Here’s the thing about book tour, you spend A LOT of time in hotel rooms. Sometimes it’s awesome, sometimes it’s not so awesome. Let’s talk about some pros and cons:
You get to watch whatever you want on tv.
Pros – You get to catch up on trash tv like The Kardashians or Bachelor in Paradise or realllll sleazy stuff like reruns of the Jersey Shore. I effing love that show. And you can do it all while eating dessert in bed with black out curtains for a judgment free zone. It’s quite magical.
Cons – You get wrapped up in horror tv like Law & Order SVU or murder mysteries. The other night, I started watching crazy stories in the ER and saw a story of a man impaled through his bum-bum with a tree branch that went up through his body, near his heart. What.The.Fuuu. I watched them cut his side open and you could see the branch underneath his intestine. But I couldn’t look away. Ok, I’ll stop now. You’re totally unfollowing me now, aren’t you?
You get a whole hotel room to yourself.
Pros – Starfishing in your bed because no sharing is needed.
Cons – Sometimes hotel rooms can turn out pretty sketchy. Or smelly. I had one that was leaking highlighter yellow liquid from the air conditioner. And it smelled exactly how you’re probably imagining it to. After two nights, I asked for a different room and started explaining the smell. Before I could even finish my explanation, they gave me a new room. Why didn’t I ask that before all my clothes smelled like formaldehyde?
You have to eat at hotels when nothing else is around and you’re there for only 16 hours.
Pros – You can order what you think will be a fancy meal because it cost $36 for eggs and bacon and you’ll be excited that you’re so swanky and the bacon will probably taste like gold.
Cons – The food tastes like sh*t and you’ve maxed out your credit cards.
You can throw your clothes and toiletries and shoes wherever you want because you’re alone.
Pros – You can be as lazy as you want and no one sees it. F*ck it, I’m trying on every article of clothing I packed then leaving it on the floor because no one is here to see how disgusting I am.
You get bed bugs which turns into lice which turns into a deadly disease…and you die. Because you were lazy as f*ck.
When I was a child, I always thought adults who were moving through the airport at a sweating pace were living such exciting lives. Then I became an adult, moving at a sweating pace, worrying about connections, and eating heaps of airport food. There is no glamor in being an adult. Unless you’re a Kardashian and have someone to damp your sweating pits while you worry about if your lips look big enough for a photo shoot. Is that jealousy you hear coming from typing lips? Oh eff yes, I want a private plane and private sweat damper. I’m typing this as I sit waiting for my plane which will be late and I will therefore miss my connecting flight. I’m bitter, hella bitter.
Now go make this dressing. It’s damn delicious.
Crispy Chicken Berry Salad with Strawberry Poppyseed Dressing
- Yield: 4 1x
Ingredients
For the dressing
- 1 cup sliced strawberries
- 1/4 cup Kasandrinos Olive Oil
- 2 tablespoons Kasandrinos Balsamic Vinegar
- 1 tablespoon honey
- 1 minced garlic clove
- pinch of salt and pepper
- 1 tablespoon poppyseeds
For the salad
- 5–6 cup fresh greens
- 1/2 cup sliced fresh strawberries
- 1/2 cup fresh blueberries
- 1/4 red onion, thinly sliced
- 1/4 cup roughly chopped walnuts
- 3–4 ounces goat cheese (optional)
Instructions
- Make the crispy chicken. Once cooked through, slice how you prefer.
- Place all ingredients for the dressing, except for the poppy seeds, in a blender and blend until smooth, 1-2 minutes. Then pour dressing a jar, add poppy seeds and shake. Place in fridge to cool while you make the rest of the salad.
- In a large bowl, add greens, strawberries, blueberries, red onion, walnuts, and goat cheese, chicken, and dressing then toss to coat. Use as much dressing as you prefer.
- Eat up!
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You May Also Like:
Kale, Candied Bacon & Roasted Beet Salad
Spicy Kale & Blood Orange Salad
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p^$$ing myself laughing at this blog. You had me at ‘bum-bum’…you MUST come to Hawaii at some stage. I know, a long way away, but we need loving too….
we have talked about doing that for our honeymoon maybe!!
You can’t be working on your honeymoon..but if you feel like a workout, I’m sure Elyse at 808 would love to have you along.
OMG!!! this post is hilarious!!! I agree with all of your hotel comments/shenanigans….seriously love those blackout drapes! and judgement free zone 🙂
Going to have to try out this recipe it looks legit!
holy crap that dressing sounds AHMAZING. bookmarking this to make soon, thank you!!
and i guess i’m weird because i looove traveling! i hate the cramped feeling of sitting in economy seats for 14 hours to india or europe (killll me!) but love airports and planes and all of it!
Ok so I am trying really had to coax my fiance into eating better with me. I printed out a slew of your recipes and went to the grocery with them in hand. This was my first meal and it was AMAZING. It went over so well with my fiance! She even went for seconds. SO happy I found your site.
awesome!! so glad to hear it!!