I’m mad. Like, really f*cking mad. Ok, that’s a lie, I don’t really get mad, I just get sad. So, I’m really f*cking sad. My face was finally getting better, finally looking like something was changing and my face was starting to play nice, but NO. No, no,no. It ain’t playin’ nice no mo’. My face has freaked out. Like OMG Ihateyousomuchjuli. Iwantyoutostaysingleforever. Andidefinitelydontwantanyonetofindyouattractive. Ever.
You, my face, are a straight up b*tch.
Ugh, I’m going to get so many emails about my dirty mouth now. I’ll save you the time…please don’t send them.
Anywho, I’m having one of those days of feeling absolutely hopeless. I don’t know what to do. I clean up my diet and it gets a little bit better, then it goes back to normal. I change up my face cleansing routine and it gets a little better, then goes back to normal. I get off birth control, I stay on birth control. I take fish oil, I don’t take fish oil. I eat more fat, I eat less fat. I don’t eat dark chocolate, I do eat dark chocolate. I get facials, I don’t get facials. You get what I’m throwin’ out? I try everything, but in the end my face has full control, and I am left staring in the mirror with tears in my eyes, choking back the egg of frustration that sits in my throat.
Just today, I started taking the probiotic saccharomyce boulardii which was recommended by Liz of Cave Girl Eats. I also am getting cod liver oil soon to start trying that as well. And making sure all sugar and nuts are cut from my diet. It’s just so annoying that my mind has to be filled with thoughts of how ugly I am or how I wish I could improve my skin. That’s dumb. It should be filled with cookbook thoughts, and Christmas gift thoughts, and food thoughts. But no, the face has won.
So here’s my question out of utter frustration and anguish…do I try acutane? Do I face the fact that I may be incredibly depressed, moody, and upset for months because of the drug? Do I face the fact that I may have to take the drug even though my face and other body parts will literally dry up and peel off? Do I face the fact that it may not even work? I don’t know what to do, but I’m obviously upset enough to blab all about it and want some of your advice. So, advise me.
On a more positive note, you NEED to try these muffins. They are DELICIOUS.
Morning Glory Muffins (nut free option)
- Yield: 9 1x
Ingredients
- 1 apple, peeled and cored, shredded
- 1 large carrot, peeled
- 1/2 cup sunflower seed butter
- 1 cup pepitas
- 3 eggs, whisked
- 1/2 cup coconut oil, melted
- 1/4 cup raisins
- 1/4 cup pecans, roughly chopped (optional for nut free version)
- 1 tablespoon cinnamon
- 1 tablespoon raw honey
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- pinch of salt
Instructions
- Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
- Now add your pepitas to a small saucepan over medium heat with a tablespoon of fat. I used coconut oil.
- Cook for 3-5 minutes, moving around lots so they don’t burn and so they cook on all sides.
- While your pepitas are roasting, add your apple and carrot to your food processor with the shredding attachment. If you don’t have a food processor, use a grater to shred your apple and carrot.
- Add your apple and carrot to a bowl along with your sunflower seed butter and rinse out your food processor bowl.
- Then add your roasted pepitas to the food processor and puree until you get a flour/meal.
- Then add your pepita flour, eggs, coconut oil, honey, raisins, pecans, cinnamon, salt, and baking soda. Mix well.
- Pour your batter into 9 FULL muffin liners in your muffin tin. I lined my muffins tin with silicone muffin liners but paper would do just fine.
- Bake for 25-30 minutes until cooked through.
- Let cool slightly, but eat warm, because they are the best that way.
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More Nut Free Muffins:
Apple Cinnamon Muffins (nut free)
Chocolate Chip Protein Muffins (nut free)
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I haven’t read any of the replies, so forgive me if this has already been mentioned, but have you tried MSM? I take the powder, I’m up to 12g daily now. It’s got the toxicity of salt, so it’s not dangerous. I use the Jarrow powder. It tastes like ass, but after the first week, it’s not so bad. 😉 I don’t have acne, but I have Keratosis Pilaris. My acupuncturist recommended I take it because it dissolves the stuff that causes your skin to plug up. I saw results in two weeks, I’m still figuring out my exact dose. I started at 3g daily and saw results, but they would keep coming back so I up every few weeks. It has reduced the # of plugs by much more than 1/2 and I’m hoping I’ll find my magic dose and they’ll all be a thing of the past. Good luck.
Juli, I understand your frustration at your skin. I had great skin as a teen, in my 20s it went to hell. Painful cysts that never really blew up, just hung out barely under the surface and were purple and weepy. (great image, sorry).
I tried it all- oral antibiotics (hello yeast infections!), topical crap (ahh yes, painful peeling, all over redness AND the cystic shit).
I was 29 when I got on Accutane. Yes, there were hoops to bounce thru. Yes it could be drying (stock up on eye drops, heavy moisturizers, lip balm) but on the plus side, I washed my hair twice a week! Never got depressed because of the drug (the birth control I had to be on, that is another story). I was depressed already because of my effing face being a mess to start with!
I am 36 now. I only did one round of Accutane. Low dose over an extended period. Do I get zits now? yes. hormonal little whiteheads. *knock wood* I havent had a cyst since Accutane. Last side effect???? My night vision isnt great which is a known side effect and one that doesnt bother me that much.
I wish you the best of luck. I know it is tough when you do everything you can think of and it seems that nothing can help you.
I have not read all the comments, so I apologize if this has been brought up.
Have you tried essential oils? Applying them topically has done wonders for my face. There are several out there that are great for acne.
BTW, you are beautiful.
God fucking damn, do I ever hear you on the acne. It’s the thing that drove me into Paleo. I don’t have strong digestive reactions to non-Paleo food (only a few exceptions) so it took me ages and ages to figure out what does and doesn’t affect my acne. Cleanser/toner/moisturizer has zero impact. If I eat 100% Paleo, I’m golden. I can also tolerate whey protein and fake-sugar sweeteners. But even the slightest bit of soy or dairy or grains will cause cystic acne.
And every now and then I have a reaction with no fucking clue what caused it because I have eaten nothing non-Paleo and that I didn’t make myself, and then I feel exactly like you expressed with this post. This
“It’s just so annoying that my mind has to be filled with thoughts of how ugly I am or how I wish I could improve my skin.”
is just how I feel, too, and I know it’s stupid but I can’t stop myself from feeling depressed and hating my face. It ruins me. Even though I can mostly hide with makeup, and no one else notices, *I* see it every time I look in the mirror. I want to tie up that awful, mean, internal bitch and throw her off a cliff.
So basically: hugs. You’re not alone. You are beautiful even with acne, and you can figure it out and beat it. And also, you’re strong as fuck, so you should tie up and toss YOUR internal bitch off a cliff, too.
If you are going to be in the Seattle area anytime soon, I know a lady who gives a mean facial and can provide you with some really great advice after she has some time to work with your skin. I was a skeptic – and she has been a miracle worked. 3/4 of the things she recommended for me – were NOT, and I repeat were NOT products to buy from her. My adult acne has gone down, and while I still experience the occasional flare up – it’s usually hormonal and the ice-cube (read more below!) always helps…
Okay – here were my two golden nuggets from her (and I really suggest seeing her if you are even in Seattle!):
1) flax seed oil. a tablespoon a day. it helps thin the oil that secretes out of your pores, and therefore it helps with clogging issues.
2) ICE CUBES. after washing my face but before putting on any of my other products, I take a big ice cube to my face and rub it all around – about twenty seconds per large section. the ice cube acts as an anti-inflammatory and also has helped reduce my pore size. i know it sounds crazy, and believe me – it’s cold!! but if i skip an AM or PM ice cube-ing, I notice it!
good luck. i know it’s not fun, and i know how frustrating it can be. come to seattle! visit ms. lisa, and i promise you will not be disappointed!! she’s a miracle worker. i believe her son had really bad acne, and she has figured out how to really individualize a plan for each person’s unique skin needs. DO IT!
PROACTIV. Have you seriously not tried Proactiv? It totally worked on my two teenage sons. It has Benzoyl Peroxide in it which is the magic ingredient (this is NOT the same as hydrogen peroxide). There is no worse acne than on teenage boys and it seriously worked. It’s one of those automatic reordering systems, but you can cancel at any time. But you probably won’t want to cancel after you’ve tried it. If you are considering putting stuff INTO your body to control it, try this stuff which only goes on the outside. It works.
Juli, have you ever heard of oil pulling? There are tons of people that swear by it to fix everything. I don’t know if it will help but it certainly can’t hurt to try especially since it is a “natural” cure!
HI Juli
I have been following your blog for a while its fantastic and I have never commented before on your posts. It breaks my heart to hear your overwhelming frustration. Your health and fitness is clearly very important to you. But it seems everyone is plagued by a health hurdle they cant seem to get over no matter how hard they try.
I love your spunk. Your sense of humour cracks me up every time. You are more fit than I and I am always eager to see the recipes you post. The skin problems that affect your emotional well being have never factored into my respect or admiration that I have for you. I expect there are a lot of people out there including males 😉 that feel the same. Hang in there I wish I could offer skin advice but I am not experienced enough to offer you any suggestions that you havent already tried.
Juli do NOT take acutane!! My brother and I both used to have terrible skin and he went on acutane and I didn’t. He’s been off of it over 7 years and still has issues with IBS and thinning hair. My mom took me to a hormone doctor that treats hormone imbalance using compounded hormones. meaning your hormone levels are tested and hormones compounded from natural sources (such as yams) are created for your individual needs. Birth control prevents your body from having a true ovulation – it just quiets the whole reproductive system using CHEMICALS! I would strongly suggest looking up Wiley Protocol. Her website has doctors listed across the country that do it. Acne comes from a hormone imbalance. which is why women as old as 50s have it!
You take such great care of your body and healthy by eating right and exercising – this is something you should definitely look in to!
Accutane changed my life. No other way around it. I’m all about the natural life, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I know there was a big IBS lawsuit associated with it, but as I had debilitating IBS before I went on it, I didn’t care. I was on it for a little over a year, I’ve been off it for two years and I’ve never had more than one spot on my face at a time since. Before that my acne was everywhere, all over, and I felt like each pimple began in my brain it felt so deep. I noticed no mood issues while I was on it. That being said, I had a good friend who went on it at the same time and her acne had been plaguing her longer than mine (I had average teenage acne for my whole teenage life occasionally taking Rx creams and antibiotics until it exploded at the age of 19; I only had to suffer horrible acne for about 5 months before I just went on Accutane). She already had bouts of depression but Accutane made it worse. Her skin never healed quite like mine, and she’s actually back on it now after a couple years off it. So I’m very happy I did it. I’ll never know what ill effects it’s had on me, but I have been acne free for 2 years and sometimes it’s just worth it.