Grilled Sweet & Spicy Pineapple Pork Chops

Last week I was devastated when I couldn’t watch the Bachelorette and give a recap on my blog. Huge apologies to the 4 people who care. But this week I was able to actually watch it on it’s aired Monday night slot and was quite devastated the entire episode. Talk about a therapy session. Poor Dean. But before I get to all the deets of what happened, stop reading this if you haven’t watched it yet because you’ll be all pissed for me spoiling something that has already aired. Dumb.

Ok, so the hometown dates start off with Eric in Baltimore where he talks about growing up on the streets and trying to stay away from drugs, so you expect his home visit to be like that since that’s all he’s been talking about. They even are driving and he’s like, “There’s a drug deal going down right there.” It’s just like looking out my front window to watch our 15 year old neighbor sell drugs, but that’s another story. Anywho, after watching drug deals go down, they walk up to this luxury sky rise apartment to his aunt’s home that I may contact her in hopes of renting one day. So from what I gaged (since I only listen half the time) Eric was raised by his aunt. And after meeting her along with his parents, I’m pretty sure his aunt is his actual mother. Or twin. They were literally twins with matching gigantic smiles. Eric looked nothing like his mom and dad who abandoned him for drugs while he was growing up. Nothing. It’s weird. So they have a therapy session apologizing to Eric for being sh*tty parents and Eric’s like, “It’s totally cool, man” and then everyone makes a lot of noises. It’s so odd. This family speaks in noises instead of words. I’m kind of into it. Talking is exhausting. Eric does, however, end his night by telling Rachel he loves her then explaining that, “I love you, which means I care a lot about you.” Thanks for explaining love to all of us, Eric. He then shuts her car door and purrs. This dude loves making weird noises.

Next up is Bryan’s family in Miami. They start off playing checkers with some old peeps. You’re telling me Bryan spends his leisure time playing checkers with old people? No. He spends his time sweet talking women and getting cheek injections. I still envy his cheekbones, ok?! So Rachel meets Bryan’s family and his mom instantly cries for no reason. I know what the real reason is, though. Bryan’s mother is in love with her son. I’ve never had a son, but I also know that I won’t want to date my son. And Bryan’s mother definitely wants to do that. She would be an exhausting mother-in-law to have. When she talks to Rachel alone, she says that Rachel cannot have him all to herself. Who says that? My mother-in-law just calls to say hello, I love you, and then she sends me makeup in the mail. That’s what MILs should do. Take note, if you’re a MIL yourself. Speaking of I love you’s, Rachel gets one from Bryan and about sh*ts her pants with happiness. She is in.to.him. Big time.

Then she moves on from the exciting city of Miami…to Wisconsin. Where Peter explains to Rachel that he walks around the Farmers Market every Saturday. Lies. Here’s what I don’t quite understand…is Peter a personal trainer or a model? Because if he IS a model, he needs to get TF out of Wisconsin. And stop wearing Peter Pan shoes. Did anyone else notice those shoes? They were made in the 1800’s for suuuuuuure. So Rachel meets a handful of his friends and I can’t help but wonder if Peter’s hair is turning grey by the minute. I swear he’s aged 7 years in the 7 weeks they’ve been filming. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing by any means. I think a silver fox is quite attractive, but I swear he had absolutely no grey hairs when he walked out of the limo on the first night and now he looks like he’s been hanging out in a deep freezer for a few days. It’s so strange. Finally, Rachel meets his family who all seem like the most normal people they’ve ever had on the show. I didn’t really notice any of the conversation between everyone because I was noticing how the producers they rearranged the couch so it backed up to the fireplace. Totally makes sense. The date ends with Peter not saying I love you and Rachel hating him for it. Rachel mentions that she doesn’t want a BF, she wants a husband and an engagement…so I’m thinking she’s gonna go with the one who will give her just that.

Last but not least, Dean’s hometown. The hometown that will go down in history as the strangest thing to have ever been televised. I wish I knew how much of this was coursed by producers and what was real, but damn, it was hard to watch. First off, they go to Aspen and I want to know where TF this is in Aspen, because wherever they were is not an Aspen area I’m aware of. They walk into this little house and meet Dean’s dad and stepmom, both who have converted to some yoga spirituality/religion that I’ve never heard of. I don’t know anything about his new found spiritual journey, but I’m guessing no where in the rule book does it say to wear an all purple outfit with purple matching crocs. He was head-to-toe in lavender. Bold. Especially with his white striking tangled beard. Dean’s dad makes them all lie on the floor while he plays on the gong. And then they have to eat slop while sitting on the floor. Honestly, the food looked like Indian food and it looked rather tasty to me. So anywho, Dean is utterly humiliated and all he wants to do is get out of there. This poor guy lost his mother at 15 years old and now doesn’t have a father he remembers growing up with. It’s all so incredibly sad to watch and Dean needs some major therapy to work on all the feelings he’s suppressing. It was terrible.

So the end of the show ends with the rose ceremony – first Bryan, obviously. He said I love you and she’s ready to get hitched. Then Eric. And then it’s down to Peter and Dean. I’ll let you guess who gets the boot. Dean. Duh. It was so sad. This poor guy just had to go through the worst experience on national television and then he gets kicked in the ass afterwards. BUT let’s face the realness of this situation. Let’s just take a quick second to think about how many instagram message, twitter DMs and Facebook requests Dean got last night after getting kicked off. You know that women are literally throwing themselves at him right now. SO THINGS ARE LOOKING UP! I wonder if he will be the next Bachelor? I’m rootin’ for ya, ole Deany boy!

Man, that was a good effing episode. Until next week, my Bachelorette watching friends!

But PS – you totally should make these. These pork chops are divine!

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