To me, being confident is one of the most attractive qualities in a person. I don’t care if you’re a size 00 or size 14, if you’re confident with who you are, that confidence shines through to everyone you meet. But a fact most of us have to face is that confidence doesn’t always come easy. It’s hard. It takes work. And it’s something you have to be aware of because it can be quickly lost if steps aren’t being taken daily. This might not be true for everyone, but it definitely is for me.
Confidence has never come easy to me. As soon as I hit puberty, I hated myself. I remember at one point in my life, I couldn’t think of a single thing that I liked about myself. Not one single thing. But I wanted to be more confident. I would watch girls at school who seemed like they oozed confidence and I would imitate them in hopes of exuding that same facade. Problem was, it was exactly that, a facade. And it honestly took me years and years to find a person I could look in the mirror and be proud of. And once I found that true confidence deep inside, I think others began to see it, as well.
2018 was a tough year for me confidence wise. I constantly doubted myself, talked down to myself, and drown myself in social media deception. Instead of focusing on the positive, I found myself scrolling through social media, comparing, and quickly losing the confident person I had found years ago. So when the end of 2018 was in sight, I began to look back at the person I had become in 2018 and analyze what had brought me to that point. And then I was able to make a change.
These are the 5 steps that I have to take daily to get back on track and back to the confident person I once knew. You may not have to take all five steps in your own life, but following these five steps in the past month has me feeling back to myself again. And sure, I’ll fall off the wagon at some point in the future, but now I know that it’s all about mindset. Change your mindset, change your life. So let’s get to it!
- Step 1 – Compliment yourself.
- Your brain will believe whatever you tell it. So if you’re constantly telling yourself you’re not good enough, your brain will believe it. But if you decide to flip it around and give yourself a compliment, even when you may not believe it, your brain will begin to listen.
- Whenever I look in the mirror and find myself wanting to say something negative, I spin it around and say, “Juli, I’m so proud of your hard work and how far you’ve come. You look great.” and I move on with my day.
- Step 2 – No more self deprecation.
- It’s so easy to make jokes about yourself, especially to others. This was a constant move I made when feeling insecure. I would point out my insecurities before someone else had the opportunity to. But going back to what I said above, the more you tell yourself something, the more your brain will believe it. And others will believe it, too.
- Step 3 – Unfollow accounts that make you doubt yourself or make you feel less than.
- This is something I do all.the.time. This has nothing to do with them and everything to do with what stage I am in my own life. But if I find myself looking at someone else’s account and thinking negative thoughts about myself because of that comparison game, I step back, unfollow and move on. Then look at puppy instagram pages. It’s so easy to see someone else’s life as perfect and easy, and therefore dislike your own, but everything on instagram is so planned and curated. Remember that.
- Follow accounts that lift you up, make your laugh, and brighten your day. If they do anything else, it’s time to move on. You can always follow them again in the future when you’re at a better point in your own life!
- Step 4 – Take steps each day that you know will make you feel your best.
- For me, that includes so many different things. These are the steps that are most important for me and set me up for success day after day –
- Eating 3 square meals and not overly snacking
- Planning out my day hour-by-hour the night before
- Working out 5-6 days per week
- Staying away from sugar and alcohol as much as possible
- Drinking over a gallon of water each day
- Staying off social media as much as possible
- If I follow these steps each day, I feel like the most positive version of myself and it helps me stay confident, even when something is a little off.
- For me, that includes so many different things. These are the steps that are most important for me and set me up for success day after day –
- Step 5 – Take a closer look at the people your surround yourself with.
- Even though this is last on the list, it’s so incredibly important. Think of some of the friends or relationships you’ve had throughout the years and the stage of life you’ve been in. I’ve had some pretty negative friends and boyfriends that have in turn made me a negative person. And that negativity has pulled me away from the positive self-talk and longterm goals that I had in those moments.
- Cutting those toxic people out of your life can be very challenging, but it’s important to remember that we only have one life on this earth (that we know of) and losing yourself because of another person just really isn’t worth it.
That’s it! Those 5 simple steps each day set me up for success and make me feel like my most confident self. Maybe you’re the type of person who has always been confident and doesn’t have to think about these types of things, and I envy you for me. But for me, being confident is a constant battle that I have to think about daily. But becoming aware of that has completely changed my life.
It’s still January and people are still crash dieting, Whole 30-ing, and working out nonstop in hopes of losing weight this year. But what I think is the most important piece of all is mindset. If you can change your outlook on life, things will start to fall in place like never before. If you look at yourself differently, the world will see you in an all new light. Be the shining light that everyone gravitates towards this year. Be the most confident version of yourself in 2019. You deserve it to be happy. You got this!
Thank you for this post! At 38, my confidence still goes up and down. I also wanted to thank you for your “Times Up” podcast again. I listened yesterday. Sunday we found out a senior in high school was sending sexually explicit messages to several 8th grade girls. When my cousin and his wife went in last week to complain, the school told them they would kick him out (not his first offense) and then didn’t. We got a group of parents and stepparents together and met with the school on Monday to demand they remove him from school. We’ve also pressed charges on him. My cousin later said, ” If you, my wife, and your husband’s ex are in a room and all mad at the same person, I don’t even want to be in that room. I’ve never seen 3 women take down an administration like that.”
wow that’s absolutely amazing. good for you!! that sort of behavior cannot be ignored because that’s a pattern that will continue through his life. that’s disgusting.
Thank you! I may or may not have lost my shit with the administration.
Juli, this is such a great post! And it’s honestly so hard for me to believe that you aren’t confident in yourself; what I wouldn’t give to have your drive, your own business, your pretty face and your bangin bod 😉 It is tricky to always remember that IG is basically a highlight reel of people’s lives and I’ve began unfollowing people that make me feel less about myself (thanks to your past advice on this). Don’t be too hard on yourself this year (or at any point in the future) you have no idea how many of us you are influencing in such a positive way! Keep up the amazing work you are doing, it does NOT go unnoticed! Bring back the stories of positivity podcast, there isn’t enough positivity in this world! And Carra, always bring back Carra, y’all are freaking hilarious together.
thanks for the love Becca!! I’ll definitely do another episode of stories of positivity soon! and i LOVE having carra on the podcast, she’s just so damn busy crushing life right now!
These tips are SO good! I need to start complimenting myself – this has been such a hard year for me and I think boosting my confidence would do wonders everywhere else. Thank you SO much for posting:)
Laura
Black Coffee Beautiful
it’s seriously amazing how far a compliment from yourself can go!
THANK YOU for this – I just had PRK eye surgery so I went into complete sensory deprivation for 4 days to let my eye balls heal…WOW that 4 days of no social media, no TV, no extra crap that is in all honesty self imposed did WONDERS for my mood. It was so amazing to me to feel the difference in myself. My mind actually was quiet and I was at peace. I emerged from my little cave a much calmer and happier person which translates into confidence. I don’t need to be on social media…I don’t have to watch a certain show etc, the world did just fine without me. I focused on me for a change and I did more than just fine too! My goal for now is to continue to do things for me that bring me joy instead of doing something just because it is what is expected or what I have always done.
Cheers to 2019 being a year of confidence = happiness = self love!
that’s so cool Aimee! what an eye opening experience, literally lol
Juli this kind of post from you is absolute GOLD 🙂 It’s amazing how even as we age we don’t lose the insecurities we had as children. But you’re so right that if you work on your mindset, even if it’s kind of faking it til you make it at first, things start to change. I started the self-love / giving myself a compliment each day habit about 3 months ago, and it’s been amazing to feel myself start to believe what I tell myself and begin to like myself. It’s exciting and builds confidence, and like you said, once YOU see that in yourself, others see it too. I think the trick is to do it every single day and be super consistent. Lately I’ve been a little bit lazy about it and sure enough I’ve felt a bit off my game in other parts of life too. Great reminder to keep at it and keep crushing life. Would love a full podcast on this stuff too!! <3 <3
it’s so true. if you can push through the phase where you don’t really believe what you are telling yourself, you can truly come out stronger and happier than you ever were before. thanks for the love becky! definitely recording a podcast about this soon!
oh and PS the social media thing is REAL. I am off of instagram altogether right now which is hard and feels sad…but I’m just so damn addicted and it makes me feel less than every single time, and then ripples out to other areas of my life. So I think it’s for the best. I love that you prioritize your blog as much as you do, because I can still follow along with out being on instagram-thanks for that!!
good for you Becky!! if my whole damn business wasn’t centered around social media, i would be off of it altogether too!
I’ve thought of that before – I think you do such a great job of balancing it all considering how much of small business depends on social media these days – boo! Can’t wait to hear more about building self-confidence in that future podcast 🙂 🙂 <3 <3
My therapist taught me a simple mantra exercise that helps when I am sad about myself. You say 3 things in your mind over and over. I usually say “I am strong. I am happy. I am beautiful” all while laying on the floor or in bed. I am always smiling by the end of it! You can also make post it notes of your three things and leave them places in your house or in your journal.
love that Joanna!
You are fantastic. I love your candor! You are inspiring and real. Thank you for this reality check.
thanks girl!
Thanks for this post! It’s nice to know that you, with an established business and presence on social media, can still struggle with confidence!!
I’m in the process of launching my own business and it’s daunting but I just have to remember that I’m confident in the services I offer, and as long as I continue to believe that, I can make it work.
you got this girl!!
Juli, this post hit home today. I’ve been struggling with confidence, depression and anxiety since I was little and I’ve finally began to feel more confident since joining my CrossFit gym 6 years ago. I’ve really tried my best to be positive about body image and eating healthy for my daughters who are 10 and 13 in hopes they don’t fall into the same trap I was in at their age. However my 13 year old is hitting puberty and showing signs of depression and talks about wanting abs ( she already has better abs than I do!). It is so hard to teach girls how to be confident, I will definitely be sharing your tips with her. Keep up the great work Juli!
it’s definitely hard. and i know my mothers insecurities wore off on me after seeing her struggle with those feelings forever. i think we tend to emulate the people we are around the most, which is often our parents. but that’s such a huge responsibility on the parent and can be a very hard balance to find. i can’t imagine the pressure parents must feel, especially when you have girls.