Salted Chocolate Coconut Pistachio Clusters

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Oh man. People are going to be angered by this post. It’s ok angry humans, you don’t actually have to consume it. So thankfully you can hush. Hush my child. Did you see all the negativity on my instagram yesterday? Man, it was exhausting. I don’t know why people get so frustrated when I post something they don’t like? There’s a really simple solution to that issue: don’t try it and keep scrolling on your instagram. Problem solved? I can’t imagine what it would be like to be one of their Kardashians. Have you ever seen their instagrams? People are so mean. I don’t know how people become such mean, ugly people. It’s annoying. Thankfully, I’m over here still eating amazing food!

I ate way too many of these things yesterday. Creating recipes is tough sometimes. Kind of. I mean, I make it worse on myself. Why do I actually need to lick the spoon? I know exactly what it’s going to taste like every time: chocolate. But I still do it. Stupid.

I still have a weird stomach bug. But nothing happens. No throwing up. No other things that you don’t speak of on a blog. Nothing. Just pains. Pains to where it hurts to stand up. I keep working out through the pain since I’m not dying, but it’s really not that fun. Do you think I have a tape worm? That’s a huge fear of mine. Seeing tape worms online is pretty much the most horrific and nightmare causing sight there is to see. If I have a tape worm, I’ll scream. Do they just pull it out of you? Is it like choking on a hair and pulling it out of your throat, but it’s actually a tape worm?? Omg I just gagged. I hate this paragraph.

Thankfully, today is my rest day. So I’m getting my hair done. That way I can sit and not be in as much pain, but still feel kind of sexy. I think I’m going to go a little blonder this time around. Mostly so when my blonde roots grow out, it’s less noticeable. And I don’t look like I’m balding when the sun hits it a certain way.

Have you guys seen the new show Mixology?? Into it!!

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Salted Chocolate Coconut Pistachio Clusters

  • Yield: 10-12 1x
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Ingredients

Instructions

  1. Melt chocolate in a bowl. Mix in coconut extract.
  2. Fold in pistachios.
  3. Line a plate with parchment paper. Use a spoon to scoop of spoonful of the chocolate mixture and push onto the parchment paper.
  4. Sprinkle with a little tiny bit of salt and sprinkle with coconut.
  5. Repeat with all the chocolate pistachios. Makes 10-12 clusters.
  6. Place in freezer and let cool for 30 minutes or more.
  7. Once chocolate is hard, eat up. Store in fridge in a container.

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Oh, Hi! I’m Juli.

I’m a food hoarder. And a really bad dancer. If you don’t know me well, you will probably not understand my humor. Therefore, I apologize ahead of time. Thanks for listening to my ramblings of my ever-changing life and trusting my kitchen mishaps. Your trust in me is appreciated.

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64 thoughts on “Salted Chocolate Coconut Pistachio Clusters”

  1. Re: Tape worm – It comes out the other end, I hear it’s pretty nasty. Are you losing weight and eating a ton?? Because if you answered “YES” you may have a tapeworm!

    Grossness aside – I have a question for you!

    You have mentioned before you generally work out six times a week, do you usually go lighter in weight (I know this is all relative) on days 5 and 6? Just curious how you’re able to crossfit so many days in a row and still feel good!

    Thank you!

  2. My mother instilled an unhealthy fear of appendicitis in me–so of course that’s what I immediately think of anytime I hear “weird stomach pain.” Also, I just read The Golem and the Jinni (great book, btw), and one of the characters (very minor spoiler alert!) dies from appendicitis. Please don’t die of appendicitis! Also, this recipe looks amazing. I need to get some pistachios, stat!

  3. I am absolutely terrified of having a tape worm…all the time I think those same things. But I know I don’t ever have one cause (no weight loss…onlly the hungry part)

  4. Haters gonna hate. These look beautiful.

    So at what point are you going to the doctor for this stomach pain? Could it be appendicitis? (I have no idea, I’ve never had the pleasure.) It seems odd that you would have stomach pains and nothing to show for it, so to speak. Ahem. Anyway…

  5. My friend had her appendix rupture and it sounded a lot like what you’re describing… could it be that?

    P.S. why were people getting into a hissy fit over those beautiful clusters?! People are dumb. dumb. dumb.

  6. OMG.. you crack me up!!! I feel the same exact way about tape worms. I saw some info online and almost got sick.

    People who make nasty posts are only doing it because they are unhappy with themselves.
    NO MORE NEGATIVE PEOPLE!!! TOXIC!!!

    Love you and love your food!

    Question… how is the puppy search going?
    Can’t wait to see pics once you find “the one”.

    I have a 7 year old bulldog. She has the best personality of any dog I’ve ever had.

  7. How could anyone possibly be mad over this post? It’s a simple, quick dessert that doesn’t take forever to throw together or require a ton of expensive ingredients.

    People need to get over themselves. They’re probably just pissed because they didn’t think of it themselves. This looks delicious.

  8. Ok, so I don’t actually know you or anything, and feel a bit weird telling a stranger what to do, but please get to the Dr. If you’re having pain with no ahem…production, then you might have an appendix issue or diverticulitis…or something totally benign like gas pains, but please get to a Dr and get checked out. It’s worth the co-pay to either rule out something (even a tapeworm!) or catch something early, when treating it is simple.
    Oh, and this recipe looks amazing and I will NEVER understand why people feel the need to bitch about a free recipe that you’re sharing with us….foooorrr freeee.

  9. I can’t believe the hate I saw on your instagram yesterday, and because of THIS post? I mean, it’s not even that naughty, amiright? Anyway, thanks for staying so positive about all the negativity, I know you must do it for those of us you know love you! Thanks!!

  10. Are pistachios not paleo? I like roasted and salted pistachios. Don’t know how I feel about them with chocolate. But really, I always like your recipes. I just made the buffalo chicken pasta and your chicken fingers and they were so good. My kids who are the pickiest freaking eaters loved them.
    And go to the doctor before your appendix bursts!

  11. I had the stomach bug last year and I thought something was seriously wrong with me too (like ulcers or stomach cancer), because even after I was “better” my stomach still hurt really bad for a week or two. It’s probably just the after shock of all of the craziness that went on in there. Hope you feel better soon! Thanks so much for all of your recipes! You are my go to for meal ideas because I know they are always going to be delicious! You rock!

  12. Take some probiotics? My husband, son, and I are all diagnosed celiacs, and probiotics (“Buddy Bear” chewable ones, even!) really fix those mystery pains.

    The chocolates look amazing!

  13. Long time lurker, first time commenter. Love your blog so much!!!

    Wanted to offer another insight regarding your stomach pain. I had debilitating pain for 3-4 days a few years ago. I could barely get out of bed but didn’t have any other symptoms. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and went to the ER. Turns out I had (have) ovarian cysts and a particularly large one had burst, to the point where the ultrasound looked like I had a failed ectopic pregnancy due to blood. Thank God my body clotted on it’s own, but it is definitely something that is worth getting checked out because that isn’t always the case.

    Not to scare you but I’m also someone who never goes to the doctor/hospital for anything. Would be worth getting checked out if you can!

  14. I had bad stomach pain a few years back that made me want to just curl up in a ball. It lasted awhile so I finally went to the doctors. They thought it might be gallstones. It wasn’t but it turned out to be ovarian cysts. If it doesn’t go away, its worth looking into!

    PS. These look amazing and I will be trying them out this weekend!

    PPS. I’ve been following your page forever and tell everyone I know about your recipes, but this is my first time ever posting on here!

  15. “Do they just pull it out of you? Is it like choking on a hair and pulling it out of your throat, but it’s actually a tape worm?? Omg I just gagged. I hate this paragraph”

    ^^^^LOL, sorry, my favorite part of this post outside of the recipe.
    Hope all is well now.

  16. i just made these with almonds last night on a whim because i was craving something sweet- they were delicious! i’m sure they would be tasty with any nut 🙂

  17. I just want to say thank you!
    Thank you for all of your delicious recipes! Thank you for sharing yourself with the world! And thank you for continuing to do it even with all the negative p*ss ants who try to ruin it!

    I don’t know how you still have the energy to blog/instagram for us everyday when you’re always greeted by a few debbie downers… but I’m thankful every day that you do! Your pics/recipes/stories make my day – for reals! Your hard work does not go unnoticed 🙂

  18. OMGAWWWWD these look so good…I want to get down on bended knee and sing “I’ll make love to you” (Boyz 2 Men) to them! The anticipation of my future foodgasm is making my mouth water!

  19. No lie, you might have torn a muscle. If it hurts to move or even laugh..It might be torn. Happen to me and I was miserable for like 3 weeks till it healed. Go hard or go home, lol.

  20. Going Any For This

    Yeah…tapeworms…so, so, so gross. Wanna know how I know? Probably not but…

    So, tapeworms don’t always cause you to lose a massive amount of weight. Sometimes they make you GAIN weight and have all sorts of other problems – fatigue, weird skin issues, hair loss, unexplained digestive issues no matter how clean you eat, etc. – all of which are lovely on their own.
    I’d been having these problems for years, going every which Paleo way possible. It turns out that I’m not crazy, I just had an unknown tapeworm. How did I discover Angie (as hubby named it)? Part of Angie, um…fell out during my special post-coffee morning time. I FREAKED out, immediately got a prescription for a dewormer and doubled down on any and all worm remedies I could find on the internet.
    It’s been a couple months, but I’m finally, finally, finally feeling better! The weight is sloooowly coming off, the digestive problems are resolved and I actually have energy to get through the day.

  21. Have you ever had issues with an ulcer? I do sometimes and I don’t get nauseated, I just get a sharp pain in the higher part of my stomach. The pain is worse when I exercise or move around a lot. Prilosec helps!

  22. A) i hope you feel better!
    B) it’s not a tapeworm, you’d have other unmentionable symptoms
    C) for tapeworm removal, you take medicine to kill it and then it exits the way you’d think (follow gravity) and yes, sometimes it has to be pulled out if it’s super long. But usually it’s partway out so no “reaching into” anything.
    D) a wise man once said, “Haters gonna hate” – i just ignore the haters 🙂
    E) i cannot believe how incredible EACH and EVERY one of your recipes is that I’ve made. currently obsessed with your banana pancakes and coconut curry shrimp. Thanks for all of your hard work on these amazing recipes!

  23. Hey, Juli! Do you still have a gallbladder? If so, you might want to have that thing checked! It can cause some pretty major stomach pain without any other symptoms.

    Also, LOVE Mixology!!! Red (can’t remember names yet) is my favorite character so far…he makes me laugh so hard. Can’t wait to see more!

    Hope you feel better soon!

  24. 1. I can’t wait to make these!
    2. I also am a spoon licker
    3. See a doctor – you may have a ruptured ovarian cyst which can either not be an issue or can be a larger concern. Either way – stomach pain = no joke
    4. You’re hilarious and you make delightful recipes so we want you healthy and around for a long time. 🙂

  25. For the stomach problems, well I have been having them with umm production. Are you under any extra stress or pressure? Sometimes the psychological aspects of our life affect the physical aspects and most of the emotional sensors are felt in our stomach so when we are stressed, upset, angry, happy or anything we feel it in our stomach. Ok so about this post two things: 1 how could people hate on chocolate and nuts- have they not had chocolate? Clearly these people need to rethink their priorities. Second…when I use enjoy life mini chocolate chips I MUST eat a smallish handfull so I know the whole licking the spoon thing. Do you eat the handfull also or just lick the spoon?

  26. Love your blog, recipes and cookbook!! Go to the Dr. now!!! I’ve had appendicitis, gallstones and an ectopic. Believe me they are no fun. With all of them I was in the fetal position. Get checked out. You’ll be glad you did.

  27. Just started following your blog when I was looking for recipes…. You are HYSTERICAL!!!! Not just this post but the previous ones I have read! Can’t wait to try these this weekend!! My favorite recipe so far and so easy is the coconut chicken– super easy and yummy!
    as far as the pain— I’m a nurse- get it checked out… feel better.

  28. I dunno if anyone else has said this yet, but go see the doc and make sure it’s not an appendix or other organ issue! I’m all worried about you now!

  29. Julie!

    Feel better fast cause we need you to keep up your amazing blog.

    Thank you for ALL your recipes, incredible!!

    I do need to ask, how did u get your chocolate smooth and looking like it actually covered each pistachio? Mine do look like clusters literally and they “sweat” ..any clues?
    Esra

    1. with the chocolate, make sure you don’t overcook it. it can seize up pretty easily which makes it not smooth. if the chocolate is still chunky but still warm, just keep mixing with your spoon until smooth, it will get there. the only thing I’m not sure about is what you mean by the sweat…

  30. MEGA NOMS!

    I always thought that people were nicer on Instagram (especially over Facebook). Well that one is dusted.

  31. For some reason, I remember learning in Biology, that they can give you a pill to kill and dissolve the tap worm? Not sure.. but we watched the movie Eaten Alive and actually saw someone discovering they had a tape worm.. not pretty and kinda freaky.. Hope you feel better soon!

  32. My friend had a tape worm last year! She had been feeling fatigued for about a year, no weight loss or increased hunger, just all around not feeling well. One am she had severe stomach pain, went to the bathroom, and there it was! Ahhhhhh! Her husband (god bless him) fished it out for a sample and she went to the hospital immediately. The doctors had never seen whatever kind of parasite it was so she was given 3 doses of medicine a few months apart with the hopes that that was the only one or that the meds would kill anymore. They said since she hadn’t left the country it was due to unwashed fruits or vegs (she’s vegetarian). She grows her own fruits/vegs now and washes everything diligently The thing was legit a foot long. I would have died. Poor girl, every time she has stomach pains she fears the worst!

  33. Please don’t let your stomach pain go unchecked. I hope you feel better real soon so you can get to dancing again! Love love love your blog!

  34. Ugh, why do you do this to me! I gave up desserts for Lent and looking at these amazing pictures is torture! 😉 Seriously though, these look super good and I’ll have to try them sometime (hopefully soon).

  35. Girl, I love your posts, you are the only food blogger I ALWAYS read the posts, even if it is a recipe that I don’t think I’d be interested in (how dare you make a recipe *I* don’t like!!!)

    You are so freakin funny, such a doll.

    I know it’s hard, but you just have to ignore the haters. They wouldn’t say it in person!! what are they thinking??? They just need to stop following you and move on with life!! It is so weird. But some people just enjoy watching other people be miserable, don’t give them that satisfaction. I’d even block them from following you, if you can. I don’t have instagram, so not sure how it works.

  36. 1. Please go to the doctor. My best friend just had emergency surgery to remove her appendix a few days ago. The pains actually started about a week before.

    2. These look so awesome, and I love everything you post.

  37. I’m going to agree with previous comments and tell you to please go to the Dr! It could be appendicitis, an ovarian cyst, or other things that you want to know about so they can fix you. Especially since you’re not having “GI issues” with your pains.

  38. Hey! I not a doctor but my husband has had experience with both appendicitis and a stomach bug coming around, and I think you can relax because your symptoms sound exactly the same as he is having with this bug. Lots of people are getting it 🙂 He is achy and painy but his appendicitis pain felt like he was going to die. So chill, this too shall pass. Just make sure your boyf gives you some TLC 😉

    You probably don’t have tapeworm. I am not thinking about that any further.

  39. love your blog! these look amazing! just one question: not sure where to find coconut extract..is there some sort of substitute?

  40. A) I’m anxious to try this recipe out. Any time you combine chocolate and nuts of any kind, I’m game.

    B) The tell-tale sign of appendicitis is “rebound pain.” Basically, press on the lower right part of your belly (between 7 and 8 o’clock on your belly clock, with your belly button being the center of the clock). If it hurts more after you release, then you should go to the ER post-haste. If it were to rupture, you’d spike a fever and be sick as a dog.

    C) Diverticulitis generally presents with lower left quadrant pain (4 to 5 o’clock). Often you’d have a fever.

    D) Tapeworms are horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

    E) Have you considered a little prune juice to help the situation?

  41. As always, another amazing recipe! This one is a definite keeper! I didn’t have coconut extract, so I just left it out. My husband couldn’t wait for me to even take a picture before snatching one.

  42. I would be surprised if it were a tape worm unless you eat with very dirty hands that have been in areas where there are tape worms. I would definitely see a doctor and get checked out. Whatever the problem is, you don’t want it getting worse. Your recipe looks really good. I wouldn’t mind having one of those right now! 🙂

  43. Just started following your blog a few weeks ago! You are hilarious! Make me laugh out loud every time! My husband thinks I’m crazy. These look delish! Ignore those haters! Why can’t people just make adjustments to a recipe if it’s not in line with what they eat! Geez Louise!

  44. I’ve already made these twice now. The second time I mixed whole almonds in with the pistachios and roasted them in the oven for a little bit before coating them in chocolate. I also used gourmet French grey sea salt (not terribly expensive) and that made a wonderful difference.
    However, I have had trouble with the chocolate seizing as soon as I add the coconut extract both times that I’ve tried it. So my chocolate coating isn’t as smooth as what’s in your pictures. It still tastes great, just isn’t as pretty. Any suggestions?

  45. I have been looking forward to making these since seeing this pic last week. I think it is safe to say mine had a much higher chocolate-pistachio ratio. I had a leftover 1/4 can of coconut milk and had read somewhere that what makes those ludicrously tasty Lindor chocolates (the red wrapped balls) so good is that they have coconut oil in them. So I thought I’d mix the chocolate with the coconut milk before adding the pistachios. And oh my god it makes them melt in your mouth delicious. It completely changes the texture without a hugely coconutty flavour. I think they melt much more quickly, but that’s ok because mine are definitely not going to be lasting long. Thanks so much for a great recipe!

  46. These were amazing. Today was the second time making them. I had to add more chocolate to mine, something went weird with the melting this time, and adding more made it smoother. I don’t think anyone will give a hoot 😉 I ended with 8 massive clusters. Had I actually not gone so “large and in charge” with these, probably would have made closer to 16 small clusters (again – due to the increase in chocolate, no other change was made). Very easy to make, as I was able to make these during a break from work (work from home). Now I know I have an option later when my sweet craving hits. Thanks for another great recipe!

  47. These were insane! I served them at a CAbi party I was hosting, and, I kid you not, the guests said, “oh my god, that’s Paleo?!”

  48. I made these last weekend and they really couldn’t have been any easier. This will be a good one for Christmas parties or any occasion. Super super easy and really good with the crunch and the salt/sweet combo… mmm!

  49. When I got home from CrossFit this morning I noticed my mother was having a really bad day. She is a hospice nurse so she takes care of dying people from their homes. I made this recipe for the first time and it was SO YUMMY! I made enough for us to have at the house and sent my mom with some for the family of her terminally Ill patient. Thank you for brightening multiple people’s days today! Love from Wyoming! 5 STAR recipe!

    Very respectfully,
    Sarah

  50. Does it matter if the pistachios are “roasted and salted”? I found that these are more readily available, and already unshelled. Didn’t know if it would make a difference flavor wise though. Thank you!

  51. Love this! A friend made them a coue of weeks ago and i could not stop eating them! I just asked for the recipe so i could make them myself so i just got this link. It is my firt time visiting this website and judging by the taste of these clisters, i will be trying more of your recipes. I do not follow a paleo “diet” but have been considering it for a while…maybe your recipes will convert me! Thanks!

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