Phoenix, Bachelor & The CrossFit Open – Episode 73: PaleOMG Uncensored Podcast

Sharing details from my recent weekend getaway to Phoenix, my thoughts on the open, and recapping The Bachelor AND Bachelor Winter Games because it’s the beeeeeeest.

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Episode 73 Transcription!

Hello, darling. How are you? I’m looking into the bright white light of snow here in Colorado. Because it just keeps snowing. It just keeps goddamn snowing.

It’s really not that bad. There’s probably a quarter of an inch {laughs} on the ground. And it’s melting fast. But I think it’s supposed to snow tonight, and then again on Saturday, and then again on Sunday. {British accent} Bullsh*t, bullsh*t, bullsh*t. Name that movie. Forgetting Sarah Marshall, duh.

I have to take photos. I have to do some photos for a post tomorrow morning. And it’s supposed to be f*cking snowing outside. Which isn’t great for the outfit I have planned. This is why I need to travel more often. To be able to get photos done. Because Colorado is just not working for me.

Speaking of travel. I just got back from sunny Phoenix. It was lovely. It was just lovely. Phoenix is the best. I preface that by saying I have not been there in the summer. That’s obviously not the best time to travel there. And even the people who love summer, and love heat, do not like summer heat in Phoenix. Man, that was a terrible sentence.

So, I worked with Visit Phoenix to come out to Phoenix for a little weekend spa getaway with my husband. So we wanted to celebrate Valentine’s Day not on a Wednesday, not in freezing cold Colorado. And I didn’t want to go to restaurants. And I cook every night anyway. So nothing feels ultra special.

But, that Wednesday, that Valentine’s Day, my husband did come home with a gluten free cupcake. And he was kind of later, because he went and got a haircut after work. So I was just hanging out at the house. And I made him cookies and cut them in heart shapes. So he got me a cupcake, and I got him cookies. He just knows the way to my heart.

I was PMSing a couple of weeks ago, and I think even talked about it on the podcast. He came home with two gluten free cupcakes. He is the best. He keeps learning all these husband ways, and crushing them.

So anyway. We wanted to celebrate Valentine’s Day in some place warm. Some place close that we could leave on a Friday, come back home Sunday, and it’s an easy flight. And Arizona is the way to go. It’s just the best. Phoenix is awesome.

So we got to Phoenix. We went straight to this spa. And it’s the Aji spa. I kept calling it “Auhi”, but people were like; yeah, that’s not the word. Cool, Juli. You’re the worst. But it was at the Sheridan Grande at Wild Horse Pass. And this hotel is gigantic. This resort, I guess. It has 36 holes. This crazy, I don’t know, triple A five diamond whatever any of those high awards mean restaurant. It’s called Kai restaurant. And it’s crazy hard to get into. And I really want to go back and go to that, because I didn’t get to go.

But we went to the spa. And if you’re ever in Phoenix, and you’re looking for a spa treatment with your husband, or with your significant other, your lover, whatever. Go to this spa. Because I went to two different spas, and the other one I think is great for girlfriends. This one I think was perfect for a spa treatment with your significant other. And that’s because they have a huge outdoor area. Spa outdoor area. A huge pool, and a jacuzzi, and café that you can just eat in your robes. It’s just really relaxing and nice with your person.

They even have this little treatment room before you have your spa. Where they have really good snacks. They had awesome snacks. Which I think is great. A lot of spas will just have almonds and raisins and, I don’t know. (I didn’t yawn.) All these kinds of lame snacks. No offense to those places. But this Aji spa had the best snacks, and coffee, and tea, and water.

Then I had a hot stone massage. Oh, and they have a really big gym, too. So you can get a really good workout in, and then get your spa treatment.

So, I had a hot stone massage. And I was supposed to have this crazy clay mask treatment, but then last minute I decided to get a spray tan. And if you get a clay mask, an exfoliation, there goes your spray tan. And I was not wasting this spray tan. Hell no. Not when I was going to be in a swim suit the rest of the weekend. Because it was 75 degrees, what, what? I know that’s not warm to Phoenicians. Whatever you guys call yourselves. But it was definitely warm to us.

Anyway. I got a hot stone massage, followed by reflexology. First time doing reflexology. Very interesting because I’ve had a lot of neck and back issues lately. And I think it’s just the cumulation of all my years of CrossFit, and then I’m looking down constantly. I need to change my set up. I need a standing desk, really. But I always sit on the couch with my dog whenever I’m home. And I’m leaning forward. I’m leaning over. I’m looking down. So I have constant neck and headaches, and I’ve never had that before.

Anyway, I’m working with someone soon. I’m very excited about that. Because I’m f*cked up. But, as they were doing the reflexology on my feet, and they kind of, I don’t know, use the back of a wooden dowel or something to rub your feet. To scrape them, kind of. It’s hard to explain. But then when they were doing it in between my toes; no where else was there any sort of tension or any sort of tenderness. And the did it inside my toes. And that’s what correlates to your neck and back, I guess. And that’s where I had pain. So that was very interesting. Very tender there. Never knew.

I had reflexology, great hot stone massage. It was lovely. And then we ate at the café there. And I hate salads. I think they’re such a f*cking waste of time. It’s like; ok, you want me to eat all this lettuce, and not really give me a ton of protein or other fun stuff in a salad? It’s just a lot of work. And I feel like it’s a way for a person, or a chef, to come up with an easy meal without having to put much work into it. Which is so not the case. But that’s how it feels.

I want a f*cking steak cooked to perfection. I want potatoes cooked to perfection. I want a vegetable cooked to perfection. But, at this café, they had an arugula salad, and arugula is the only green that I like to eat. Only lettuce green that I like to eat. So I got this salad. And it was amazing. It had roasted carrots, and golden beets. Then it had a roasted carrot puree on the bottom. And oranges, and this granola. It was so freaking good. I could not believe how good it was.

And I really want to make one for the blog. Because salads are always popular. Because you guys are dumb. Just kidding! I’m just kidding. But for real, why do people like salads? I understand only because of this salad.

They have a lot of farm to table stuff. They have ingredients on site grown on site. So many vegetables are grown on site. It’s so cool. They have a really kind of farm to table aspect.

I didn’t have a massage, because it was noon. And I felt guilting about drinking at noon on a Friday. I didn’t ruin my entire day right from the start. But their food was awesome.

So after we were at the spa, we checked into Mountain Shadows. So this is a new resort. Last time I went to Phoenix, I went to Hotel Valley Ho, which I think is still one of my favorite hotels ever. And Hotel Valley Ho I think has the same owners as Mountain Shadows. So it has a very similar feel. This 1950s renovation, contemporary design feel to it. It’s really cool.

So everything is very contemporary. They had artwork on the walls; there was one giant piece of artwork. Giant, but still it was $180,000. Like, they have the prices there. So when I’m like; “Oh, hey I want to spend $180,000 on a painting, I know where to go. Right to Mountain Shadows.” Freaking insane.

But they have this really cool artwork all throughout. They have really amazing outdoor spaces. So if you want to get married there. Which I did a destination wedding. And I think, say we wanted to stay in the states, it would have been really cool to do a “destination wedding” in Arizona, in Phoenix, in the fall. We saw two weddings while we were there, and it’s like the perfect weather. And it’s beautiful landscape, beautiful background. That would have been a really awesome wedding venue.

So they have this awesome landscape. Because their hotel runs up, it’s in paradise valley. So I think it’s right next to Camel Back Mountain. I think it’s Camel Back. And you can go hiking up on Camel Back. But they have this outdoor restaurant, they have golf there that runs up right next to the resort. I did a boot camp class outside in their little outdoor space area.

And then they also have a really amazing restaurant called Hearth 61. This restaurant was awesome. I had probably the best salmon I’ve ever had at this restaurant. And they had a mango; it was almost like a mango margarita. It was mango syrup, silver tequila, lime juice, and then they lined the rim with sriracha and salt. It was so freaking good. And I had an amazing steak there. Their room service was really good. It was super easy to eat gluten free there. They mark everything as what is gluten free.

And my husband is on a strict diet at this point. He can’t have pork, he can’t have chicken. So things are a little bit more limited for him. And he was able to have breakfast, which is usually the hardest thing for him. He had turkey sausage; which I feel like no place ever has turkey sausage. So that was really nice for him to be able to eat when we were traveling and not have any issues.

But I seriously loved this resort. I think if I had to go back, I would go back to Hotel Valley Ho again. But I love both just as much. Hotel Valley Ho is close to downtown Scottsdale if you want more of that feel. But then, Mountain Shadows is right next to Camel Back Mountain so you have the hiking and all that outdoor space. So both were so freaking cool.

And then another spa place that we went to was; now I’m forgetting the name. It was a hotel. It was called the Sanctuary. The Sanctuary was another place we saw a wedding going on. And it was seriously less than a mile from Mountain Shadows. And if we wouldn’t have had our luggage, we would have walked there. Because it was like 0.9 miles.

But it’s really close. So you have Camel Back Mountain that you can hike up to there as well. But I went to this spa there. And like I said, I think Wild Horse Pass, their Aji spa. I think that’s the perfect one for couples. I think Sanctuary is great if you want to go on a little girls’ trip.

So when we were eating at the restaurant at Sanctuary, it overlooked the pool. And we were looking down, and there was probably 20 women to one man there. So it was very a girls’ trip vacation spot, it seemed. And then when I was in the spa, every time I go to a spa its’ very quiet. Very serene. You just don’t really talk. And that’s how it felt at Wild Horse Pass and Aji spa.

But this spa, at Sanctuary. It was buzzing with women, and very talkative women. Even when they’re sitting in the treatment room, where you’re supposed to relax before your treatment. They had all these women who were talking and hanging out and talking about their girls’ trip and gossiping. It was super fun. And they have a quiet area, so if you want to just decompress before or after.

But, this one was great for going on a girls’ trip. I think it would be really awesome if I wanted to get away with my girlfriends. Go here. It had a great spa. Great pool. Infinity pool. Then you can go hiking with your friends. And it also had an amazing restaurant. But before I get to restaurants, I want to talk about my spa treatment.

So I got a deep tissue massage by this woman name Niki. And I feel like I’ve talked about her name 20 times on my blog, and I’m putting it out here. Because she was the most amazing masseuse I’ve ever had. She was so freaking good. And she says she’s had 14 years of experience. So if you ever go to Sanctuary, ask for Niki when you’re booking your appointment. Because she was so outstanding.

I wished I lived in Phoenix, because I would see her regularly. Because I left without a headache; which I have a headache every day at this point because my traps are so tight. And yes, I’m doing something to work on that. But I left without a headache, my back feeling free. Feeling open. Not feeling tight and rounded. I felt so good. And she was just the best. I cannot say enough good things about her. So if you ever go to Sanctuary, ask for Niki. Write this down; I don’t know where. But write it down.

So, let’s talk about the different food we had while we were in Phoenix. Because that’s honestly what is most important to me when I travel is food. And finding food that is gluten free. So menus have gluten free items. I don’t look for gluten free only places, specifically. That’s just a little bit harder to come by. And I don’t have, I’m not celiac, so I don’t have to look for that. But I do always order gluten free off the menu. So I always look for that whenever I’m traveling.

If we start back at the last place we were at, Sanctuary. We went to their restaurant, Elements. I had this amazing filet of beef that was wrapped in bacon. It had a béarnaise sauce on it, on potatoes. It was so good. And they had really amazing cocktails, too. It was like a grapefruit, lime, vodka drink that I had multiple of. And we had this peanut butter bomb dessert. And I don’t even know if it was gluten free, because I didn’t care. It was like our last meal there. And I couldn’t even finish it. It was so rich, and intense.

And my husband was just drinking, and I always do the dessert eating. But it was so good. But I had to throw in the towel. Literally, when I know I shouldn’t be eating anymore, but still want to go back, I put a towel over it. My towel that I put on my seat. Or my napkin, or whatever. I put that on top of the dessert to hide it. And before I’ve even had my husband pour water on it. Because I’m going to make myself sick if I keep eating this. So that’s how I stop myself. {laughs} So wrong.

So we also ate at the Gladly. Which I feel like is a very popular place in town. Because whenever I was talking, we met up with some family members when we were in Phoenix. And they all were like; oh my gosh, yes! The Gladly. You have to get the, what kind of salad was it? You have to get the, I forget what it’s called. The Original Chopped Salad. Everybody kept talking on and one about this.

And I was like; I don’t want a f*cking salad, guys. But everybody said it. And guess what? We didn’t try it. I know, whoever is listening to this from Phoenix, they’re like; what the f*ck? You should have gotten it! And everybody said to ask for extra salmon. But we did not try the salad. But if you’re there, you should. Because everyone recommended it.

We had short ribs. My husband had the seabass. Which was outstanding. And really good cocktails, too. I had amazing cocktails everywhere I went here. I had a Thai margarita, which I have added to my list of things to remake. Along with that arugula salad. But the Thai margarita was so good. And then we had brussels sprouts that were on like corn grits. And had cheese on top. It was so good. So good.

And then we; oh I guess I already talked about the other places at the restaurant. But the last thing we did, because this was super short getaway. We left Friday morning, but then we didn’t back until 1 a.m. on Monday morning. Because our flight was delayed. Thank god the flight is so short coming back to Denver. Because flight delays are so poopie. When everyone is grumpy, and you’re so tired, and all the stores are closed. You’re like; “What am I going to do?!”

But anyway. On our last day, Sunday. We went in a hot air balloon; it was called Hot Air Expeditions. And you go up at sunrise. We got some beautiful photos. It was really cool just to be in a hot air balloon, because I’ve never done that. And then you float all over the place, and the wind just kind of takes you where it wants to take you. And the guys who pick you up, they have to kind of follow the balloons path. And you can kind of manipulate it a little bit. But after you land, they serve you champagne. And then a little breakfast, which I thought was really cute.

It was really cool. It was such a fun little trip; a little getaway. And now, all I can think about is my birthday. Because it is two months away. I turn 30 years old. And I want to do something big. So I’m working on something at this point to hopefully do with my husband and I for a little bit. For a good chunk of time.

When I started planning my 30th birthday, when I turned 29, I was thinking that I would want to go in a big group. Because why wouldn’t you want to celebrate with all of your friends? But after going on two group trips this year, for my best friend’s 30th birthday, and then for our family trip. I don’t want to do a big group. Because it’s like herding cats. And everybody turns to you to decide what you want to do. And I’m like, go do whatever the f*ck you want to do. I don’t care. And especially knowing it was my birthday, I know people would be like, “What do you want to do today?” I don’t care. I want to do whatever I want to do. Go away. So that’s why I was thinking just me and my husband. And then I can go on little trips with mother close friends here and there. Just little girlfriend trips.

People’s lives change so quickly. One of my friends had a baby. Three of my friends had babies. So it’s like people who would go, now they have little infants. It’s not going to happen. It’s hard to even get in contact with them, let alone get them on a trip. So we’re not going to do that.

And we’re bummed because we were supposed to go to Cabo for our friend’s wedding, but my husband can’t get that much time off of birthdays and weddings and whatever may come up in the future. Because one of my friends just got engaged and is getting married in New Zealand. And I’m planting the seed f*cking hard to get an invite to that wedding. Planting the seed. Planting it. I’m pushing it every single day. So if we have that, my husband can’t get all that time off of work. He has to still work. As hard as I keep pushing for him to quit, he doesn’t. Just kidding. Kind of.

So, anyways. Phoenix was wonderful. I want to go back a couple of times a year now. And February, I feel like it’s so hit or miss. You’ll get a week of 80 degrees, and then my husband is back there, and it’s 60 degrees. So you just never know what you’re going to get.

Speaking of husband being gone. I don’t know if you’re married, whoever you are who is listening. Or if you feel this way. Because I know a lot of my friends, they ultra miss their husband’s when they’re gone. And I do, when my husband is gone for a good chunk of time. But you know those first few days when you get the house to yourself. It’s like, I get to do whatever I want. I get to sleep in the middle of the bed. I am thinking; oh I can go out to dinner by myself. And I know that’s not everybody’s thing, but I love doing that. Going to sit at the bar. Just sitting in silence.

And this is only when they’re gone for a few days. Once they’re gone for a week, you’re like; ok. I’m bored. Come back. Let’s do fun stuff together. But when they’re gone for a few days, I’m like; I can do whatever the f*ck I want. I can leave my underwear on the floor. I can leave my clothes anywhere. I can leave my curling iron in the sink. It’s unplugged, don’t worry. Just do whatever I want. It’s great. Being married is great. And having a day to yourself is great. It’s great.

Ok. Let’s talk about the Bachelor. Ok. So, here’s the thing. The Bachelor Winter Games; if you didn’t watch that, get your life together and go watch the Bachelor Winter Games. It was pure magic. F*ck Ari and the Bachelor. That show is garbage. It’s so terrible. I’m getting close to not being able to watch it. Because it’s so awful. And he is so terrible. But Bachelor Winter Games is the best. They just need to turn Bachelor Winter Games into every year, just the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Bachelor or Bachelorette is just so boring. Nothing happens in 2 hours. And you just sit your life away, and destroy your brain cells. But I love it.

Ok. So anyways. Bachelor Winter Games. Love it. Leslie Murphy is one of my favorite travel bloggers. I’ve been following her for a while now. And for her to fall in love with Dean; very interested in that. Ashely I may have lost her virginity in Bachelor Games. Go you, Ashley. Do the damn thing. I know I don’t want to relive losing my virginity ever again. Ugh. Get that sh*t over with.

The cutest couple; girl from New Zealand and a guy from Australia. I think I got that right. They are all in love. And just freaking adorable. So all these love connections happened on the Bachelor Winter Games. And Luke proved to be just as sh*tty as he’s always been. But he acts like he’s the best guy ever. And then he just destroys all girls in his path. He’s like, why did you think I liked you so much? I just told you I liked you so much, but why would you ever think that? He’s such the manipulative type. You can totally see it. Which is so sad. Because he may be slightly cross eyed, but he is beautiful. Beautiful.

By the way. If you don’t listen to Wine and Crime; oh sh*t, that’s a different podcast. Ok, rewind. If you don’t listen to Rose Pricks, they’re the most hilarious Bachelor recap show ever. And then if you don’t listen to Wine and Crime, they’re just the best ever. I love these three freaking girls. They’re so f*cking hilarious. They get drunk, and they make jokes. If you like being funny, you’ll like them. If you don’t like humor, you won’t like them. But that really got off topic.

So let’s talk about the Bachelor. Because I did a recap on the blog this week. So let’s talk about what happened. So this is last weeks’ episode, not this one that we just saw. Last weeks.

Ok, so. Ari is a soggy potato. He is so boring. I don’t know how all these women are so into him. It’s because he’s the only guy there, so they think he’s put on this pedestal. So Jaqueline becomes the smartest woman of all time on the Bachelor, and she says she can’t imagine taking Ari home to her parents, because they barely know each other. I think she’s going to be a doctor or something. She’s going to school for six years. And Ari is pretty much like; Hey. You have a lot of school ahead of you, and I just want to bang. So I’m not sure how this is going to work out. Because a busy schedule doesn’t work with my schedule. That’s pretty much what he’s saying.

But anyway. The date starts off with Ari and Becca. And Becca, she’s the only Becca left. Ari says that the romance has been lost with Becca, so he’s really hoping he can get that back. It’s like; ok, if you think the romance is lost, you little dumb dick, stop making out with her. I don’t know what the producers are doing. Why they’re pushing it so hard that he makes out so much. But it’s like, no conversations have happened whatsoever. The only conversation that happened was Ari telling Lauren that he got a girl pregnant and she lost the baby. That was the only conversation anyone has had around the board.

So he doesn’t know if he feels it with Becca, which is understandable. Because all he’s done is dry humped her against the wall. That’s what he does the whole date. He humps her against the wall. They’re on some cheap soap-opera set. And then I watch him walk down the hill. He’s trying to hold onto Becca, and it’s like a super steep hill. I don’t know, they’re in Tuscany or something. And he looks like he’s trying to pinch off a poop. But he’s trying to walk slow with her. I’m like; do you have an itch between your legs? What are you doing? I don’t know.

So after Becca and Ari have their super boring date, Jacqueline decides to end things with Ari. And she says she’s getting her PhD. And so 6 years of school is obviously way too much for Ari. Because Lauren mentioned that Ari was looking for someone with a flexible schedule. Which I think is the oddest thing anyone has said in the history of time. And yeah, Jacqueline leaves. And then she cries super hard, and then makes out with him. It’s like; stop making out with him! Stop it. Go fix your eyeliner. It’s very smudged. No offense. That was rude. I’m sorry, Jacqueline, you are beautiful.

So, now let’s go to Lauren’s date. Which is the weirdest f*cking date. So first of all, they start with gelato. Best part of the date, obviously. But Ari eats gelato like he’s eating a turkey leg. He puts his whole mouth over it. Like you know, Parks and Rec, when people are drinking from the water fountain, they put their entire mouth over the water fountain? That’s how he eats gelato. I’m like, that’s not how you eat gelato, you weirdo. That’s why you give you spoons the size of a fingernail. You’re supposed to eat it delicately, lightly, slowly, enjoy it. You beast.

Then after they eat gelato, they go play soccer with kids. Which I would be so unhappy with this date. First of all, you’re trying to get me to play sports. Second of all, you’re trying to make me hang out with children. Get out of here. This is not a date I will ever be on. Actually, I’d probably put myself in that position when you’re trying to date. And then you get married, and you’re like; hey. I’m never f*cking doing that again. Cool? You can do that with any of your friends. Thanks, bye.

Here’s the super weird part about all of this. They sit down, and Lauren decides to tell Ari that she’s falling in love with him. And by the way, Lauren has the most monotone voice ever. She’s like “I’m falling in love with you.” Cool. Ok Lauren. Give a little bit of tenacity, you know? Give a little bit. Like, “Hey. I’m f*cking falling in love with you!” You don’t have to say f*ck. You’re from a conservative family. We get it. You have very nice hair that has never had a hair out of place. Very conservative family. I get it. So, just say; “I’m falling in love with you. And I really mean that. And your gray hairs are really getting me going.” See, that’s just a little bit better than unghn. Not much. But that’s because he’s a soggy potato.

So, Lauren says she’s in love with Ari. And then this is super weird. This has to be manipulated by producers. Because he’s like; he looks all weird, like he has to fart. And then he’s like, give me a second. And then he walks out into this random wooded area. Who knows where he is. He’s going hiking in his suit. And he’s standing by himself. And you know he’s letting one rip. So he’s like, “Oh, sorry. I was holding off a poop. I’ve got to let this go.”

And then he comes back, and Lauren is crying. Or wiping away fake tears, I don’t know. And then he was like, “Ok. Thanks for giving me a second. I’m falling in love with you too.” It’s like, Ok, Ari. What are you doing? It’s so weird. So you know the producers were probably like; “Hey, if she tells you she’s falling in love with you, I think it’d be a great idea to walk away for no reason.” Or maybe they cut that weird. I don’t know. It felt all so freaking weird. Because along with their relationship being incredibly awkward, that part was awkward. Whatever. So yeah, they’re both falling in love with each other.

Now, Sienne’s date. They go truffle hunting. {laughs} Nothing sexier than truffle hunting. I mean, doesn’t that sound sexy? Truffle. Doing the truffle shuffle, while you’re truffle hunting. Which, ok, I thought truffle hunting was done with pigs. Don’t pigs find truffles? I don’t know if it’s different in different places. I know nothing about truffles. I’ve never had real truffles shredded onto my f*cking pasta. Because I don’t really eat pasta. So yeah. But I would eat pasta if they shaved truffles on top of it. And we were in Tuscany. I don’t know where they’re f*cking at.

So anyway. They go truffle hunting. And Sienne is braless, because she has a really small chest so she can wear these f*cking bomb ass shirts that are low cut, super sexy, and she doesn’t look like a ho for sho. And she’s not falling out everywhere. She looks so good. But not the best for truffle hunting, personally. But they go with some French dude, and he barely speaks English. And then they go meet up with this French family, and nobody speaks English. He goes and makes pasta, and she’s hanging out with the women. And they’re just hanging out separately on their date. What’s more exciting and romantic than that? But they do get to eat fresh truffles. So you win some, you lose some.

Then he gives Sienne the boot. He’s like, hey you’re far too intelligent and hot for me. So I’ve got to let you go. Sorry. And she takes it pretty well. She’s like, oh, ok. Well that was kind of f*cking out of nowhere, because you’re the least compassionate human being in the entire world. She doesn’t say that, but that’s what she should have said. Because somebody said he was compassionate recently. I’m like; who are you seeing? Who is compassionate? Because he is not. Weirdo.

So last up, they have a group date of Kendall, Tia, and Bekah. Oh, Bekah’s not gone yet. I forget where everything is. So Bekah. Kendall is looking hot as f*ck. You look great. So since she’s looking so hot, she gets to go home. Or going back to the hotel. Ari’s like; “Hey, you’re hot enough. You can stay. I need to spend more time with Bekah and Tia to find out who is hotter.” So he hangs out with Tia and Bekah, and Bekah is the 22-year-old and Tia is like, “Hey, Ari. She’s not here for the right reasons. Because she’s young as f*ck. I’m ready to get married right now. Please propose to me. Please!”

And then the best part of this episode. Best part. Ari confronts Bekah about it, {laughs} and Bekah does the worst-best fake cry of all time. So, ok. If you watch New Girl, and Justin Long was Jess’s boyfriend for a little while. He had the worst ugly cry of all time. Or Kim Kardashian. Either one. Picture their cry, and that was Bekah, but no tears were coming out. So she just kept making this horrid face with no tears. Bravo, Bekah. Bravo.

And then he dumps her, and then she for real ugly cries, where she has mascara {laughs} just all over her face. I’m like; is no one giving her a tissue? Just be like; “Hey. Wipe your eyes real quick. Because there is mascara everywhere.” I haven’t looked like that since I was pre-pubescent and I tried mascara for the first time and then was on swim team. It’s like; intense. Don’t you learn to dab when you’re crying? She was full on crying. So she goes home.

And then it’s Tia, Becca, regular Becca, Lauren and Kendall left. Yes. This show is so good. It’s just beautiful. But Bachelor Winter Games is way better. I know if you don’t watch the Bachelor, you should. Because it just makes you feel really good about your own life. It’s like; hey. I didn’t have to go on TV and be completely manipulated by producers.

Speaking of which. I totally need to watch the show Unreal. I want to add that to my list.

I am very excited. I’m going to have my friend Bree on the podcast soon. Talking about building her own business. And I’m going to be talking to another guy about building your own website, and kind of things to look for when you’re starting off with your own blog. So I’m adding those things to the list.

But, I have the CrossFit Open starting tonight to go to. Our gym; the CrossFit open starts this week. If you don’t know what the CrossFit Open is. It’s the first competition leading up to the CrossFit Games. I don’t know if there are other competitions after it. Because it changes every single year. But it’s like 6 weeks long of workouts. One workout per week. Everyone all over the entire world is doing the same workout. They have different groups. So if you’re a teen, or older, like over 50. Which, I’m not saying is old. I’m just saying in the older division. Now I’m going to get hate for saying that’s old. That’s not old, ok. You’re beautiful. I can’t wait until I’m 50. I have a great esthetician.

So, all these workouts are done all over the world. You add in your score, so you can see how you rank worldwide. And then gyms are rated. And whoever does the best in the area that that person is, like if you’re in the southwest region or northwest. I don’t know all the regions. But if you’re in those regions, and you’re maybe top 30 or something like that, you go to the CrossFit games to compete. To be number one at fitness.

So anyways. The CrossFit Open used to be such a stressful time for me, because I was competing and going to regionals and really trying to make it to the Games. It was such a stressful time. And now it’s just a really f*cking annoying time. Because personally, I don’t want to do any workouts as prescribed anymore at this time in my life. And this Open workout forces me to do that. So that’s very frustrating. So yeah.

Anyway. We have the CrossFit Open tonight starting. And our gym is doing heats. They drew teams. And so they have five or six different teams. And we’re all competing against each other. And it’s super fun because there’s always beer and drinks and food afterwards. And we all hang out, and it’s just a little party. So, I’m going to do that. I’m going to watch my friend DJ tonight at Ophelia’s. So this will all be old once you hear this. And then I’m going to eat dinner by myself. I’m going to get work done. I’m just so excited. But, I have more work to do. So I’ve got to get out of here.

Thank you so much for listening. Listen to these life stories. I feel like my podcast has become just recaps of life in general. Which I love listening to on other podcasts. But I get it if it’s not your thing. I get it, ok. So I hope you have a lovely day. I hope you do fun things this weekend. And I hope you crush life, ok. I will talk to you later. Go kick some ass. Bye-bye for now.