I’m mad. Like, really f*cking mad. Ok, that’s a lie, I don’t really get mad, I just get sad. So, I’m really f*cking sad. My face was finally getting better, finally looking like something was changing and my face was starting to play nice, but NO. No, no,no. It ain’t playin’ nice no mo’. My face has freaked out. Like OMG Ihateyousomuchjuli. Iwantyoutostaysingleforever. Andidefinitelydontwantanyonetofindyouattractive. Ever.
You, my face, are a straight up b*tch.
Ugh, I’m going to get so many emails about my dirty mouth now. I’ll save you the time…please don’t send them.
Anywho, I’m having one of those days of feeling absolutely hopeless. I don’t know what to do. I clean up my diet and it gets a little bit better, then it goes back to normal. I change up my face cleansing routine and it gets a little better, then goes back to normal. I get off birth control, I stay on birth control. I take fish oil, I don’t take fish oil. I eat more fat, I eat less fat. I don’t eat dark chocolate, I do eat dark chocolate. I get facials, I don’t get facials. You get what I’m throwin’ out? I try everything, but in the end my face has full control, and I am left staring in the mirror with tears in my eyes, choking back the egg of frustration that sits in my throat.
Just today, I started taking the probiotic saccharomyce boulardii which was recommended by Liz of Cave Girl Eats. I also am getting cod liver oil soon to start trying that as well. And making sure all sugar and nuts are cut from my diet. It’s just so annoying that my mind has to be filled with thoughts of how ugly I am or how I wish I could improve my skin. That’s dumb. It should be filled with cookbook thoughts, and Christmas gift thoughts, and food thoughts. But no, the face has won.
So here’s my question out of utter frustration and anguish…do I try acutane? Do I face the fact that I may be incredibly depressed, moody, and upset for months because of the drug? Do I face the fact that I may have to take the drug even though my face and other body parts will literally dry up and peel off? Do I face the fact that it may not even work? I don’t know what to do, but I’m obviously upset enough to blab all about it and want some of your advice. So, advise me.
On a more positive note, you NEED to try these muffins. They are DELICIOUS.
Morning Glory Muffins (nut free option)
- Yield: 9 1x
Ingredients
- 1 apple, peeled and cored, shredded
- 1 large carrot, peeled
- 1/2 cup sunflower seed butter
- 1 cup pepitas
- 3 eggs, whisked
- 1/2 cup coconut oil, melted
- 1/4 cup raisins
- 1/4 cup pecans, roughly chopped (optional for nut free version)
- 1 tablespoon cinnamon
- 1 tablespoon raw honey
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- pinch of salt
Instructions
- Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
- Now add your pepitas to a small saucepan over medium heat with a tablespoon of fat. I used coconut oil.
- Cook for 3-5 minutes, moving around lots so they don’t burn and so they cook on all sides.
- While your pepitas are roasting, add your apple and carrot to your food processor with the shredding attachment. If you don’t have a food processor, use a grater to shred your apple and carrot.
- Add your apple and carrot to a bowl along with your sunflower seed butter and rinse out your food processor bowl.
- Then add your roasted pepitas to the food processor and puree until you get a flour/meal.
- Then add your pepita flour, eggs, coconut oil, honey, raisins, pecans, cinnamon, salt, and baking soda. Mix well.
- Pour your batter into 9 FULL muffin liners in your muffin tin. I lined my muffins tin with silicone muffin liners but paper would do just fine.
- Bake for 25-30 minutes until cooked through.
- Let cool slightly, but eat warm, because they are the best that way.
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More Nut Free Muffins:
Apple Cinnamon Muffins (nut free)
Chocolate Chip Protein Muffins (nut free)
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Hugs, Juli. You are beautiful. As a girl, I know how hard it is to feel beautiful when the outside isn’t cooperating. I taught myslef to shift perspectives – how to focus on positive aspects of the self. We can be our own worst enemies. I wish there was a simple answer to your question. I know that in the past, I have had to try some pretty drastic medication to help some problems – just to know that I had tried everything, you know. The side effects were always worse than what I was treating.
Be kind to yourself. It’s hard to read it and have it mean anything from a stranger – but you’re inspirational, gorgeous, talented and hilarious. Many of us would be lucky to have one of those attributes, let alone all of them. Keep your chin up – love yourself by focusing on the amazing things you do well. Try not to fret about the things you don’t like. Stress makes everything worse.
Accutane can be scary stuff, but it helps. I took a six-month course of it four years ago, and it helped when other topical meds and antibiotics didn’t. Looking back, I wished I would have discovered paleo and see what impact it would have had.
Aquaphor, heavy moisturizing creams, vit E oil, and lots of H2O are your friends if you do decide to try Accutane!
hey julie, i use to have really bad acme, i tried everything out there, even so desperate as to use my dad’s hemmroid cream on my face. I have very sensitive as well so one faulty product and its 10x worse. Well, a few years ago, i came across a line by Rodan & Fields called Unblemish and it saved my face and my dating life! Its a kit with 4 medically essential products. My skin not only cleared up, all the uneven tone to my face balanced, it turned so smooth and people would never believe i had acme. I have told several of my friends with bad skin to use this line and its been a miracle for all. Check it out, i feel your pain girl!
Ps- i love your blog and your personality, you keep it real!
I took Accutane in my early twenties. Lowest dose for four months. It DID help with the big ol’ cystic acne stuff, and my skin looked great – for awhile. However, my acne did return. It was never as bad as it was before, but it still came back. I think I read somewhere that it is not a complete cure in about 20% of people. Lucky me to be in that 20%. Honestly, I am more concerned that it might affect your training. I have a friend whose son is taking it, and it is really messing with his joints. I would “pass” for now and try some other things. It is so frustrating. I will never have a beautiful, English, peaches and cream complexion. Just ain’t gonna happen. Look at the bright side – you are still YOUNG! Wait until you are nearly 50 like I am and have zits AND wrinkles AT THE SAME TIME! That is just plain WRONG!
Can’t wait to try these muffins!! Do you think I could sub almond flour for the pepitas flour?
I took acutane, about 12 years ago. It sucked, but it worked for me. My skin has been better ever since. Well, I still have acne scars, and I still get the occasional breakout, but nothing like I used to, and not often. You have to be on birth control when you take acutane, and you have to get blood work done every month. Invest in Chapstick. I was only on it for about 4-5 months, thankfully. The last 4-6 weeks I was on it I lived on Pepto because it was jacking with my stomach and gave me the runny poos. But as soon as I went off acutane that all got better. It’s certainly a last-ditch effort. And it sounds like you’ve exhausted all other options. Talk extensively with your doctor about it.
First of all, I think your way pretty. Secondly, (and this may be an obvious suggestion and one you’ve already tried) but have you tried Proactiv? I’ve had real bad bouts with my skin and it always helps and clears it up. Try it if you haven’t already!
P.S. Obsessed with your site and your food. Everything is so good!
Try Primal Life Organics Skincare line. For real.
http://www.primallifeorganics.com/
Thanks for the recommendation Lauren! Try Banished and Beyond Primal Face Package for Acne!! http://www.primallifeorganics.com/products/banished-and-beyond-primal-face-package-for-acne
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Hi Juli,
Just have to say love your website. You’ve helped launch me into the Paleo world and it’s fantastic! I agree with everyone that I think you’re gorgeous and I wish you weren’t tormented by your skin. It’s never as bad as you think! But as I’m my own worst enemy too I get it. I have 2 friends who have had huge success with acutane. I recognize its a serious drug but these people are so thankful for it and still have clear skin years later. All the best!
I was on Acutane for 6 months about 20 years ago. At the time I took it, they still weren’t sure what long-term effects might be, but as a struggling teen, my parent’s and I decided it was right for me. Plus, my brother has already had successful results with it. While the short-term effects (peeling skin, painful joints, drowsiness, having to do monthly blood draws) were annoying, I did not have any long-term effects aside from clear skin.
Of course, I still have breakouts – hormones and stress can do that. But now my breakouts are one or two blemishes. I still use Differin and that seems to help control things much better now that I have taken Acutane.
Go over the risks with your dermatologist before making your decision. They probably have a lot more information about it now then they did two decades ago. Good luck!
Just one more comment – I don’t want to be completely rude, BUT, I wouldn’t take advice from someone who knows someone who took Acutane. They don’t fully understand the benefits vs. the risks.
It is really easy for someone with flawless skin to tell you to go the Proactiv or homeopathic route. But, only someone that has suffered with severe acne truly understands the miracle of clear skin.
Mty sister in law did two cycles of acutane… She complained of dry skin, which she used plenty of moisturizer for and did not have any other problems with mood swings, etc.
Her skin is now beautiful and acne free.Talk to a Dr. and see if he/she recommends it for you; it’s not for everyone and you have to weight your options, you literally have tried everything else….
On another note, you are absolutely beautiful, strong, funny, and can cook like a bad ass!!! You have to really look at yourself in the mirror and take note of everything you have accomplished, we all have bad days but you have to look at the brighter side and be happy and thankful for how awesome you are. On yet another note, I made 3 of your recipes for thanksgiving, I am Cuban and my family LOVES the fattening, dripping in oil stuff, however, they all LOVED all three dishes I made. THANKS for making my thanksgiving an awesome one this year, without all the bloating and guilty conscience after…