared people out and post this blog post.
I used to compete in CrossFit, I used to do 2-3 workouts per day, I used to restrict my diet because I was gaining weight and couldn’t figure out why, I used to say I didn’t mind getting bigger because I wanted to compete at a high level, I used to constantly talk about my frustrations with my body, etc, etc, etc. And recently, I stopped talking about all those things. I stopped talking sh*t about my body, I stopped posting what I ate in a day in blog posts, I stopped working out multiple times a day. I stopped all of it.
In my 26 short years of life, I’ve come to figure out that people seem to talk more about the things they are insecure about. Their relationships, their bodies, their jobs, their diets. Whatever. So I constantly talked about my body and appreciating it because I was trying to cover up all those insecurities I had and come to terms with how I looked. When I was competing in CrossFit, I put on 30 pounds. I wasn’t comfortable at that weight or with how I looked. I didn’t care what other people thought, but I wasn’t comfortable with it. I didn’t fit in my clothes, I didn’t feel sexy, I just didn’t feel like me. So I constantly wrote blog posts trying to come to terms with those insecurities.
I would look to other competitive CrossFitters who were jacked and shredded and even though I could beat some of them in workouts, I didn’t look like that. And I was really insecure about it. And frustrated. So I would try to eat completely strict, restrict my intake of fat, carbs and protein, and just drive myself crazy with restrictions. It was so frustrating. I was looking everywhere for control: In my workouts, in my diet, everywhere.
When I look back, I was completely overtrained. I worked out way too much for my body, I didn’t eat enough, and because of all of this, my hormones were out of control. I finally injured myself (my shoulder), was forced to cut back, and slowly over time started to live a more normal lifestyle. I worked out once a day, I cut back on weights to work on my form and I decided that cutting portions wasn’t working and started eating more of the foods I wanted. My hormones began to level out more, my body felt way better than it ever had, and I lost some of the extra weight I had gained from working out too much.
My body is different than every single other person in this world. Completely different. I could workout the exact same, eat the same, sleep the same and do everything the same as one of my jacked competitive CrossFit friends, and I would look nothing like her. That’s because my body is different. And my goals are now different than they were. Before, I wanted to compete. That’s it. I did that and then I changed my mind so I could live a happier lifestyle. I didn’t think I would ever stop training and stop competing, but I did. Have you ever thought you wanted something and changed your mind along the way? If you haven’t, you’re boring.
So here’s the conclusion for all the a**holes out there that want to talk sh*t behind their computer screens on a website dedicated to hating people: you’re right. You can pat yourself on the back. I’ve had disordered eating habits in the past, along with probably 80% of the female population. I’ve tried all kinds of things to feel better about myself like dieting and excessive working out, along with probably 80% of the female population. I would absolutely love to say that I’m 100% cured and will never have those feelings again, but I think that is a really childish thing to say. I can’t see the future, can you? I can’t see how my body will change, can you? I can’t see the battles I will face someday, can you? Answer: no.
I am absolutely happy where I am now. I sometimes workout 5-6 days per week (I usually do my CrossFit workouts lighter now but sometimes feel like going heavier) then I sometimes take lots of rest days when I feel like it (like the 4 days off last week I took). I’m not as strong as I used to be and I’m ok with that because I’m more comfortable in my skin, but I’m also better with some of my skills like muscle ups since I don’t constantly obsess over them. I eat when I’m hungry, I eat gluten free breads that don’t upset my stomach, I eat a paleo cookies when I want to because it doesn’t upset my stomach like a normal cookie would, and I try to live a life of moderation. Like eating the wedding cake I had this past weekend. It wasn’t paleo, it wasn’t gluten free, it was just delicious and covered with icing. Did I feel bad about it? Nope. Not in the slightest. I want to live a happy life at the end of the day. Not a life of restrictions.
So here’s what I recommend to everyone. Live the life that makes YOU the happiest. Whether that’s paleo, gluten free, pure gluten, CrossFit, jazzercise, marriage, single, muscular, skinny, really whatever. I don’t care. It’s your life. Do what makes YOU the best kind of person. Not because other people do it, but because you love it. And while you’re at it, try to keep your negative comments to yourself. No, don’t try. Just do it.
And that’s how I feel about that.
Do you think some folks might be jealous? I think it’s possible.
Commenter above refers often to “the business you’ve built”. Maybe some folks see your success, and root against you? Humans can be pretty primal that way.
My family and I have been “Paleo” for several years. Our application of “Paleo” has evolved, as we have figured out how are body responds. It isn’t very intelligent to assume one size fits all.
I have been reading this blog for a long time. I love the recipes and I am grateful that you share them, Julie.
I also used to wonder if you weren’t over training. I’m married to a recovering fitness junkie. Some things seemed familiar.
As almost all the others above have said, I totally support your right to learn in public. It’s a cool thing, and something you’re really good at doing. Thanks for that.
YES. and more YES. I have had that mindset for so many years…workout, workout harder, eat less, eat this, eat that, do more, feel terrible….ug. So after a health scare last year I said to myself, that’s it, be happy, do a workout you love that fits your body (kettlebells) not one you dread (running…still do a little running), eat what your body needs to feel great, take a break if you are sick (so you get better!), sleep and love your body for what it is! Thanks Julie, you totally ROCK.
Note: it’s not just women who deal with disordered eating and issues concerning their bodies. Loooooots of guys (I would even say most) have very, very similar concerns. It’s just even less acceptable to talk publicly about those concerns.
This big ol’ homo has a girl crush. Thanks for being honest… and for being the authentic you.
Thank you so much for writing this post. I feel like you were writing about my life. I have never been a competitive crossfitter but I loved every part of it. I was also frustrated that I didn’t look like everyone else in my gym. I wasn’t happy with my body. I’ve taken about 3 weeks off because of an arm injury and I’m starting to feel better about everything. Reading this post has helped even more.
I love your blog, your recipes, and this post. I can’t wait for your book.
This post could not have come at a better time for me. You impact so many peoples lives in a positive way- I hope you keep that in mind and keep on posting honest, funny blogs just like this. Thank you so much for putting it out there!
Julie – keep doing what you’re doing – we all love you, and when someone starts talking smack just say this to yourself a couple of times:
“Not My Circus – Not My Monkeys”
We love you!
I love your point of view on the whole entire thing! It’s like your reading my mind, or possibly saying what women are really too afraid to say. As someone who doesn’t have a thyroid at all and takes replacement medicine, my weight has fluctuated on and off for years.Right now I’m somewhere in the middle of where I have been. At the end of the day, we are all just trying to feel comfortable in our own skin.
However, I love your balanced mindset. I don’t want to live a life full of restrictions either. I want to be healthy, work out, and eat good food. I don’t want to spend my life obsessing over calories and not stopping to enjoy that piece of cake every now and then because I’m consumed with guilt. It can be so cutthroat out there and women on a mission to destroy each other doesn’t make it any better. Thanks for your blog and opinion, you are so right for what you said and about enjoying life without constant obsession over food and weight.
And your food is delicious by the way! You make eating healthy FUN. I don’t want to eat a chicken breast for the rest of my life.
Hey Julie,
What I love about your blog is your honesty, your willingness to be real, to talk about your insecurities, etc. Oh, & recipes! I follow a pretty strict paleo lifestyle most of the time, though occasionally I deviate, & pretty much always regret it, but that’s my journey: experimenting with what works for me & what doesn’t. Someone once said to me, “Whatever others think about you is none of your business.”
So who cares what others think? You do what works best for you, because anybody who wants to judge is probably secretly eating twinkies in the closet anyway!
I recently when more Paleo in the past two months, and its put me in a much better place, physically and even mentally. I’m happy with the decision I made. But there are those people that joke about what I eat, ask why I do, and say they could NEVER do it because they love their dairy and gluten far too much. And sometimes they make me feel bad about making this decision for myself. But the funny thing is, even though I know that not eating pizza every Friday at work makes me feel amazing, I’m not going to be a downer to my coworkers – because ultimately, I want people to love this beautiful life. And most people don’t know that going Paleo has helped me through a tough hormonal imbalance battle…something I would never push upon anyone. Yes, I have days where allthecarbs are all I want, but I know eating my eggs and bacon in the morning, and some veggies + shredded pork for lunch will make me feel the best, so that is EXACTLY what I do. I’ve learned to live this life for ME, and to not let the external world tear me down…nobody needs that in their life.