After CrossFitting for the past 3 years, I have learned the following:
- Nothing really ever gets easier. Movements get better, muscles get stronger, and the brain learns how to push through some of the pain, but it never actually gets easier. Blasphemy.
- Tall socks don’t actually protect your shins from box jump spills.
- Shin scars don’t go away.
- Taping your hands constantly doesn’t strengthen your calluses. Doing more pull ups does.
- I never will have soft hands.
- Guys with soft hands freak me out.
- Pants will never fit the same.
- No matter how much I squat, cellulite never goes away. NEVER
- Working out without a headband is awful. Super awful.
- Placing your box up against a wall doesn’t keep the box from moving while doing box jumps. It’s creates a blockade for your face to eat sh*t into when you trip on a box jump. Trust me on this one, I found out yesterday. And have the bump on my forehead to prove it. Stupidity at it’s finest.
Guess what? I was in three magazines recently! Those poor magazines. WodTalk Magazine , BoxLife Magazine and Confluence Denver asked me some questions, and I answered. Which is frightening because I have no clue what I really said in any of them. You’ve read my blog, you know how random I am. Depending on my day, my state of mind, and what time of the month it is, my explanations on situations could always be different. Which is, once again, frightening.
Wanna see my cousin and I at her bridal shower? Of course you do, she’s good looking.
So I’ve figured something out. I’m not into bridal stuff. No offense Katie, I love you. And fully support your bride happiness. I’m just not into all the parties, all the gifts, all the tears, all that normal stuff that occurs pre-wedding. It doesn’t feel natural to me. Which is strange because I picked my wedding dress out in a magazine with my first boyfriend (Skyler) at the age of six, behind the tire swing. He then went on to chase me around the playground, while I screamed until I peed myself. My bladder control was less than stellar back in my child days. Long story short, our relationship didn’t last into my seventh year of life. Was it because of my small bladder? I’ll never know. However, my optimism for love lasted until about 21 years of age, then the white dress, bright flowers, and spending outrageous amounts of money on one day just seemed to lose its sparkle.
And no, I did not just admit to the age I lost my virginity at. Perve.
I just don’t think the big show is for me. And I like attention. I write a blog about myself for gosh sakes. But if I like someone enough to marry them, I don’t really want to do all that. I want to go somewhere tropical, wear minimal clothing, and make out with him. Friends should come so we can drink and eat on the beach. I do want a cake, but that’s a given. Who the hell doesn’t want a wedding cake? Oh I know who, those cupcake people. Ugh.
I love these freaking burgers. Like, LOVE.
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
- First, get the pineapple ready. Cut the pineapple in half. Cut off the end, then slice the sides off (you are just trying to get rid of the hard skin). Once the skin is off, cut slices of the pineapple into ¼ inch slices (thin enough to place insides a burger). Use your knife to cut out a circle in the middle of your pineapple slice to remove the hard core. You will need 4-5 slices.
- Now place the thinly sliced sweet potatoes or yam in a bowl along with the thin pineapple. Coat with coconut oil and a sprinkle of salt. Place on a parchment lined baking sheet, baking sure not to overlap. Put in oven to bake for 10-12 minutes, flipping half way through. The pineapple way cook a bit quicker and you may need to remove it before the sweet potatoes.
- While that is cooking, place the chorizo and ground beef in a bowl and mix well. Use the mixture to make 8 equal size balls. You could make 10 (to create 5 burgers) but they might not hold together as well. Flatten balls out into patties.
- Then you'll want to make the avocado topping. Cut avocados in half, remove pits, and use a spoon to scoop out the avocado. Place in a food processor along the the lime, lemon, cayenne pepper, and a bit of salt and pepper. Puree until smooth.
- Once the pineapple is done cooking, let cool then place on top of one of your patties, place the second patty on top and use your fingers to seal up the burger, pinching the edges a few times. The more you make sure it is closed up, the better they will stick together when you cook them. Repeat with all burgers. Salt both sides of your burgers.
- Place a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add a couple tablespoons of bacon fat to the pan. Once the pan is extra hot, add the burgers to the pan, making sure not to crowd the pan so you get a nice crust on the burgers. Cook for 4-5 minutes per side.
- Once burgers have cooked on both sides, place in the oven either in your skillet or on a baking sheet. Bake for 6-8 minutes.
- When burgers on done, place on top of a stack of sweet potato slices, then top with the avocado puree.