When your best friend goes to Jamba Juice and gets a pumpkin pie protein smoothie with almond milk and you think about that protein smoothie for 2 weeks straight…you make yourself a gosh damn pumpkin pie smoothie at home, by yourself, watching the cooking channel, while cleaning. Because well, homemade is always better. And hella cheaper. Gotta pinch my pennies where I can. Amirightoramiright?

Sooooo are you guys as addicted to Narcos as I am? I can’t stop watching it. Then I dream about it. Which means my dreams have a lot of guns in them. Am I an idiot for not knowing the full story of Pablo Escobar? This is what I knew about him: he was big into drugs. But I have friends that are big into drugs too and there are no shows written about them. Why didn’t they teach us this crazy sh*t in history classes? I would have kicked ass at those tests. Every single episode I’m in shock at what he did and what he got away with. And that he had so much money that he needed to bury some of it. Bury. I guess it’s true though, mo’ money, mo’ problems. That’s where the saying came from, huh?

Are you guys on this whole buyingallyourchristmaspresentsbeforehalloween train? I HATE buying gifts for the holidays. The pressure of finding the perfect gift every.single.year is too much for me. So then I don’t buy anything and tell my friends that my love should be enough. It’s not. I have no friends. Why can’t people just say, “Hey friend, what’s your budget? Cool, buy me this.” and it still be considered a thoughtful gift? Those rules should be written somewhere. Especially since we are having Christmas at our new house this year. That means I have to think of thoughtful gifts, make food for everyone AND think of fun activities to keep the family entertained. This is too much pressure. I can’t. I just can’t.

Are there any Nebraska people reading this? I need your help. I’m heading to Omaha next week. Got any good restaurants out there for me to try? We are trying to figure out things to do and all I can think of is food. Obviously.

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Pumpkin Pie Protein Smoothie

5 Stars 4 Stars 3 Stars 2 Stars 1 Star

5 from 6 reviews

  • Yield: 2 1x




  1. Place all ingredients in a blender.
  2. Puree until smooth.
  3. Drink.

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PaleOMG Pumpkin Pie Protein Smoothie


Stay hydrated, my friends:

pumpkin frappe

 Pumpkin Frappe in Juli Bauer’s Paleo Cookbook

Apple Pie Smoothie


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  1. Jackie says:

    I’m sipping on one of these as I type. It is damn delightful and literally takes 3 minutes to make. Which is great for lazy people, like me.

  2. Ricki says:

    do you make your own pumpkin puree or store bought?

    1. juli says:

      i usually just use store bought because i’m lazy, but do whatever works for you!!

  3. Michelle Evans says:

    Well this was fucking amazing.

    1. juli says:

      yessssss! glad you liked it!