Dreams are so weird. Well, mine are. Since I’m really weird. I had almost a nightmare the other night. Let’s psychological babble this stuff out. Ok, so Laura went out on the town on Saturday night. As did I, BUT I got home by midnight. So I passed out far before she got home. So when I heard her come back in the house, I woke up for a brief second then passed back out. Well I’m guessing this little awakening led me into a frightening dream. Here we go. So I dreamt that Laura came in the house with 5 or 6 friends, I got nervous they would come into my room so I got up, ran to my bedroom door to shut it, then fell head first into my hamper, butt.ass.naked. All her friends saw and stared at my bum and the goods as I flailed around hoping to get out of the hamper. Thank god none of this ever happened.
After all this jazz of a dream occurred, I woke up. And I woke up with a vengeance. I woke up choking. I think I literally scared the air out of myself. Straight up no air into my lungs. I couldn’t breathe. I sounded like a bugel horn. I don’t know what that sounds like. But that’s how I imagine it. Took me about 30 seconds to be able to breathe again. Then I sat there, frightened by the sound of myself, on the end of my bed, wondering what the f*ck just happened.
That story sucked.
I figured something out. Something I kind of already knew. Whole Foods on a Sunday night. OMGhotdudes. I stood in line and pretty much checked the guy out behind me approximately 46 times, none of which he noticed. I suck. I see why all the women in Whole Foods wear heels while at the store. They’re on the prowl. I need to work on what I dress myself in. I had a headband on, with spandex, no makeup, searching for some sort of delicious source of fat. That wasn’t covered in chocolate. I miss you chocolate. Only 3 more weeks.
OMG I’m excited to find out what the 3rd wod is for the CrossFit Open!! Are you?!
Sticky Apple Bars
- Yield: 4-6 1x
Ingredients
Crust
- 12 medjool dates, pits removed
- 1 cup almond butter
- 1/4 cup honey
- 1/4 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
- 1/2 cup coconut butter
- 1 teaspoon cinnamon
- pinch of salt
For the toppings
- 3 apples, cored and thinly sliced
- 3 tablespoons coconut oil
- 1/2 cup walnuts, roughly chopped
- 1/4 cup honey
- 2 tablespoons coconut butter
- pinch of cinnamon
- pinch of salt
Instructions
- First make your crust. Add all ingredients for the crust to a food processor. (you may need to heat up your coconut butter)
- Put crust ingredients in an 8×8 or 9×9 glass baking dish, press down until evenly distributed.
- Now heat up a large skillet under medium heat. Add your coconut oil then your sliced apples.
- Once apples begin to become soft, add your walnuts. Be sure to continuously stir so the apples and walnuts do not burns.
- Once apples are wilted, add your honey and coconut cream concentrate along with cinnamon and salt.
- When all ingredients are incorporated, pour mixture on top of crust and press flat. Put in the fridge to harden for 30-45 minutes.
- Cut into squares and serve!!
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Too Hot for the Oven Yo:
No Bake Chocolate Chip Cream Bars
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I’m laughing so hard, I’m crying. Wifey is also next to me, laughing her ass off.
I <3 you so bad, Juli! These look incredible!!!
Thanks so much for your recipes and humor!! It keeps me motivated, cant wait to try these!
Glad to hear it Erica 🙂
Juli – I love all the recipes and my new way of eating but do ever feel like you are eating too much fruit or fat? I have lean protein in all my main meals but sometimes I feel like Im eating too many servings of fruits and or nuts and even “paleo treats”. What is your average servings a day of fruits and or “treats”?
Well Alison, i definitely don’t eat a ton of these treats. I ate one bar then took the rest to my friends! I usually have MAYBE 1 piece of fruit a day depending on what I cooked for the week and try to limit my treats to just a couple times a week
Wow – fruit is what keeps me sane! haha – if you don’t mind can you write down a quick typical “day” for you as far as what you eat? I am definitely seeing results but I am afraid since they are good treats Im allowing myself too many.
I’m actually making a video about it today!! So I’ll try to post that next week so you can see what and how much food I eat!
HAHA seriously maybe Whole Foods is the place to go to pick up guys. I was standing in the check out line once talking to a cute guy behind me who was wearing a Tough Mudder shirt (cute and active guys!) and the cashier thought we were together… uh no, unfortunately. Maybe we’ve been missing out.
It really is. I don’t know where else I would meet a guy. I go to the gym or whole foods. Options are limited
After I read this, I had a dream last night that this gym was haunted and the only way that the ghost would leave you alone was if you had no toe nails or eyebrows. So what did I do? Well I woke up before, but you can imagine haha. These bars look amazing!! I want to make some paleo ice cream to go with :).
That’s really frightening lol. These would be perfect with some coconut milk ice cream!
I am in love with you. Sorry I’m a chick. Seriously, you’re awesome.
It’s cool, I may just have to be into chicks soon. YOU are awesome
BAHAH!! That dream was hilarious! The part where you couldn’t breathe made me laugh so hard, LOL I know, that sounds horrible, but you know what I mean! Anyway, those bars look legit- I’m just out of coconut butter & broke, so I can’t make them this week. Boo. But I can’t wait to try ’em!
You gotta make them Chrissy, they are awesome!!
Umm can’t wait to make these! Looks delish!!!!!
Did the 3rd WOD today amazing probably my fav so far!
Doing it tomorrow Rachel! Hope you did great!
Are you worried that I am a cyber stalker yet? I never leave comments. Until you. It scares me a little. Your dream made me laugh so hard, but I’m sure it was quite traumatic for you. My husband swallows things in his dreams all the time. He will wake up choking and then tell me what he swallowed — completely, seriously believing that he has swallowed it — and then asks me for a drink of water. A few things he has “swallowed” over the years: his glasses, a CD, a coffee mug, a freight train, and the cat. heh heh heh. The cat is my favorite. Can’t wait to try this recipe!
Lol that’s very odd Carrie