What I did (and ate) over the Weekend-12

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I didn’t even get to eat at a fun restaurant this weekend. That’s how busy I was. Ok, I wasn’t really THAT busy, but it went by super fast. I haven’t even showered since…..Thursday, sh*t. I just had to think about that. Well I’ve rinsed off, so does that count? Don’t worry, armpits are shaved, and deodoranted. That’s not a word. It’s fine. I’m an incredibly good deodorant re-applyer. It occurs often in my life. Just cover up the smell. It’s like sweeping dirt under the rug. We all do it. Anyways, let’s actually talk about the weekend instead of my armpits.

So Friday night was spent with one of my favorite people ever, my best friend AND roommate Laurs. Not Laura, Laurs. She CrossFits now so I like her even more than I used to. We can talk in CrossFit language. Anywho, I made her dinner on Friday night and we caught up. Last week I was working at 4 jobs so it made my life a bit hectic and sleep deprived, therefore I did not speak to her much, or do my dishes. I suck as a roommate. So that night I came up with a delicious pasta recipe paired with a beautiful london broil. Genius. Then I made a coconut milk milkshake with cocoa powder and honey…for myself…Laura has something called self control, of which I lack. Effin A. I’m sure I was a blast to hang out with since I fell asleep on the couch in a fat induced coma at 10:30pm. Blast in a glass is what I am.

So the next day was a long one. It was filled with men who weighed over 400 lbs, women who hadn’t eaten in approximately 2 weeks, and spectators that loved looking in the mirror at themselves more than looking at the hundreds of half naked bodies around them. Hilarious sh*t I tell you. I was at the NPC Warrior Classic which was a fitness show and strongman event thingy. Alpine CrossFit was awesome enough to put together a small CrossFit competition within the Warrior Classic for us to get some competition practice and experience in. Robbie, the owner of Alpine CrossFit, put on a great competition. He made up 2 AMRAPs that kicked everyones ass all while keeping a smile on his face even though he had been standing in the sun the entire day, setting up, entertaining people, and giving incredible support to all the athletes. Great guy. They have wicked cool shirts too. Just sayin.

But let’s take a second to talk about strongmen and body builders:
Cool, you like to deadlift cars.
Cool, you like to try to intimidate people with the size of your thighs.
Cool, you like to pick up atlas stones and let them slip and fall to break your ankle.
Cool, you like to not be able to fit through door ways.
Cool, your gut is hanging over your weight belt. Can you breathe? No? Cool.

Cool, you like to not eat for a couple weeks until every muscle striation is piercing through your skin.
Cool, you like to spray yourself with tanner until your eyes look sunk in. Where’s your face? Oh, I see your eyes. Cool.
Cool, your glittered bikini blinded me.
Cool, you smell like the Jersey Shore.
Cool, you left behind self tanner on the toilet seat for me. Thank you.
Cool, you are going to gorge on frankfurters and peanut butter pie tonight until you crap yourself. Real cool.

That’s how I felt on Saturday. My whole life I have dealt with body image issues, really until I found CrossFit. CrossFit showed me that life is not all about looking good. It’s about performing at your best, never giving up, and showing yourself and the people around you that you are worth something. That’s why I love CrossFit. We don’t care about how good you look in your lulu’s or how brightly colored your Inov8’s are, at the end of the day, we care about how hard you push yourself through a wod. So while these people in the strongmen competition are picking up cars and these body builders are looking shredded as ever, us CrossFitters are preparing ourselves for the Zombie Apocalypse. That’s right, that’s what I’m doing. Preparing for the unknown at it’s greatest. I can’t wait to be able to eat those strongmen after the Zombie’s kill them and fill up off of 20% of their fat. That’s going to be a delicious meal. Too much? Yeah, I’m uncomfortable too. Moving on.

House of Pain shirt meaning the pain he feels down low after ingesting his body weight in food. I think the man next to him is Hagrid. Pretty sure.



After the competition, we sat around for the awards ceremony and I was lucky enough to watch one of my training buddies, Jason Kelly, finish 1st in the Men’s division along with one of my best guy friend’s Ryan Garcia finish a close 2nd. I also got to see Kendra and Lindsay finish 2nd and 3rd for the Women’s division. Do I know some incredible people or what!? So cool.

I just love this picture of Robbie and I. He’s wonderful ๐Ÿ™‚

After the competition, Georgia and I were disgustingly hungry. I mean, REALLY hungry. And her and I hungry is not fun. We’re grumpy, slightly mean, and selfish. Selfish in the fact we want food right then and there, don’t care who is in the way, we will get it. So we snacked the sh*t out of some random food in the cooler from the competition including paleo muffins, No Nuts trail mix, almond butter packets, and some jerky. That jerky definitely had gone bad. I think it was kind of green. We spit it out the window. FYI, don’t eat green jerky. Just sayin. Once we got home, Georgia worked on her computer and I incessantly ate more. A bit of almond butter (I haven’t been hitting up my ABA meetings obviously), paleo muffins, paleo granola, then some cookie dough coconut milk ice cream. Let’s just say I was feeling large and in charge. And then I fell asleep, on the couch once again, by 10pm. I’m such a party animal. Everyone wants to be like me on a Saturday night.

Sunday was finished up with some coaching and woding with the badass Jason Kelly. He schooled my ass in the wod “Bradley”. Try it. It hurts. The night was ended with some family dinner at Rej’s Rooftop Cantina (minus the rooftop, add in the living room- watching Entourage) with lots of cooked meats, bacon, peppers, and more meat wrapped in other meats. My mom is just so thoughtful sometimes and gave me a huge box of peaches so I decided to wrap the weekend up with a peach cobbler, minus the cobbler. I don’t really know what it is or what I should call it, but the recipe will be up sometime this week. It’s kind of what the middle of a peach danish looks like. You’ll see. Be patient young paleo grasshopper. That was stupid.

Yes, I had 3 Americanos with heavy cream this weekend. Iced and hot. I like to spice things up. Yes, I bought my own heavy cream for my house. Yes, I think heavy cream may be the best thing to hit my lips since almond butter. Yes, I just said that. And no, I will not be purchasing almond butter for a long time as of now. I’ve taken my almond butter addiction and replaced it with heavy cream. Real healthy Juli. Get your life together.

Oh and yes, I planked. Awkwardly. It was a quick decision, not well planned. I wanted to plank in a strongman’s arms but turns out they are more interested in atlas stones then CrossFit women in orange headbands. And the body builder men probably couldn’t hold me, they were too malnourished and weak from starvation. Bummer. I didn’t want their self tanner on me anyways. Smells like dying things. And blueberries. Good weekend.

Warrior Classic, Can you see all the CrossFitters-plank?


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Oh, Hi! Iโ€™m Juli.

Iโ€™m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you donโ€™t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.


7 thoughts on “What I did (and ate) over the Weekend-12”

  1. Chrissy Brown Photography

    OHMYGOSH, how are there no comments on this post?! YOU ARE HILARIOUS. This post just made my life. LOL I'm officially a fan and will be following (and/or stalking) you from this moment on. ๐Ÿ™‚

    P.S. I found you through the Civilized Caveman. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. Chrissy-
    You are effin fantastic for commenting on this blog! I think you are the only one who understood that writing/talking style. Everyone else probably read it in a boring voice. Dumb. Thanks for checking out my blog. U can only stalk me if i can stalk you. Deal?

  3. Chrissy Brown Photography

    Btw, I just made homemade raw almond butter with pecan oil for the first time today – omgaahhhh, SO GOOD!! I might be a new ABA member…

  4. Holly hell, you are one funny chick! I am very late to the game but was introduced to your blog by a fellow crossfitter/paleo enthusiast. As many have mentioned before me, your blog is amazeballs. I laugh, I cry…I have to be careful while reading your blog and drinking water at work…things could get uncomfortable for those around me very quickly. Congrats on your well-deserved success in every aspect of life, Juli:)

  5. Hi Juli!
    So, I’ve been using you recipes since I started eating paleo in May but a week ago I decided I needed to start from the beginning and read all of your posts in order. PhD students are happy to take on for new forms of entertainment that distract us from writing our dissertations. I am loving it. Not only do you have simple recipes, but they’re super tasty. Also, just reading you blog is perfectly entertaining. You are totally awesome and hilarious! I am constantly laughing. Thanks for being honest and real.

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