Computer + water is just a no-go. They just don’t work together. Sadly, I had to find that out the hard way. I mean, I’m not a dumbass. I know that a motherboard or whatever the hell its called, shouldn’t be submerged in water. But what I didn’t know was that I would be on a plane, already above 10,000 feet and our airplane would decide to drop a million feet after we had already grabbed our drinks and opened our computers. This drop meant that water decided to jump high in the sky and land on my computer. I immediately turned my computer over and watched the water come out. Beauty. My computer never recovered. She died a horrible death. RIP my dear friend.
On the up side of the things, the hard drive wasn’t ruined and I was able to buy a new computer yesterday in Portland (no sales tax b*tcheeees) and transfer that hard drive over to my new one!! I’m out lots of money but HEY, my life is still complete even after not backing up. Guess I should count my blessings there. And back the eff up, Juli, be a grown up.
Anywho, I’m out on book tour right now, already hit up California and now we are in Portland! Portland is just the best. The people are friendly, it’s beautiful. And it’s home to Kyra’s Bake Shop. Which is the greatest place in the entire world. But not all places and not all signings are the greatest places in the world. San Francisco was home to many crack heads. Seeing many scary creatures in their crack dreams and running into our car.
It’s so interesting to go to a signing and feel out what the crowd is going to be like. Sometimes, like at my signing in Atlanta or Portland, you’ll get people who want to chat right away and gab like school girls and it’s magical. Laughter is key. If they laugh at your stupid joke, it’s a good crowd. Other times…silence. We can usually get those people going at some point, but not all times. I had one of those times in San Jose…
So wait, before I tell you the story, I need you to visualize something for a second. Remember when you were in middle school or high school and girls would give THE DIRTIEST looks to other girls. You could just feel the hormone crazed psychotic behavior going on via female stares. Well, I had one of those girls, but in the form of an adult. During the signing, we had people ask questions and this girl asked a couple. So Vanessa would answer then I would. But this girl was not having my answers. As soon as I would start answering what SHE had asked, she would give me this dirty look then look away and act like she would rather be staring at a fly than my face. I could tell she didn’t want my answers, which was fine, but she made the effort to actually give me dirty looks throughout the entire signing. It was the strangest thing I’ve ever encountered at a signing. I’m wondering if she just came there in hopes of capturing a good look at my face to make a better voodoo doll at home and stick pins in me. Just a guess. A good one, I’m sure.
Now eat these burgers, they’re delicious. And smile at someone, because smiling is just way better than voodoo sh*t.
Thai Sweet Chili Sauce Pork Burgers
- Yield: 4 1x
Ingredients
For the sweet chili sauce
- 1/2 cup Sriracha Chili Sauce
- 2 heaping tablespoons honey
- 1 garlic clove, minced
- 1/2 teaspoon minced fresh ginger
For the burgers
- 1 1/2 pounds ground pork
- 2 garlic cloves, minced
- 1 tablespoon toasted sesame oil
- 1/2 teaspoon minced fresh ginger
- 2 tablespoons minced fresh cilantro
- 1 tablespoon chopped green onions
- 1 teaspoon minced fresh mint
- salt, to taste
For the slaw
- 1/2 cucumber, julienne sliced
- 1/2 carrot, julienne sliced
- 1/4 cup roasted cashews, chopped
- 1 teaspoon coconut vinegar or white vinegar
- 1/2 teaspoon sesame oil
- 1 tablespoon minced fresh cilantro
- 1 tablespoon minced fresh mint
- pinch of salt
For the toppings
- sliced avocado
- 1/4 cup roasted cashews, chopped
- 1/4 cup Primal Kitchen Mayo
- 1 tablespoon sriracha
Instructions
- Heat grill up to a medium high heat. (I cooked mine on my Traeger Grill and they came out perfectly cooked and didn’t dry out whatsoever!)
- Place all ingredients, except for the cashews, for the sweet chili sauce in a medium saute pan over medium-low heat and whisk to combine. Let reduce down for about 20 minutes to thicken.
- Next make the burgers: place all ingredients for the burgers in a bowl and mix to combine. Make into 8 small flat burger patties. Press thumb into the middle of the burger to keep from rising while cooking. Place on grill to cook on both sides for 6-8 minutes, until cooked through and no longer pink.
- While the burgers cook, mix all ingredients for the slaw together in a bowl to combine and put in the fridge to cool until burgers are ready.
- Top burgers with reduced sweet chili sauce, slaw, cashews, avocado then mix together mayo and sriracha and drizzle on top!
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More Delicious Thai, Please!
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Mean girls are fun to manipulate with kindness. Stroke their little egos a bit and you will be surprised on how they open up and show “some” of their insecurities. Can’t wait to try the burger recipe!!! YUM-O
These are fucking awesome. Thank you for kicking ass so I can eat like a god.
These were shockingly delicious!!! The sauce is so good (great with tamarind added too). I kinda can’t believe there’s this amazing flavor profile that I’ve bee missing out on for so long!
Beautiful!!! Thank you!
These burgers are awesome and the sauce, oh my, THE SAUCE!!!!