10 Things I Learned in the Third Year of Marriage

Since my husband and I got married in 2016, I started sharing a yearly recap of what I learned that year. First I shared 10 Things I Learned in the First Year of Marriage then 10 Things I Learned in the Second Year of Marriage. We just celebrated our third year of marriage last week with sushi, ramen and champagne then kicked off our fourth year of marriage this week with a bang. I’ll be sharing more of those details on the podcast this week!

But before I get into the fun times we are currently in, I gotta talk about 2018. And 2018 was a tough year. No getting around it. I went through a tough time personally and my husband went through some health issues and big life decisions. But all of those frustrating and upsetting times in 2018 led to a really exciting change in our lives in 2019. We learned a lot this year and we grew even more. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t always fun, and it took a lot of tough conversations. But all of those hard times have led to a stronger bond and a better understanding of each other. It’s safe to say, I’m pretty f*cking pumped for 2019. Now let’s chat about what I learned this year!

1. Communication, communication, communication. Learning how to effectively communicate with your spouse is the absolute most important thing when it comes to a healthy relationship, in my opinion. And we continue to get better and better at it. In the past I would just hope my husband would do something so I wouldn’t have to ask. But here’s the thing – he’s not a mind reader. So instead of just waiting and feeling annoyed, I just ask. I ask for help, I ask for a favor, I ask for whatever I need. He always helps and then I don’t get annoyed. I communicate my needs and he’s there for me. It solves so many issues before they blow up.
2. I’ve learned to express my feeling and fears for the future, even when I feel like they are not being heard. This was something I had to do many times in 2018 and I sometimes worried it was falling on deaf ears, but I kept expressing those feelings throughout the year. Because those fears matter, especially when there are 2 people involved. But continually expressing myself throughout the year really paid off. And I hope my husband does the same for me in the future when I am going through something that needs to be addressed.
3. Supporting hobbies, even when they don’t involve me. This hasn’t been very challenging for me since my husband and I are pretty independent. We do a lot of things without each other and I personally like that. But I have definitely become more aware of how important those hobbies are for him and I try to support him whenever he wants to take part in them. I think supporting your significant others hobbies, even when they don’t interest or involve you, is so important to ensure that they are living their most fulfilled and happiest life.
4. I’ve become much more patient over the past 7 years we’ve been together. My husband and I are polar opposites. I think about something for about 3 minutes before I act on it while he thinks about it for 3 days. Even in conversations, sometimes I feel like he forgot we were even talking, all because he’s thinking long and hard about his answer. I’ve learned to appreciate this because when my husband finally decides something, I know it’s a good decision. Patience is definitely a virtue. A virtue I haven’t mastered yet, but I’m getting there. Maybe.
5. I’ve learned to hire someone to do something around the house instead us trying to do it ourselves. We aren’t handy. At all. As much as I’d love to save money by doing it ourselves, we will just cause more issues if we try to pull that off. And I’ve learned that the hard way many times. So instead of headaches and fights, I just hire someone to do it instead. Sometimes you just gotta face the music and realize your weaknesses.
6. In life, sometimes you gotta take some chances. This couldn’t be more true in our lives right now. My husband made a huge life decision this month and he’s about to leap into the unknown. He’s taking his career in a new direction, an unknown direction. And we are making some big financial decisions at the same time. But sometimes you just gotta jump and see where you land. And since we don’t have kids or debt, this is the best time to do it. Learning to support your spouse when you don’t know what is ahead can be scary, but it may also change your lives for the better.
7. After another year has passed, I’ve learned that I still feel no pull or want to have children. This is something I look at every single year because I never know if those feelings will change. And even though I see children as a great piece of the puzzle for so many people, I don’t feel ready to have one myself. I really like where our life is right now and I’m not ready for that to change. I have no idea if my feeling towards children will change in the future, but right now, I really like where we are.
8. I’m slowly learning to become less selfish. I’m a pretty damn selfish person. I have just always done what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. And luckily I can still do that most of the time. But the longer I’m with my husband, the more I notice how he puts others first before himself. And I definitely strive to be more like that.
9. I’ve learned to deal with the fact that my husband will never fully close his dresser drawers. I walk in and 3 drawers will all be slightly open. He hates fully closing them. I just need to find a dresser that has the soft-close drawers in hopes of no longer dealing with that annoyance. He’s pretty much the best in all other aspects so I think I can deal with the dresser drawer situation.
10. I’ve come to realize that house renovations can be hard on a relationship when you have no idea what they will look like. I’m thinking next time we do another renovation, we will go on a vacation during it. Sure, that’s a totally unrealistic goal since renovations take a million years and a million dollars, but sometimes you gotta dream big. Especially when it comes to the happiness of your relationship. Right? Right.

Cheers to humbling third year that taught me so much. I have a feeling 2019 is going to be our best year yet!