You all are going to hate me. And judge me. I know it, I just know it. I kind of cheated. Well, not kind of, I did. I drank alcohol. And alcohol isn’t exactly allowed on the 21 day sugar detox. Oopsies poopsies. Ok let’s talk about why I gave in.
Sergio leaves for Afghanistan in 2 weeks. He’s also an assh*le and said that if he dies, this would be the last time we drank together. It’s not funny, but his humor blows. Give him a break. I’m kidding, I love him. So when I showed up to the bar for Sergio’s ‘see you next year’ bash, he handed me 3 shots of Grey Goose. Yes, three. Yes, I took them. Yes, my stomach was a bit woozy. But the night went wonderfully. Like, OMG good. As soon as 4 shots hit my stomach, the music finally got better. Amazing. The DJ remixed ‘Call Me Maybe’ with ‘Feel So Close’. Yeah. It was awesome. And if you don’t know those two songs, google them then imagine them making love and having a child out of wedlock. Pretty awesome.
When I got home, I drunkenly ate carrot chips. So dedicated to paleo. I got jokes! Anywho, I thankfully don’t feel guilty about it. My friend is going to Afghanistan for 6 months, I wasn’t going to be a complete douche and not drink because I’m sugar detoxing. That’s just dumb to me. And you know what, I had the best night I’ve had in a looong time. Yes, I could have danced without alcohol ruining my liver and increasing my ass size, but then I would have noticed the people staring on with offended eyes. And that would have been just embarrassing.
I left the bar literally soaking in sweat. I could even ring out the sweat from my hair. That’s a good way to get the guys. Make yourself look like a wet poodle. I was a living poodle.
Disclaimer: Drinking is bad for you. And vodka isn’t paleo. Don’t be bad.
It’s funny how I hate sports but I love the Olympics.
I watched 4 movies this weekend. By myself. I need to find a man. Damn poodles.
Oh by the way, I swear this cake isn’t as dry as it looks. I swear!
- 1 tablespoon pumpkin puree
- 1.5 tablespoons coconut flour
- 1 egg + 1 egg white
- 1 tablespoon coconut oil
- 2 tablespoons canned coconut milk
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 teaspoon cinnamon
- ½ teaspoon nutmeg
- ¼ teaspoon baking soda
- pinch of salt
- 1 tablespoon coconut butter
- 1 tablespoon canned coconut milk
- 1 teaspoon sunbutter (or nut butter)
- 1 teaspoon unsweetened cocoa powder
- ¼ teaspoon vanilla extract
- pinch of salt
- Mix everything in a mug!
- Put it in the microwave for 1:30-2:30 minutes!
- While your cake cooks, mix together your chocolate whip!
- Once your cake is done (let it cool because that sh*t gets hot) and top with your chocolate whip!
- YAY sugar detox! (exclamation!)